Credence

Chapter Eleven: “Back Where We Belong”

I've got a lot to say, if you will let me

It's always hard, when you're around me

But here right now, there's interest in your eyes

So hear me out, and hear this the first time

That I... love you, come and lay with me

That I... love you and honestly

That I... love you, you make me feel alive

That I... love you

Till the end of time~ Selected lyrics taken from Breathe by Angels & Airwaves

December

Months ago, when Brian had gone swimming with Justin in the hotel’s pool, Justin had been particularly turned on by Brian’s D&G trunks. He’d told Brian that he found the flower printed material covering Brian’s ass and cock extremely sexy. He went on to admit that anytime a man pulled off wearing a flower print, it turned him on. Knowing this, Brian allowed a few new shirts into his collection that, before, he wouldn’t have even considered taking off the rack and trying on. The first couple of buys Justin asked if the shirts were new, but Brian denied they were. There was no need to let Justin know that he’d spent thousands of dollars on clothing he didn’t particularly love, just for him.

Brian was certain that Justin knew the truth when, upon his reveal of ‘indulging in Justin’s fixation with flower print shirt number five’, Justin ran his hands up and down Brian’s chest and arms, repeatedly whispering ‘thank you’ while grinding his pelvis against Brian’s thigh until he shook in Brian’s arms, the words, ‘so fucking sexy’ passing his lips before coming in his pants. The wetness transferred onto the leg of Brian’s jeans, and it made him even hotter than he already felt from Justin’s dry humping. Brian had nearly tore Justin’s pants off to lick the hot come from his skin as he pushed one hand inside his pants and jerked himself to completion.

When Brian packed his trunks in his overnight bag, his thoughts had strayed to that memory. His stomach felt tight as a sharp yearning for Justin plagued him. Still, he didn’t trade them in for the plain black Armani shorts in his drawer and he didn’t bring them along for any other reason than because they fit the theme of Justin’s party. Or so he told himself. Still, the fact that he found himself participating in a themed party wherein he actually dressed to fit said theme, was pretty fucking out of character.

Shit. What wasn’t out of character for him lately? All the fucking introspective thinking hadn’t done him much good. When he looked in the mirror he had no idea who he was anymore, because without Justin he didn’t feel complete and that notion was just a crock of shit. Or, Brian sure as fuck thought it should be. The biggest problem was that it wasn’t long ago that he’d been happy, proud of the man he was and, unfortunately, he knew that happiness had come after Justin had entered his life, not before. By Wednesday, he felt sure that if he thought any more about himself or his relationship with Justin he would either become a self loathing pathetic loser or grow a pussy. Brian wasn’t sure which was worse. So, he decided, the time for thinking was over and it was time for action.

He wanted to have Justin in his life and going to his party, celebrating the new home he’d bought, it was going to be start of making that happen. He could do that without feeling bitter toward the structure that had literally been the beginning of the end. He absolutely could, because he could do anything he set his mind to and now that was becoming friends with Justin. Maybe not best friends, but friends; the kind of friends who talked, hung out and laughed together, that type. He’d just have to ignore his own desires, which he was determined to do.

Justin must have made a decision to make that endeavor for Brian particularly hard, because after Emmett greeted him at the door, bitching about him being late, to which Brian of course replied, ‘Fashionably late, Honeycutt’, he was brought to the pool. The tiki lights, inflatable palm trees and the other hideous décor wasn’t enough to distract him from staring at a half naked Justin. Fuck, hadn’t Justin told him he didn’t want anyone to see him naked but him? Okay, so the ugly tiki patterned board shorts covered a lot more than the trunks he’d bought him, so at least he wasn’t revealing all his goods, but still, he was shirtless and barefoot and he was laughing at something Ben had said, looking so fucking gorgeous.

No. He wasn’t gorgeous. He was only laughing, and really, the orangey pink shorts did absolutely nothing for the ass and cock they hid beneath. They were far too long on Justin, hung almost to his shins and made him look kind of fat. Whoever had encouraged him to wear them, most likely Emmett, should be shot. Or thanked, really. Because if Justin had been wearing the designer shorts Brian bought him, the ones that hugged his ass and cock and left very little to the imagination, Brian might have lost his resolve to be Justin’s friend and bolted before Justin had a chance to notice him.

Then Justin did notice him and the muggy air in the pool house became even thicker and Brian, though he couldn’t look away from Justin, knew that every single person in attendance felt what he did. Tension. He took a deep breath and walked closer to the tables, all decorated with Hawaiian print table clothes, and greeted Justin. “Hey.”

He could hear everyone else saying hello to him, but their voices faded to static as Justin’s breathy voice said, “Hi, glad you could come.”

Never one to miss a pun and taking the chance to ease the strain of the moment, Brian replied, “I always come when I say I will.”

Justin surprised the hell out of him when, after a hesitant step forward, he leapt and wrapped his arms around Brian tightly. “Thank you.”

Conscious of the sudden quiet, with the exception of the soft Reggae music playing, Brian forced himself to act nonchalant and briefly hugged Justin back. He had control over his libido but he could only be tempted so far. Contrary to what some may think, he was human. He stepped away from Justin’s moist warm skin, held up his bag and said, “Gonna go change.”

“You know where the bathroom is.” A weird expression appeared on Justin’s face. “But you don’t have to swim right away, Em just put out the appetizers and after that I’m going to give everyone a tour of the house.”

“Come on, Daddy!” Gus yelled from the pool. He was in the deep end, a life vest holding him afloat, Melanie treading the water beside him, giving Brian a surprising pleading look. Obviously, she’d been in there since whenever it was that they’d arrived. “I’ll eat later,” Brian told him, cocking his head toward the pool. “I promised Gus I’d swim with him as soon as I got here.”

“Okay,” Justin replied, his expression changing to a much happier one. Justin always looked at him like this whenever he and Gus were in the same room together. “We plan on playing a game of water volleyball later. I think I’ll save my strength for that.”

“Daddy!” Gus called. “Please? Come swim!”

“Yes,” Melanie laughed, “come swim.”

Brian snorted. “I’m coming,” he called back. Justin’s last words hit him and he asked, “What do you mean, ‘save your strength’? Are you sick?”

“I’m fine,” Justin said. “I didn’t really mean anything by it… it’s just. Oh fuck, this is so fucking awkward. Go change and swim with Gus, I’m going to get a drink so that maybe I can stop acting like an idiot.”

Brian felt relieved to know that Justin appeared to feel the same way he did. He too wanted to have a drink, or three, but Gus once again called to him so he made his way toward the bathroom instead. He’d run out on his son last weekend and though Gus had seemed all right at time, Brian knew he’d disappointed him. Most likely he’d be doing whatever the fuck Gus wanted until however long it took for him to not feel guilty about it every time he looked at him.

When he thought about Gus, always so excited to see him and eyes filled with unconditional love, Brian was pretty sure that it would probably take until Gus was an adult, or at least a teenager till he made up for the many times he hadn’t been there for his son.

***

Ted and Blake did not drink and when they found out that the guests were encouraged to stay the night if they were intoxicated, they offered to take Gus back to their apartment for the night. Lindsay and Melanie were very grateful for the generous offer and Gus was very enthusiastic about staying with Uncle Ted and Uncle Blake for the first time. Blake always played video games with him and after a tiring day swimming, he was very easily swayed to leave the party with his uncles when they decided it was time to go.

Jennifer had to be up early to show some listings to clients, so after dinner, she, Molly and Tucker headed home too. Debbie and Carl stayed down in the pool house for a little while, but Carl kept falling asleep in his chair, so Justin suggested they stay and showed them to the guest bedroom upstairs that was furthest away from the pool house. He was pretty sure the house was soundproofed but he didn’t want to take the chance on waking them because he knew that without kids and parents, the party would probably get a little wilder.

Wild was putting it mildly. Emmett changed the music to a satellite techno station and then played bartender and made a ‘sex on the beach’-with a twist, for each of his friends. The ‘twist’ was the imported whiskey Justin had insisted on stocking the bar with. They all began to dance and that was when Brian realized, for the millionth time, how much he missed Justin.

No one kept to one dance partner for long. Michael was the first to dance with him and the whiskey drink made Brian feel loose enough to even dance with Emmett, mirroring his theatrical movements and making everyone who watched laugh. While dancing with Lindsay, she leaned into him and whispered, “You can’t take your eyes off of him.”

Brian was so completely filled with longing that there was no way he was going to deny it, so he didn’t respond and kept his eyes from travelling to Justin’s gorgeous half naked dancing body while he moved with Lindsay to the music.

Lindsay apparently though this was hilarious. “You’re really working hard to not look at him, aren’t you?” she asked while giggling.

Brian had the urge to shove her away, but that would only prove to her that she was right and he wasn’t going to open that can of worms. He just rolled his eyes at her and changed the subject. “So, did you ever get my ‘naked guy’ painting sold?”

“I didn’t,” Lindsay said. “Justin did and he made the gallery quite the profit and earned himself a large commission. He was very enthusiastic about selling that one, especially after he came back from sick leave.”

Brian knew what she was implying. After they broke up, Justin didn’t want to see a reminder of Brian hanging around the gallery he worked; he probably had enough of that in his studio at home. “I’m sure he was worried about taking the time off after only just starting the job. He probably wanted to show you and Sydney that he was a valuable employee and good at his job.” That explanation sounded perfectly reasonable to him, though he knew it was a crock of shit; but it would, hopefully, shut Lindsay up.

“Perhaps,” Lindsay said, letting Brian off the hook. She draped her arms over his shoulders, kissed his cheek and whispered, “You can get him back, Brian,” and then slipped away from him to dance with Melanie.

Brian froze and just stood still, his eyes finding Justin again. Justin looked happy and Brian wanted Justin back and he wondered if it were even possible to make that happen. Justin was dancing, sandwiched between Trent and Clark, head thrown back on Trent’s shoulder, Clark’s leg between his thighs. Justin appeared to be doing just fine without him. Still, Brian wanted him, wished that he could figure out how it would be possible for them to be together, to want the same things, but he just didn’t know that it could ever happen. Justin wanted marriage and he wasn’t going to compromise on that. Every time he thought about being married to Justin, the simple thought brought upon hundreds of other notions that irked him.

“You suck so much at dancing you just figured you’d stop?” Hunter asked, placing himself in front of Brian.

Brian scowled at Hunter. “Fuck you.”

Hunter invaded Brian’s personal space, only leaving a few inches between their bodies as he put his hands on Brian’s hips. “Aww, was that an offer?”

“Right, like I’m going to offer to fuck you with your Ma and Pa standing right behind us?” Brian scoffed. “Even if they weren’t, the answer would be ‘no’. It will always be ‘no’.”

Hunter smiled saucily, completely undeterred by Brian’s off-putting remarks. He closed the distance between their bodies and began to dance against Brian, which, surprisingly, caused Brian to begin dancing with him. “You know, I’m officially an adult now. They can’t tell me who I can or cannot sleep with.”

Brian laughed and had to give the kid props for persistence. “You’re my adopted nephew once removed,” he told him, pushing Hunter to be at arm’s length.

Hunter laughed and turned to face away from Brian and began shaking his ass, slowly backing up against Brian. “Come on, you know you want it. We’re so totally not related,” he said, teasingly, “I’d go gay for you.”

Brian turned the kid around to make him stop because Michael had noticed and gave Brian a warning look, as if it were him that was initiating any of it? “Ma’s gonna send you to bed if you don’t behave yourself,” he warned him.

Hunter shrugged and wrapped his arms around Brain, sliding his body sensually against Brian’s. “I think he’ll want to send you to bed too,” Hunter said. “Think of all the fun we can have, Brian. Just let yourself go.”

“Can I cut in?” Justin asked, confidently sliding in between Hunter and Brian, surprising them both.

Brian’s body immediately reacted to Justin’s, in blood pulsing, heady waves of heat that it never could with Hunter, in ways that it probably never would with anyone else and he was stunned silent by the undeniable yearning he felt.

“Hey, I was here first,” Hunter griped.

“Well, it is my house and my party,” Justin said. “Technically, I was here first.”

Hunter stepped back and waved Justin in front of him, “We can always make it a.”

Justin glared at Hunter. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“So what if I do?” Hunter asked.

Justin’s eyes widened. “Dude,” he said, laughing, “you’re like not even gay!”

“Have you seen him?” Hunter asked, gesturing to Brian. “You don’t have to be gay to want to be fucked by him.”

Justin laughed good-naturedly and pushed Hunter’s shoulder. “Daphne said you should go dance with her. She was admiring your moves.”

Hunter shook his head. “I’m not gonna go dance with your fag hag so you can have him.”

“Well even if you don’t,” Justin said, “you can’t have Brian. But you can leave. You know, if you want to, I’ll call you a cab.”

“Learn to take a joke,” Hunter said, “Jesus!” He glanced toward Daphne. “She is pretty hot.”

“Go on, nephew,” Brian said, finally able to find his voice. “go put the moves on her.”

“Her boyfriend is like two feet away,” Hunter said.

“It’s okay,” Justin assured, “Sam trusts Daphne and he knows you’re not a threat, no matter how you dance with her.”

“That’s why you came to dance with Brian, isn’t it? You see me as a threat?”

Justin laughed loudly. “I’m so not drunk enough to be that delusional.”

“Whatever,” Hunter grumbled, putting a swagger in his walk as he approached Daphne.

Justin pulled Brian against him, fitting their bodies together in the perfect way they did whenever they danced together. “He’s a little asshole.”

Brian wondered if perhaps Hunter might not have been off the mark. Maybe Justin simply wasn’t aware that he was jealous or threatened by Hunter. Brian felt his heart leap at the thought and then every inch of his body that was touching Justin began to throb with anticipation and hope. He forced himself to stop thinking like that and just enjoy the dance.

“I miss dancing with you,” Justin said, staring up at Brian. “Maybe we can go to Babylon sometime soon?”

Brian felt flummoxed as he tried to figure out what Justin meant. What he said could be taken two ways: Justin missed dancing with him, which could mean that he meant them dancing together or, because he’d said he wanted to Babylon with Brian, it could mean that he just missed dancing at Babylon and Brian was usually the one whom he danced with there so either way, it all led to them dancing together. “You want me to take you to Babylon?” Brian asked.

“You don’t have to take me,” Justin said, “I do own a car. But yeah, we should go, I miss being there and we used to have a lot of fun, you know?”

“Yeah,” Brian said. Again he wondered if Justin meant ‘we’ in the general sense or we as in just the two of them, rubbing, grinding against each other, the vibration of the music penetrating their bodies and making them both sweat and driving the anticipation of what would come later at home.

“Remember that time that you, me, and Emmett were dancing together and the glitter blower backfired? We looked like we’d just come outta Liberace’s closet!”

Brian felt the memory as if it were happening right then, he remembered he had to stop himself from laughing in fear of inhaling the glitter and being smothered by it. “Or Emmett’s,” Brian said.

“Nah, even he couldn’t stand all that glitter,” Justin said, eyes twinkling as he laughed.

“And then we clogged the shower in my office trying to rinse it off.”

“And we had to go outside and use the hose,” Justin continued, giggling. “It was so freaking cold.” He fell silent for a moment before continuing the story in a nostalgic voice, “I loved that night.”

“Me too.” They’d both gotten so hot and hard dousing each other with the hose, their clothes becoming plastered to their bodies, glitter showering around them every time they attempted to shake the water off. Brian couldn’t even remember what had happened to Emmett. He didn’t remember the ride to the loft, just being there and what transpired the moment they made it into the bedroom.

That was the first night Brian tied Justin up and blindfolded him. He’d looked so beautiful. Brian made a game out of finding pieces of glitter still stuck to Justin’s body and would torture him by giving him the tiniest licks and kisses, jacking off onto him twice before he brought Justin to the edge by sucking softly, slowly only on the head of his cock. Justin’s back had bowed, his skin shimmered with sweat and iridescence and he’d come with a throaty growl of Brian’s name on his bitten lips.

“Sorry,” Justin said, sliding away from Brian as he looked down at their matching erections. “I shouldn’t have started to talk about that, not when we’re just friends now.”

Brian pulled Justin with him and toward the pool. “Me and Mikey used to get boners with each other all the time,” he said. Yeah, when they were like fifteen.

Justin sighed with relief and stood at the edge of the pool and looked at Brian. “I suppose we should get in before anyone else notices that we’re…”

Brian gave Justin a shove and laughed as Justin’s arms flailed until he hit the water and went under. As long as he wasn’t the only one getting a hard on, it was okay. Still, it was damn confusing and Brian hated feeling that way. He jumped into the water and stayed under, hoping the cold would alleviate his muddled mind. Rising to the surface he saw Justin in front of him, drops of water dripping down from his hair, a small smile on his face and Brian was sure that nothing was going to stop the craving he had developed for Justin months ago and unless he admitted that he wanted Justin, and not just as a friend, and took matters into his own hands to rectify their current situation it would never be fulfilled.

A while later, after more swimming, dancing and a game of Pool Bull riding, the party began to quiet down. Lindsay and Melanie went to bed and Hunter, who had been cut off from alcohol after one glass, decided to hit up Justin’s media room to entertain himself with the X-BOX, and crashed on the sofa in there.

Justin decided to move the party into the room directly next to the pool. The music could still be heard from the speakers in the room and it too had a bar, but also a few comfortable sofas, a large card table and a television set. Anticipating that everyone would not want to swim all night, Emmett and Justin had decorated this room too, but not as extravagantly as they had the pool house. There were lights strung around the room, and some along the bar, and he’d bought a totem pole dartboard, but that was the extent of the theme in the room that he, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, called ‘the billiard room’.

Daphne saw the guys make a go for the pool table but she knew they could play that any time they went to Woody’s. She wanted to break in Justin’s new card table. “We should play Kemps!”

Brian scowled at the suggestion and not because he didn’t like the game, in fact, he kicked ass at it, but it was a game where teams were divided into two and he knew damn well who he’d have on his team. He wasn’t against being paired up with Justin; it was just the fact that he’d have to be paired up at all.

“What is Kemps?” Emmett asked, taking a seat at the table beside Drew.

“It’s a game played in teams of two,” Daphne said.

“It’s an adult form of go-fish,” Brian drawled.

“You try to get four of a kind and you or your partner has to call out ‘Kemps’ when you have it,” Drew explained. “If someone from another team thinks a team has it, then they say ‘stop Kemps’ and…”

“Oh, I know this game,” Emmett interrupted. “I played it with my Auntie Lulu, but we called it ‘House’.”

“So it’s like basketball,” Clark said.

When everyone but Brian looked at Clark in confusion Brian rolled his eyes and said, “Like the game ‘Horse’.”

“Horse?” Michael asked. “Is that when you get a birdie?”

Ben laughed and kissed his fiancé. “That’s golf.”

“Anyway,” Daphne said, taking control of the conversation. “I’ll explain the rules.” She went through the rules, finding it a little hard to remember them all in her intoxicated state, but in the end, the only ones who hadn’t ever played the game, Clark and Michael, said they understood. “Okay, so teams,” Daphne said. She wrapped her arm around Sam. “Me and Sam, of course.”

“Emmett and me,” Drew said.

“Me and Clark” Trent said, taking over the shuffling of the two decks.

Michael stared across the table at Brian and Justin for a moment, wondering if maybe he should take pity on them and choose one of them to be his partner instead of Ben, but then Ben spoke up and it was decided.

“Me and Michael,” Ben said.

Justin looked beside him at Brian and spoke in a slight slur, “I choose Brian.”

“You don’t have to choose me,” Brian said, amused. “I’m the only one who is left.”

Justin shrugged. “Even if you weren’t, I’d still choose you.”

Brian couldn’t breathe for a moment and was glad that the rest of his friends were too busy talking to notice what Justin had said. No doubt if they had, it would be construed into something more. “Come on, Picasso,” he said, getting up from his chair. “Let’s go figure out our signals.”

“Okay,” Justin said, following Brian to the bathroom. He didn’t plan to drink as much as he had, but there was a bonus to it. All the awkwardness from before had vanished and he felt happy, an emotion that hadn’t come to him very easily the last month.

Brian closed the door behind him and gave Justin an annoyed look when he saw Justin staring in the mirror and fixing his hair.

“Is my hair green?” Justin asked.

“What?”

“Chlorine, it can turn my hair green.”

“Don’t you use that leave in conditioner stuff before you get in the pool?” Brian asked. Many times he’d seen Justin use the product, though as he looked at the messy blond locks of hair, he could actually detect a bit of a green hue but figured it might be the lighting in the bathroom.

“I forgot today,” Justin said, patting his hair. “Now it’s green. I like green but I’d rather my hair be blue.”

Brian shook his head, amused. “You just need to wash it with some of that blond shampoo you use and it’ll go away, but I think it’s just this shitty florescent light in here.”

Justin’s reflection pouted at Brian. “You wouldn’t like me if my hair was blue?”

The pathetic truth was that he’d probably be attracted to Justin with any hair color, any cut or even with no hair at all. “Probably not,” Brian lied, trying not to smile.

“Huh!” Justin’s lower lip became even more pronounced. “You only like blonds.”

“In case you haven’t realized it,” Brian said, putting his hands on Justin’s shoulders, “you’re the only blond I like.” Justin’s lips curving into a dazzling smile made Brian realize he was entering into dangerous territory. So, naturally, he backpedaled, “You and Lindsay, though she dyes hers lighter now because when we met in college, her hair was dishwater blond; you better not ever tell her I told you that.”

Justin laughed as he turned around to face Brian. Putting their bodies in close contact, he asked in a breathy whisper, “So, I’m the only natural blond you like?”

Brian took two steps back and glared down at Justin, annoyed that he thought it was all right to talk to him in such a seductive tone and about such an intimate subject. The last thing he wanted to do was think about the color of Justin’s pubes, okay, okay, so it wasn’t the last thing, in fact, he LOVED thinking about that area of Justin’s body, but that was a big fucking problem and he shouldn’t be thinking about it at all. Especially because they were only friends! Again. Almost. Maybe.

“Come on!” Daphne yelled from the other side of the door, knocking on it. “We’ve all got our signals figured out, we’re ready to play.”

“Coming!” Justin yelled back and giggled.

Brian closed his eyes and quickly brought up the memory of the time he caught his sister and her high school boyfriend fucking on the dirty sofa in their basement. Yup, that did it. Justin’s stupidly enchanting drunk giggle, his scent, which somehow overpowered the chlorine smell, and his… his… his fucking everything could not compete with the gross images in his head and his libido crashed… as much as possible with Justin in the same room as him.

“That’s a good signal,” Justin whispered.

Brian opened his eyes. “Huh?”

“You, closing your eyes, like you do when you’re annoyed,” Justin explained.

“Right,” Brian agreed.

Justin nodded. “Only, you have to try to only do that when you really do have four of a kind. Can you do that?”

“I’ll try,” Brian said. “Now, what about your signal?”

Justin sighed. “I suck at making a poker face.”

“Maybe you should just act happy and smile the whole time,” Brian suggested. “Maybe if you maintain the same expression it’ll just throw everyone off and they won’t be able to tell when you have four of a kind.”

“Good idea,” Justin agreed. “What if, when I have four of a kind, I do this?” Justin put his thumb in between his teeth and bit the nail.

“You do that all the time when you’re nervous,” Brian told him.

“True,” Justin said, “but I’ll only do it if I have four of a kind, okay?”

“All right,” Brian agreed.

***

Teammates couldn’t sit beside one another, so at least Brian didn’t have to deal with Justin rubbing up against him during the game. However, the game required him to stare at Justin. Constantly. In return, Justin had to stare at him. Constantly. It was unnerving to say the least. But effective. They guessed the other team’s signals but no one could guess theirs. They drank one more pitcher of Emmett’s special mix between the two of them and Daphne and Sam lost.

“That’s it,” Daphne said, “you two have some sort of telepathy going on or something.”

“We do not,” Justin insisted, gathering the cards.

“You do,” Drew said, sipping the final dredges of his drink.

“And you must be able to read minds,” Emmett told Justin. “Because last hand Drew and I didn’t even have a signal and you knew that I had four aces.”

“Justin’s an artist,” Brian said, “he’s extremely observant and intelligent.”

Justin blushed. “Thanks, Brian. You have good instincts too; you called ‘stop kemps’ on Daphne twice!”

“Would you stop with the gloating,” Clark teased, “Oh you’re great, no, you’re great, no you are, no you…”

Everyone began to laugh and Justin and Brian smiled and said in unison, “We kick ass.”

Ben yawned. “I’m beat.”

“Yeah, you’re all beat,” Justin said, grinning mischievously.

“Do you want us to help clean up?” Michael asked.

“Nah,” Justin said, “I don’t have to work tomorrow so I’ll get to it all at some point then. Is everyone ready to crash?”

“I am,” Trent said, wrapping his arm around Clark. “What about you?”

“I have to work the late shift, but it’s after three, so yeah, I should get to sleep too or I’ll never want to wake up.”

“Us too,” Daphne said.

“Well, you’re all welcome to sleep in and stay as late as you want tomorrow,” Justin told them.

“There’s coffee cake in the fridge for breakfast,” Emmett told them. “All you have to do is heat up some pieces in the toaster and…”

“Coffee is in the cabinet to the right of the stove,” Brian added.

“This was a lot of fun,” Ben told Justin. “Thanks for having us all out here.”

“Thanks for coming to my housewarming party,” Justin said sincerely and his eyes landed on Brian, “all of you. We’ll have to do this again sometime soon. If you all want to grab your bags from the pool house and meet me in the foyer I’ll show you to your rooms.”

“Come on, Drew,” Emmett said. “I’ve already got my stuff in one of the rooms, so I’ll show you where it is. I can’t wait to sleep on that amazing memory foam mattress tonight.”

“That sounds divine,” Daphne swooned. “Justin, please tell me all the guest rooms have one of them.”

“They do,” Justin assured her.

***

Justin, ever the gracious host showed his friends to their rooms, pointed out the bathrooms and where they could find clean towels and then went back downstairs to find Brian, who had gone into the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of water while Justin ‘tucked everyone in’. He found Brian, mid guzzle, and he hated himself for feeling so incredibly horny, all from watching Brian’s neck as he swallowed. Truly, he’d been horny since his first glass of ‘sex on the beach’ but he had been surrounded by his friends so it was very easy to distract himself from his desires. Now, alone with Brian, not so much.

Justin took a deep breath. “Are you ready for me to tuck you in too?”

Brian tossed the water bottle in the trash and forced his mind to think of more hideous thoughts because Justin offering to ‘tuck him in’ was just far too much for his drunken, horny mind to handle. “Sure.”

Justin stepped out of the kitchen and waited for Brian to catch up and then began walking down the hall. “I’ve got you in the downstairs bedroom,” he said.

“Why wasn’t this part of the tour?” Brian asked. The master bedroom, storage room and studio also hadn’t been part of the tour but nobody pushed him about those because there were so many other rooms to admire. This room was sequestered from the rest of the house and had he not seen the empty room previously, he wouldn’t have known it existed.

“This room I designed myself,” Justin said. Daphne’s aunt was an interior designer with eclectic but modern tastes and helped him design and decorate most of the other guest rooms in the house. “I figure you’ll actually give me an honest opinion on it and I didn’t want anyone calling you an asshole if you don’t like it.” Justin stopped at the door at the end of the long hallway. “But even if you don’t like the design, you’re stuck with it tonight, but I’ll take any suggestions you might have.”

“I don’t give a fuck what the rest of the room looks like if I’m gonna have my eyes closed for the majority of the time I’m in it.”

“Fine, but I still want your opinion,” Justin reiterated. He opened the door and stepped inside the small room. “So?”

Brian stepped in behind Justin and looked around the room, he was drunk, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t tell whether or not Justin had had butchered the room with bad taste. Justin was an artist and he had decorated other rooms in his home without Daphne’s aunt’s influence and for the most part, Brian liked them. This room, though it wasn’t something he would want as his own, it was almost worthy of a magazine. “You did well,” he said.

Justin smiled big and wide. “Really? You don’t think the window dressings are too…”

“I’d prefer darker drapes,” Brian admitted, “but the design goes well with room.”

“Thank you. So uhm… there’s towels in the attached bath if you need to shower in the morning,” Justin said, the happiness he felt from Brian’s approval of his design suddenly plummeted. He was about to say goodnight, Brian was going to be sleeping under the same roof as him, but Justin wouldn’t be beside him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This was supposed to be the home that Brian would share with him one day, not the home that had drawn them apart. He knew it was the liquor in his system making him have mood swings like some hormonal teenager, but just because he knew that, it didn’t make them easier to control. He felt like he was about to cry. “Goodnight, Brian.”

“Wait,” Brian grabbed Justin’s arm. “What the fuck just happened?” In seconds, Justin’s sunny expression suddenly turned sour.

“It doesn’t matter,” Justin said, firmly extracting his arm from Brian’s hold. He could see concern in Brian’s eyes, but that was the only thing he knew was real. Just a little while ago he’d been thinking about how well he could read Brian, but really he couldn’t, at least not when it really mattered.

“I can call a car service and go home,” Brian said, picking up his bag from the floor. It was obvious that him staying there overnight was bothering Justin and it would be torture for him anyway, being so close to him, so if Justin wanted him to, he’d go home. Fuck, whether or not Justin wanted him to, the smart thing would be to leave.

“No.” Justin took Brian’s bag and placed it on the bed. “If you left, I’d never hear the end of it. I’m still trying to fend off everyone’s questions about us breaking up.”

Brian was shocked, though knowing Justin’s character he really was a piece of shit for thinking that Justin would go around blabbing their business to their friends. He should’ve known that he wouldn’t. “Fuck what they think,” Brian said. “If you don’t want me here...”

“I do,” Justin said, sitting down on the bed and patting the spot beside him. Once Brian sat down next to him he admitted, “I really want this to work.”

“What is ‘this’ exactly?”

“You know,” Justin said, pushing his shoulder against Brian’s, “us being friends. It’s just going to take some getting used to.”

“So you’re not… you’re not pissed off at me?” Brian asked.

“Sometimes I am. But it’s not like I really have any reason to be, do I?”

“Yeah,” Brian laughed sourly, “you probably do.”

“What?” Justin asked, turning his body toward Brian. “Did you ever cheat on me?”

“You know I didn’t.”

Justin nodded. “Did you ever shit on me?”

“You’re not talking scat, are you?” Brian joked.

Justin half-smiled. “You know what I mean.”

“Define, ‘shit on you’,” Brian said.

“Like, did you ever do or say something to intentionally hurt me or disrespect me?”

“No.” He’d known that breaking up with Justin would hurt him, but that hadn’t been his intent.

“Did you ever promise me something and then go back on your promise?”

Possibly. “No.”

“And you never lied to me,” Justin said. “Brian, I think as far as boyfriends go, you were a damn good one.”

Brian had lied. He knew he had, but he wasn’t going to admit to that, Justin hadn’t asked him that question and he had never been so relieved. Still… “You do know who you’re talking too, don’t you?” he asked. “Brian Kinney and good boyfriend doesn’t necessarily sound right in the same sentence.”

“To me, you aren’t ‘Brian Kinney: Stud of Liberty Avenue’. You are… you were just,” Justin sighed, “my Brian, my man. I never cared about all the shit that went along with that image that you carried with you. If I had, I never would’ve wanted to be your boyfriend or even think you stood a chance at being ‘the one’ for me.”

Brian felt the effects of the liquor in his system slowly evaporating with every word Justin spoke. Still, his tongue was loose enough to allow him to ask, “Why did you?”

Justin looked down at his hands and mumbled, “It doesn’t matter now.”

“Maybe it does,” Brian insisted.

“Why?” Justin asked, looking up, tears in his eyes. “It won’t change anything, will it? We should just forget about the last six months and try to go back to where we were before.”

“If that’s what you want,” Brian agreed.

Justin hated that Brian was so effortlessly putting the ball in his court. This was exactly why they would never have had a future together. Brian wasn’t willing to verbally participate in their relationship unless he was angry or annoyed. And at that point, so much was going on inside his head that all Justin could hear out of his mouth was, ‘I don’t want you’. He had wished, still wished that Brian would fight for them and not against them. “You knew what I wanted, you know what I want now,” Justin said morosely, standing and walking toward the door. He turned and faced Brian. “But I’ll take what I can get.”

The door had been closed behind Justin for at least ten minutes before Brian could bring himself to stop replaying Justin’s last words in his head. Justin wanted. They weren’t on their way to a friendship; it was impossible. At least until Justin stopped wanting something more from him. The fucker of it all was that Brian still wanted something from Justin too. No matter what intentions they both had, they weren’t ready for a platonic relationship.

Brian lay under the covers, which he could swear had Justin’s scent imbedded in them and he stared at the ceiling, contemplating the events of the night and not for the first time remembering the conversation in the hospital. They really had made a go of it; both of them had acted to the best of their abilities and tried to be ‘just friends’. They’d even accomplished it for most of the night. Then they were alone and the world became only theirs, and everything was real again.

Brian knew that what he felt for Justin could not be contained by words and he was afraid that he would not be able to take what he could get, because it was stronger than anything else he wanted for Justin. It was also a fuck of a lot stronger than friendship. So where did that leave him?

Living alone in his loft, pretending that a man like Justin couldn’t affect him, sleeping alone, being alone for the rest of his fucking life because he’d lost the only person he had ever even considered making a life with. For what? What was the reason he’d done this to them? He didn’t even know why they weren’t together anymore because the future Justin wanted, possibly aided by Brian’s drunken introspection, didn’t seem too bad to him. Actually, it seemed… almost perfect.

But maybe it was the loneliness, the lack of sex, the knowledge that Justin was in the same house sleeping, or just the alcohol playing tricks on his mind? He needed to have a good night’s rest so that he could wake up with the ability to think clearly. He couldn’t do that here with Justin feet away.

Brian pushed the duvet off him, grabbed his cell phone and called a car service to pick him up. He dressed, made the bed and scrawled a quick note, leaving it on the fridge for Justin or any of his friends to see when they woke. He bundled himself in his coat, set the alarm to Justin’s house and slipped outside. Thankfully, because the service had dropped him off earlier, they had no trouble finding the place and an hour later, he climbed into his bed.

Alone, in the dark, Brian’s thoughts strayed and he began reminiscing about the month before he met Justin. He thought about who he’d been then, the things he’d believed in and how happy he’d thought himself to be. He had been content, but not happy, which was a startling realization. Using the word content to describe his life irked him, because, to him, it was synonymous with the word boring. How oblivious he’d been to his true reality was almost comical to him now as he thought about his life before Justin.

He thought he’d had it all, every single thing he’d ever wanted or worked for, he’d accomplished and experienced. He had the top pick of any man he wanted to fuck. He’d considered his life exciting because he flew to exotic places for short vacations, landed some of the most sought after businesses as clients, attended orgies where he was the main attraction, and had a son whom he loved and group of friends who were family. Looking at his life now, there was only one thing that he’d once deemed valuable that he still considered important; and that was his relationship with his friends and son.

He remembered being at family gatherings and poking fun at his friends’ relationships. He thought them weak and needy for wanting those relationships; thought something was wrong with them because they couldn’t bear to be on their own. He’d thought he had it all figured out when he sank into an anonymous ass or mouth; thought that, among all his friends, he was the one who still saw things clearly. And now he’d become just as pathetic as them. There he was, given the all clear to go back and down that same road again, back to his old life. All he needed to do was get dressed and fuck the night away with a few random tricks. And by sundown, his life as he’d known it before Justin Taylor walked in, would resume.

“Life,” Brian spoke the word and laughed when it sounded empty, meaningless.

All the moments he spent with Justin. It was through Justin that he’d truly learned to be confident in ways he only thought he’d been. And he learned how to be happy in ways he’d never understood could be possible for him. He had changed because he’d made compromises for? Justin, but, despite his fears, he didn’t turn into a lesbian because of it. He still felt like himself. Well, not quite, because without Justin, it felt as though a big part of him was missing. He’d thought he was doing the right thing by staying away from him, but tonight he realized that he wasn’t.

Justin wasn’t happier without him and he wasn’t going to be happy without Justin so there really was only one thing to do. Brian had to take the final step and change his mind to accept that, minor differences notwithstanding, Justin’s and his wants and needs were basically the same. He just had to find the courage to face them.

Brian had to accept that if he was going to be with Justin, then marriage would be the ultimate goal in their relationship Brian would not only agree to marry Justin one day, but he also would have to stand behind this decision instead of just going through with it for Justin’s sake. He would have to believe in what marriage meant. But what did it mean? He began listing off all the negatives and somehow he’d turned each one into a positive and soon he began listing off in his head what good things there were about marriage and with Justin as his spouse, those things just kept coming and coming until he had to force himself to stop thinking about them and began to laugh uproariously in surprise at his thoughts.

Justin hadn’t made him change his views, at least not by demanding Brian change them; Brian had changed by himself. He believed in marriage, as long as that marriage would include Justin Taylor, because Justin had shown him that he could believe in something that upon principle was simply believing in his love for you, believing in what you shared with him and believing in your love for him.

Given the other option for his life, Brian decided that when it came down to it, he could definitely believe. He did believe.

***

All the guests had woken up and, knowing how exhausted Justin was from planning the party, they let him sleep and helped themselves to breakfast. Afterward, they left to begin their days after Michael insisted that he didn’t mind staying to clean up on his own, because he was the only one who didn’t have work or studying to do. Daphne and Sam offered to take Ben and Hunter home; Hunter had exams to study for and Ben had exams to prepare, so they left Michael with the car. Michael busied himself by cleaning up the mess in the pool house and billiard room, trying hard not to think about the note he’d found stuck to fridge that morning. He had worried about what Justin’s reaction to it would be. Finished with the clean up, he saw that it was almost one o’clock and his worry for Justin increased. They had all gone to bed late and he wondered if Justin and Brian had stayed up even later and something disastrous had happened that caused Brian to make his quick exit.

Michael didn’t mean to snoop, his intentions were pure. He wanted to check on Justin and make sure his friend was okay before he left. So he went upstairs toward what Justin had pointed out as the master bedroom during the home tour yesterday. He knocked a few times on the door, received no response and tried the handle. The door wasn’t locked, so as not to startle Justin awake, he slowly opened it and found… an empty room? Goosebumps prickled up on his skin and he quickly closed the door, feeling like he’d just majorly invaded upon Justin’s privacy.

The door across the hall, which Justin had told everyone was only a storage room, suddenly opened and Justin stood in the doorway wearing only a pair of oversized gray sweats, looking sleep rumpled and caught off guard as he looked from the door of the master bedroom to Michael and then back again.

“I’m sorry,” Michael said, slowly backing away from the door. “I… uh… Everyone’s gone home and I stayed to clean up. I was just about to leave but wanted to make sure you were okay and so I figured I’d see if you were in there, but you’re not, obviously, because you’re…”

“It’s all right, Michael,” Justin interrupted, stepping into the hallway, his face flushing with embarrassment. He shrugged his shoulders. “Now you know I didn’t have time to decorate that room before my housewarming party.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said sincerely, sorry for more than just going into a room Justin had declared off limits. His eyes caught the bright color of paint in the room Justin had come out of and his stomach twisted as he realized the real reason behind Justin not showing off that room too. “Justin…”

“No,” Justin said, running a hand through his hair. “It’s too early for any talk about Brian or my stupid dreams for us.”

“But they’re not stupid,” Michael insisted. He walked over to Justin and enveloped him in a tight hug. “You have every right to dream whatever you want to.”

Justin laughed sarcastically and pulled away. “Don’t you get it? I let my dreams come between what should’ve been our dreams, our life and Brian can’t forget… or forgive that. I understand that, I do. I’ve come to accept it.”

“If you have, then why haven’t you decorated your master bedroom? Why have you been sleeping in there?” He pointed to the room that even with the little view he got he knew was designed for Gus. “Why didn’t you show anyone that room?”

“I wanted to talk to Brian about it first,” Justin said. “I wanted to make sure he was okay with me having a room for Gus here even if we aren’t together. I only slept in there last night because you guys were in all the guest rooms, usually I sleep in the one downstairs.”

Michael didn’t recall seeing one downstairs, but he knew that it was probably the one he’d given Brian to stay in, that had to mean something. “Why would you need Brian’s approval? You and I both know Brian wouldn’t mind.”

“Jesus,” Justin groaned, “it really is too early for this and I’m hungry.” He rubbed his stomach and made to walk down the hall.

Michael stepped into Justin’s path. “I know it’s early, but I hear people do their best learning first thing when they wake up and as my mother once said, ‘I want you to hear what I have to say on an empty stomach because maybe then you’ll digest it’. Okay?”

Justin backed up against the wall and slowly slid down and sat on the rug. “Fine,” he moaned, “I’m listening, lecture away.”

Michael crouched down in front of him. “I’m your friend, just remember I’m speaking entirely from a friend’s point of view and believe it or not, I am totally objective where you and Brian’s relationship is concerned.”

“Whatever, just say it,” Justin said, refusing to look at Michael and staring at the pattern on the rug instead.

“You need to get over Brian, buy some fucking furniture, finish Gus’ room and show it to the kid, make Gus happy and move on.”

Justin looked up sharply and his eyes widened. “What?”

“The day you had that allergic reaction and were hospitalized, I met Brian for breakfast and he told me that you two were supposed to go buy master bedroom furniture together. In fact, he told me all about your house and…”

“He was freaking out,” Justin cut in, sighing.

“Yeah, he was. But we got to talking and by the time he left, he seemed to be on the right track and he was determined to tell you how he felt and talk to you and resolve the ‘oh my god, he wants to turn me into a hetero’ feelings he was having in response to you buying this fucking huge ass house. I have no idea what was said, he won’t tell me and you say nothing about it. So whatever your conversation was, I know it went wrong. What Brian had planned to say to you, must not have gotten said because I know that if he had said it, you guys would’ve picked out that furniture and you’d have probably showed Gus his bedroom last night!”

“You and my mother both think that Brian had a plan,” Justin said. “But no one knows for sure and I can’t just guess as to what it was. I’m not psychic.”

“Brian pretends to take risks and live life on a whim, but you and I both know that’s just one little part of him. He plans, he executes and he doesn’t fail. But… he must’ve failed, right?”

“I gave him another chance,” Justin said, remembering this fact once again. “I asked him, practically begged for him to say…”

“Another fucked Brian Kinney trait,” Michael interrupted. “You can count on his honesty, but the man lies by omission so often that he’s made it an art form. You just have to think about the Brian you first met. You seemed to be on to him. So maybe he was on to you too and you just didn’t know it.”

“I was never on to Brian,” Justin said. “Not really. That’s the problem, Michael. I never knew if Brian was sticking with me for the same reason I wanted to be with him or if it was because I was just some experiment in his mid-life crisis and he didn’t want to be alone anymore.”

Michael sat down beside Justin and put his arm around him. “I guess I can’t argue with that. It’s hard enough being his friend when he won’t talk to me about how he feels, so I can only imagine how hard it is to be his boyfriend.”

“Being his boyfriend wasn’t hard,” Justin said. “What would’ve been hard was being his partner, but that wasn’t meant to be. We’re too different and we want different things for our futures. We ended things amicably, so there really isn’t any reason for you to worry.”

“So you’re going to move on, then?” Michael asked.

Justin stood up and forced a smile as he helped pull Michael to stand too. “I have no choice but to move on and so, the first step will be me going shopping for my master bedroom.”

“Oh.” Michael was severely disappointed. He’d hoped that he’d be able to get Justin to see that what he and Brian wanted wasn’t all that different. He knew they loved one another and fuck the saying that ‘sometimes love just ain’t enough’ because he knew that love could overcome anything.

“Retail therapy might just be exactly what I need to jumpstart my life,” Justin said. “Just last night Sam was telling me that his brother just started working at Weisshouse and that if I needed anything else for the house I’d get a discount if I mentioned him. I think I’m going to get cleaned up and go there right now. Did you want to come with me?”

“Nah, I think you should pick up the items for your sanctuary alone, it might be liberating for you.”

“Maybe,” Justin agreed. If only he could believe that. Buying furniture for the master bedroom without Brian felt wrong, but he knew he had to if he was really going to move forward with his life. Brian wasn’t going to give him what he wanted. It was time to move on. “I guess it’s pretty obvious that Brian has moved on too, isn’t it?”

Michael had been thinking the total opposite if Brian’s behavior with Justin last night during the card game was anything to go by. He wasn’t sure what exactly to say to Justin. He didn’t want to get his hopes up by denying it because he honestly wasn’t sure if Brian would ever step up to the plate and admit that he loved Justin and wanted a future with him. Still he wondered why Justin thought that. “Why do you say that?”

“Emmett told me about seeing Brian in the backroom a few weeks back,” Justin said softly.

“Justin….”

“I know, I know,” Justin said, “it isn’t my place to care who he is with anymore. I broke up with him, did you know that?”

“Sort of,” Michael admitted.

“So of course he wasn’t going to continue to be with only me when we broke up… it’s just that now…” Justin sighed deeply and rubbed at his eyes. “It really is over.”

Michael wasn’t sure if Justin knew that Brian had confided in him about the ‘no condoms’ issue so he treaded carefully and asked, “What exactly did Emmett tell you?”

“He said he saw Brian going into the backroom but I didn’t want to hear about it. It hurts. Even if we aren’t together, that’s not something I want to hear about.”

Michael nodded in understanding and tried to remain calm as his mind was running wild with what he just found out. Justin obviously didn’t hear the whole story and he wasn’t privy to any of the conversation people had been having about Brian’s lack of sex life. He wanted to tell Justin the truth, but without knowing if that would give Justin false hope, he just couldn’t do it. Nobody could speak for Brian anymore, he would have to do it himself.

Brian shoved a spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth and turned the cereal box so he could view the back. There were new games on it, these ones with a winter theme. Justin often complained about having to do the same games over and over because the back of the cereal boxes rarely changed; he’d like this one. It didn’t matter that the word search was simple, the ‘one of these is not like the other’ pictures had only one difference to find or that the word scramble could be completed by a five year old, Justin loved the games on the back of cereal boxes, but proclaimed that the Cheerios box had the best ones and he’d do them repeatedly. Brian thought about how Justin’s face had lit up like it was Christmas morning the last time the back changed. This time, it really was Christmas morning on the back of the box and he imagined how stupidly excited Justin would be to do the games. Since he woke up he’d been continuously trying to distract himself from thinking about Justin, because even though he decided that he wanted the same things as Justin did, he had no idea how to go about to getting him back.

His cell phone began to ring, providing a much needed divergence from his dismal line of thinking. Brian considered not answering it when he saw the caller ID, but at this point he gladly accepted any distraction. “Mikey,” he drawled, answering the phone.

“Thank you for the hospitality,” Michael’s voice shouted over the line. “I had to take care of some urgent business and couldn’t stay!”

Brian grunted, “You found the note.”

“Yeah, it’s a good fucking thing too. No one else saw it and I didn’t give it to Justin. I threw it away.”

“Why the fuck did you do that?” Brian asked.

“Because you sounded like an asshole. This has to stop.”

“I don’t generally pass gas out of my mouth so I don’t know what makes you think I could sound like an asshole.”

“Don’t be gross and obtuse. He doesn’t realize you didn’t leave early when everyone else did because he didn’t wake up until after they left. But I stayed to do clean up and…”

“What’s your fucking problem?” Brian interrupted. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Would you have preferred that I left without saying anything at all? Fuck, now he’s going to think…”

“He thinks you don’t want him,” Michael cut in. “He thinks… Brian, Justin thinks you don’t love him.”

Brian hoped that wasn’t true because he’d have to work even harder to get Justin back if Justin had lost all belief in him. “He thinks or he…”

“Stop interrupting and listen to me,” Michael demanded. “Are you listening?”

“Yeah, I’m fucking listening,” Brian growled, holding the phone away from his ear. It may be the afternoon but he’d only woken up an hour ago and it was too early to be shouted at. Fuck, he hated being shouted at any time of the fucking day!

“Justin wants you. He’s in love with you and you two aren’t going to make it as friends… at least not only friends, because you’re in love with him too. Whatever disagreement you two had, whatever it is that you allowed him to believe so that he wouldn’t fucking see how hurt you were or how terrified you are of admitting that he’s the one for you, now and in the future… whatever the fuck that was, you need to fix it. Immediately.”

“I do, huh?” Brian had figured that out last night, he certainly didn’t need Michael to tell him that. However… “How do you suggest I do this miraculous thing?”

“Talk to him.”

“That doesn’t generally work in my favor,” Brian said. “Do you have any clue as to how wrong everything went the last time you told me to talk to him?”

“Something went wrong, I get that, but this time you’re going to make sure it doesn’t. All you have to do is be honest with him. Telling him how you feel won’t make you sound like a lesbian or a hetero. It will make you sound like a human being in love. This may be your only chance at…”

“Fine.”

“Fine?” Michael shrieked in shock.

“Fine.” Brian realized there really was no other option than to just talk to Justin and be completely honest about how he felt. Michael was right about that. “I’m going to talk to him and tell him how I…”

“How you feel?” Michael prompted. “You’re not going to chicken out. You’re going to do it because you want to be happy and you want him to be happy too, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you need to go see him now, don’t wait to call him because you may lose your chance to be with him if you wait any longer.”

Brian had an eerie feeling settle over him. “Why? Has he met someone and no one told me? Is he going on a date tonight or something?”

“No, he hasn’t met anyone but he’s about to be open to doing so.”

Brian wasn’t exactly surprised after the way they’d left things last night. “You don’t happen to know where he is now, do you?”

“He said he was planning to goto Weisshouse and he’s going to buy the master bedroom furniture.”

“I thought he already…”

“I went to wake him up, knocked on the door and when he didn’t answer, I opened it. The master bedroom doesn’t have a single piece of furniture in it. It’s completely bare. Up until last night, he slept in one of the guest rooms he says is downstairs. It wasn’t on the tour but I’d guess it’s the one he let you stay in… if you stayed at all.”

“I stayed for a while,” Brian said. He realized why exactly it was that Justin’s scent had been on the sheets, it hadn’t been his imagination. “Where did he sleep last night if all the guest rooms were taken. His studio?”

“No,” Michael said. “I think you should ask him that yourself. So get up, get dressed and get to Weisshouse and tell him that you want to pick out the furniture for your master bedroom together.”

“He’s headed there now?” Brian asked.

“I’m actually driving behind him on the highway now,” Michael said. “He should be there in about twenty minutes. Are you getting up?”

“I’m already out of bed!”

“Good! Because my wedding is in a couple of weeks and I want the both of you there together and happy. Got me?”

“So this is just so we don’t fuck with your seating arrangements?” Brian asked.

“Fuck off and go already! And oh yeah, when you talk to Justin, make sure he knows that when Emmett was trying to tell him about seeing you in the backroom, that it was because he saw you walk away from the trick.”

“What the fuck? Justin knows about that?”

“Emmett was trying to help,” Michael explained, “but Justin cut him off and didn’t want to hear about it because he thought you’d started tricking again and he was too hurt to hear the details. Everyone but him knows you haven’t and if that isn’t proof that you still want to be with him…”

“I got it, Michael,” Brian said and snapped the phone closed.

Brian didn’t have to think much about what he would wear. He was showered and dressed in twenty minutes and as he grabbed his cell and keys from the counter his eyes fell on the box of Cheerios and he took that with him too. It wasn’t flowers but he was sure that they’d mean the same to Justin.

***

“This bed comes in both the dark wood walnut finish but also in the white oak, which can have either the white oil or the Danish oil and we do have a California King in stock of both woods.”

Justin closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself not to freak out. He faced Marisa, the attendant and told her, “I said I didn’t want a platform bed.”

“I know you did,” Marisa said, clearly out of tune with Justin’s emotional reaction to the bed she led him to. “But sometimes what someone thinks they don’t want can fit them better than…”

“I think I’d be better off looking by myself,” Justin interrupted, his temper getting the best of him. “I’ll let you know if I find something.” He briskly turned on his heels and walked in the other direction, far away from any bed that looked similar to the one in Brian’s loft.

He smiled when he saw something he didn’t expect to find in a store that sold mostly modern pieces of furniture. It was definitely not what he wanted, but he couldn’t help but investigate it further. The antique painted Chinese sleeping room had such a magical feel about it. The price was almost nine thousand dollars, but as far as he was concerned it was a steal. But he could never actually sleep in it and he knew it didn’t fit the style of his Tudor home and was nowhere near a reflection of his own personal style. Still, it was interesting and would be a definite conversation starter. He walked inside, sat down and instantly was amazed by the paintings on the inside which were far more romantic in nature than the ones on the outside panels.

“If you ever plan on sharing a bed with me, it won’t be this one.”

Justin’s heart stopped, then suddenly accelerated and he felt like it had lodged itself into his throat a moment later. He drew his eyes away from the paintings toward the familiar voice and saw Brian, bent down, looking inside the tiny room, his neutral expression doing nothing to hide the apprehension Justin could see in his eyes. He gulped and his heart, still speeding, plunged back in his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Preventing you from buying a bedroom set that would be detrimental to you getting fucked into the mattress every night.” Brian entered the room and sat down beside Justin, faced him and explained, “Michael told me you were buying furniture for the master bedroom and so I thought I’d come help you pick it out, like we planned.”

“Did I fall and hit my head or something?” Justin asked seriously. He really couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t hallucinating. Brian looked real, sitting there beside him in what he had told him was his favorite flower printed black shirt, dark blue jeans snug, and on top of the shirt he wore the jacket with fur around the collar. This was what Brian wore whenever Justin would conjure up a jerk off fantasy that would lead to a slow rising orgasm as he imagined himself peeling away each layer of clothing.

“Did you?” Brian asked.

“No. So… am I dreaming then?”

Brian laughed and pinched Justin’s arm through his black leather jacket. “Did you feel that?”

Justin nodded but he was still worried that he’d somehow forgotten a large span of time because Brian was behaving as if they’d already had some monumental conversation and were here together as planned. “Yeah, I felt it.” Brian smelled real too and it was such a delicious scent it was leaving him feeling heady with arousal. “What’s going on?”

“I gave it some thought…” Brian said. “I know you have too. We need to,” he sucked in a deep breath and pushed it out, “talk.”

“Here?” Justin asked, trying to shake off the shock he felt from Brian showing up unexpectedly.

“Seems as good a place as any,” Brian said. “This Dojo or whatever the fuck it is wouldn’t be bad for your garden.”

“I haven’t planted a garden,” Justin said, “its winter. Now… don’t change the subject on me. You said you wanted to talk, so talk… I’m listening.”

“Okay.” It was hard for Brian to believe that he was actually going to do this. He’d thought about what he was going to say on the drive over. He’d even arranged it in his head like he would to sell a pitch to a client… which he knew might work, but it could also leave room for interpretation and he didn’t want that. He wanted to be Justin’s man and if that meant he’d have to occasionally have uncomfortably exposing conversations then he would resolve to do it. He wanted to simplify things as much as much possible. “There’s something you need to know.”

Justin waited almost a full minute for Brian to say more and when he didn’t, he prompted him, “What?”

“You didn’t let Emmett tell you everything he saw when he spied on me in the backroom.”

“We aren’t together, Brian. Friends don’t share all the details of their sex lives, do they?”

“I haven’t been with anyone but you.”

“You’re serious?” Justin asked, stunned.

“Yeah,” Brian spoke in a soft tone, “I… I just couldn’t…” Brian reached up to place his hands on Justin’s biceps but thought better of it and dropped his hands into his lap.“Do you understand?”

Tears of relief and joy clouded Justin’s vision and he nodded his head emphatically. “Yes.”

“Last night when you said I hadn’t lied to you, that wasn’t true. When we talked that day at the hospital, I lied to you. I do want you and I want the same fucking future that you want, give or take a few things we’ll have to compromise on.”

Brian looked so vulnerable and if it weren’t for them being in the middle of a furniture store, Justin would’ve probably broken down crying with happiness.

“Say something,” Brian requested, his voice cracking.

“You say that you want the same future as me, but what compromises are you talking about? Because marriage is something I’m not going to compromise on. I told you that when we first started dating and…”

“I want that,” Brian interrupted, “one day… I want that with you.”

“But it’s still hypothetical, isn’t it? How do I know that when something big happens in our lives you aren’t going to get overwhelmed and run from us again?”

“It isn’t hypothetical,” Brian admitted. “I’ve thought about marrying you and the thought is as real as it can be without actually being married to you.”

Justin wanted what Brian was saying to be true, but now he was worried that Brian was running toward marriage just because it was the only way to be with him. He may have made peace with the idea of marriage, but how would he react when it actually, really came to that? “How do I know that you’re not only saying this because it’s an idea that I forced on you? You should do what makes you happy, Brian.”

“I am. When I said we’d have to compromise on things, I did mean the hypothetical ‘little things’, but I didn’t mean marriage. No one forces me to do anything. I changed my mind. It’s as simple as that.”

“No,” Justin said, “it isn’t simple. You need to tell me why you changed your mind, Brian.”

“Last night, after I went home I did a lot of thinking and I realized that my views on marriage have been changing ever since I met you. But there were still all these bad things I thought about it. But then, all on my own, I started thinking about how with you… none of it would be bad. I believe in marriage if the person I’m going to have as my spouse is you, because I believe in us. We wouldn’t have a marriage like Michael and Ben or Lindsay and Melanie. It’d be different, but it’d be right for us.”

Justin took a long deep breath as he processed Brian’s reply. Looking into his eyes, Justin could see how serious Brian was, how much he believed in what he was saying. It was overwhelming.“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You?” Brian asked, feeling slightly relieved when he saw Justin’s happy expression.

“I do know… what to say.”

“What’s that?” Brian whispered.

Justin shifted so that their faces were inches apart, put his hands on Brian’s shoulders, pulled him in close and right before their lips met, he whispered, “I love you.”

***

Justin sat on the arm of the sofa beside Brian, idly running his fingers through Brian’s hair. Brian’s was resting his head on his leg, eyes open and fixed on Justin’s face as he talked about some mathematic theory that only Ted and Melanie could follow. Justin liked to watch boring internet videos about that kind of stuff and afterwards geeked out about it to Brian, who didn’t understand half of what Justin was saying but liked to watch him anyway. And now Justin had the perfect audience.

“Look at them,” Debbie whispered and pointed into the living room.

Blake, Lindsay and Michael were in various areas of the kitchen helping to clean up so they could get to the much anticipated poker game. The three of them all stopped what they were doing and walked closer to Debbie to look at who she was talking about.

“They’re in love,” Blake observed and his eyes met Ted’s for a moment and he smiled at him once before looking back at the couple under their scrutiny.

Lindsay sighed, “I never thought I’d see Brian Kinney in love.”

“You ain’t the only one, kid,” Debbie said in a quiet voice. “I hoped, but as the years went on and he just seemed to bury himself deeper and deeper into his stud image… I started to lose hope.”

“I used to think that if it were going to be anyone, it would be me,” Michael admitted. “When I met Ben… when I realized he was the one, I felt guilty because I knew that I wouldn’t be the one for Brian if he ever did really believe we’d live together as two old queens one day.”

“He probably did believe that,” Blake said, “whether or not Ben was around.”

“Maybe,” Lindsay agreed, “but I think there’s only one queen he’s going to be sipping margaritas with when he’s old and gray.” Lindsay gave her friends a giddy smile. “Have you ever seen him look at anyone like that?”

“Definitely not,” Michael said.

“Justin has his complete attention,” Blake whispered.

“And he’s talking about something I’m not even going to pretend I understand,” Debbie added.

“Something about math,” Michael said. “Brian’s worst and most hated subject in school and yet, he looks completely enthralled by it.”

“Then we should go find out what’s so interesting about it,” Lindsay said, rubbing her hands together.

“So, Brian, what’s so interesting about this new theory?” Blake asked, walking into the living room and sitting beside Ted.

Brian’s head popped up from Justin’s leg and asked, “What makes you think I’m even remotely interested in what these geeks are talking about?”

“Excuse us for being up to date with current events,” Melanie griped.

Blake grinned evilly, Brian really was asking for it. He looked over at Michael, Debbie and Lindsay who had joined them in the room. “What do you guys think? Brian seemed really fascinated with what Justin was talking about, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I think Justin gave you a new appreciation for mathematics, hasn’t he, Brian?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Brian groused and rose to a sitting position.

Debbie said, “You were looking at Justin like...”

“Like he wants to take me home?” Justin tried to help.

Debbie laughed. “Kid, don’t tell me you’ve invented a new a kink. Shit, Brian, now you really have done it all, haven’t you?”

“What kink?” Brian demanded. “I was just fucking relaxing here about to…”

“E equals MC squared!” Lindsay panted, pretending like she was having an orgasm.

Everyone laughed and Ben couldn’t help but join in on the teasing. “Or is it the multiplication facts that turn you on?”

“Or addition,” Emmett said. “50,” he huffed and puffed, “plus nineteen equals…”

“Sixty nine!” Everyone except Justin and Brian yelled together in fake orgasmic bliss.

“Oh god,” Justin groaned and covered his blushing face.

“Christ, you’re lucky Gus is asleep upstairs,” Brian said. “And you think I’m a bad influence on him.”

Debbie ruffled Brian and Justin’s hair as she passed by them to sit next to Carl. “You boys were just being so sweet.”

Brian cringed. “I’m not sweet.”

Justin put his hand on the back of Brian’s neck and pulled their mouths together, passionately kissing him and then pulling back. “Actually, you taste sweet.”

“It was all that chocolate cake you fed him,” Michael said.

“Just one more bite, Brian,” Ted teased. “You can do it, honey bear.”

“Oh my god!” Brian yelled and stood up. He grabbed Justin’s hand. “Let’s go, we’re leaving.”

“Oh come on,” Melanie said, “we’re just teasing you.”

“We’re just so happy to see you two doing so well,” Lindsay said, trying to lighten the mood.

“I kept telling Deb you two would come to your senses eventually,” Carl added.

“Come to our senses?” Justin asked. “It wasn’t me who was spending all my time having family dinners with each one of you.”

Brian couldn’t believe that Justin dared to bring that up and felt heat rising in cheeks. To stop Justin from saying anything else that would embarrass him he dropped back onto the couch, pulled Justin onto his lap and fused their mouths together.

“Oh, get a room!” Debbie said.

“Or not,” Emmett said.

Brian turned to look at his friends and gave them a devilish smirk and shifted Justin to the sofa cushion beside him. “I think you’ve all seen enough.”

Justin was breathing heavily and feeling a little dazed from the oxygen deprivation. “So… are we going to play cards or what?” he asked, wanting desperately to no longer be the center of attention.

“How about we play that game Michael was telling me you guys played?” Debbie asked, walking over to the drawer where the deck of cards was stashed.

“No way,” Lindsay said. “I hear Brian and Justin have some sort of telekinesis and won like every single hand.”

“You’re just jealous you don’t know Melanie as well as I know Justin,” Brian said.

“Is that a challenge?” Melanie asked.

“Damn right it is,” Brian said. “In fact, to make it easier on for you, me and Justin won’t even previously discuss anything.”

“But you already know what your ‘tells’ will be,” Michael said.

“And so do you,” Justin said.

“No,” Ted said, “all of us don’t, because we all didn’t play with you.”

“Actually, even those of us who played don’t know them,” Ben admitted.

“Aww… come on, I doubt they’re that good,” Carl said. “I love that game, used to play it all the time with the guys on the force. Now that’s a game to play with men whose job it is to discern between truths and lies.”

“Kemps it is,” Debbie declared.

“You really have no idea what you’re in for, Ma,” Michael warned.

Justin kissed Brian’s cheek and whispered, “Same as before?”

“Uh-huh,” Brian agreed. “This time we might be even better than before.”

Justin grinned widely. “Because we’re together.”

A chorus of ‘awws’ was heard around the room but neither Brian nor Justin cared. They were about to show each and every one of their friends how good they were together.

***

Justin walked into the conference office and smiled at Sydney and Lindsay who sat on the sofa in the seating area of the room. They didn’t look upset, on the contrary, his bosses were smiling. Still, he felt weary of why exactly they had called him in on his day off for a sudden meeting. He’d seen Lindsay last night and she hadn’t said a thing to him about work and he hoped that if there was a problem she would’ve warned him beforehand. “Hi,” he offered nervously.

“Hello, Justin,” Sydney spoke smiling and offering his hand for Justin to shake.

“Hi, Justin,” Lindsay greeted, standing up to hug Justin. “Thanks for coming in. I hope we didn’t ruin your plans for this afternoon.”

“No, it’s no problem.” The only plans he had was to shop for Ben and Michael’s wedding gift and then lounge around his pool while he waited for Brian to call him and tell him to meet him at the loft after he got off work so that he could help Brian start to pack.

“Go ahead and take a seat,” Sydney offered, pointing the empty leather chair across from him.

“Okay.” Justin sat down and folded his hands in his lap so he wouldn’t begin the nervous habit of wringing them or drumming them on his legs.

Sydney reached for a black folder from the table beside him. “I’d like you to take a look a look at these,” he said and handed it to Justin.

Justin opened the folder and the first thing he saw was a photograph of one of the paintings he’d had in the last student art show at PIFA. He turned to the next page and there he saw a picture of the painting he had done for his final project, Brian’s naked torso and stomach his sculpted arms crossed over his belly. The next page showed two pictures, both of small abstract paintings that had been featured in PIFA’s student magazine when they’d done a spotlight student feature on him. Justin continued to look through the folder and on every page there were photos of his work, even some sketches he’d done in high school for various competitions. He was confused as to why they were showing him this. Some of the paintings he’d submitted in his portfolio when he first applied for the position at the gallery, but others he had never shown Lindsay or Sydney. When he turned to the last page, his body turned ice cold. “How... how did you get these?” he asked, glancing up at his bosses. “What is all of this?”

“I keep track of local talent,” Sydney said, “I always have. You never know when you might discover the next Andy Warhol.”

Justin pointed to the last page and looked at Lindsay. “Did you take this?” He was sure Sydney didn’t have access to Brian’s loft.

Lindsay nodded. “Brian left his scarf at Debbie’s last night so this morning I went by Brian’s to drop it off. I saw that he’d replaced the painting he sold to us with this and I could see why he would. Justin, it’s amazing.”

“It was private,” Justin said, trying not to sound as angry as he was. “That was a private piece for Brian. He knew that. I can’t believe he let you take a picture of it.”

“He didn’t,” Lindsay admitted warily. “Brian had already gone to work,” she told him and leaned forward to squeeze his knee. “Justin, you’ve never been shy about showing me your work before, I didn’t think you’d mind. If I had, I never would’ve taken the picture.”

Justin closed the folder and leaned away from Lindsay’s touch, causing her hand to drop away from his leg. “All this other stuff was in public art shows,” he explained, “that wasn’t.”

“Justin, please don’t be angry with Lindsay,” Sydney said. “She was so excited when she saw it and I’m glad she took a picture of it and showed it to me this morning. I think when you hear why we’ve asked you to come in today, you’ll be glad she took that picture too.”

“Okay,” Justin said. “Why?”

Sydney said, “I’ve seen a lot panel pieces in my years as an art lover, but I’ve never seen one that evokes so much emotion. You managed to create a four panel piece that has no division from one to the next. I haven’t had the pleasure to see it in person, but from a photograph, I saw the painting as a whole piece long before I realized that it was four paintings as one. Whether it’s a model you used or your imagination, the man in that painting is stunningly human, no matter the abstract style you painted him in. The work you showed at the emerging artists show and your extensive love and knowledge of art is the reason I hired you, but that piece is the reason why I want to give you your own show here at the gallery.”

Justin gulped around the lump in his throat and asked, “Are you serious?”

“Completely,” Sydney said, grinning.

Lindsay laughed when she saw Justin’s mouth drop open in shock. “You know you’re a great artist,” she told him. “You deserve to have your work displayed here.”

“Oh my god,” Justin whispered, his heart racing.

“Do you remember last week we severed the contract with Danielle Browning because her agent told us that she would not be ready to show in January?” Lindsay asked.

Justin nodded. “Yes. We replaced her with Steven Lathrup, right?”

“Well, Sydney and I thought of him as a replacement but we weren’t sure he was ready for his own show so we’ve still been looking. We’ve only got a few days before we need to do advertisement for it and send out invitations. Anyone we’ve been mildly interested in has pieces that we like, but we’ve been hesitating on offering them the show, both because of the short time period and because we’d been thinking of offering it to you. When I walked in the loft and saw that painting, Justin, I just had to take a picture of it and show Sydney. All the work you’ve done up until now has been beautiful expressions of your talent, but that piece is exactly what we’ve been looking for from the other artists and here you were, the whole time, right under our nose and we know you’re ready for this.”

“Justin,” Sydney continued to explain, “I always planned to put your work in more of our shows here, but you need a solo show and we need an artist with your talent and caliber of work.”

“So, we’re hoping you’ll say yes,” Lindsay said. “The show opens on Friday, January 6th and will close on the 8th.”

Justin’s heart was beating so fast he could hardly believe he was actually hearing what he was. “Pinch me,” he requested. Two amazing things in two days’ time had to be impossible right?

Lindsay and Sydney laughed and he said, “Justin, I know a lot of the work you do is on large canvases. We’d hold the show on the top floor here, so there’s a lot of space for them but we’d love to see smaller pieces too.”

“How many pieces would I need?” Justin asked, mentally thinking about the work he had created in his new studio that he hadn’t shown anyone.

“I think we should see what you have for now, do some measurements and maybe that will be enough to fill the gallery,” Lindsay told him. “If it isn’t, we’ll space the canvases further apart, maybe add some draping to make it all feel more mysterious.”

“We understand that piece you gave your boyfriend isn’t for sale,” Sydney said, “but we’d like to show it here.”

Justin’s eyes widened, he wasn’t sure if he could handle so many people seeing a painting of him naked. Only Brian had guessed that it was him, but he was self-conscious of anyone else realizing it. However, that piece was the reason he was offered a solo show so he couldn’t exactly refuse. “Okay.”

Sydney grinned. “That’s great. So, Lindsay told me that you have a new studio at your home. Do you think you and she could take a trip out there with you today and you can show her anything we haven’t seen that you might like to put in the show? She’ll take some photos and dimensions and we’ll start getting everything together.”

“Sure,” Justin said, happily. “Though there are two pieces I’m working on that I might like for the show but they’re not finished yet.”

“We still have over a month before the show,” Lindsay said encouragingly. “If you think you might need some time off work to complete them I’m sure we can give you that.”

“But I already was off work so much,” Justin said. “I couldn’t do that to you guys.” He made commission from the paintings he sold, but that was on top of the salary he made and he didn’t like to think he wasn’t contributing enough to the gallery to earn it.

“Right now you need to concentrate on your art,” Sydney said. “We want you to continue working here. You’re amazing at your job, but Justin we want you to succeed at what we know you’re meant to do. If that means we pick up a little of the slack around so you can have time to do that for a show that will bring us tons of business, then that’s what we’ll need to do.”

Lindsay stood up. “So are you ready to head out to your house now?”

Justin rose to his feet and felt a little shaky. He could hardly believe that this was actually happening. “Yes, let’s go.” He thanked Sydney again and then followed Lindsay out of the gallery to his car. For all the crap he’d dealt with this year, it had also been the best year of his life.

***

Brian looked at the profit and earnings yearly statement Ted had given him and then looked up at his employee and asked, “You haven’t suddenly forgotten your math skills have you, Theodore?”

Ted had the audacity to glare at Brian. “We’ve had a good year. The best year Exhibition has had yet. So what do you think you’re going to do with your share of the profits?”

“Any suggestions?” Brian asked. “Last time I bought Babylon, what do you think I should buy now?”

“The diner? Your favorite boutique,” Ted suggested with a laugh. “Any of the other places you regularly frequent.”

“The diner isn’t a bad idea,” Brian said, “have you heard that Frank is selling?”

“No,” Ted replied, “but I can find out. Though whatever the price, it will be small change compared to what will be in your bank account.”

“So, what are you planning to do with your profits?” Brian asked.

“I’ll donate enough for a tax break and I suggest you do the same. I’ll also invest some but I plan to buy a house for me and Blake. You could always do the same.”

“How very sensible of you, Theodore,” Brian said. “But in case you forgot, Justin just bought a mansion; one, I hear, you said was a good investment.”

Ted laughed. “Brian, I told him buying a house would be a good investment, I had no idea about the mansion. I was away on business with you when he bought it, remember?”

Brian nodded. “So you were.”

Ted grinned slyly. “So, what does Justin buying a house have to do with you buying one? Are you two living together now?”

Brian scoffed, “What business is it of yours?” Brian’s desk phone rang, stopping any reply from Ted. He picked up the phone. “Yes, Jeffery, I thought I told you not to disturb me.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Kinney, but you said not to disturb you unless Justin calls,” Jeffrey said.

“I told you to put him through if he called,” Brian corrected.

“Right,” Jeffery said, “but I can’t do that because he’s here.”

“Then send him in,” Brian said and hung up. He looked up at Ted and waved him off, “I’ve got business to attend to. Pick out some charities and I’ll see what I think of them.”

Ted had overheard who Jeffery said was there to visit Brian. “Business, really?”

“Get the fuck out of my office right now if you want to keep your job,” Brian growled.

Ted smiled smugly and walked toward the door and opened it right as Justin reached it. “Hello, Justin, good to see you again so soon.”

Justin stepped into the office and flashed Brian a smile before turning back toward Ted. “You too. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Nope, I was just going back to my office. By the way, I’m going to be looking to buy a house and put my condo on the market, could you give me your mother’s number?”

“Sure,” Justin said. He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and took out one of his mother’s cards. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” Ted gave Brian a small wave. “Have a good business meeting,” he told him before shutting the door behind him.

Brian slid out of his chair and stood up to greet Justin. After kissing him thoroughly and making both of them sport erections he asked, “So what’s with the surprise visit? I thought you were going to shop in Morgantown?”

Justin pulled himself away from Brian’s hold; there was no way he could think properly with Brian’s body plastered against his. “I got a call from Sydney and he wanted me to come in for a meeting.”

“From the excitement on your face I’m going to guess that you’re not fired.”

“Nope, though I may be taking some extra time off work to finish some paintings because he and Lindsay gave me my first solo show!”

“Holy shit!” Brian grabbed Justin and spun him around while kissing him. “That’s fantastic!”

Justin kissed across Brian’s jaw and murmured, “You have no idea how fantastic I feel right now.”

Brian pulled Justin’s button up shirt out of his pants and pushed his hands underneath it, running his hands up Justin’s silky smooth torso. “No, I think I do.”

Justin giggled as he unbuckled Brian’s belt. “You’d better lock your door.”

“Ted did before he left,” Brian told him.

Justin froze. “What?”

“Ted locked the door before he left,” Brian said, working at the buttons on Justin’s shirt.

Justin dropped his hands away from Brain’s zipper. “You mean he knows what we’re going to do?”

Brian sighed. “Justin, he’s my friend, he knows me.”

“But... do your other employees know?” Justin asked cautiously.

Brian was sure that some might guess but he wasn’t going to tell Justin that. “Probably not, most of them are straight and can’t even imagine what goes on between two naked men.” He leaned down and kissed Justin until he felt the worry fade and a new, better tension take its place.

“Oh, Mr. Kinney, please show me just what does go on,” Justin requested.

***

Brian had moved most of things to the house and Justin had moved some of his things to the loft. They discussed it and decided to keep the loft so they would have somewhere close to stay when they went out at night or if they had early meetings the next day. The move had gone smoothly and they were both easily adjusting to the new living arrangements, made even more livable by their brand new master bedroom set.

Brian walked around Justin’s studio and looked at all the paintings set up for his viewing. His favorite was a painting that he thought looked like a night view of the city from above.

“Do you like that one?” Justin asked.

Brian nodded and though he wanted to know exactly how Justin interpreted it, he hesitated asking because often with abstract paintings, he preferred not to know what the artist’s message or intended subject was. “I like it,” he replied after a few more minutes of appraising it. “But...”

Justin sighed. “But what?”

Brian looked at the other canvases he’d seen so far and reluctantly spoke his opinion, “I don’t think it goes with the others.”

“Me neither,” Justin grumbled. “Lindsay says an artist’s work, unless it’s intended to be a specific series is often very different from one piece to the next but I agree with you, it doesn’t fit in with the rest of my work. I don’t think I’m going to sell it.”

“I didn’t say you shouldn’t sell it, maybe you just shouldn’t show it with the rest. Ask Lindsay how much it’s going for, because I want it.”

Justin laughed. “Brian, you already have...”

“If you did put it in the show, I would have bought it and it’d be another painting hanging in a space that no one else could buy. Just ask Lindsay and I’ll fucking buy it off you. I want it for Exhibition.”

Justin smiled. “All right, I will.” He took Brian’s hand and led him over to the next painting he hadn’t seen. This one Justin had finished last night. “Lindsay hasn’t seen this one yet. No one has.”

Brian looked at the painting and saw that he was obviously the model. His legs were drawn up to his chest and his head was bowed so his face could not be seen, but Brian knew it was his own body. The use of dark colors and the overall bleakness of the subject matter bothered him. He had sat in the position for Justin while he’d sketched him and then took pictures to work from later, but he hadn’t imagined for Justin to translate that into such an emotional and cheerless piece. “It’s sad. I look depressed.”

“The painting is a little depressing,” Justin admitted. “But it’s not because of the way he’s sitting,” he told him, “it’s because of the short unfinished looking paint strokes and how the colors fade into the background. But I was feeling kind of down when I started it so I guess that’s what it became.”

“People are going to think I’m depressed,” Brian said uncertainly.

“People will think the artist is depressed when they see that his muse is a gorgeous, stunning man.”

Brian turned toward Justin and asked, “So why were you depressed?”

“I started to paint this as soon as the swelling went down on my hands. I was thinking about our fight and about life and just feeling scared, I guess. You may be my model but sometimes I am just using your beauty to express myself, not expressing your beauty or anything literal about you,” he tried to explain. “I stopped painting it for a while but picked it up again a few days ago.”

“You sure you weren’t pissed off at me and wanted me to look like I was a sad pathetic man?” Brian teased.

Justin adamantly shook his head no. “Remember a few days ago you called me on your lunch break and told me that Melanie and Lindsay had asked Ted to be the father of their kid and that Ted had agreed?”

“What does that have to do with this?” Brian asked.

“Well… Look, I haven’t told you this and didn’t want to before because I knew you’d be weird about it...”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“While you were away on business, the same trip you were on while I bought the house, Mel and Lindsay brought Gus and his friend to the hotel to swim, remember?”

“Yeah, you told me about that.”

“They asked me to be the father of their child and I turned them down.”

“It’s taken you months to tell me about this?” Brian asked, surprised. It wasn’t like they’d broken up right after he came back from the trip. Justin had had ample opportunity to tell him and he was surprised that Lindsay hadn’t bothered to mention this.

“Hey,” Justin held his hands up in defense, “think about all that happened while you were away. At the time, if I would’ve told you they asked, you would’ve made a big deal about it before I could even tell you that I said no.”

Brian shrugged and accepted that truth.

“It just wasn’t something I wanted to talk about and not only because of what I thought your reaction might be. I guess I probably should’ve told you this before now, but I don’t plan to ever be a biological father to a child,” Justin said. “I know it is a big deal for a lot of people who may want a child with their partner, whether you do or not, which I don’t think you do… you should know that I could never give you that.”

“Well I’m pretty sure that unless you grew a twat you couldn’t,” Brian snorted.

Justin rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. Some people, maybe not you, but some dream of having a child with their partner, having a child that is a biological part of their partner. I’m sorry I didn’t really explain this to you the way I should have before when we fought that day in the car. I don’t even know if you remember what I said about it.”

“I remember,” Brian said. Previously, any time he’d thought of it, the part about Justin talking about children had somehow vanished from his memory but now he was able to recall every painful word Justin had spoken. “Look, I know you have a shit load of limitations down to the fucking kind of underwear you have to buy,” Brian said, “but that isn’t necessarily a limitation you have to have.” He didn’t know if he’d ever want to raise a child with Justin, couldn’t say for sure that he wouldn’t one day in the future, possibly, desiring this. But he still didn’t exactly understand why Justin didn’t want a biological child for himself. The reason he’d given Brian the day they fought didn’t sit right with him.

“It’s like I said,” Justin told him, crossing his arms over his chest. “I wouldn’t want my child to have to deal with the shit I have.”

“Your life is that bad?” Brian implored, curious.

“You do recall that I almost died not long ago, right?”

“Allergies aren’t always genetic,” Brian told him. “I’ve done my research. The odds are that your kid won’t be allergic to any of the things you are.”

“But the odds aren’t in my favor because people in my family have allergens more often than not. I have a dozen more than my mother and she has more than my grandmother. What if my kid was allergic to the sun or some shit?”

Brian snorted. “I’m pretty sure that’s actually a gene mutation and doesn’t have anything to do with...”

“Why do you care?” Justin asked frustrated. “I mean... I’m glad you care, but I don’t know why you’re pushing me about it when you don’t even want kids.”

“I don’t think you should put limits on what you want,” Brian said simply. “That’s all.”

“I appreciate you saying that, but there’s really no point in discussing it now.”

Brian gestured to the painting. “It’s what made you paint that.”

Justin turned and put his hands on Brian’s shoulders and shook him a little. “You are so frustrating.”

“You’re the one who said we should talk about important shit.”

Justin frowned. “So, is this something that you think is going to cause us to break up if we don’t talk about it?”

Brian shook his head. “I guess not, but...”

Justin shut him up with a kiss and said, “Then we can talk about it if the time comes that we ever need to, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore. You can see how I feel about it,” he pointed to the painting, “right?”

Brian did, but that was what worried him. “Just because it’s on the canvas doesn’t mean it isn’t still in here.” He placed his hand in Justin’s and squeezed it. “I just don’t want you to feel hopeless.”

Justin smiled softly. “Brian, I wouldn’t have used your image while expressing a feeling like hopelessness. I’d never do that, because you’re who I focus on; even if the painting isn’t about you, you’re the one who makes me not feel like I can make all my dreams become reality and that’s why I used you instead of myself.”

***

Brian looked around the vast master closet and a pleased grin slowly appeared on his face. All of his and Justin’s clothing and shoes were neatly hung on the racks, folded in the drawers or placed in the designated cubbies in the top of the line closet system. Still, the closet looked almost bare. For years, Brian had limited his clothing in ways that pained him. He would be forced to donate some of his favorite items just to make room for new pieces because his storage locker at the loft could not maintain an appropriate regulated temperature to do his clothing justice. Even wrapped in protective garment bags his clothing would be at risk of shrinking, stretching or a handful of other minute damages to the materials that Brian’s keen eye would pick up. Brian felt that he would do a disservice to his clothing if he even tried to use the storage locker to store his clothing as he alternated between the seasons, so his revolving wardrobe had been limited.

He’d kept all the clothing he owned in that teeny tiny closet and pair of dressers, never wanting to ruin the design of the loft by adding an armoire, or by building an additional closet. He couldn’t imagine ever sharing his bedroom closet with anyone. If he did, he would’ve had to give more clothes away and it would have seriously impeded upon his dry cleaning schedule.

Brian’s grin grew brighter as he realized that he would never have to worry about that again. In fact, Brian needed to go shopping so that the unused custom drawers, racks and cubbies didn’t feel neglected. He began to take mental notes of how many pairs of shoes he would need, how many articles of clothing would fill the empty space of the racks and how many drawers needed new ties, belts, jeans and jocks.

“What are you grinning about?” Justin asked, arms crossed over his chest as he peered at Brian in the closet.

Brian tapped his lip with his pointer finger a few times before asking, “Are you going to use that whole side?”

Justin looked at his pathetic array of clothing. Compared to Brian’s side, his own looked barren. “At some point.” Brian had a ton of space so he couldn’t imagine that the man would need to use any of his own. “Why?”

“Just trying to calculate how much shopping I have to do,” Brian answered.

“I know how much you love to shop so if you insist on buying things for my side of the closet, feel free,” Justin accepted. Brian knew what he liked, knew what he looked good in and it gave him pleasure to buy things for Justin to wear for him so he didn’t mind it.

Brian faced Justin’s side of the closet, assessed the room there for a few moments before walking over to Justin and kissing him. “I’ll be back later.”

“All right, I’m going to go into the studio. If I don’t come out when you get home, come get me for dinner.”

Brian pulled Justin against him and tickled his sides, his fingers digging into Justin’s ribs. “Can’t have you getting waifish on me.”

Justin giggled in delight and felt himself begin to get hard. “Find me for dinner,” he said, pushing away and then running down the hall and into his studio. He knew that if he didn’t get away from Brian that moment, they’d spend their day the way they spent every second of their free time since they got back together. Not that acting out the only unread pages in the book had been a bad thing, but he was almost finished with the final pieces he wanted to show. Justin knew that if he could sequester himself and work in his studio for most of the day, he could finish one and leave ample time for it to dry and give him time to play with Brian.

Brian considered following Justin into his studio and seducing Justin into giving him a quick blowjob before he hit the road, but sometimes the wait made his orgasms all the more intense. He resolved to giving his cock a few parting, apologetic strokes before reminding himself that he was going shopping and set his thoughts back on the space that needed to be filled in the closet.

***

Justin finished one of his paintings before Brian came to retrieve him, which was about an hour after he heard Brian’s car pull into the garage. He cleaned his brushes, took a quick shower and came out of his studio, wrapped in only a towel. He walked down to the bedroom and, predictably, found Brian in the closet. “You’ve been spending an awful lot of time in the closet today,” he teased.

Brian stuck out his tongue at Justin and his one glance at him made his mouth water. Brian loved Justin blond, but whenever his hair was wet, it took on a dark brown color that made Justin’s blue eyes stand out. Justin blinked, gave him a sultry look and that, coupled with the naked toned chest and the glistening drops of water sticking to his blond treasure trail that disappeared under the terry-cloth towel, almost made him drop the pairs of jeans in his hands.

Justin’s dick thickened and he felt it tenting the towel around his waist as Brian’s eyes ran up and down his body. He smiled, stepped into the closet and looked at his side, impressed to see that Brian had bought as much for him as he had for himself. “What do ya want me to model for you first?” he asked, his eyes zoning in on a dark blue silk shirt.

“You want to model for me?” Brian asked. It had turned him on when Justin would put on his clothes but he didn’t think that Justin would want to make foreplay out of it when they hadn’t ‘fucked’ all day. Plus, Brian knew how much pre-come Justin leaked, he could already see it forming a spot on the towel and he wasn’t sure that he wanted his clothing stained with it before it even had a chance to be worn.

“Don’t you want to see if the stuff you bought me fits?” Justin asked.

Brian felt like he’d been doused with a bucket of ice water. “Stuff I bought for you?”

“Uh-huh.” Justin grabbed the dark blue shirt of the rack and held it up before sighing. “Brian, I think that one isn’t going to fit.” He put it back in place and looked at the other clothing; it all seemed to be about the same size. “I don’t think you got the right sizes,” he said.

Brian swallowed thickly and grabbed Justin’s wrist, stopping him from picking up another shirt. He knew this was going to be bad but there wasn’t any getting out of it. “It’s all mine,” he explained and winced as Justin immediately gave him a death glare in response to his words.

Justin waved his hands around at all the new clothing. “You didn’t buy me anything?” he asked in shock.

“I... I didn’t realize you wanted me to buy you anything. You’ve bitched at me every time I’ve ever bought you clothes.”

“I have not,” Justin said, throwing up his hands. “I just wanted to be sure I could pay you back with my own money. I didn’t like the idea of you spending money I didn’t know I could pay back at the time. You know that now I can afford almost anything you would’ve bought me. When you asked if you could fill up my side of the closet I thought you meant for me.” He felt like an idiot for being so excited to see what Brian had bought for him, like some silly housewife.

Brian shoved some of his suits together, no doubt crinkling them and started grabbing shirts from Justin’s side of the closet. “I’ll make do,” he said, trying to smooth things out between them. “Next time I go shopping, I’ll buy you something.”

“Next time?” Justin asked sadly. “Will this be when the Spring collection comes out? You’ve been so inconsiderate, don’t you see that? You think that you having more clothes than me entitles you to having half of my closet space.”

“Justin, I already said I’d make do and buy you more clothes if that’s what you want.” Brian would throw out his clothes and buy Justin whatever he wanted if it would make him happy. Being called inconsiderate from Justin was a big deal, since Brian often made it a point to do whatever he could to show Justin how thoughtful he was.

“What I want I can’t have,” Justin said dejectedly. He turned on his heel and walked away, his shoulders slumped, head shaking back and forth.

“Shit,” Brian muttered. He had no idea how to fix this because it was so absurd. He’d have no problem with moving his clothes and cramping them a bit if Justin did get more clothes. What was the big deal if he used the space until then? How was he supposed to know that Justin had finally given him permission to buy him things without previously asking for his consent? That had been a rule at one point, so Brian didn’t see why Justin thought he should magically know that it was okay now.

Brian began to move all of his new purchases to his side of the closet, not giving a damn if things had to be squeezed in here or there. He needed to show Justin that he hadn’t meant to hurt him. He didn’t like feeling like he’d disappointed Justin and that was exactly what he felt he’d done.

“I don’t want you to move out.” Justin leaned against the closet door and shook his head. Before he even made it to the stairs he’d realized how badly he’d overreacted. Brian was the most unselfish person he knew and he hoped that he hadn’t ruined things. “This isn’t a fight, just a misunderstanding. They happen and they always will in relationships. It’s not like this is our first and I doubt it’ll be the last.”

Brian was surprised to see Justin reappear so soon and his body instantly relaxed. Justin looked apologetic and a bit fearful and he realized how fucked it was that with just one small misunderstanding Justin was already cautious about saying or doing something that might make him leave. He needed to do damage control immediately. He walked over to him and took Justin in his arms, warming his cold body up with his own body heat. “We already said we’d deal with one another’s queen outs, remember?”

Justin placed his head on Brian’s shoulder and let out a breath of relief. “I know. I just don’t want you to get freaked out about domestic shit.”

“Fighting about closet space is domestic?” Brian asked. He knew damn well that it was, but that wasn’t why he was freaked out.

Justin shrugged and kissed his way along Brian’s jaw and murmured, “You can have some of my side so your suits don’t wrinkle, just leave me a little space, okay?”

“There are a million other closets in this house I can use,” Brian offered.

“You were right, you didn’t know that I was okay with you buying me things and what I said about you being inconsiderate wasn’t true. Do you forgive me?”

“Yeah,” Brian said, sighing in relief. “But really, I can move some of my clothes, Justin. We do have like fifteen other closets.”

“See, you are a considerate man, Brian. Anyway, I want you to fill up my empty space with whatever you want.If I get new clothes I’ll squeeze them in.”Justin sat down on the dressing bench and looked up at Brian and batted his eyes at him. “If you moved them elsewhere I couldn’t watch you pick them out and get dressed from right here.”

Brian laughed. “When I choose what to wear, it turns you on?”

“Among other things,” Justin said in a grateful tone. His sexual attraction for Brian morphed in new ways every single day. Brian had all sorts of weird nuances about his clothing. Once, Justin watched as Brian changed shirts six times, all of them black, short-sleeved button up shirts that had little differences. But Brian insisted that there were and demonstrated this by attempting to show Justin parts of his body that were made fatter or less flattering by each garment until one was mildly acceptable. Watching this entire debacle had Justin feeling equally disturbed and horny. He’d dropped to his knees and sucked down Brian’s cock before the man could begin the ridiculous ritual of choosing his pants. That hadn’t been the first time he was excited by Brian removing clothing but it had been the oddest. Now, he wanted a private show that was all for him. “Go on, Brian; pick out what you’re wearing tonight.”

Brian grinned, happy that now things were back to the way they should be between them. “Actually, I don’t think I’m in need of any clothes tonight.”

***

The whole gang was gathered at the convention center, it was a day before Michael and Ben’s wedding and two of Emmett’s employees had come down with pneumonia, leaving Emmett to recruit his friends to help him finish the décor for the reception, sans the grooms because Emmett did not want either of them to see the elegant room until it was finished. Debbie, Lindsay, Melanie, Ted, Blake, Brian and Justin each had a series of items in front of them at the long table.

“I’ve got everything set up for you all to make this,” Emmett showed off the finished flower and cactus arrangement that would adorn each of the tables.

“Em, I’m not very good at arts and crafts,” Ted said.

“Neither am I,” Melanie said.

“Well you know I am,” Debbie said proudly. “I can help.”

“Fuck this,” Brian groaned. “Can’t you find someone to hire for this shit?”

“This is for your best friend’s wedding,” Lindsay reminded Brian.

“I’ve put you guys in line at the table like this to make it easier,” Emmett said. “I’ll show you all how to make one. Each one of you will add something to it like an assembly line so you don’t have to worry about them all looking different.” He proceeded to step along the table, taking items from in front of each of his friends until the arrangement looked exactly like the sample one. “Voila!” he said, holding it up. “Easy peasy. Just stick to using what you have in front of you and it will be fine.”

Justin looked at the items before him and then glanced beside him at Blake’s items. “Can I switch with you?” he asked.

Before Blake could answer Emmett cut in. “Justin sweetie, I gave you the hardest part because you’re such a great artist, I thought you’d do well with arranging the flowers.”

Justin blushed. “Thanks, Em, but I don’t think I’ll be that good at this.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Lindsay encouraged.

“Yeah, you’ve got a great eye for color,” Blake said. “I can’t tell the difference between those reds and greens.”

“A Christmas wedding,” Brian huffed. “This is too faggy for me,” he groaned, but didn’t move from his ‘station’.

“Sweetie, it’s not a big a deal,” Emmett said. “At this point, I don’t care if you accidentally put a dark red flower in place of the light red flower, we don’t want to be here all night so I think we should...”

“It isn’t because of the flowers,” Justin said. He took a deep breath and told him, “It’s the elastic.”

“Oh,” Emmett asked. “What’s wrong with it?”

Justin held up one of the packages and showed Emmett the label. “It contains latex.”

Brian looked beside him at Justin and widened his eyes. “It’s fine, I’ll do that,” he said quickly, moving Justin to his place.

“Brian...” Emmett said frustrated, “I’m glad you want to help but I don’t think you have a good eye for flower arrangements.”

“Really, Brian,” Melanie griped, “remember how bad that arrangement of flowers was that you gave Lindsay for her first mother’s day? It looked like...”

“I have a latex allergy,” Justin announced. “I can’t touch that stuff.”

Audible gasps came from everyone except Brian.

Debbie held her hand to her chest. “But Sunshine, that means...” She turned her attention to Brian and glared at him. “Don’t tell me you two are fucking with those sheep skin condoms!” she said, horrified. She pointed her finger at Brian and shook it. “Those things are shit when it comes to the spread of STDs and with all the tricking you do...”

“Fuck!” Brian said. “I’m not tricking.”

Justin felt his body shaking with embarrassment and anger. “Brian wouldn’t put me in danger like that and I’m not stupid enough to let him, if he suggested it.”

“Then you’re fucking raw?” Melanie asked in disbelief. She knew that Brian Kinney had done the impossible and curbed his libido but she didn’t think he’d stopped tricking completely.

Justin wrapped his arm around Brian and knew that in no time the real reason that Brian hadn’t been tricking would make it all over Liberty Avenue. He couldn’t let the man’s reputation be ruined because of him. “I trust him,” he said.

“You are!” Lindsay said, shaking her head back and forth. “Justin, I don’t think you understand what...”

“We’re not fucking,” Brian said and heard everyone let out another gasp, including Justin.

“It’s not any of your business what we do with our sex life,” Justin cut in.

“Well, it doesn’t sound like you have one,” Emmett said gently.

Justin rolled his eyes. “Fine, you want details?” he asked.

“No, honey,” Emmett said, “that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.”

Justin ignored him and looked at his friends. “Brian and I do everything but intercourse because I’m a virgin and I’m saving myself for the man I’m going to marry.”

“Holy shit!” Melanie said, bending at the waist. “I think I might be having a heart attack.”

“Or I might be hallucinating,” Emmett added, holding his head.

“Brian, I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Lindsay said with pride in her tone.

“Justin, honey, is something wrong with you?” Debbie asked concerned.

“Let’s go.” Justin stepped back from the table and pulled Brian with him. He stopped once he stood in front of all of them. “Look, you can all think what you want about me and joke all you want about this but don’t fucking make fun of Brian. He’s done what I doubt any of you have ever done for your partners! He’s trusted me and trusted what we have together enough to wait for me. He doesn’t deserve your jokes or concern. What he’s given me is a life I didn’t think I’d ever be able to have until he took a chance with me.”

“Justin,” Brian said, “it’s all right.”

“It isn’t,” Justin said and grabbed Brian’s face down to meet his in a soul crushing kiss. He then looked back at his friends who were all staring at them slack jawed. “We’re leaving and we’re going to go home and fuck and if that means fucking raw then you’ll just have to get over it!”

Brian practically tripped over his feet as Justin pulled him out of the convention center. He had seen Justin angry quite a few times, but never had it made him so hard. “You really didn’t have to say any of that,” he told him, walking outside.

Justin stopped and looked up at Brian. “Yes, I did. I shouldn’t have to hide what I’m allergic to. It isn’t my fault.”

“No,” Brian agreed softly, “it’s not.”

“Do you know how many times Debbie yelled at me about forgetting to put gloves on when I was cutting vegetables for the salads at the diner? I let her yell at me and pretended that I’d forgotten to put them on. I did that just so I didn’t have to tell her that I needed the non-latex ones because I was so sure that she’d make a big deal about it if I told her the truth. Last week when Emmett and I went to the adult toy store to get that gag gift for Michael, I practically ran away from him when he tried to put a collar on me as a joke. It was the stretchy kind and I knew it probably contained latex but instead of telling him the truth I ran to the other side of the store like a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have to hide that. But I did because telling them would have outed you.”

Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and walked with him across the street to his car. “What the fuck would you have outed me as?”

“Monogamous,” Justin said softly, opening his car door and getting in.

Brian took a moment to mull the word over in his head a few times before he got in the Jeep. “I don’t care,” Brian told him. The word didn’t send chills down his spine or make him want to puke. He brushed a few strands of hair out of Justin’s eyes and kissed his forehead. “It’s what we are. It’s what I have to be if I want to be with you and after the way I acted when we weren’t together, I’m sure they already guessed I was.”

“What do you mean?” Justin asked. “How did you act?”

“I’ll tell you about it some other time; it’s not important.”

“But it is important, because, Brian… I’m glad to know you weren’t with anyone else when we were broke up… but monogamy - it’s not who Brian Kinney is,” Justin said in a broken voice. “I didn’t want that ruined for you.”

Brian leaned back and blinked in confusion. “What have you ruined? My fucking reputation with our friends?”

“I know how Emmett gossips,” Justin said. “It’ll be all over Liberty Avenue by the end of the night.”

“Fuck if I care.”

“Brian, I know you care.”

“I don’t want to care,” Brian admitted. “You make me not care about that stupid shit.”

Justin gauged Brian’s expression carefully to be sure that was he was saying was the absolute truth and found nothing that would tell him otherwise. “I’m glad,” Justin told him, grabbing Brian’s hand and kissing it. “Come on, let’s go back to the loft and have better non-sex than anyone in this burgh will ever have.”

Brian started the car. “In this burgh?” he asked.

Justin shrugged, “The state?”

Brian peeled out onto the street. “America.”

“The world,” Justin giggled.

Brian’s dick reacted to Justin’s giggle the way it always had and he wondered how sex with Justin could get any better if it was already so fucking good. He parked the car in the lot near the loft and looked at the young man beside him and was caught off guard by how right it felt to have Justin sitting there. He’d been so stupid making all those assumptions about Justin being better off without him and had almost blown it for good.

Justin turned to face him, probably wondering why Brian hadn’t shut off the engine. Something about the way Justin looked at him, smiled at him, something that was just him, caused Brian to ache but it wasn’t necessarily a bad feeling. His heart was doing something weird and so were his eyes, because things suddenly seemed brighter. For a moment, he wondered if he was still high from the weed he’d smoked with Justin before they went to the hotel, but that had been a few hours ago.

“What?” Justin asked, pushing on Brian’s shoulder. “Do you want to go back?”

Brian sighed and shook his head, his heart hammered and words he’d never spoken other than to his friends or son threatened to spill out of his mouth and he didn’t even know why.

Justin cocked his head to the side and stared into Brian’s eyes and his breath caught. Brian had looked at him this way once, months ago when they weren’t even a couple. He’d pretended not to notice and Brian had looked away quickly when Justin had met his eyes. Now, Brian wasn’t turning away, but from the way he worried his bottom lip between his teeth, Justin could tell that he wanted to say something and he sensed exactly what it was. He felt so sad for Brian that the man had such a hard time with it. He knew, he’d known for a while now, and he didn’t need the words, not after Brian had been so open in showing his friends what he meant to him.

“Justin,” Brian worked the name out of his mouth. “I...”

Justin pulled Brian close and kissed him, softly at first and then more urgently, silently telling him that he understood, that he felt the same and that it was enough.

***

Justin flipped open his cell phone. “I’ve got like eight missed calls.”

Brian grabbed his phone out of his pants pocket and checked his. “Seven.”

Justin laughed and crawled on the bed toward Brian as he scrolled through the list. “Emmett, Ted, Deb, Lindsay, Emmett again, Michael...” He closed the phone not bothering to check the others. “You too?”

“Pretty much,” Brian said, tossing his phone onto the nightstand. “Though I didn’t get a call from Michael, so maybe he actually wants something that has nothing to do with what happened at the reception hall. He wasn’t there to witness it, so he might not even know about it.”

“It’s probably about Rage. We’re almost ready to put the whole first issue together.”

“It’s taken long enough,” Brian joked. “I have no idea how you have time to do everything you’ve been doing. After the show, you should take a break.”

“I’ve already taken enough time off from life,” Justin said.

“So you’re not going to call anyone back?” Brian asked hopefully.

“I think I kind of flipped out more than necessary,” Justin conceded, laying his head on Brian’s chest. “But no, I’d rather just lay here with you until you can get it up again.”

Brian carded his fingers through Justin’s hair and chuckled softly. “It’s just as well, everyone’s probably in bed by now. They can make their apologies to your face tomorrow at the wedding.”

Justin groaned and turned his face into Brian’s chest and asked, “Are they all going to hate me now?”

“Uh-uh. If it weren’t for Mikey and Ben being the center of attention tomorrow, it’d be you, because they’d be kissing your perfect ass.”

Justin looked up at Brian and asked, “Can you call them and just tell them that I don’t want to talk about it ever again?”

“You think that would work?” Brian asked with a laugh.

“It’s embarrassing. I should’ve just let them all think we were fucking raw. Now they all know I’m a virgin.”

“So what?” Brian said. “We’ve all been one and you aren’t exactly virginal anymore.”

“Oh really?” Justin asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “You think I’m some uber slut now?”

Brian shrugged and ran his hand down Justin’s spine, pausing right before he reached the crack of his ass. “The jury’s still out on that one.”

Justin breathed hotly against Brian’s nipple and said, “Well, then I guess I’ll just have to do something to make up your mind.”

“Go to it,” Brian encouraged, laughing. “You have a lot of celibate years to make up for.”

“Oh, I plan to,” Justin vowed and bit down on Brian’s nipple, causing him to cry out in pleasure.

***

“I heard what happened,” Michael said.

“Emmett chose to admit his failings as the world’s best party planner?” Brian asked.

Michael glowered. “You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“I’m regretting asking to dance with the bride,” Brian warned.

Michael looked down at Brian’s barely moving feet. “You call this dancing?”

“You’re the one who chose the music,” Brian told him. “The least you could’ve done was throw in a little dance music.”

“I wanted the whole day to be romantic,” Michael defended his choice of reception music. “But don’t worry, there’s a good mix of stuff.”

“The wedding was romantic enough,” Brian said with a sour tone to his voice. “Receptions are supposed to be fun.”

“My choice in music didn’t bother you when you were dancing with Justin. In fact, I think you enjoyed the formal dance, which I had no idea you even knew how to do.”

“Are you jealous that I’m not showing you those moves?” Brian asked, pushing Michael away from him a little and then spinning him around to face him again.

Michael laughed as he came back into Brian’s arms. “It amazes me.”

Brian smugly smiled. “I know.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “It’s amazing that you threw away your reputation for him,” he explained. “I mean, you could’ve let everyone believe that you two were already doing it raw. But you didn’t.”

Brian sighed. “Right. So now everyone knows that I haven’t felt an ass around my cock in months. What the fuck does it matter?”

Michael stopped dancing and looked up his friend with wide, shocked eyes. “Really?”

“What?”

“You actually don’t think it matters that you, Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue, hasn’t fucked anyone in months? This time you don’t even have a medical excuse.”

“Would you like me to have Justin’s doctor write me a note?” Brian asked.

“You must really love him,” Michael softly spoke. When Brian didn’t deny it, he continued, “So you have about a month now, right?”

“A month?”

“And then the six months are up.” (All of this from here on to the end has been drastically reduced and changed now.)

“That doesn’t mean anything has to change drastically then. We know what we want in our future and we’re okay with the way things are right now.”

“I know, I’m just wondering if you’ve thought about when you guys might take the next step, I mean you are living together now. Things have changed. Do you think you could marry him?”

“The thought has occurred to me.”

Michael grinned and encouraged Brian to dance by placing his hands on his hips and moving them. “Right, so you’ve been thinking about it a fuck of a lot, haven’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“What would you do if Justin said he didn’t want to date you anymore and only wanted to marry you?”

“He wouldn’t say that,” Brian confidently spoke.

“I mean, in a month, when the six months period is over. What if he gives you the ultimatum? Marry him or break up,” Michael said.

“That isn’t how it’s going to be,” Brian said, aggravated and a little worried that somehow Michael knew something he didn’t. “Did Justin say something like that to you?”

“No,” Michael admitted.

“Whenever we decide we’re ready for marriage, it won’t be because of some fucking ultimatum that he’d never make.”

“So you believe in marriage?” Michael asked.

“I think I’ve shared enough about my relationship with Justin. Today is about you, Mikey.”

“That’s right,” Michael said, grinning. “Today is about celebrating love and I love you and want to make sure you’re going to be happy. So please, just answer my question, consider it your gift to me.”

“You’re playing dirty,” Brian groaned.

“Just answer.”

“Fine, yes, I believe in whatever marriage would mean for me and Justin and what that means is between us, no one else.”

“All right,” Michael said, satisfied and knowing that he’d pushed Brian far enough. The song ended and he pushed Brian away from him. “Go rescue your partner and I’ll go talk to the DJ and see if he’ll play something a little less romantic.”

When Michael walked away Brian stood planted in his spot in the middle of dance floor. Around him there were dozens of people dancing, many of whom he didn’t know, but those he did, looked happy. Brian wondered if he and Justin ever married, if this type of ceremony was something he would want for their wedding. He couldn’t imagine doing something as traditional as Ben and Michael had done.

Brian thought that Ben would’ve had some influence on the wedding plans but there were no Buddha statues to be seen and the vows had been simple and the same ones spoke by millions of other people. Throughout the evening Brian had heard people tell Ben and Michael how beautiful the ceremony and reception was and Ben had always given all the credit to Michael. He’d said that he just wanted to marry Michael and that he wanted Michael to have the wedding of his dreams. Brian looked around the hall and, though it wasn’t his taste, the Christmas themed wedding turned out rather well.

Brian wasn’t sure he agreed with giving his partner full control of the wedding planning. If it was truly a celebration of two people who were in love, then it should reflect both of them, not just be what one dreamt of. Brian had never thought about what he would want his wedding to be like, because for most of his life he had been pretty well opposed to marriage. He was sure he’d have more to do with the planning then Ben did and he wondered what Justin would want....

“Fuck,” Brian mumbled to himself as he realized how far he’d allowed his thoughts to drift. He scrubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hands and breathed deeply, trying to rid his mind of the silly thoughts.

“Headache?”

Brian’s hands fell away from his face and when he opened his eyes he saw Justin standing before him, looking concerned. “Huh?”

“You look really pale.” Justin placed his hand on Brian’s neck and squeezed gently, his talented fingers soothing Brian. “Is all the romance giving you a migraine?”

“There’s no romance for me if it’s not with you,” Brian said in a teasing tone. He grabbed both of Justin’s hands and moved them to his hips. “Dance with me. Mikey can’t dance for shit.”

“Are you sure you’re all right?” Justin asked worriedly.

Brian pulled Justin closer and asked, “Is this what you want?”

“Huh?”

“For your wedding?” Brian clarified. “For your wedding… would you want it to be like this?”

Justin laughed. “No fucking way.”

“What do you want then?”

“Are you seriously asking me this?” Justin wondered, shocked.

“It’s not like my question is entirely out of context,” Brian defended himself.

“Okay,” Justin said, trying to come to grips with Brian’s odd question. “I just want the man I plan to marry.” He added, “And maybe some golden gardenias.”

Brian was quite happy with Justin’s response and began to move with him to the slow song. The last added bit bothered him though. “You want to get married in a golden garden?”

“No.” Justin threw his head back and laughed. “Golden gardenias,” he said, enunciating clearly. “They’re a flower. Legend says that if your lover breathes them in, he’ll love you forever.”

“And you believe in this legend?”

“Why not? It’s worth a try.”

“Maybe you don’t need a flower at all.”

Justin stilled. “What?”

Brian couldn’t believe he actually had said that. He blamed the romantic music and the four glasses of beam he’d drank to make the wedding and reception more bearable. “So, you really don’t want a big wedding like this one?” Brian asked, trying to get Justin’s mind off his slip-up.

“I think that, besides the flowers, I won’t know any of the details of what I might want until I’m asked to marry someone.”

“So you’d have to be asked? You wouldn’t do the asking?”

“I don’t know. I guess I could make the proposal.”

Again Brian wanted to slap himself. He didn’t know why he was continuing such a conversation, but his mouth just continued down the path of no return and he said, “Maybe you should then.”

“What?”

“Maybe you should be the one who proposes.”

Justin stopped dancing and stared up and Brian and stuttered, “Wh... what did you say?”

Brian clamped his mouth shut and refused to allow himself to say anything else. The thought was there inside of Justin’s head and he would leave it there for Justin to do whatever the fuck he wanted with it because he’d told Justin exactly what he wanted. The song suddenly changed to an upbeat techno song and he used it to begin grinding against Justin, bringing the young man’s attention off his words, though he was sure he’d have to face them soon.

***

“So, that stuff you said,” Justin started, the moment they got in the ‘Vette. “You were saying that I should be the one to ask,” he made air quotes for the next word, “someone to marry me?”

Brian sighed. He couldn’t believe that he’d put himself in this position. His stupid mouth really needed to stop writing checks his ass didn’t want to cash. “It’s not like you’re a woman,” he said. He’d told Justin that he wouldn’t panic and freak out but now he was doing that. But it wasn’t because he was afraid of marriage. It was because he was afraid that Justin wasn’t as ready as he was.

“Brian, were you saying that you would like to be asked?”

Brian snorted and started the car. “You know I really don’t care either way. I don’t know shit about romance and proposals.”

“I’m not sure if I understand,” Justin said.

“It didn’t mean anything,” Brian tried. “I was just making a point, that it doesn’t have to be you who is asked. That’s all I meant.”

Justin sighed and groaned, “You’re so frustrating.”

Brian grinned. “Life wouldn’t be fun if I wasn’t, would it?”

Justin quirked an eyebrow. “So you’re saying you say and do these things to intentionally annoy and confuse me?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what are you saying? You ask me about what I want for my wedding and then you tell me that you think I should propose to the person that I want to marry. Then you tell me that you don’t know what you want and that it meant nothing. I don’t know what to think right now.”

Brian wanted to bang his head on the steering wheel but refrained. “I don’t know what you think either.”

“Just do me a favor and the next time you want to discuss marriage or a wedding, don’t.”

An icy chill zapped down Brian’s spine. “What?”

“Next time you want to discuss it, don’t do it, because you don’t know what you want and it just confuses me.”

“Okay.” Brian glanced beside him to look at Justin, feeling foolish. “Are we going to the house or the loft?”

“The house,” Justin said. “There’s only a week before Christmas and I’ve got a lot of presents to wrap.”

“You still have a week,” Brian said and put Justin’s hand over his crotch. Sex he knew. Sex he understood and he didn’t have to second guess anything Justin was feeling while they were engaged in it. “Wouldn’t you rather unwrap something else instead?”

Justin laughed. “That’s too cheesy, even for you.”

“You told me that you’d owe me like a thousand blow jobs, remember?”

“I remember,” Justin said. “But I’m not going to do that while you drive.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Brian asked.

“I’ll blow you in the car as soon as you park it in the garage,” Justin compromised.

“I’ll wait until we get inside,” Brian said. The ‘Vette wasn’t that comfortable a place for such activities.

Justin shifted so his side was pressed against Brian’s and he rested his head on his shoulder. “Thanks for agreeing to have Christmas at our house. I know you’re not a big fan of holidays and I know it’s probably silly to you, but I really like Christmas time. I always had fun helping my mom decorate our house and cook the dinner. I can’t wait to get started on hanging the lights and…”

“Whoa,” Brian interrupted. “You are not planning on hanging the lights yourself, are you?”

“Of course,” Justin said. “I wish I would’ve done it before now, but they’ll just be white and blue lights so we can keep them up for a while after Christmas.”

“Justin, be reasonable,” Brian said. “The only reason I agreed to having the Christmas party at our house was because you promised to let Emmett, Deb and your mom help you. You’ve got your show coming up in just a few weeks and you’re working at the gallery too. When are you going to find time to hang lights on the huge fucking house?”

Justin popped his head up and kissed Brian’s cheek. “I appreciate you being concerned, but you don’t have to worry. I’ll find the time to do it. Besides, I’m not going to go crazy. I’m just going to put up some lights around the front door and a few on the evergreen trees around the yard. Emmett is taking care of all the decorations inside except for the tree.”

“We should just hire someone,” Brian said. “Two different solicitors came by the house this week asking to do it and you turned them down.”

“If I agree to hire someone to do the lights, will you agree to let me hang a stocking with your name on it on our fireplace mantel?” Justin asked. When he first suggested decorating the house for Christmas Brian had immediately struck that idea down. Honestly, Justin had only been joking when he suggested it, but he wondered how far Brian was willing to go to get what he wanted.

Brian really didn’t want to worry about Justin being up on an icy ladder so he conceded. “Fine, but only on Christmas Eve and it comes down Christmas morning.”

“Deal,” Justin agreed excitedly. “You are the best boyfriend in the world.”

“Of course I am.” Brian never did anything halfway.

“You know, I’ve been thinking…”

“Always a dangerous sign.”

“Shut up,” Justin said, slapping Brian’s arm.

“Hey, you’re too scared to give me a blowjob while I’m driving but you have no problem with hitting me? At least if you were blowing me I’d die with a smile on my face.”

“You’d die with your mouth open and my name on your lips.”

“How sickeningly romantic,” Brian drawled and gave Justin a morose look. “Seriously, that is sick.”

“Please, I bet you’d love to die with your dick in my ass,” Justin said.

Brian thought he might die if he didn’t have his dick in Justin’s ass soon. “You think your ass is going to be that good do you?”

“I don’t know,” Justin said honestly. “I mean, have you ever even been with a virgin?””

“Sure, a few times,” Brian admitted. “But they weren’t very experienced.”

“How is it that a virgin could ever be experienced?”

“You are,” Brian said, proud. “From the way you respond when I have my fingers inside of you…”

Justin covered Brian’s mouth with one hand and adjusted his erection with the other. “No more talking about sex until we get home.” He removed his hand. “So can I go back to what I was saying now?”

“Go ahead,” Brian groaned, mentally contemplating pulling over to the side of the road to mess around.

“When we were talking with everyone about having them out to our house, you called it the ‘magnificent Taylor estate’ and then Michael commented that it should be called the Taylor-Kinney estate now that you’re living there and…”

“It was a joke,” Brian interrupted. Christ, did Justin really have to catch everything?

“You feel like it’s your home too as much as mine, right?” Justin asked.

“I don’t fucking know,” Brian said. As long as Justin was with him, it didn’t feel any different when he stayed at the loft. “I guess.”

Justin hadn’t wanted to push Brian, so he would wait a little while longer before bringing up that he wanted Brian’s name to be listed as owning the house too. He wanted it to be both of theirs on paper and then maybe all the references Brian made to it being only his house would stop. He revised what he had intended to say and told him, “Well, I was thinking that it technically is an estate and an estate needs a name.”

“A name?” Brian asked, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, you know like Mandalay or…”

“Xanadu?” Brian joked.

“No…” Justin shrugged. “I’ll think of something, it’s a grand house so it needs a grand name.”

“Just like all the rooms?” Brian asked. Justin was always so particular about naming things. He named all the rooms in the house too, so of course he’d want to name the mansion too.

“Yup,” Justin agreed. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I think of it and if you don’t like it, I’ll think of something else.”

“Hey, I had no say on you naming the guest rooms after the fucking seasons.”

“Oh come on, you told me yourself you thought it was clever. And I never did name the guest room downstairs. You can name that one,” Justin offered.

“I already have the perfect name for it,” Brian told him.

“Oh, what’s that?”

Brian put his hand over Justin’s cock and squeezed it. “It’s called ‘the closest bed to the garage door’.”

***

The house… which was still unnamed, looked beautiful. There was only about two inches of snow on the ground, but it was enough to cover the grounds in a blanket of white that twinkled at night from the Christmas lights shining upon it. The company hired to decorate the outside had done a spectacular job, keeping it simple and tasteful. Inside was a different story. There were far too many lights, too much greenery strung around and the amount of Christmastime scented candles made Brian want to puke. So he’d taken to covering most of them with their lids, leaving only the unscented candles burning and the three that smelled like cookies, he could handle. It actually curbed his appetite and stopped him from gorging himself on the platters of treats Justin had been baking.

He started off Christmas Eve mildly annoyed and in a bad mood when he woke up and found that half of their guests had already arrived and Justin was showered, dressed and stressed out. Debbie, Jennifer, Lindsay and Emmett were apparently taking over, from what he gathered, the three of them drowning out Justin’s suggestions and plans. He’d stood outside the kitchen, barely awake and listening in on the conversation behind the swinging door.

Every time Justin would say anything someone would say, ‘but wouldn’t it be easier’ or ‘that’s a good idea but it’d be better if’ or a dozen other things that made Brian’s annoyance with the family Christmas party skyrocket. He kept waiting for one of them to back down to one of suggestions and was about to go in and take control when he heard someone slam pans together.

He heard Justin’s aggravated voice say, “Now I know why Brian didn’t want me to host this party. It isn’t because he hates holidays, it’s because he didn’t want me stressed out from having to deal with you! I thought that if I included you guys that it would help bring us together as a family, but it hasn’t, because you’re all ganging up on me! The time I wanted to put out appetizers is wrong, presents are never done before dessert so I moved that. I haven’t ever hosted Christmas before so I must be a fucking a idiot unless I do it your way!”

Brian stepped away from the kitchen door just in time to have it swing open and miss him by a fraction of an inch. Justin halted in the hallway when he saw Brian standing there. His hair was a mess, his face red and his eyes were wild and dark and he was breathing heavily. Behind him the door swung back and forth and hit him in the back, pitching him forward. Brian grabbed onto Justin and told him, “Come with me.”

Justin was far too pissed to say a thing and barely acknowledged the puzzled looks from Blake and Hunter as they entered the house. The two of them had been outside shoveling the walkway for him, the only thing that someone had done as he asked that morning.

Brian pulled Justin into the downstairs guest room and slammed the door closed behind them. When Justin began to talk he put his hand over his mouth and shook his head and pushed him toward the bed. When the back of Justin’s legs hit the mattress, Brian dropped to his knees, yanking Justin’s track pants and underwear down his legs as he knelt. He pushed Justin to lie back on the bed, his legs hanging off the edge and he spread them and crawled in between them. Justin’s cock was soft but then Brian swallowed him down and felt it immediately growing in his mouth and throat.

Justin’s breath hitched and then he began breathing heavily, but this time not because he was angry. “Fuck, Brian!” Brian sucked him to an erection so fast that it made his head spin. He felt himself sweating and heard himself moaning, conscious of the fact that their guests could probably hear him, but he didn’t care. Brian was amazing at sucking cock and he wasn’t going to contain his pleasure for anyone. His orgasm came on fast and strong and he was bucking his hips, shooting down Brian’s throat sooner than he liked. He opened his eyes as Brian’s mouth dropped his cock and then Brian, who at some point had lowered his pants, hovered above him. He pushed Justin’s t-shirt up and then shot all over his skin before leaning down and kissing him.

Justin felt like he’d just been on a roller coaster. “You are so good at that.”

Brian kissed and licked away the beads of sweat from Justin’s face and then his hands rubbed his come into skin. “I’ve had a lot of practice,” he spoke breathlessly. He slid down between Justin’s legs again and pulled up Justin’s briefs and tucked his cock inside. “Come on,” he said, offering his sticky hand to help him stand up.

Justin felt all wobbly as he stood and then pulled his pants up. “Thanks, I needed that.”

Brian nodded and pulled his own sweat pants up. “You also need to go back in there and take your fucking party back. You spent all this week printing out a list of the food and a fucking schedule and seating chart for the table and you’re going to use it. This is your party and if they want to be helpful, they’ll be helpful guests, that’s it. Otherwise… they can fuck off.”

Justin’s eyes widened. “I did kind of overreact,” he said, feeling a little guilty for yelling at his mother and friends.

“No, you didn’t.” Brian said. “The reason I didn’t want you to have this fucking party was because I knew that this would happen. I may not know your mother that well but I know Deb, Em and Linds and…”

Justin silenced Brian with a kiss and smiled. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Brian put his hands on Justin’s shoulders and turned him toward the door. “Now, go back in there and stand your ground. They’ll probably be wanting to kiss your ass and listen to whatever you want now that you stood up to them. But this time, don’t run away.”

Justin turned to face Brian. “I can’t.”

“What the fuck? Justin, you can’t just let them…”

“I have your come all over me,” Justin said, lifting his shirt up.

Brian kissed Justin and pulled his body against his. “Wear it proudly, give them some orders and then come upstairs and find me.” He pushed Justin away and opened the door. “Go to it.”

Justin raised a hand to his forehead and grinned, “Aye-aye captain.” Brian smiled at him and Justin, who still felt weak-kneed, had to grab for the door handle to keep himself upright before he gained control of his somersaulting stomach and jumping heart.

***

After Justin took control of the party preparations there was, surprisingly, no more drama that Brian had to deal with. Not the bad kind, anyway. Melanie announced that she was pregnant and so everyone had gathered around her, Lindsay, Blake and Ted and blubbered over them.

Brian wasn’t one of them, but he did offer a cigar to Blake, Ted and Lindsay as his means of congratulations. Justin was another story. He’d said all the right things, acted the right way, but Brian knew something was off about all of it. Perhaps he regretted saying no and now there was no turning back and he felt guilty. Whatever it was that made Justin act funny during the announcement, it faded and soon he was back to being a happy host and passing out his and Brian’s gifts to the gang.

Dessert was served after everyone opened their presents, an idea Brian thought should’ve always been part of the tradition because it gave everyone time for their dinner to digest. Justin sat beside him, telling everyone about some movie he wanted to see, periodically feeding him bites of the sinfully delicious peppermint cheesecake he’d baked. Brian was content to let Justin talk and just sit there listening to him, his voice causing him to relax to the point of him feeling like he could fall asleep.

With Justin around, no one questioned why he didn’t talk or participate in whatever discussion they were having. He’d give his opinion if it was asked or if he wanted to say something, but he preferred to just let Justin talk as much as he wanted while he listened. It occurred to him suddenly that this was actually the best Christmas he’d ever had. No one bitched at him about being late for dinner; no one made jokes in front of Gus about his tricking, there were no pitying looks directed his way when everyone paired off for party games. Every five minutes Debbie didn’t demand that he eat more, Mikey didn’t follow him outside for his after dinner cigarette to fake commiseration about the family scene with him, Lindsay didn’t bitch about him and Ted talking about business all night; they hadn’t even discussed Exhibition once.

Everyone just let him be… with Justin.

With Justin, everything was better.

It took Brian a second before he realized he was squeezing Justin closer to him. Justin’s words trailed off as he turned to look at him and Brian stared at him, wanting to say so much but the only words he could get out were soft and spoken in Justin’s ear so quiet no one else could hear them, “Thank you.”

***

“Your skin tastes like cookies,” Brian mumbled, nipping along Justin’s neck.

Justin laughed and pushed Brian onto his back. “It does not,” he said, moving to straddle him.

Brian leaned up on his elbows and licked across Justin’s pec. “Yup, you’ve been eating cookies and cookie dough for three days straight,” he teased, “you’re officially a sugar cookie.”

“Aww, don’t tell me you’re changing your pet name for me from Sunshine to Sugar or Cookie?” Justin joked, grinning brightly.

“Not a chance, Sunshine,” Brian said.

Justin slid his ass over Brian’s slick cock and when he felt the tip brush against his hole he stilled his movements and the air around them seemed to grow thicker. The playful atmosphere changed instantly and he moved his ass to feel it again, this time he felt a warm spill of pre-come against his hole and it made his whole body quake.

Brian sat up and gripped Justin’s hips tightly. “Stop.”

Justin closed his eyes and sagged against Brian’s chest. “I want it.”

Brian shivered and his dick leaked more pre-come against Justin’s silky hole. He scooted back against the pillows and pushed Justin down away from his cock. “Justin...” he warned, “don’t say shit like that.”

Justin moved and straddled Brian backwards so that his ass was right in front of Brian’s face. “Look,” he demanded. He placed his head on Brian’s thigh as he reached back and spread himself open. “Your come is right there, it’s probably inside me already.” He drew one finger through the sticky liquid and pushed against his entrance.

Brian grabbed Justin’s wrist and stopped him from pushing his finger inside of himself. “Stop.” He was horny but his anger and frustration was trumping his sexual libido at the moment and he had no choice but to push Justin away from him.

Justin flopped around on the bed and groaned into the sheets, “I hate this!”

Brian sighed and tried to get his annoyance under control before he replied, “This is your life.”

Justin whipped around and faced Brian. “I know this is my life, I don’t need you to remind me.”

Brian gripped Justin’s arm and pulled him closer. “Fucking raw isn’t something we’re going to suddenly decide to do,” he told him. Yeah, they’d been talking about it for months now… but they weren’t going to just do it without preparing for it.

“Don’t you want to fuck me?” Justin asked, irritated.

Brian gave Justin a ‘duh’ expression. “I’ve always wanted to fuck you, since the first moment I saw you,” he admitted. “But... fucking raw, that goes beyond just fucking. You know that.”

Justin straddled Brian’s waist and rubbed his cock up against the man’s abs. “Please,” he whispered, dipping his head down to lick Brian’s throat. “I’m ready. I know that I want it. I know that I want it to be you.”

Brian squeezed his eyes shut and fought against his desires. “You don’t know.”

Justin reached back and gripped Brian’s cock and brushed it against his hole again. “Please?”

Brian flipped Justin onto his back and pinned his hands to the mattress. “You want me to fuck you bareback?”

Justin arched his back and wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist, “Yes.” He humped against him, in turn sliding Brian’s erection up and down the crack of his ass.

Brian kissed Justin hungrily while pulling at his long strands of his hair. “You want me to come inside your tight little hole?” he whispered.

“Yes, do it,” Justin moaned.

Brian released Justin’s hands and pushed Justin’s hips down onto the bed. “You stupid fucking twat,” he grit out between clenched teeth. “Never let anyone fuck you raw.”

Justin froze and dropped his legs to the bed. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he demanded. “You are not just anyone! It’s different with us, it’s different with me! All I’ll ever have is raw sex. What the fuck, Brian?” He struggled to pull himself out from under Brian’s body and glared at him. “What the fuck is your problem? You know that, eventually, if you want to fuck me that we’ll be fucking raw.”

“You said you wouldn’t lose your virginity to a man you didn’t intend to marry,” Brian said. “Do you really think I’m that man?”

Justin rolled his eyes and huffed, “Shut the fuck up. You know that I do or I wouldn’t say it.”

“Yeah? You sure that’s not just your ass talking?”

Justin winced at the crude pun. “I know that I trust you. Why isn’t that enough?”

“Because we made a deal,” Brian told him. “Six months before we’d talk about this again.”

“But you already admitted that you want me in your future,” Justin said, confused. “Why do we have to wait if I’m ready and you’re ready? I know we’re both clean. You haven’t been fucking anyone else, have you?”

Brian shook his head. “I haven’t been fucking anyone and you fucking know that and I’m getting really tired of having to remind you of it.”

“I’m sorry. But, you know I wasn’t seriously asking you,” Justin said. “I trust you, so I don’t see why we can’t do it. After three months, if we’re clean, then there really isn’t a risk and it’s been more than that. We’re only weeks away from it being six months.”

“Waiting six months wasn’t just because of STDs,” Brian told him. “It’s because I need that time because... as much as I want you… We both need that time whether you can see it or not.” Brian had practically told Justin that if he wanted to marry him he had to be the one to ask. He wanted Justin to be so sure about them that he would be the one to take that risk and be the one to ask him. Hadn’t he made that clear?

Tears brimmed in Justin’s eyes and he asked, “Why can’t I be normal?”

Brian pulled Justin on top of him and held him close. “If you were... if you were able to fuck anyone, you’d still have those rules about your virginity, wouldn’t you?”

“Sometimes I don’t know,” Justin honestly admitted. “A lot of the reason that I want to marry the man I lose my virginity to is because... because I’m afraid that I’ll know how amazing it is to have sex and then if things don’t work out, I’ll have to lose that and start all over. I want that man to be someone who I trust will be with me forever.”

Brian kissed the side of Justin’s forehead and gulped a few times. “Do you trust that will be me when we haven’t known one another even a whole year? Would you trust that if you weren’t hard and horny?”

Justin propped himself up on his arms. “Brian, I’ve never felt the way I do about you with anyone else.”

“But you haven’t been with anyone else.”

“Neither have you, not really,” Justin said. “Can you imagine there being anyone but me?”

Brian shook his head and gripped Justin’s ass in his hands and told him, “This isn’t only about me wanting your ass. You know that. If it was, I’d be a bastard and take you up on it and fuck you right now. This isn’t a decision we should make when we’re naked.”

“Just a few weeks and it will be six months,” Justin said, kissing the corner of Brian’s lips, accepting that tonight would not be the night.

“We’ll revisit the conversation then and maybe that will be time then or maybe it won’t, but right now...” he reached over and grabbed the book from the nightstand and handed it to Justin. “Pick something out.”

Justin sat up and reluctantly took the book. “When you do fuck me, we’re never using this again,” he said, flipping through the pages. “You’re going to teach me everything.”

Brian nodded and knew that if that time came, he would be as much a student as a teacher.

TBC in Chapter 12