***

Brian wasn’t sure what test results he was more nervous about receiving. Two weeks ago he’d had the initial cancer screening and today his doctor had given him the good news that he was still cancer free. He walked out of the appointment completely cleared of cancer and all STDs, he couldn’t have felt better, even if he’d only gotten three hours of sleep the night before. He was ready to celebrate with Gus and Justin and when Justin texted, asking if he was up to go to a museum, he agreed with enthusiasm.

Brian and Justin spent the afternoon with Gus at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History. Gus had recently become obsessed with Dinosaurs, so most of their time was spent viewing the dinosaur exhibits but they enjoyed it almost as much as Gus. Gus was an endless ball of energy and Justin felt completely carefree when he was with him. Knowing that Brian was clean and perfectly healthy made the day even better. He told himself that all the fears he had yesterday were unfounded and focused on having fun with Brian and Gus.

The bubble it seemed they’d been inside all afternoon lasted for the drive home. Brian pulled up beside him in the garage and when Justin looked at Brian’s face, the bubble suddenly burst and he felt like was going to have a panic attack. Brian didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong with him, because his mood didn’t shift at all once they were inside and divesting themselves of their winter coats.

“How many days do we have?” Brian asked, coming up behind Justin and wrapping him in his arms while licking his neck. “Ten?” His hands splayed over Justin’s torso and moved lower while he ground his erection against Justin’s ass. He separated their bodies and grabbed Justin’s hand, pulling him toward the living room.

Justin stumbled after Brian and tried to think of a way to start the conversation as he was led into the living room and pushed down onto the sofa. Brian stepped away and began loosening his tie, his eyes filled with lust as he looked down at him.

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next ten days,” Brian admitted. He pushed his suit jacket off his arms which revealed the shirt that was Justin’s favorite.

Justin took the opening and asked, “What if we didn’t have to wait?”

Brian grinned deviously and shook his head while slipping his tie off and throwing it to Justin. “I’m going to tie you up with that.”

Justin picked up the silk tie and placed it beside him and noticed that his hands were shaking and then realized his whole body was. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

Brian nodded and began opening the buttons on his shirt. “I heard you,” he said. “But I’ve waited six months… fuck, I’ve waited longer than that. I can wait to fuck you.” He laughed as he slipped the shirt off and went for his belt. “Or maybe I should tie you up with this?”

Justin blinked slowly. “Do you really think there’s a difference? I mean, would you have fucked me six months ago if you could’ve?”

“Of course.” Brian dropped his pants to the floor, revealing his very tight black briefs. He walked over to Justin, straddled his legs and sat in his lap. He leaned in, kissed his jaw and told him, “I like the idea of having a virgin bride in my bed on our wedding night.” He laughed, throwing his head back. “Who would’ve thought that me, Brian Kinney, would be monogamous for the last six months and would be marrying a man I’ve never fucked? Not me, that’s for fucking sure.” He pushed his lips against Justin’s, but pulled away when he got no reaction from him. Brian stared at Justin curiously, “What’s going on?” He moved his ass over Justin’s clothed crotch. “Why aren’t you hard? We haven’t had sex in over twenty-four hours. Don’t tell me you jerked off all night and have nothing left.”

“No,” Justin said and gently pushed Brian off him and onto the sofa cushion beside him. “I didn’t jerk off at all. I was too tired.”

“Then what’s the excuse now? I know you slept in and…”

“I think we should call off the wedding,” Justin interrupted and looked away from Brian.

Brian released a gulp. “We haven’t even told anyone but the officiant that we’re getting married. I don’t think it’s officially on yet.”

“I know,” Justin said and chanced a look at Brian. “But maybe that’s best.”

“What. Is. Going. On?” Brian demanded.

Justin felt like he was drowning and tried to get up from the sofa, but Brian’s hand shot out and pulled him back down. “Let me go,” Justin pleaded.

“Fuck that! You tell me you want to call off the wedding ten fucking days before we do it and you’re just going to run off and not talk to me about it? I’m not running from this conversation and you can’t either, so tell me exactly why you don’t want to marry me.”

“I want to marry you! But… are you marrying me so that you can fuck me?” Justin asked.

“Of course, that’s a big fucking part of it! I’ve never gone this long without sex, but the wait will be worth it. But if we had to go on non-fucking for the rest of our lives I’d fucking do that for you.”

Justin shook his head and tears brimmed in his eyes. “Don’t you understand? That just makes this worse.”

“Making what worse?” Brian said. “You’re really freaking me out here. All day you’ve been all sunshine and rainbows and we get home and you spring this shit on me! I don’t know what the fuck happened. Was it the talk about me tying you up or…”

“No, it wasn’t that,” Justin said. “You know that I like that. Christ, that is no reason for us to call off the wedding.”

“Then tell me what the fuck reason you’ve come up with?” Brian said in a softer tone.

“This whole time… the last six months… Shit. I… I… Brian, all the things I’ve thought about relationships and sex… ever since I knew what sex and love was, I think it’s changed. I just don’t know how I feel about them anymore.”

“You are second-guessing marriage after you fucking proposed to me and I said yes?” Brian asked in disbelief. “You don’t know if you love me or if you want to marry me?”

“No! I do love you,” Justin gave up on trying to control his tears and let himself cry. “I love you so much and I do want to marry you but I don’t know if you’ll want to marry me once I tell you what I have to tell you.”

Brian pulled Justin closer and looked into his eyes. “Listen, you’ve gotten cold feet, that’s okay. We don’t have to do it now or ever if you don’t want to if you’re not ready.”

“I am ready,” Justin said passionately. “There’s no one else I love but you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Then nothing is going to stop me from marrying you. So whatever it is you think that will, just fucking tell me…” Brian hugged Justin tightly and spoke in his ear, “I love you.” He pulled away a little and said in a broken whisper, “I love you.”

Justin’s heart dropped into his stomach. Brian looked so vulnerable and open and he had spoken the words to him, he’d given him everything now and Justin wasn’t sure if it would be enough to keep him. “We can use condoms,” he said. He felt Brian’s hands tense and then slowly slip from his back. “This whole time, we could’ve been using condoms and we could’ve been having sex. I’m not allergic to the polyisoprene condoms that don’t have the additive chemicals. I thought I was allergic to all of them, but it was just an ingredient in most of the brands, but my doctor….”

“What the fuck?” Brian interrupted and backed away from Justin. “How the fuck did you find this out? When did you find this out?”

“Yesterday, at my appointment. When I told my doctor that wanted to have an oral HIV test, he asked me if it was because I’d had unprotected sex. We’d just gotten through talking about my fiber, chemical, drug and food allergies. So I didn’t understand why he asked me that. I told him that I hadn’t had sex yet because I was waiting until I found the person I knew I could trust to have sex with unprotected. Then he asked me why I was against using condoms. I was so confused and started reminding him that, of course I wasn’t against them, that I wished I could wear one or my partner could so that we could have safe sex, but that obviously, with my allergy, I couldn’t. That’s when he told me that it was a chemical additive in the polyisoprene that I was allergic to and that not all brands had those chemicals and he thought he’d explained that to me when we first realized I had a latex allergy.”

Brian stared at Justin, his mind running over everything Justin had said to him. For a second, he’d actually considered that Justin was lying and had lied to him about being allergic to condoms in the first place just so that he could ploy Brian into being monogamous. But that was a fleeting thought because Brian knew deep down that Justin would never do anything like that. Seeing how upset Justin was over this made it apparent that he was just as shocked by this information. Brian scooted closer and reached out to touch Justin’s cheek, wiping his tears away. “It doesn’t matter, we’re going ahead with our future the same way we were before you found out we could use condoms.”

“But… but Brian, even if we got married, you could still trick and…”

“And be unfaithful to you?” Brian interrupted, shaking his head slowly. “Isn’t fidelity something you want that has nothing to do with whether or not you can fuck raw? Has your opinion changed on that or do you just think it should change because you are worried about what I think? Be honest.”

“No,” Justin said, knowing it was how he felt, it was what he wanted. “I want my partner to be faithful to me.”

“And I have been,” Brian said. “So why, if we’re getting married, would I be unfaithful to my husband? Do you think you would want to be unfaithful to me?”

“No, never,” Justin said adamantly. “I just want you to be happy.”

“Where have you been the last nine months?” Brian asked. “I’m fucking happier than I ever have been.”

“But we could still use them, if that would make you feel better.”

Brian pulled Justin into a hug and kissed his hair. “We’re not using those condoms, they’re not that safe. With all your damn allergies I wouldn’t doubt that one day you’d develop an allergy to them. I’m not taking any chances. I might want to fuck you within an inch of your life, but I’m certainly not going to risk fucking you to death. I trust you and you trust me, That’s good enough for me.”

“Really?” Justin asked, wrapping his arms tightly around Brian. He rubbed his face against Brian’s chest and heard the man’s heart beating loudly against his ear.

“Yeah, really. So no more freaking out, I can’t wait to feel you from the inside but that isn’t why we’re doing this, is it?”

“No,” Justin said and looked up at Brian. “I want to marry you because I love you and you’re who I want to be with.”

Brian leaned down and gave Justin a gentle kiss. “Me too.” He kissed him again and again until he felt all the tension released from Justin’s body. He had made a promise to marry Justin, to be monogamous to him. Nothing was going to make him break that promise.

***

Gus opened the front door, walked inside and yelled, “Daddy, we’re here!”

Lindsay stayed just outside. “Gus, you should always knock and wait for them to answer.”

Gus looked at his mother over his shoulder. “I don’t have to knock,” he said, “this is my house too.”

“That’s right,” Justin said, as he walked down the stairs. “We left the door open for you. Come in, Lindsay.”

Brian entered the foyer from the living room and grumbled, “And for Christ sakes, Linds, shut the door, you’re letting all the cold air in.”

“Hi to you too, Brian,” Lindsay said, kicking the door shut behind her.

“I’ll take your coats,” Justin offered, helping Gus with his.

“I can’t stay for very long,” Lindsay said. “Mel and I are meeting Ted and Blake for dinner.”

“Cause they’re the baby’s daddies,” Gus said.

Brian laughed. “Oh, I’d love to hear Mel’s reaction if she heard you call them that, sonny boy.”

“Why?” Gus asked. “That’s what they are.” He pointed to Brian and Justin. “That’s what you are too, right? Or…” he paused and rubbed his chin, “do I have to wait ‘till you’re married to have two daddies?” He looked at Justin. “When can I call you Dad, too?”

Justin felt like he’d just been told he was going to have his art on permanent display at the Louvre… or, quite possibly he felt even happier than that. Still, he couldn’t get too excited; he had to know what Brian thought of this before he said a word. Even if Brian said they could share Gus, he didn’t necessarily mean that they could share the title, did he?

“Yes, Justin,” Lindsay said, clearly amused, “when can Gus call you Dad?”

Brian saw the stunned happiness on Justin face change to apprehension and he immediately wanted to put a stop to it. “I suppose you can start tonight,” he told Gus. Sure, it was a little weird… sharing a kid with Justin, but he’d been doing it with Melanie for years and nothing could be weirder than that.

“All right!” Gus cheered and ran to hug Justin. “Hi, Dad!”

“Hi, Gus,” Justin spoke with emotion. He laughed joyously and picked Gus up and spun him around.

“Hey wait!” Gus said. “Put me down.”

“There you go.” Justin placed Gus on his feet and watched as the boy ran into the living room, stopped shortly and then ran back to them.

“Why isn’t my tent set up?” Gus asked.

“We have a surprise for you,” Brian told Gus.

“Oooh! Is it a new tent?” Gus asked.

“No, it isn’t,” Justin said. “But I think you’ll like this surprise even better.”

“Can I see it? Can I see it?” Gus asked, bouncing up and down.

“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Lindsay said.

“But aren’t you gonna see it too?” Gus asked.

“I already have,” Lindsay told him. “Justin showed me a picture.” She gave Gus a kiss. “You be good. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy,” Gus said, clearly focused only on his surprise and not his mother’s departure.

Brian saw Lindsay out with a kiss on the cheek and turned to Gus. “So, you ready for your surprise?”

“Yes!” Gus’ cheer echoed around the foyer. “Where is it?”

“Upstairs,” Justin said, feeling just as giddy as Gus. “Come on.” He took his hand and led him up the staircase, Brian trailing behind them until they stopped in front of a door at the top of the staircase. “This is your surprise,” Justin said.

Gus stared at the wooden door and then looked up at Brian. “Dada, you got me a door?”

Justin laughed. “Is that the surprise, Brian?”

“Technically, Justin bought you the door,” Brian said.

“Technically, Monday morning your name will be on the mortgage too,” Justin said.

“Dads!”

“Your surprise is behind the door,” Justin said, ruffling Gus’s hair.

“Go on, open the door, Gus,” Brian encouraged.

Gus opened the door and slowly stepped inside. “Whose room is this?” he asked, his voice filled with awe as he looked around the room.

“Is that your name painted above the bed?” Brian asked.

Gus looked around and his eyes landed on his name, three of his favorite dinosaurs were positioned so they spelled the letters of his name. “It does say Gus!”

“That’s right,” Justin said. “Do you like it?”

“I love it!” Gus made a running leap and landed on his bed and began to bounce. “This is mine! All mine!”

“Yes, it is,” Brian affirmed, his son’s excitement affecting him. This secret room that Justin had created for Gus, even when they hadn’t been together, it was everything Brian could’ve ever wanted in his home for his son, correction, their son.

“So do you think spending the night in your own room might be a little bit better than sleeping in a tent in the living room?” Justin asked.

“Ohhh yeah!” Gus said, scrambling off the bed when his eyes caught sight of the three large toy boxes across the room. Each one was filled to the brim, the tops held open by dozens of brand new toys. Most of the toys and the clothes (not that Gus would care about them yet) were Brian’s contribution to the room.

“How long do you think will those keep him occupied?” Brian whispered, wrapping his arm around Justin’s waist and placing open mouth kisses along the back of his neck.

“Dads, come on, come play with me,” Gus said, dragging a large dinosaur out of the box. “We can play for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours!”

Justin chuckled and extracted himself from Brian’s hold and asked him, “You didn’t actually think it’d be that easy, did you?”

***

Emmett dabbed at the sweat on his brow with a handkerchief as he looked at Brian’s ensemble. “Something is missing.”

Brian turned from side to side and disagreed. “I look perfect.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “I’m sure Justin thinks so.”

Brian raised one eyebrow questioningly, “And you don’t?”

“Oh, shut up,” Michael said. He handed Brian one of the glasses of whiskey he’d poured. “Actually… now that Em mentioned it, you are missing something.”

“The boutonniere!” Emmett shouted. “Where is it?”

“Calm down, Honeycutt,” Brian quipped. He drank his glass of whiskey in one gulp. “Jennifer ran to the store to buy some safety pins; she’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Okay then, I’m going to give the officiant your vows,” Emmett said. “If you need anything…”

“Em, I’ll be fine,” Brian said. He put his hands on Emmett’s shoulders and stared down at him. “It’s time to relax now, everything is done. You’re not the wedding planner today.”

“I’m just not used to be only the guest,” Emmett said. He picked up the envelope with the vows inside. “Just this and then I’ll take my seat and be a guest just like everyone else.”

“Okay,” Brian agreed. It wasn’t like he cared who brought the officiant the vows.

Michael started giggling the moment Emmett left the room. “He’s never going to forgive you for not letting him plan this. I think he might be more stressed out because he didn’t.”

“Some people should learn to give up control every now and then,” Brian said.

Michael laughed harder. “Oh, that’s rich, coming from you.”

Brian shrugged. “I’ve been known to give up control every now and then.”

“Yeah, once a decade,” Michael quipped. He downed the rest of his whiskey and held the glass bottle up. “Want another?”

“Nah, I don’t need it.”

“You’re surprisingly calm,” Michael observed.

Brian sat down on the leather sofa. “It’s not like it’d do me any good to be freaking out.”

“True,” Michael said, and joined Brian on the sofa. “So you’re sure you don’t have cold feet?”

“The library does have a draft,” Brian teased, “but nope, toes are warm.”

“I’ll be nervous for us both,” Michael said.

“Why the fuck would you be nervous? It’s not like I’m going to make you give a ‘best man’ speech, even if you put me through that bullshit at your wedding.”

“Oh shut up, you love making speeches.”

“Yeah, because I get paid for it,” Brian said. “So, why are you nervous?”

“I guess it’s just a shock, you know?”

“You’re shocked and yet you’re one of the only people who knew this would be a possibility,” Brian said.

“I think everyone else was just so surprised when you and Justin announced you were getting married and then they all started helping you plan it that they haven’t had a moment to really think about how shocking it actually is. Probably a month or two from now, you guys will be having dinner at Ma’s and it’ll actually hit her that you, Brian Kinney, are married!”

“Are you saying that you think me and Justin are in shock too? That if we gave ourselves some time to think about it, we’d wait to get married?”

“Oh no, not at all,” Michael assured. “Like you said, I knew this might be a possibility for a while, you and Justin knew it too so of course you’re not in shock, you’re just… happy. Right?”

Brian nodded. “Or crazy.”

“Probably that too,” Michael said. “But I know you love him and I know you want to… you know…”

“Fuck him?” Brian asked and laughed. “Has married life made you a prude and suddenly you can’t say ‘fuck’?”

“No, it’s just… I would’ve used the words ‘making love raw’ since it is your wedding night and then you would’ve probably thrown up on your Gucci loafers and I never would’ve heard the end of it, so no, I didn’t say that.”

Brian was silent for a minute. “Maybe you wouldn’t have been wrong to use those words,” he said quietly.

“I don’t think I’m nervous for you anymore,” Michael replied, just as quiet. “I bet you’re really looking forward to tonight,” he spoke in a far off tone. “Will you tell me what it’s like?”

“I’m not going to give you details about me and Justin,” Brian said.

“No, just… you know, tell me if it feels different?”

Brian turned and stared at Michael. “Mikey, do you love Ben?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then it isn’t going to feel any different for me and Justin.”

“Of course it will,” Michael said. “You’re not going to be using condoms.”

“Listen, I’m going to tell you something but you can’t breathe a fucking word of it, all right?”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Ted and Blake, they’ve been having sex raw for a while.”

“He told you that?”

“It sort of came out and I know he doesn’t want anyone making a big deal about it, all right?”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Michael said. “It’s just weird that he’d share that with you and not…” Michael sighed. “Oh, it’s because I’ll never have that with Ben.”

“He told me that it wasn’t any different,” Brian lied. Michael was his best friend and he didn’t want him to always be thinking that he and Justin had something that he and Ben could never have. He just couldn’t do that to him. “He said that the only difference is that he can get hard again and keep on fucking him, that’s it. Condoms are so thin there really isn’t a difference of what it feels like.”

“That’s it?” Michael asked, doubtfully. “Then why do so many men want to do it?”

“Fuck if I know,” Brian said lightly. “If Justin weren’t allergic to condoms and we were married and monogamous we’d still use them.”

“But why?”

“It saves on the dry cleaning bill,” Brian said. “Plus, it’s not very PC if you like to fuck in public.”

Michael laughed and sighed as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “When you put it that way, I guess we’re not really missing much.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Brian said and gave Michael a one-armed hug.

There was a short knock on the door and Jennifer popped her head in, “Can I come in?”

Brian stood up and gestured her inside and told Michael, “Go make sure Emmett isn’t trying to take over anything else, will you?”

“Yup, see you in a few minutes,” Michael said and kissed Brian’s cheek before leaving.

Jennifer walked over with the pins and boutonniere. “Would you like me to put it on you?”

“If you’d like, Mother Taylor,” Brian quipped and smirked.

Jennifer smiled and began to pin the flowers to Brian’s tux. “I’m glad you’re going to be my son in law.”

Brian had just about had his fill of sentimental conversations, but he figured he owed Jennifer this one. She’s been a damn good mother to Justin. “Me too.”

Jennifer fixed Brian’s tie and then stepped back. “I was scared for him,” she said. “Scared that he’d never meet anyone who he could trust, who would want to be with only him. I wasn’t ignorant to the gay lifestyle, naïve, sure, but it isn’t only gay men who sleep around, you know.”

“I’d never put him in danger,” Brian said.

“I know,” Jennifer said. “Last night, Justin told me about his visit to the doctor’s office and he told me that you still don’t plan on using condoms. I overheard a little bit of your conversation with Michael.”

Brian shook his head. “You were eavesdropping on us?”

Jennifer blushed. “I’m sorry, I was about to knock when I heard Justin’s name and I know I shouldn’t have listened but…”

“It’s all right,” Brian said dismissively.

“Why did you lie to him?” she whispered.

“Michael has been in my corner since we were kids,” Brian explained. “He’s dealt with all my bullshit and all my success. He’s the one who encouraged me to get the fuck over myself and go out with Justin. After Justin told me about his views on relationships and why he couldn’t have sex until he got married, I was a selfish asshole and I told Michael, because I needed to talk to someone about it. I could’ve gone to Ted or Em or Deb or fucking Carl, but I went to him and not until I was done ranting and let him have his say did I realize how badly he wanted what… at the time, I wasn’t sure I wanted. It’s something he and Ben will never have and I hurt him.”

“But that wasn’t your fault,” Jennifer said soothingly. “You needed to talk to your best friend. That’s what people do.”

“It was about the most insensitive I’ve ever been toward him,” Brian said, “and believe me, that’s saying something because I’ve been a real asshole to him.”

“So you lied to him about the condoms and you told him that he and Ben aren’t missing out on anything?” Jennifer asked. “Do you really believe that?”

“Michael and Ben, whether they could have sex safely without a condom or not, neither one of them are ever going to be with your son, so of course they’re missing out on something.”

Jennifer gave Brian a tight hug. “You’re a good friend, Brian, and that has to be one of the nicest things I’ve ever heard anyone say about Justin.” She stepped back and looked into his eyes. “You really will take care of him and treat him the way he deserves to be treated, won’t you?”

Brian shrugged. “In about twenty minutes from now I’m going to promise to love him, that’s going to have to be enough.”

“It is,” Jennifer said and kissed Brian’s cheek. “I’ll see you at the altar. I’m going to go give Justin his boutonniere.”

As Jennifer opened the door to leave the room, Gus came barreling in around her. “Dada! It’s almost time. Can we do it again?”

By that, Gus meant that he wanted to practice his duty as ring bearer. “Sure, buddy.”

“Say it,” Gus said, standing a few feet away from his father.

In a deep voice Brian said, “May I have the rings, please?”

***

Molly’s face crinkled as she looked at herself in the full length mirror. “I still say that I’m too old to be a flower girl.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “I’m not making you wear a traditional flower girl dress.”

“That’s because Brian would never allow anything bought at David’s Bridal in his wedding,” Daphne said.

Justin stuck out his tongue. “I never would’ve allowed that either. Stop frowning, Mollusk. I’m not even making you toss petals down the aisle. If you didn’t want to be in the wedding you could’ve just said no to me.”

“And give up the opportunity to wear this,” Molly said, twirling around in her pale gold dress. “I don’t think so.” She picked up the tin basket that held the bunch of golden gardenias. “I don’t understand why you even need these if I’m not throwing them around.”

“It’s a part of the ceremony,” Justin told her. “You’ll hand the bunch to me when the officiant asks you to.”

“If it was my wedding, I’d want a really pretty flower basket, not this ugly thing,” Molly said. “What is this tin thing, anyway?”

“It’s old, whatever it is,” Daphne said.

“It’s an antique incense burner,” Justin said, “the kind they’d use in churches or something, Brian had it and I thought it’d be perfect.”

“So this is your ‘something old’?” Molly asked.

“My what?” Justin asked, confused.

“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in her shoe,” Daphne recited.

“Oh!” Justin said, cluing in to the tradition. “Hey, I’m not the fucking bride and I’m not a ‘her’!”

“Oh, come on,” Daphne teased, “I know for a fact you’ve got something blue on.”

“What?” Molly asked, looking up and down at Justin’s tuxedo. “Where’s the blue.”

“It’s his underwear,” Daphne revealed. “I saw it when we were getting dressed.”

“Eww! Gross! I don’t want to know what color underwear my brother is wearing!”

“You asked where the blue was,” Daphne said.

Justin fixed his tie and looked at himself in the mirror. “I’m ready.” He looked… like he was getting married. “Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m about to get married.”

“Me neither,” Jennifer said, walking into the room. “Found the pins.”

Justin held out the boutonniere made from golden gardenias and handed it to his mom. “Did you give Brian his?” he asked.

Jennifer nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. “I pinned it on him myself. He’s ready for you, Justin. He’s really ready for you.” She eyed the spot on the lapel of Justin’s tuxedo and pinned it in place, afraid she’d break into tears if she looked Justin in the eyes. “Now, you’re ready for him.”

Justin swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Yes. I am.”

***

It wasn’t anything like Brian expected, actually he told himself not to have any expectations of a personal transformation at all. He knew not to anticipate a feeling that would change something inside of him, something that would make him different once the words were exchanged, or after they shared a kiss to seal the commitment or following their dance to a song that was entirely too fast paced (according to their guests) to be the first song they danced to as a married couple.

The dance, as unromantic the fast-paced punk music could have made the experience, was perfectly, undeniably ridiculously romantic as far as Brian was concerned, not that he’d reveal that to anyone. Falling in love with Justin had been a slow rebellion of his self-imposed nature. Still, if Brian were to pick a single moment, a peak in that time when he absolutely had no choice but to think, ‘I love him’, he knew when that change had come. They were driving, Brian couldn’t recall where, maybe because Justin was doing the driving or maybe because ‘the moment’ took such precedence in his memory that everything else seemed inconsequential.

Justin and his tastes in music were as different from his as they were the same with movies. Brian thought that there was a place for techno (dance clubs and the occasional playlist during sex), and the place for punk rock was nowhere near his ears unless it was the eighties. But Justin was always listening to it and usually it was nothing more than fast-paced annoying sounds that Brian sometimes didn’t mind having on the sex playlist. Playing it while they danced slowly to it at their wedding wasn’t even Justin’s idea. He’d left all punk off the playlist he gave the DJ and which Brian reviewed and then edited, surprising Justin with the song when they were announced and directed to the makeshift dance floor.

And then, Brian held Justin against him, their feet shuffling around, Justin’s body vibrating from excitement, awkwardly out of tune with his own movements but keeping a beat to the music and doing the weird hopping thing he did while listening to it in his studio, alone. Justin danced like a fool and didn’t care who was watching him today, because in Brian’s eyes he appeared happier than he’d ever been in his life and Brian had his undivided attention. Brian definitely watched him, not a moment did his eyes stray to the crowd who silently stood around the dance floor It was just like that day in the car when Justin sang the lyrics to the song, occasionally glancing over at him, his head shaking, body bopping in a way that was entirely too animated for someone who was driving a vehicle at sixty miles per hour. But Brian hadn’t cared, because those lyrics, sung perfectly on key, came from the one man who could actually make Brian believe that a song could be more than just lyrics written for a rhythm, an ex boyfriend or for some other stale reason.

Brian knew what it was to be in love and dancing with Justin at their wedding to a song that made him feel awkward and sublimely happy all at once, that was a rare moment when he would publicly express being in love. The song, ‘International You Day’, was absolutely perfect for them, for today and that’s all Brian cared about. When the song ended, drifting into something much more ‘wedding appropriate’, “strictly as a favor to the guests,” Justin had previously explained, their family and friends joined them on the dance floor. Brian looked around at everyone who was gathered in the living room turned reception room and allowed Justin to catch him off guard. Justin pushed him away, keeping his hand tight on his wrist, spun him around once before he caught him in his arms again and kissed him until neither one of them could breathe. As Brian’s lungs took in the next breath, his head a little fuzzy, cock more than a little hard, he felt different.

Brian knew that marrying Justin might not have made a difference if they remained committed partners, but for a reason he’d never be able to articulate, it also made all the difference in the world.

Whether he’d have to spend a week away from Justin schmoozing clients in London, or Justin was gone for a month travelling for his soon to be exploding art career, they would be more to one another apart than they’d been before today. But that still wasn’t the explanation for how different he felt. There could only ever be one word that might encompass the reason.

Justin.

***

“I really like you,” Justin said, standing beside Brian on the stoop of their home, enthusiastically waving goodbye as their family and friends began to drive off.

Brian took the glass of wine from Justin’s non-waving hand. “I think you’ve had enough, young Taylor.”

“You think so, huh?” Justin asked, turning toward Brian. “I’ve only had two glasses of wine.”

Brian downed the rest of Justin’s glass, his fourth. “You can have more later if you need it.” As Emmett’s car, the last in the parade of vehicles pulled out of their drive, Brian pulled Justin inside with him, shut the door and armed the alarm. He placed the wine glass on the foyer table, not giving a thought to the fact that he’d leave a ring on the surface of the wood. The house would be cleaned and polished top to bottom after they left for their week long honeymoon in Fiji tomorrow afternoon. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

“We can always just wait until we’re in Fiji,” Justin joked, pretended to resist as Brian pulled him toward the staircase.

“No fucking way.”

“Well if you’re in that big of a hurry we could always use ‘the bedroom closest to the garage door’,” Justin offered.

Brian swept Justin into his arms and hauled him up the first step. “Since the moment you showed me those panels with the mirrors above the bed I’ve been wanting to put them to use.”

“We have,” Justin said, dashing up the stairs in front of Brian.

Brian watched Justin’s ass stretching the fabric of his tight pants as he ran ahead of him and thought, ‘I can’t wait to fuck that ass.’ The thought made him stop because he was overcome with the knowledge that the wait was finally over. Every single thing he’d talked about, imagined doing and jerked off to that involved Justin’s ass, would become reality. All right, he admitted to himself, taking off up the stairs after his husband, he would never be able to fuck Justin while also sucking Justin’s dick; he’d never be able to fuck Justin while they were flying mid-air and he’d never be able to fuck Justin in the oval office on live TV (don’t ask). But he was going to do everything else and he was going to savor every second of it and what they couldn’t do tonight, they’d do tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and the day after that and… Well, Brian was sure that in the nine months since knowing Justin he’d come up with enough ways to fuck him that it might take forever to do every single one and that wasn’t factoring in all the things Justin had described wanting to try, fantasizing about and well… it didn’t scratch the surface on Justin fucking him. Forever didn’t sound like long enough and with that thought, Brian caught up with Justin, just inside their bedroom and threw him on their bed.

Justin screeched and giggled as he bounced on the mattress, one hand rubbing over his erection as he stared up at Brian looming beside the bed.

“I’m going to fuck you,” Brian said, his voice raspy. He tossed his suit coat to the floor and his tie was yanked from around his neck a second later.

Justin spread his arms and legs out, happy to be the banquet he was about to become, but he knew he had to get Brian to calm down, at least a little bit. “I think you’ll have to undress me first, husband.”

“I’ll undress you,” Brian said, ripping his own shirt as he pulled it apart.

Justin’s eyes widened and he sat up. “I like this suit too much to damage it and from the look in your eyes I think you might just want to tear my pants down the seam and fuck me through them.”

“Not tonight,” Brian said, breathing heavily, “but I’ll remember that one for another time.”

Justin got up on his knees and crawled toward Brian. Brian’s hands were shaking where he was trying to unbuckle his belt so Justin placed his on top of them and stared up at Brian. “Slowly, remember?” he asked, softly. “Let me finish undressing you, Brian.”

Brian was suddenly embarrassed with how he was acting if Justin had to remind him to take things slowly, and he felt ashamed that he didn’t pay attention to how nervous Justin was. He didn’t want to let him down before things even really started. . He held his arms out to the sides and relinquished control to Justin. “Slowly,” he agreed. “I’m all yours.”

Justin relaxed and pressed his face against Brian’s bare stomach as he extracted the hooks on the belt and began to tug it out of the belt loops. He peppered kisses from Brian’s belly button to the waistline of the pants and back again and again until the belt was freed and dropped to the floor.

Brian planned to come once before he fucked Justin, he just didn’t plan to feel on the brink of doing so before his pants had even come off and definitely not before Justin was undressed too. He had to slow things down, but anticipation and desire was consuming him to the point of no return. He realized there was no point in holding back and that it might be a good thing because he needed to be in control of his body when he undressed and then prepared Justin.

After divesting Brian of his pants and briefs, Justin sat back on his heels to properly look at Brian’s beautiful body. He was no less gorgeous than he’d been the first time he saw him naked, but a different thrill accompanied this moment of revealing. His mouth watered as he leaned toward Brian, one of his hands held onto his thigh and with his other he grasped Brian’s cock. “Only mine,” he said, his voice possessive and filled with surging lust. He rubbed the come spilling head against his cheek and then across his lips and whispered, “Mine”, once more before taking his husband’s cock into his mouth.

Brian grasped Justin’s shoulders as his knees slackened the moment Justin’s mouth closed over his cock. “Justin!” he cried out, warning and thanks coupled as he spilled into Justin’s mouth. “Fuck,” he breathed out, pulling his cock from Justin’s mouth and standing upright.

Justin grinned at Brian as he lay back on the bed, once again spreading his arms and legs out. “Now that that’s out of the way” he said, “we can get on with it, slowly.”

***

“Too much?” Brian asked, resting his head against the inside of Justin’s thigh.

Justin looked away from the ceiling mirror and back down at Brian. There was a little pain, he’d never had three fingers inside of him, but he knew that Brian’s cock would feel much bigger. “I’ll get used to it, just don’t move them yet.”

Brian kept his left hand still but moved his right hand away from Justin’s belly to his wet cock. He stroked it in a slow rhythm until he was fully erect. “You ready?” he asked.

Justin rested his head back on his pillow and released a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Relax for me,” Brian encouraged. He dropped Justin’s cock and told him, “Stroke yourself.”

Justin grabbed his dick, closed his eyes and began to jerk himself off. He felt a sting when Brian’s fingers slid further inside of him. He tried to focus on the pleasure, on the long fingers rubbing against his prostate, on the hand job he was giving himself but he couldn’t focus and began to tense up.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Brian spoke gently, “take it easy, relax.”

Justin sat up and stared down at Brian, tears in his eyes. “I don’t know how your cock is going to feel inside of me when I can hardly handle your fingers.”

Brian wanted to grab more lube and try again, but he decided against it. “I’m pulling them out now, okay?”

“Okay,” Justin said, collapsing back onto the mattress.

Brian wiped his fingers off on the towel and crawled up the bed to lie on his side facing Justin. “It’s going to be fine,” he told him.

Justin turned on his side and pressed his body against Brian’s, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his head against his chest. “I’m sorry it’s taking so long.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Brian’s hands ran up and down Justin’s back soothingly. “I’m enjoying every second. I just want to make sure you are too.”

Justin lifted his head up and looked at Brian. “For the last two and half hours you’ve been rimming me, sucking my cock, fingering me or jerking me off, all the things we’ve done before. I guess I started tensing up because I realized how patient you’ve been with me and you haven’t gotten any attention at all.”

Brian scooted down so their faces were inches apart and then pressed his mouth against Justin’s, slowly kissing him, which led to them licking and touching and stroking and rolling around on the bed. When he knew that Justin had completely relaxed and, hopefully, forgotten about time entirely, he pinned his hands beside his head and told him, “You should know by now what a voyeur I am. Plus, you know I get off on making you come, hearing you moan and gasp and beg for more. I’m getting enough attention, believe me.”

Justin wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist and told him. “I’m ready now.”

“You sure?” Brian asked.

“Yeah.”

Brian kissed Justin once more, sliding his tongue deep into his mouth and then down his chin, neck, chest and belly as he slithered down Justin’s body.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to preparing you,” Brian said, and grabbed the lube.

“No.” Justin’s legs now rested on top of Brian’s shoulders and he used his heels to stop him from moving further. “I meant that I’m ready for you. I want you inside me.”

“Oh.” Brian looked down at Justin’s entrance, it was still a little open and slick from the lube. He grabbed the lube and flipped the cap open as he crawled back up, pushing Justin’s legs out so they would rest around his waist once again. “If you want me to stop, tell me,” he said, slicking his cock with the lube.

Justin nodded. “Just, kiss me while you push inside.”

Brian threw the lube to the side and leaned over Justin, propping one arm beside his shoulder while he held his dick against the silky folds of Justin’s hole. He whispered, “Take a deep breath and let it out into my mouth.”

“Okay.” Justin sucked in a deep breath and gripped Brian’s shoulders as he felt the spongy head press against his hole. Brian’s lips crushed against his and his air whooshed out of his lungs into Brian’s mouth at the exact moment that he felt Brian push inside of him.

Brian was certain that him being hyper aware of Justin’s virginity had been both a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing, because he kept his mind about him, didn’t push deep inside in one thrust, gave Justin some time to adjust before inching in, gave himself time to adjust and regroup and not come the moment he felt the nearly unbearable tight heat surrounding his cock. It was also a curse because no matter how many times he’d fingered Justin before or how long he’d fingered him tonight, it didn’t seem to have made a difference. Justin’s ass clamped so tightly around his cock that even the best oil-based lube on the market wasn’t slick enough to allow for the smooth, pain free experience he wanted to give Justin.

Brian kissed Justin, small tongue kisses that allowed him to breathe, to grunt and whimper into his mouth as he pushed little by little all the way inside the tightest, hottest place he’d ever been. His heart was beating fast, trying to keep up with the blood flow his cock was demanding. The feeling of being inside of Justin didn’t end at the base of his cock; it travelled into every nerve his body had and he would’ve blacked out from the intense pleasure he was feeling if he wasn’t constantly telling himself to keep his eyes open, to keep control and watch Justin. To please Justin first.

Justin’s back bowed in pleasure as he felt Brian’s balls press against his ass and his cock, stretching him and filling him, setting his body on fire with brand new enlightenment. He’d waited a long time for this and as the foreign sensations and the pain diminished, he looked at Brian’s face and knew that nothing had been a mistake. This moment, these feelings and the all consuming love he felt for Brian was returned to him, in Brian’s dark eyes, as they watched him; in the rapturous expression on Brian’s face and with his cock, which now joined them together deep inside in a place that Justin was certain had been made just for Brian. He stopped gripping Brian’s shoulders, instead moving them around his back and pulling Brian’s weight down till it rested completely on top of him. He arched his back, pressing as close as possible to Brian’s body as a wave of unlimited pleasure uncurled from the place where they met inside. “I love you,” he spoke into Brian’s ear. “Now show me what you’ve waited months to show me.”

Brian lifted his head and moved his arms back to support himself beside Justin and stared down at his husband. He slowly moved his hips back, his cock gently pulling out, just a little bit. It was all he could do to not just stay there inside him. “I don’t know what to show you,” he said, laughing in shock, “this is all completely new to me.”

***

Brian pretended that he wasn’t cuddling Justin. He did this by occasionally placing a kiss on his chest and called it ‘foreplay’, as Justin idly ran his fingers through his hair, recounting his favorite moments over the last couple of hours with dirty details that made Brian’s sore cock even sorer when it tried to sport an erection without his consent. He didn’t care though. He liked listening to Justin’s raspy voice retell the events, because whenever he needed to jerk off alone, these words and scenes would be what played in his head.

Justin shifted a little, moving Brian’s head higher up on his chest. “There.”

Brian looked up. “I’m too heavy. I do have a pillow so…”

Justin held Brian’s head against his chest. “I like you where you are. No matter how I lie tonight, my ass is going to feel sore.”

“Too much?” Brian asked, hesitantly.

“I’ll get used to it,” Justin said, “but will you?”

Brian Kinney had never been fucked twice in the same day and definitely not right in a row, but he’d also never had Justin Taylor fuck him before. He wasn’t even sure that Justin had learned a thing about technique from him because he came up with ways to move his hips and cock that Brian didn’t even know. “I’ll manage.”

“You know it’s going to suck being on a plane in,” Justin glanced at the clock, “eleven hours.”

“Then we should get some sleep,” Brian said, pulling away from Justin and lying on his pillow.

Justin scooted close to Brian and pressed his body against the side of Brian’s. “We fit together perfectly,” he said, “our bodies, no matter what position we put them in.”

Brian silently agreed. “Was it all you imagined?”

Justin grinned against Brian’s bicep and kissed it. “And more. There’s something I’ve been waiting to tell you and I think now that we’ve been properly joined…”

“You don’t want to hyphenate our names, do you?” Brian asked.

Justin hadn’t thought about that before, they’d gotten married so quickly that hadn’t even been a thought. “Uh, no. Why? Are you against me tacking on Kinney at the end of Taylor?”

Brian thought about it and figured that maybe it wasn’t so bad. “Would I have to tack on Taylor at the end of Kinney?”

“No, I think Taylor-Kinney sounds good but Kinney-Taylor, I just don’t think it has the same ring to it. But anyway, that’s not what I was going to say to you.”

“I’m listening,” Brian said and yawned. “What about our joining?”

“Well, you know how this estate…”

“Mansion.”

“Manor,” Justin continued, “whatever. You know how I said it needs a name?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I came up with one. Britin. It’s a joining of our names which now that we’ve joined in every other way possible, it makes even more sense.”

“You want to call the house Britin?” Brian scoffed. “That’s really cheesy, even for you.”

Justin jabbed Brian in his ribs and began to tickle him. “I am not cheesy.” He quickly slipped on top of Brian and straddled him, pinning the tired man’s arms to the mattress. “Now, what do you say to one more joining?”

Brian’s cock was already up; sore, but up, because Justin’s ass was rubbing all over it. “You’re sure you’re up for that?”

Justin bent down and kissed Brian, tasting the things they’d done on his tongue. “I’m always going to be up for it. I’ve got a lot of time to make up for and thousands of things I want to try.” He leaned back, spit on his hand and began to slick Brian’s cock with his spit and precome.

Brian put his hand on Justin’s wrist when he grabbed his cock. “Get the lube.”

“Don’t need it,” Justin said. “I doubt that you were actually able to lick it all out.”

“Ahhh, fuck,” Brian groaned in equal parts pain and pleasure as Justin’s tight heat swallowed his sensitive cock.

Justin seated himself completely on Brian and began to stroke his dick as he began to ride him. “This was one of my favorite fantasies.”

“Now it’s reality,” Brian said, fingers digging into Justin’s hips.

“All of my dreams have become reality since I met you, Brian.”

Brian wasn’t going to reply with a cheesy sentiment. He’d said enough to Justin and he was sure that Justin was on to him and knew just by looking at him that he felt the same way. Still, sometimes words didn’t hurt and it was their wedding night so he allowed himself a moment of confession, “I love you, Justin.”

Justin laughed and bent to kiss Brian. “Because your cock is in my ass?”

“That too,” Brian said. That was the thing about Justin. He had this way of making Brian not regret any of the sentimental things he did or said. Brian knew that it wasn’t just their bodies that fit together perfectly.

They would fight about stupid things; they would never agree on music, they would remain opposites on all the things that didn’t matter so that in the things that needed to matter the most, their unyielding determination and passion would be what kept them fitting together.

That meant everything.

The End