Credence

Chapter 9: “Throw me a line, so I can anchor my pain”

Things keep coming and I keep wondering

I start feeling the walls close in

Things keep coming and I keep stumbling

I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Carry on just a pawn and the same old song

I'm still holding on

The fabric is about to fray ~Selected Lyrics taken from “Strong Enough To Break” ~Hanson

October

“So what do you need help with?” Trent joked, gazing at the mountain of kitchen utensils and appliance boxes on the island counter top.

Justin defended his purchases, “I had to buy stuff to fill up all these cabinets.”

“So you won’t be having a house warming party then?” Daphne huffed.

“I hadn’t thought about having one. But if I do, it’ll be a while. I still have most of the house to decorate.”

“You should have a pool party,” Trent suggested.

Justin shrugged. “A pool party in November?”

“You do have an indoor pool,” Trent reminded him.

“You could have a fun luau theme,” Daphne added excitedly.

“Between work, working on the comic with Michael and furnishing the house, I don’t think I’m going to have time to plan some big party. I was thinking a small dinner or something,” Justin said.

“If you really think it’s going to take a while to furnish your mansion, you should just hire a decorator,” Trent said.

“No way,” Justin said. “I want to do this on my own. I don’t want this place to like a showroom or something. I want each and every room to reflectme, not what someone else thinks is style. I don’t care if it takes me until next year to have it finished, not that it will, but the housewarming party isn’t at the top of my list.”

“You could always hire Emmett,” Daphne said. “Then you wouldn’t have to worry about it and you’ll have all the free time you want to spend with Brian.”

“That’s why it’s going to take so long for you to get this place furnished,” Trent chuckled. “You and Brian are going to be so busy fucking one another on every piece of furniture you buy…we should just kiss our dreams of a party goodbye and hope you’ll have it finished by spring.”

Justin blushed and shared a look with Daphne. He thought that Trent was aware his virgin status. He could’ve sworn he’d mentioned it to him, but obviously he hadn’t and he felt uncomfortable talking about his non-sex life with someone who could and did have any guy he wanted. “If I agree to have a luau themed pool party after Thanksgiving, will you please shut up about me and Brian? Can we please get back to unpacking the kitchen?”

“It’s going to take a week to unpack this shit,” Daphne said. “I’m beginning to regret agreeing to help,” she joked.

“Luau party,” Trent reminded her. “Be nice.”

Daphne grinned. “Oh, right. This is exactly how I love spending my mornings!”

Justin laughed. “Shut up. I promise to return the favor when you buy your first house.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

“Hey, neither one of you came to help me when I moved into my place!” Trent said.

“You didn’t ask,” Daphne told him. “Plus, you used that Hunky Moving Men service and ended up fucking one of them. I doubt you would’ve wanted us there.”

“Wait until you see the stuff I bought for the media room,” Justin said, once again hoping to get his friends working instead of just standing around talking about sex. The sooner they were finished, the quicker he’d see Brian and get the blow job the man promised him over the phone that morning. He walked to the counter, grabbed the box of glasses and began opening it. “It’s going to feel like you’re watching a movie in a real theater.”

“Justin, we don’t have to help you set up any of that, do we?” Daphne asked. “Because you know I suck with electronics.”

“I’m no good with them either,” Trent added. “It took me forever to figure out how to hook up my new computer.”

“You should’ve just bought a laptop,” Justin said.

“I already had one of those,” Trent said.

“Well, don’t worry, I won’t make you guys hook up any of that stuff,” Justin told him, “the electronic company is going to set it all up for me. They won’t be coming until next week though.”

“Well if you do need help, don’t forget that Tristan is apprenticing as an electrician,” Daphne said.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Justin told her.

“So where do these plates go?” Trent asked, picking up two boxes of black plates that had a pale blue geometric design on them.

Justin pointed to the upper dark wood cabinets. “Coffee cups and glasses will go in the first one by the sink, plates and bowls in the cabinet beside that one.”

“What about these baking bowls?” Daphne asked.

Justin pulled out the two largest drawers under the island. “I think all the baking stuff can fit under here. Why don’t you do the glasses and I’ll do all that stuff so I remember what all I got.” He’d splurged at the kitchenware store, buying hoards of supplies, some of which he wasn’t sure what he’d use them for, but he was sure that if he did have a party there, Emmett would be happy he had bought it.

“Fine with me,” Daphne said, trading places with Justin.

“I can’t believe you bought this place,” Trent said. “When you said you were going to buy a house, I thought that was a big deal, but this place is huge. Even after we unpack all this shit you’re going to have empty cabinets.”

“Well then I’ll just have to buy more things. I’m sure I’ve missed something, plus I love to cook and I’ve always wanted a chef’s kitchen.”

“I doubt you’ve forgotten anything,” Daphne teased. “It looks like you bought out the whole store.”

“I did not!” Justin said. “There were a lot of things I wanted to buy that Brian told me I didn’t need.”

“You shopped with Brian?” Daphne asked, surprised. “I thought you said he didn’t seem to like the place.”

“I think he was just shocked. We’re going shopping for the master bedroom tomorrow and then I can officially move out of the hotel room and into my new home.”

“Whoa, hold on a second,” Trent said, slamming the cabinet door shut. “Is Brian moving in here with you?”

“No,” Justin answered. “But when he’s here, a lot of the time is going to be spent in the bedroom, so I want him to like it.”

“But it’s your bedroom,” Trent said. “If you two break up you’re going to want to throw away everything that reminds you of him.”

“That’s ridiculous. Brian has great taste and I’m not planning on letting him have all the say. I told you, this place is mine and I want every room to reflect that. Whatever input he does have, there’s no way I’d appreciate it less if we broke up.”

“That isn’t the point,” Daphne said. “If you’ve got Brian shopping with you for things for your home... don’t you think it’s a little weird that you haven’t asked him to move in?”

“We haven’t been together for very long,” Justin said. “If I asked him to move in, he’d freak out. You know this is Brian Kinney we’re talking about, there’s no way he’d want to live together this fast. Even if I were ready for it, he isn’t.”

“You want him to move in with you,” Trent concluded.

Justin shrugged. “We haven’t even spent a night here together.”

“You’re evading answering the question,” Daphne pointed out. “Do you want him to move in or not?”

“I’d be lying if I said that it doesn’t have some clout to why I want him to help me decorate the place, but as of right now, the only thing I’m sure of is that I don’t want to do anything to scare him away.”

“But for you, it’s not too early,” Daphne said, “you want him here.”

“Yeah,” Justin admitted, his heart aching. “I want him here.” He hated the nights he spent alone in his bed at the hotel and was fairly certain that when he had to spend his first night alone in his new home; he would hate it even more. But he couldn’t ask Brian for that type of commitment yet, no matter how much he wanted it.

***

“...so instead of the crimson ties, we’re going to wear fuchsia ascots instead. You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”

“Sounds good, Mikey.”

Michael burst out in laughter. “Brian, I’d just love to see my best man wearing a fuchsia ascot!”

“It’s your wedding,” Brian drawled, “do what you want.”

Michael sighed. “Brian, what is wrong?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“Something is very wrong if you’re not trying to stop me from making my wedding into one big ass fashion tragedy.”

“I learned a long time ago that you can dress yourself and that you refuse to learn anything about fashion from me.”

“Brian,” Michael stared across the booth at his friend.

“What the fuck to you want me to do, plan your god damn wedding? Isn’t that what you have Emmett for?”

“Jesus, you must really be fucked up about something if you have yet to comment on me suggesting wearing fuchsia ascots.”

“Well why the fuck are you asking for my opinion on them when you obviously know that it’s a horrific idea?”

“I was hoping it would get your attention because you haven’t listened to a thing I’ve said all morning.” He looked down at Brian’s sandwich that only had one small bite taken. “You’re not eating, you’re not saving me from a fashion crisis, so what are you thinking about and don’t say ‘nothing’ because I know that something is going on with you.”

Brian really didn’t want to talk about it with Michael because he knew that his best friend was currently dreaming of wedded bliss with Ben and probably wouldn’t find anything wrong with what Justin had done. It’d been a week and he hadn’t worked it out on his own though, so he figured he might as well get it over with and let Mikey lay into him for being an emotionally unavailable asshole. “Justin bought a house.”

Michael nodded. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

Brian glared. “Have you seen the house?”

“Of course. I was at Ma’s yesterday when he showed everyone the pictures.” Michael grinned. “Are you pissed that he’s going to live so far away? Has the moving put a dent in your sex life?”

“No,” Brian admitted. They’d been non-fucking like rabbits every day since Justin showed him the house.

“So are you mad that he spent a fortune without consulting you?”

Brian shook his head. “It’s Justin’s money, he can do with it what he wants.”

Michael’s mouth dropped open. “Holy shit, you are mad that he bought it without consulting you. Why? Were you hoping that you and Justin would buy a place together?”

“We’ve only been together a few months,” Brian said.

“So you don’t deny that you’d like to live with him,” Michael said. “Are you afraid that he doesn’t want you to or something?”

Brian rubbed his hands over his face and groaned. “Whether or not he wants me to move in with him isn’t the problem.”

“Well, fucking tell me what the problem with him buying a house is. I don’t get it.”

“The problem is that he bought a fucking mansion, not a house. The point of us dating is to see if we have a future together, right? So, shouldn’t I have been consulted before he bought a god damn house he’s going to want to live in for the rest of his fucking life?”

“Did he say he wants to live there for the rest of his life?” Michael asked. “It might just be a starter home. I know the hotel is wonderful, but Brian, you couldn’t have expected that he’d want to stay there for the next couple of months... or however long it would take you to realize that you want a future with him and actually ask him to move in with you.”

“As you said, you saw the pictures. A mansion like that isn’t a starter home and he did say it was his dream house. The house has eight bedrooms, Mikey. Eight. He’s using one for a studio and one is the master, but what the fuck is he going to do with the other six?”

“Maybe turn one into a media room and use the rest for guest rooms?”

“So, he’s going to have five guest rooms? That’s what you’re suggesting?”

“He’ll probably have an at-home gym or something, won’t he?.”

“Justin doesn’t go the gym so I doubt it, but even if he did, that still leaves four bedrooms.”

“Well if you did move in with him, then you’d have a place for Gus,” Michael suggested. “That would be nice.”

Brian nodded, not exactly comfortable with the idea but it was something he knew that Justin would do whether or not they moved in together. “Four more.”

“Four, you said...”

“I forgot about the downstairs bedroom.”

“Jesus, Brian. I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him what he’s planning?”

“He doesn’t know. Or he says he doesn’t know.”

“Well, you’ve always wanted a playroom,” Michael said, grinning deviously.

“Three.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “It’s Justin’s house, not mine. You’re the one dating him, so I think you would know better than I what he’d do with the spare rooms. So tell me, what do you think he’s going to do with them and why is it making you upset?”

“He has three spare rooms, three rooms that he’s going to want to fill up with kids.” Brian crossed his arms over his chest. “Why else would he have wanted to buy a house so freaking big?”

“Maybe he just wants options. Oh, hey, you’ll need an office.”

“There’s an office and a library and I won’t need one because I’m not living there.”

“Brian, I don’t know what you want me to say and I don’t understand what is so wrong with Justin having spare rooms that he might one day make into a bedroom for a kid. Would it really be so bad if you lived there?”

“What’s horrible is that he went and bought himself a palace that is designed for a family.” Brian felt cheated by Justin taking over the planning of their future. “We had an agreement, that we would find out where this thing with us went together and now he’s made this big commitment all on his own.”

“Brian, that probably wasn’t his intention when he bought it. Ted saw it and he did say it was a great investment, which that alone might have been why he bought it. You’re upset about something that you don’t even know Justin wants. It’s just like before. You’re getting ahead of yourself and you’re thinking ‘all or nothing’ and it’s freaking you out. Go talk to him instead of brooding about it.”

“Talk to him? That’s your advice?”

“Why does that seem like such a foreign concept? After this long together, I’m sure you’ve talked about things that aren’t about sex.”

“Of course we have.”

“And how did that go?”

Brian shrugged. “Fine.”

“Then go do it again,” Michael encouraged. “Justin probably doesn’t understand that what he did hurt you or upset you. It doesn’t make you less of a man to admit that him buying his dream house without talking to you about it makes you think that he doesn’t care about the expectations you have for your future together.”

“I don’t know what I want for our future so what’s the point of telling him that?”

“You didn’t say that you don’t want a future with him,” Michael said gently. “. I know you said you’d give it six months or whatever, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t know what you want before this time is up, does it? You may not know what you want for the two of you but you know what you want for yourself, right? Because you said a lot of bullshit, but you didn’t say, not once, that you don’t want a future with him. Because you do.”

Brian slumped in the booth and nodded once. “I want Justin.”

Michael was confident that he knew what was really hurting Brian about Justin’s big purchase. “Are you scared that maybe you want to live in that dream house with him and because he didn’t talk to you about it, it might mean that he doesn’t want you to live with him?”

“Why wouldn’t he want to live with me?” Brian scoffed.

Michael grinned. “That’s the right attitude, Brian. Why wouldn’t he? Now get out of here and go talk to him.”

“Talk...” Brian muttered and slid out of the booth and dropped two twenties on the table.

“You don’t have to pay for my lunch,” Michael said. “I do have money, even if Ben’s worried about me spending it all on the wedding.”

Brian leaned down and kissed Michael briefly before tapping one of the twenties. “That’s the consultation fee.”

Michael laughed and handed Brian back one of the bills. “I don’t think best friends are supposed to charge their friends for advice.”

Brian sat back down in his seat and asked softly, “Do you remember when you said that Justin was my best friend?”

“Yeah,” Michael said in a wistful tone. “I wasn’t lying. That’s what you two became before you ever got together.”

“You and Ben were like that?”

“Yeah.”

“So... if we... if Justin and I...”

“What, Brian?” Michael asked, seeing a dozen emotions cross Brian’s face in just a few seconds.

“Never mind.” Brian shook his head and stood up. “I’ve got to pick up Justin. Later, Mikey.”

***

“Where are we going?” Justin asked. “Isn’t Weisshouse furniture in the other direction?”

“I want to drive around for a while first,” Brian said.

Justin felt goosebumps rise on his arms from the serious tone in Brian’s voice. “Why?”

Brian glanced at Justin for a moment and then looked back at the road. “We need to... talk.”

“Um, maybe you should park then?” Justin suggested.

Brian nodded. He slowed the car down and swung the BMW into a McDonald’s parking lot. He parked the car and took his seatbelt off so he could look at Justin. As soon as he looked at his boyfriend, his breath caught and he felt panic rise inside of him.

“What do you want to talk about?” Justin asked, wringing his hands.

Brian hated that he was making Justin so nervous but he needed to get his thoughts out or they’d continue to drive him crazy. “You want a future with me, right?”

Justin hadn’t expected that question to come out of Brian’s mouth, but it was an easy one, so he quickly answered, “Yes.”

“I mean, that’s what this,” Brian gestured to the two of them, “us being together is about?”

“Yeah,” Justin said, “to see if we could work... I guess. I mean, we do work. At least I think we do. Do you not think we work?”

Brian sighed. “Right now I’m not sure.”

Justin’s heart plummeted into his stomach and he tried to think of what had gone wrong between last night’s dinner at Debbie’s and now. Had he said something stupid at dinner that had pissed Brian off? “You’re having doubts.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then tell me what you mean. You’re really freaking me out. Tell me,” Justin pleaded. “Have I done something to make you start second-guessing us?”

“Yes,” Brian admitted. “And you’re... you’re the most confusing person I’ve ever met!”

“Me?” Justin wondered. Brian was the most confusing man he’d ever met; he didn’t know it was mutual.

“Us, being together now, it’s about us making a…” means we both have...” Brian almost said commitment but he wasn’t ready to use those words. “We both think that we could be together... later on.”

“So what did I do? Was I being too boyfriendly at dinner last night?”

“What? No!” Brian said, surprised that Justin would think such a thing. He didn’t know what ‘too boyfriendly’ actually was, but Justin hadn’t ever crossed any line he might’ve drawn. “It’s the house.”

“Oh.” Justin had thought Brian had warmed up to the house. He’d even pointed out details about things he liked when he’d shown their friends pictures.”What about it?”

“You didn’t just buy any old house, Justin. You bought a fucking palace fit for a prince. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I wasn’t aware that you thought it was wrong for me to want to buy my dream house,” Justin said softly, hurt. “I didn’t know you didn’t like it... At first I was a little worried because you weren’t very enthusiastic about it, but I thought it was because of the jet lag and surprise. You’ve been helping me think of ways to decorate it and have seemed excited about it. You should’ve said something sooner. We don’t have to go shopping together.”

“I do like the house,” Brian said. “At first, I didn’t think I would, but... that damn palace... it fits you. You belong there, there isn’t anything wrong with you wanting that place.”

Justin sighed. “But you don’t think you belong there, is that it? Or is it that you don’t belong with a guy whose dream is that house?”

“You should’ve wondered about that before you ever bought it.”

“Why?” Justin truly didn’t understand. “I mean, you don’t want to move in with me, do you? I thought you would think it was too soon for that.”

“What if I did want to live with you?” Brian asked. “I would have no say in where we lived because you are now the prince of your dream castle and whether I like it or not, that’s where you’ll be.”

“Brian, if we were to get married …” Justin saw Brian flinch but he wasn’t going to tiptoe around the subject. “And… and you really didn’t like living there, I’d sell it without a second thought. All you’d have to do is say the word.”

“And take you out of a home you love?” Brian scoffed. “No, you won’t put that on me.”

“I’m not trying to put anything on you. I might love that house, but it’s just a fucking house, Brian. If you wanted to live with me and it didn’t fit you, then it couldn’t fit me either because I wouldn’t want you to live somewhere you weren’t happy.” Justin grabbed one of Brian’s hands and drew it against his chest. “You’ve got my heart beating so fast because I’m really scared you’re breaking up with me and that’s the last thing I want. If you want to move in together, you’re all I need. I love you a lot more than I love that house and I’d be willing to look for our own house together.”

Brian hadn’t expected to feel relief the first time Justin said ‘I love you’. He’d known the words would come one day, whether Justin really meant them or not, because Justin was a romantic twat who usually had no trouble expressing things that Brian could barely manage to think about. Still, he expected that when that time came he would feel trapped, but he didn’t. Against his hand he could feel Justin’s heart rate accelerate when he said it and feeling the rapid rise and fall of his chest, he knew that Justin was probably freaking out about his confession. “It isn’t that I don’t like the house itself,” Brian explained, “who wouldn’t want to live somewhere like that?”

“You don’t,” Justin whispered, tears stinging his eyes. “Brian, I’m sorry.”

“Right now I don’t... I don’t want to move in together right now. But you weren’t thinking about the fact that I might want to, one day. You weren’t thinking about what I would want when you bought it.”

“I just didn’t think it was a big deal because if you didn’t like it, then we didn’t have to live there, but I was hoping you would. That’s all. I’m not sure I understand why you’re angry if you don’t even want to move in together.”

“You want us to live there and that house stands for things that I might not ever want with you.”

“Like what, marriage?” Justin saw Brian nod and he felt like he was falling off a cliff. “Brian, a future with me, it would include marriage at some point. I’m sorry, but I thought I was clear about that. I’m not saying that I’m not willing to bend a little on fucking if I think I’m ready for that... before marriage. But I thought you understood that I would want that in my future with whomever it was I decided to lose my virginity to.”

“It isn’t just marriage,” Brian said. “I know where you stand on that and I wouldn’t be with you right now if I thought that was completely out of the question for us. It wasn’t very long ago that I thought having a boyfriend was out of the question for me. It’s the other things that house and all its extra rooms represent that I have a problem with.”

Justin wiped his tears from his eyes and shifted his body away from Brian’s to look out the window. “Just drive me back to my car,” he whispered. “You aren’t making any sense and we’re talking in circles. You are freaking out about the house even though I told you...” He tried to keep himself from crying and felt like a fool. “I told you the house doesn’t mean anything because...”

Brian reached out and placed his hand on Justin’s knee. “You said you loved me.”

Justin shuddered from Brian’s touch. “I meant it and maybe I shouldn’t have said it, but just because we only admitted that we wanted to be together a few months ago, it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t already falling for you. Please, Brian, just make me understand why you’re so upset about that damn house when I said I would give it up in a heartbeat.”

“When you bought the house, were you imagining you and me living there together?”

Justin nodded slowly. “You don’t have to tell me how stupid I was for doing that. I already feel like a dumbass now that I know how you really feel about it.”

“You don’t care how I feel.” Brian could hardly believe he had just spoken something so lesbianic sounding. “Fuck, listen… were you imagining me and you raising kids there together?” he persisted. “Did you imagine what they’d look like? Did you imagine you and I decorating their bedrooms together and playing the roles of Pa and Pa? Is that what kind of life you imagine we’ll have there?”

“Why the fuck are you asking me this shit?” Justin asked, angrily, pushing Brian’s hand off his knee. “Just take me back to my fucking car, Brian. I don’t want to hear you stomp on my silly little fantasies, all right? I get it. You don’t want a life with me in that house because you think it’s too Stepford or too breeder for you. You don’t want to consider a life there with me because it’s not just the house you don’t like, it’s the idea you have of me and this idea just proves that you don’t know me at all!”

“You’re still avoiding my question! Did you imagine you and me being Pa and Pa, filling those spare rooms up with kids?”

“What does it matter what I imagined?” Justin cried.

Brian was growing more aggravated by the moment and wished Justin would just stop avoiding the question and admit what he was so sure was true. “Did you go through each fucking spare room and imagine blond little yous tucked in their little miniature beds snuggled under Pottery Barnblankets sleeping soundly while you and I...”

“No!” Justin had enough and slammed his hands onto the dashboard. “In one of them. In one of them I imagined a room for Gus. In one other I imagined a child we’d raise together. I did. I’m sorry if that fucks with what you want for your future because you seem to think you’re a shitty father, but I don’t think you are. I think we could be amazing together, no matter what we decided to do with our lives and just like the house, if it didn’t fit what you wanted then it wouldn’t be right for us together. But you’ve found a loophole to get out of any future with me because you’re scared that I want some big breeder-like family with you. The idea of me even having a kid is so off the radar, so far down the line, it isn’t even funny. And when I did imagine it, the kid wouldn’t look like me; they’d look like you because I’m not stupid enough to have a kid that might have allergies that will stop them from being with the person they love the way I want to be with you. I thought I was lucky to find someone like you who was willing to take the risk with me, but I was wrong.” Justin grabbed Brian’s hands and looked him in the eyes. “I get it, okay? I get it. You don’t want me and you don’t want this and you don’t want a marriage or a future with me at all and we’re not moving in the same direction, so it’s best that we part ways and stop all of this now.”

“You’d give up that easily?” Brian asked, dropping Justin’s hands.

“You formed all these ideas in your head about that stupid fucking house! Granted, I should’ve told you about it, asked your opinion on it, because yes, I want you to live there with me. But that’s not a reason to break up. Brian, you’re terrified that you might want the same things I do and you’d rather be a coward than accept we’re getting closer, that you may actually want the same things I do. You led me to believe that you liked the house, that you liked the idea of being there with me, but really all this bullshit was there boiling inside of you and instead of being a man and talking to me about it right away, you talked yourself out of us and you’re blaming it on me!” Justin jerked the car door open and stepped out. “Go do whatever it is you’d prefer to be doing. I’ll call a cab and go get my car. I’ll get my things out of the loft while you’re at work Monday and leave your key with Michael. This is what you want. You don’t know me at all and I’m not sure you ever wanted to, Brian. So what’s there to give up?”

Brian jerked when the car door slammed shut but he couldn’t find it in himself to move or speak or do anything more than focus on taking deep breaths so he could continue breathing. He watched Justin’s retreating form and only turned away when he saw him enter McDonald’s. Justin was right, he was a coward and he was blaming him for some fantasy Brian had projected onto him. This wasn’t Justin’s fault. Brian was an emotionally stunted asshole and he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing dating anyone, especially someone as perfectly different from him as Justin. Since he met Justin, Brian’s life had been better. He’d grown because of him, but none of that mattered now because he’d screwed them both by letting his fears consume him. He’d fucked things up for good and instead of getting out of the car and going after his man and admitting to his fears, admitting that he was wrong, he did nothing but drive away.

“It’s better this way,” he whispered to himself, hoping that one day soon he’d believe it.

***

An hour later, Brian was driving around the outskirts of Pittsburgh with his music blaring, trying to drown out the voice inside his head that kept telling him to give in and go find Justin before it was too late. Justin was so angry with him and Brian had no idea how to fix things. He’d tried to talk to him and ended up fucking things up. If he tried again, he didn’t think things would go any different.

The feel of his cell phone vibrating in his jeans alerted him to a call and he quickly turned the stereo down before answering the foreign number. “Hello?”

“Brian?”

“Jennifer?” Brian hoped like hell that Justin hadn’t run to his mommy and cried about what he’d done to him. He didn’t think Justin would do that but it seemed convenient that he was getting a phone call from her when she’d never called him before.

“Yes. Oh shit, Brian. Were you with Justin? Will they not let you see him?”

“With Justin? I left him about an hour ago at...”

“So you weren’t with him?”

Brian began to panic. “With him, where? What happened?”

“Allegheny General called me a few minutes ago. He had an allergic reaction and went into shock.”

“What the fuck did he have a reaction to?” Brian felt as though all of his blood turned to lead and he had to pull over to the side of the road when the feeling of vertigo encompassed him.

“The nurse I spoke with said it had yet to be determined. He had just arrived and she didn’t know much about his condition, just that he’d stopped breathing once. They got him breathing again but since then he hasn’t woken up. Brian, I’m in New York at a realtor convention. I’m going to try to get the next flight out, but he needs someone there with him. If he wakes up alone….”

“He won’t.” Brian took a deep breath, forced himself to calm down and said, “I’m on my way there right now.”

“When you get there, will you tell him that I love him?”

“Yeah,” Brian muttered.

“And call me and let me know how he’s doing. I’ll call the admitting desk back and let them know you’re coming and have permission to see him. Tucker’s waiting for Craig to pick up Molly and then he’s going to pick me up from the airport and we’ll come straight there.”

Brian wasn’t sure Justin would want to see him when he woke up, but there was no fucking way he could tell Jennifer that. “Okay. Should I call Daphne or Trent, let them know what happened?”

“No and I think Justin would appreciate you not calling any of your friends. He gets so embarrassed when this happens and he would hate having worried so many people. We’ll see who he wants to call once he wakes up. Until then, take care of him and don’t forget to call me with updates, okay?”

“All right.”

“Thanks. Bye, Brian,” Jennifer spoke tearfully before hanging up.

TBC in Chapter 9 Part 2