Credence

Chapter 12: “International You Day”

I'm sorry that it took so long to write this song

But I gave up

You see one million words can't describe how it feels to know your love

Where did I go wrong?

I should have told you from the start, that I'm closer than you think when we're apart

Nothing that I've tried is as simple as this line

But without you, my life is incomplete

My days are absolutely gray

And so I'll try

Let your heart know for sure that I have so much more to tell you every single day

I swear I'm giving up my insides to the one that I adore

I know this world is big enough for you and I, but I'll give you more

~ Selected lyrics taken from International You Day written by Tony Sly

Download this song here: ---> http://www.mediafire.com/?if0x11tjkak22tq

Or the acoustic version here: ---> http://www.mediafire.com/?u4mtmpxknhy62h3

January

Justin jumped off the diving board and into the indoor pool; his form so perfect there was only a small splash from entering the water.

“He’s great, isn’t he?” Brian asked proudly.

Daphne and Trent shared a look of amusement with one another before nodding in agreement. Daphne smiled as she looked at Brian’s face and saw the easy smile. To her knowledge, Brian had never smiled so much as he had in the last month. Sure, Brian would flash predatory, satisfied smiles or paste on a fake one or a smug grin, depending on the situation. The smile he had on his face now, Daphne had never seen before. Justin, who smiled quite often, also had a brighter one lately. They were in love, that’s all there was to it.

“He swims like he paints,” Brian continued his appraisal of Justin’s swimming abilities.

“How so?” Trent asked curiously, sipping his beer to hide his amused smile.

Brian waved his hand and rolled his eyes, dismissing the question that was impossible to articulate. He stood up from his chair, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. “I’ve got some work to do, have fun with the rest of your play date.” Brian walked to the edge of the pool and bent down to engage in a heavy make out session before rising and watching Justin swim a lap. As he left, the towel around his hips did nothing to conceal his boner.

“He’s huge,” Trent whispered as Brian left.

“I know,” Daphne said, amazed. “Justin is one lucky boy.”

“Yeah, but he’s a virgin,” Trent said, wincing.

Daphne shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll be gentle with Justin.”

“Yeah, it’s not like they haven’t been preparing with all the outercourse and oral they probably do.”

“I feel kind of bad talking about this when he’s right there,” Daphne said. “Come on, we shouldn’t be letting Justin swim alone.”

Trent looked down at his cell phone reluctantly. “Just let me tell Clark I’ll be swimming,” he said.

“He knows you’re swimming,” Daphne said, rolling her eyes. “That’s the whole reason we came here.”

“I know,” Trent said, grinning. He couldn’t help it, he was in love. Trent quickly texted Clark and told him that he’d be unavailable due to cell phones and swimming pools being incompatible and joined Daphne and Justin in the pool.

“You have it so bad,” Justin said.

“Like you don’t?” Daphne asked teasingly.

“Oh, I know I do,” Justin admitted.

“And what about you?” Trent asked Daphne.

“Sam and I are taking things slowly,” she said.

Justin shook his head. “You are not taking things slow.”

“Compared to you and Brian, we are,” Daphne told him.

“You can’t be serious,” Justin said, shocked, “we are the definition of ‘taking it slow’, come on!”

“Well you’ve moved in together,” Trent told him.

“After being together for five months and knowing one another for like nine months or something,” Justin defended.

“So tell us,” Trent said, “when did you really know he was the one? Was it really love at first sight? Because you denied you wanted him for a while and I was sure you did.”

“Badly,” Daphne added.

“How is that you met from here?” Trent asked. “I mean… I know it was the day you had that really bad reaction to mustard but I don’t think you ever actually told me how it came to be that you became friends with him.”

“Let’s go use the hot tub,” Justin said. “I’m getting tired of treading water and if we’re not actually going to swim I’d rather relax while we talk about this.”

“Sounds good to me,” Trent said.

“And no you cannot grab your cell phone,” Daphne joked when she saw Trent eye the table where his lay.

Once the three friends got into the hot tub Justin told Trent about the day at the diner when Brian saved his life.

Trent shook his head and asked, “So you fell in love with him when he rammed the EpiPen into your thigh?”

“No way,” Justin laughed.

“So when was it?” Daphne asked.

“There’s a lot of things that made me fall for Brian, but there is one thing in particular that, I guess, made me realize it, even though I did deny it at the time.”

“The time you used him as a model for your last project at PIFA?” Daphne guessed.

“No,” Justin said, “it was before that. The night we went to go see A Streetcar Named Desire was when I fell in love with him. It was one of the best nights of my life. Before we went in, he gave me this sweater that he bought for me because he’d noticed I’d been cold in the theater the night before.”

“A six hundred and fifty dollar sweater,” Daphne elaborated.

“Holy shit!” Trent exclaimed.

Justin grinned. “He tried saying it was on sale but the salesperson who put it in the box left the tag on it.”

“It was the thought that counted,” Trent said, laughing.

“It was,” Justin said, “but there’s more. After we came out of the movie theater, it had rained and the street was lit up with all these colors from lights of the shops hitting the water. I got this incredible urge to draw but I couldn’t. I told Brian how beautiful I thought it was, he sort of made fun of me for it because the area was kind of slummy. I told him I wished I could set up an easel to paint it but settled on taking a picture with my cell phone. But the picture sucked and that’s when Brian got his really nice camera out of the glove box so I could take some pictures to paint from. And then we took a picture together and I just felt so fucking happy to be with him, you know? I felt like I’d seen a side of Brian that no one else ever had and I wanted so badly for him to see himself like I did. I felt him looking at me the whole ride back to my house, but he didn’t make a move or say a word. I felt like something big had changed between us and I knew he felt it too and it scared the shit out of me. Probably scared him too.”

“That’s when you knew?” Daphne asked.

“That was when I knew I fell in love with him,” Justin said. “But even what I felt then… doesn’t compare to what I feel now.”

“I think I know what you mean,” Trent said. “I know Clark and I haven’t been together for very long but I feel… Shit, I can’t describe it. I just know that I want to keep feeling like this.”

“So you think Clark is ‘the one’?” Justin asked.

“I do,” Trent admitted, blushing. “What about you, Daphne? Do you think Sam is the one?”

“I love him,” Daphne said, “but I guess I still don’t know. I mean, I know I want to be with him, but do I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I don’t know yet.”

“Well, we all know you want to spend the rest of your life with Brian,” Trent said.

Daphne nodded. “And I think it’s obvious that Brian wants to spend the rest of his life with you, Justin.”

“You think it’s obvious?” Justin asked, unsure.

“Yes,” Daphne and Trent spoke in unison.

“I don’t know. We just got back together and…”

“So what,” Daphne interrupted. “You two picked up right where you left off…”

“Further than where you left off,” Trent interrupted. “He’s moved in with you here and you two are so insanely happy together.”

“We are, but I honestly have no idea how Brian really feels about marriage.”

“But you want to marry him, don’t you?” Trent asked.

“Yeah,” Justin admitted. “But a few weeks ago, when he brought it up, he was all weird about it.”

“Wait a minute,” Daphne said, “Brian brought up the subject?”

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s a huge fucking step, right? He actually brought up marriage with you.”

“Well, we were at Michael and Ben’s wedding,” Justin said.

“He talked about marriage with you while you were at Michael and Ben’s wedding?” Trent asked for clarification. “Don’t tell me you caught the bouquet.”

Justin laughed. “There was no bouquet.”

“So what exactly did he say?” Daphne asked.

“He asked what I wanted for my wedding, like how it would look.”

“Oh my god!” Daphne guessed.

“So he was thinking about marrying you,” Trent assessed.

“Not exactly,” Justin said. “He was just curious, I think. And then he said something about how….” A light bulb went off in Justin’s brain and he realized what he was about to say and it sounded a lot different in his head now than it had then.

“What?” Daphne prompted.

Justin felt like the biggest idiot in the world. “Brian asked me to ask him to marry him,” he whispered.

“What!” Daphne yelled. “You’re just telling us this now!”

“I didn’t realize…” Justin said, breathless.

“How… what… shit, Justin!” Trent could barely speak. “Tell us exactly what was said!”

Justin was about to relay the conversation, but thought better of it. It was too personal, something he wanted to cherish and now that he was pretty certain of what it meant, how much it meant to him and Brian, he couldn’t bring himself to share the details.

“I can’t,” Justin said finally. “But I think… no, I know that he wants me to ask him. Holy shit! What do I do?” Justin asked, completely overwhelmed.

Daphne stared at Justin. “If you’re so sure that he wants you to then I think what you’re supposed to do is ask him.”

“But when?”

“How should we know?” Trent asked. “You’re the one he loves. How would he like to be asked?”

“Not in some cliché romantic way,” Justin said.

“No, definitely not,” Daphne agreed.

“Well… if you’re not going to make a big romantic proposal, maybe you should just relax and let the time come whenever you feel like it’s right,” Trent suggested.

“Okay,” Justin sighed. “I can do that.”

“Yeah, you can,” Daphne encouraged.

“And you should probably stop freaking out about it if you can because your show is tomorrow and you need to focus on that.”

“You’re right,” Justin said taking deep breaths. “Concentrating on my show only.”

Trent laughed. “Or we can talk about me asking Clark to move in with me to get your mind off that too?”

“That sounds perfect,” Justin said. “So, you think you’re ready for that?”

“I think so,” Trent said, grinning. “I hate waking up without him.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Justin said.

***

Lindsay beamed with excitement as she led Ryan Whitmore over to Justin, interrupting the quiet moment between Brian and Justin. “Excuse me, Justin, I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

The man with Lindsay was gorgeous and if Brian’s gaydar was correct, which it always was, the man was also gay and his eyes were solely fixed on Justin.

“Okay.” Justin smiled at the handsome man holding Lindsay’s arm and then waited for his friend to introduce him. Since the show opening days ago, he’d already met so many people he was having a hard time remembering any of their names. None of them had been as gorgeous as this guy though and likely he’d remember him because of it.

“This is Ryan Whitmore,” Lindsay said and unlinked her arm from Ryan’s to rest her hand on Justin’s shoulder. “Ryan, this is our artist and Bloom Gallery’s collection manager, Justin Taylor.”

“Nice to meet you,” Justin said graciously and supplied his hand for Ryan to shake.

Ryan took Justin’s hand in both of his for a moment and said emphatically, “Good to meet you too, Justin. I’m very enamored with your work.”

“Thank you,” Justin said. For the first time since the show’s opening, besides his family and friends, he believed the praise was genuinely spoken from the heart and not from a pretentious art collector’s wallet.

If he weren’t with Justin, Brian would’ve dragged Ryan to the bathroom and fucked him in one of the stalls without any introduction at all. But he was with Justin and the guy hadn’t taken his eyes off his partner or even acknowledged his presence. So Brian changed his mind quickly and decided that even if he were free, he wouldn’t give the guy the pleasure of getting the best fuck of his life. Or maybe he had already fucked him and had forgotten it because, the longer Brian looked him over, the more it seemed like there was something very familiar about Ryan Whitmore.

“And this is his partner, Brian Kinney,” Lindsay said, noticing the glare Brian gave her. She was quick to introduce him too.

“I know, we’ve met. You’re the owner of Exhibition,” Ryan said, offering his hand to Brian.

Brian pretended a casual grin and offered his hand as well. “Yes.”

“You must be very proud of your partner,” Ryan said, dropping Brian’s hand after a quick shake.

“Yes, Justin is extremely talented,” Brian said proudly.

“You two know one another?” Justin asked.

“I used to write features for the business section of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette,” Ryan explained. He gave Brian a quirky grin, “I interviewed you shortly after you won the CLIO the year you opened Exhibition. Now I write for the Arts & Leisure section.” His eyes landed on Justin once again. “Justin, if you’re willing, Lindsay said we could make use of her office for a quick interview and then I’d like to take a few photos of you in front of your work.”

Brian had to fight to keep the grin off his face as he recalled the reporter. The Ryan Whitmore standing before him barely resembled the one who had been drooling over him during the interview. Then, Ryan had looked every bit of a harried, dorky reporter and Brian had completely played him during the interview. Ryan had come on to him when they finished and Brian had told him that he didn’t mix business with pleasure. After the article was published in the Post-Gazette, Ryan had found him in Babylon and came on to him, stating that they no longer had a business relationship so they could move on to a purely pleasurable one. Brian remembered that he turned Ryan down, rather harshly.

“Of course,” Justin said in a cautious tone. Brian’s arm had tightened noticeably around his waist when Ryan made the offer. Justin wondered why Brian kept such a firm hold on him and quickly realized it was because Brian was jealous! He turned toward Brian and gave him a loving reassuring kiss. “I’ll be back in a few and then we can head out.”

Brian nodded and forced himself to say, “Take your time.”

When Justin and Ryan had walked far enough away from them Lindsay asked, “Did you fuck him?”

Brian scowled. “I think Justin made it clear that what happens between us is none of…”

“I mean Ryan Whitmore,” Lindsay said. “I saw the look on your face when he asked to interview Justin. You looked like you’d swallowed a…” she laughed and joked, “well you look like you’d swallowed.”

“I have no problem with swallowing and I certainly didn’t make any face when he said he wanted to interview Justin.”

“Yes, you did,” Lindsay insisted. “So, you fucked him and that’s what your problem is with him?”

“I most definitely didn’t fuck Ryan Whitmore,” Brian said, “that’s the problem.”

“He turned you down?” Lindsay asked.

“No, it’s the other way around,” Brian said.

“Why?” Lindsay asked, completely shocked. “Wait… was it while you were being treated?”

“No,” Brian said, though it wasn’t that long after, if memory served correct. “I didn’t want to fuck him.”

“But he’s gorgeous,” Lindsay said, confused.

“He wasn’t back then,” Brian said. “I didn’t even recognize him at first. Picture some greasy-haired, overweight, pimply-faced, unconfident guy using some cheesy pick-up line to come on to me and imagine my reaction.”

“Oh… ooooh! I see. You’re worried that he’s going to hit on Justin as some kind of revenge for you being such an asshole to him.”

“No, I’m worried that he’s going to give Justin a bad review as some kind of revenge.”

“Please,” Lindsay said, “Ryan is very respected in the art community, he wouldn’t do that. Besides, he was being truthful when he said he liked Justin’s work and you saw the way he looked at him. I doubt he’d…”

“What do you mean ‘the way he looked at him?” Brian asked. Of course he’d noticed it, but he didn’t want to admit how much it bothered him. Whenever they went dancing at Babylon, they are on his turf and he had yet to deal with any men hitting on Justin there. They looked of course, but they weren’t stupid enough to try to get him alone. Ryan had a perfectly good reason to get Justin alone. And though Brian completely trusted Justin, he didn’t like that Ryan could damage Justin’s career if Justin turned him down too.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Lindsay said. She put her hand on Brian’s arm comfortingly and whispered, “But don’t worry, Ryan isn’t a pretentious prick like a lot of the art critics that have interviewed Justin so far. He’s a really decent guy and he has a partner. Though I do think they have an open relationship. So, at worst, he’ll hit on Justin and...”

“And Justin would turn him down if he did,” Brian said adamantly.

“Of course,” Lindsay said. “Ryan would accept that, believe me. There’s nothing to worry about. He’s interviewed all of our featured artists in the last two year and he’s always been very thoughtful and truthful in his articles. Justin will be just fine with him.”

“I’m sure he will be,” Brian said. He’d reserve judgment of Ryan Whitmore until after the article was printed. “So, how are the sales?” he asked, changing topics so that he wouldn’t be thinking about what was going on in Lindsay’s office.

“Sales are great,” Lindsay told him. “He’s sold all but two of the smaller canvases and the painting he did of himself for you has been the talk of the show. Do you know that last night a collector offered him ten grand for it?”

“Are you serious?” Brian asked. The painting was priceless to him but he hated that Justin would be missing out on such a huge sale that might boost the price of his future paintings.

“Yes. The gentleman settled with buying two other paintings, but he really wanted that one. You’re very lucky to own it.”

It occurred to Brian how Lindsay had described ‘Risqué Safety’. “Did Justin tell you that it was him in the painting?” Today was the last date of the show and with each one that passed, Justin had mentioned how relieved he was that no one had guessed as to who the model was in the painting.

“Oh, I guess I shouldn’t let on that I know and I don’t think a single admirer has figured it out. I noticed because he blushes every single time someone compliments the model he used and because of how uncertain he was about showing it. You replaced the ugly naked guy with what I bet you think is the most beautiful guy in the world.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

Lindsay laughed. “Oh, I think you would. No wonder you’re so jealous of Ryan Whitmore. Justin is smart, talented, and sweet and he’s gorgeous.”

“You don’t have to sell me on Justin,” Brian said.

“No, I suppose he did that a long time ago, without even knowing what he was doing.”

“And on that lesbian note, I’m going to get a drink.” Brian walked over to a waiter and grabbed a glass of wine from his tray, all the while trying to stop his mind from coming up with the dozens of other flattering words that could describe Justin.

***

“Brian’s fortunate to own something so beautiful,” Ryan said softly, looking from the panel painting and back to Justin.

During the interview, Ryan had been very professional, though Justin definitely sensed the desire for him that the reporter did little to hide. “Brian will always have first choice.”

Ryan cocked his head to the side and asked, “Why is that? Shouldn’t you decide what you want first?”

Justin realized they were obviously not only talking about art so he decided it was time to make something clear. “Brian doesn’t own me or make any decisions for me. If I give him first choice of my paintings it’s because he’s the one who has inspired most of them. I paint for myself first and he comes second.”

“Tell me,” Ryan said in a rough tone, “are the rumors true? Has he really given up tricking for you or are the two of you just discreet?”

“That’s none of your business,” Justin said, growing annoyed.

Ryan leaned closer to Justin and said, “It is if I want to fuck you.”

Justin laughed and pushed at Ryan’s chest, making the man take two steps back. “That’s not going to happen.”

Ryan sighed. “So you two don’t mess around?”

“I don’t mix business with pleasure,” Justin said.

Ryan laughed uproariously but covered his mouth and calmed down when he noticed the few people left in the gallery had turned to stare at him. “I’m sorry,” Ryan said, “it’s just… oh, you two are really made for one another, aren’t you?” He waved his hand. “No, don’t answer. Really, this was fun.”

Justin scowled. “Did Brian fuck you?” he asked.

“No, no he didn’t,” Ryan said, grinning widely. He offered his hand to Justin, “It was good to meet you, Justin Taylor. I look forward to seeing your career flourish.”

Justin slowly grasped Ryan’s hand and shook it, knowing he was missing something he’d have to have Brian explain to him. “It was interesting meeting you,” he said cordially and dropped the man’s hand.

“Uh-huh,” Ryan replied, hefting his camera strap up on his shoulder. “I bet it was.”

Justin watched Ryan walk away, trying to understand what exactly had made Ryan suddenly stop hitting on him and act so strangely.

“How’d it go?” Brian asked, walking up behind Justin and draping his arms over his shoulders.

“All right, I guess,” Justin said.

“You guess?” Brian prompted. He didn’t want to outright ask if Ryan had hit on Justin. He didn’t want to sound like a jealous lover, because he wasn’t, but no doubt Justin would think he was.

Justin leaned back against Brian and nodded. “It was just like every other interview I’ve had, except Ryan personally likes my work. He wasn’t told to like or not like it by the magazine or paper he works for.”

Brian turned Justin around so he could read his expression and was glad to see that he looked calm and happy. “Lindsay said we can go whenever you’re ready.”

Justin looked around the gallery and felt sad as he realized this was the last time all of the pieces would be hanging together. This was his first solo show, there would only ever be one first and he was reluctant to leave. “Do you mind if we take a look around again?”

The gallery was closing in fifteen minutes but Brian was sure Lindsay and Sydney would have no problem with them staying as long as they wanted. “The gallery has been so busy every time I’ve been here. If it’s not Lindsay and Sydney taking you away to do interviews and mingle with art collectors, our friends and family are here mooning over you. I think I’d like a little time alone with you and your art.”

“To properly critique it now that it’s all hung?” Justin asked, linking his fingers with Brian’s as they walked toward the first piece in the series.

“To moon over you as you realize just how amazing your work is… and later maybe I’ll moon over how properly hung you are.”

Justin’s heart swelled and he stood on his tiptoes to kiss Brian’s cheek. “That was probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Brian looked thoughtful. “I’m sure I’ve complimented your cock countless times.”

Justin laughed loudly, his giggles echoing around the nearly empty gallery. “I love you too, Brian,” he said easily and stopped in front of the panel painting.

Brian looked down at Justin and then back up to the painting he’d made just for him and then back down at Justin’s face and he felt like he’d swallowed a huge bubble of air and yet his lungs were constricting and he realized he was feeling desperate, desperate to so easily say the words like Justin had.

“Ryan Whitmore knows this is me,” Justin said, his tone even. He squeezed Brian’s hand a little tighter and shrugged his shoulders. “He’s probably going to write about it and tell the whole world that it’s me.”

Brian’s body settled a little before his protective instincts took control. “Did you tell him it was you?”

“No, but he knows and you know what?”

“Huh?”

Justin looked up at Brian and smiled as he walked over to the next painting. “I don’t care. So what if people figure out that I gave you a painting of me naked? So what if whoever sees the pictures knows. It’s only paint; you’re the only one who’ll ever really see me completely laid bare.”

“Me too,” Brian said, knowing that with Justin he felt more vulnerable than he ever had in life.

Those two words were possibly more important than ‘I love you’ to Justin and he couldn’t let them go spoken without saying something back to Brian. He looked up at him and he knew that this was it. He stepped close to Brian and put his hands on his waist and looked up into his eyes. “Brian?”

“Hmm?”

“Brian Kinney, I want to marry you. Will you marry me?”

Brian let out a puff of breath that he thought would be a laugh, but instead the truth of what he wanted, prompted by Justin’s proposal came forth, “Yes.”

***

After accepting Justin’s proposal, Brian practically dragged Justin out of the gallery and to the Jeep. He didn’t even ask Justin where he wanted to spend the night because he was desperate to be free of his constricting clothing and be naked with Justin. They disrobed on the elevator ride up, throwing their clothes off the moment they were inside the loft and slamming the door closed in a rush of excitement.

Brian felt a new kind of liberty pouring out of him. It transferred to Justin, only to be given back to him and then mutually shared. Brian spooned Justin, lubed his inner thighs and slid his dick between them, thrusting gently as they both manipulated Justin’s cock with their hands. They kissed hungrily but the love making was slow and quiet. After coming together once, Brian moved Justin onto his back and slid his wet cock against Justin’s, smearing their come around on their bellies and dicks until they were both hard and ready for another orgasm. Justin was loud and eager this time, his legs tightly wrapped around Brian’s waist, hands gliding smoothly up and down Brian’s back, tracing the well defined muscles before moving around to caress his chest and nipples. Brian waited for Justin to come first, wanting to see his lover in the throes of ecstasy, memorizing his beauty and then allowing his own body to reach orgasm minutes later.

Brian fell to the side of Justin and kissed his cheek. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Justin cocked his head to the side, held Brian’s eyes and drew his fingers through their come before licking it off them. He grinned deviously. “Mmmm.”

Not one to be outdone, Brian wiped at the come on his abs and licked it off his fingers, making a slow show of it. “Tastes delicious.”

Justin curled up against Brian, placing his head on his chest and his arm around his middle. “There’s so many things I look forward to, but mostly, I just want to know what it’s like.”

Brian played with Justin’s hair and told him, “It’ll be amazing. So, when do you want to do it?”

“When do you want to do it?” Justin asked, laughing. “Not that we have to wait until we’re married. Knowing you want to marry me is more than enough of a promise to me, Brian.”

“We’ve waited a long time,” Brian said. “I think we can wait until we get tested, get the results and get married then.”

“So soon?” Justin asked, shocked.

“Are you ready?”

Justin pecked Brian’s lips. “Absolutely. I have to get my blood drawn and have another skin allergy test on Tuesday. I can have my doctor test me then.”

“I’ve got a check-up Wednesday and will get tested then. My appointment is pretty routine for me,” Brian said, playing with Justin’s hair. “It’ll be two years since my last treatment.”

Justin had never asked Brian for many details about the time he had cancer. He was curious about it, but he knew that Brian didn’t like to think or talk about it. “I’m sure everything will be fine.”

“It will be,” Brian said softly. “I worry about Gus. Before the cancer, I worried mostly about what I’d pass on to him... didn’t want to ever have the chance to pass on the asshole gene. But then, after I got cancer, I started worrying about passing on that.”

“You’re a good man,” Justin said. “I never knew your father, but from what you’ve said about him, I know you’re a better father than he ever was and you aren’t like him so you couldn’t have ever passed on any asshole gene. It wasn’t passed on to you.”

“I was different before,” Brian admitted. “I know I’m not that man anymore, but I tried so hard to not let my childhood affect me that I became more like Jack and Joan Kinney than you’ll ever know.”

“If that’s true, which I don’t think it is, but if so, it’s in the past now and what matters is that you show Gus how to be a real man and a good father.”

“I’m not ever going to have another child,” Brian said. “I know I told you that you shouldn’t limit what you want from life because of your allergies, but cancer is different. Gus was already born before I even realized how at-risk he is.”

Justin nodded. “I know it’s different and I accept that. But maybe you can just share Gus with me, would you do that?”

“Gus loves you,” Brian told him. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

“So,” Justin said, resuming their previous conversation, “how long do you think we need to plan a wedding?”

“It depends on what you want,” Brian said.

“I wasn’t kidding; I just want you and some golden gardenias.”

“And an officiant,” Brian said, “and the whole fucking gang.”

“Can’t we just go up to Vermont and elope?” Justin asked.

“I’m all for that,” Brian said, “except Gus would be really sad if he missed our wedding.”

“Maybe we could just take him,” Justin said. “It wouldn’t seem odd to take off on a ski trip. It is winter.”

“Are you serious?” Brian asked. “Would you really get married in another state away from everyone?”

“I want to, but I guess our family would all be really disappointed. If it weren’t for them, we might not have ever gotten off our asses and gotten back together.”

“They’re going to be in shock when we tell them,” Brian said and laughed. “I can just imagine the looks on their faces.”

“I know.” Justin giggled and got off Brian’s lap. “My mom is going to freak out.”

“Probably.”

Justin grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand and brought up the calendar. “How long will it take to get the HIV test results back?”

Brian gave Justin an odd look. “Don’t you know?”

“Well, I am a virgin,” Justin said. “I never really worried about the results before. It was just another word on my blood test results and beside it has always said negative.”

Brian had no clue what it must be like to be so blasé about the results of an HIV test. “You usually have to wait a week or more for blood tests,” Brian told him. “But there is another kind of test you can ask for, it’s taken orally and the results show in twenty minutes.”

“Are those accurate?” Justin asked.

“I wouldn’t suggest it if it wasn’t so. I was negative six months ago and three months ago too. The chance of me being positive for any STD’s for the next HIV test is miniscule.”

“So you’ll have the oral test done too?”

“Yes.”

“But you’re going to an oncologist,” Justin said. “Will they even do that there?”

“My doctor will,” Brian said. “He has before.”

“Okay, so we’ll know our results Wednesday. So what about we get married on the twenty-first?”

“Of January?” Brian asked.

“Is that too soon?”

“That’s less than two weeks away!”

“So…”

“It’s fine,” Brian said, took the phone out of Justin’s hand and tossed it aside. “The twenty-first for your first.”

“And yours,” Justin said, grinning.

***

Justin drove from his doctor’s office to his mother’s house as if his brain had gone into autopilot mode. He hadn’t planned to go there, but he realized as he rang the doorbell there was nowhere else he could go, no one else he could talk to about this who would be able to help him make sense of his confusion. No matter how old he was, no matter how independent he wanted to be, sometimes he just needed the love and understanding his mother had always given him.

The door opened and Tucker appeared, smiling, “Hi, Justin.” His smile faltered a split-second later, “Are you all right?”

“I need to see my mom,” Justin said. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped into the house and past Tucker, not waiting to be invited in.

Tucker closed the door behind him. “Your mom isn’t here. She’s with Molly’s girl scouts group at the movies.”

Justin felt like his world was coming to an end and the idea that he couldn’t talk to his mother made him feel even more emotionally unstable than he felt leaving the appointment. Turning away from Tucker he asked, “Do you know when she’ll be home?”

“Not for a few hours,” Tucker said, his voice gentle. “But if it’s an emergency we can text her and tell her to come home.”

“No,” Justin said, wiping moisture from his eyes and facing Tucker. “It’s not… I don’t want to do that. I just really need to talk to her.”

Tucker approached Justin slowly and asked with a hesitant tone, “Is it something you can talk to me about?”

“No,” Justin grunted.

Tucker placed his hand on Justin’s arm comfortingly. “Should you call Brian, then?”

“No way!” Justin said, backing away from Tucker. “I can’t talk to him yet and he’s in meetings with clients and won’t even be home until late tonight.”

“Okay,” Tucker said, “then what do you want?”

“I don’t know,” Justin said. He knew what he wanted, but that wasn’t going to happen now.

“How about we just go sit in the living room and hang out until you decide what it is you want to do,” Tucker suggested. He sighed, “Or until your mother gets home.”

“You want me to just stay here and hang out with you?” Justin scoffed.

“Sure, maybe after you chill for a little while and collect your thoughts, you’ll feel like talking out whatever it is that has you so angry. Maybe I can help.”

Something about the way Tucker had spoken the word ‘angry’ pissed him off even more and tipped him over the edge. “You think you can help me?”

Tucker blanched and he looked hurt. “Maybe I can,” Tucker said. He let out a deep breath. “Justin, I know I’m not your mom and…”

“You’re not my dad, either,” Justin interrupted. “So stop acting like you are.”

“Look,” Tucker said, crossing his arms over his chest, “I know you’re upset but that’s no reason to act like this toward me. I am not trying to act like a father to you.”

“Oh yeah?” Justin asked. It felt good to have somewhere to direct his anger at that wasn’t himself. “You just offered to have a little father-son talk with me. What’s next? Are you gonna go on a very special father and son camping trip?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Tucker said. “I know that we’re never going to have the kind of relationship you once had with Craig, but I thought we’d started growing closer and were at least becoming friends.”

“I have enough friends,” Justin told him. “A few of them are actually just about your age.”

“Maybe you should leave and go talk to one of them. I love your mother, but I’m not going to let you talk to me like this in my home. If your mother was here and heard what you’ve said, she’d be very disappointed in you.”

“So you’re going to scold me and kick me out?” Justin asked. “Maybe you want our relationship to be more like mine and Craig’s than you think?”

Tucker walked over to the door and opened it wide. He held his ground and kept his eyes on Justin’s. “I’ll tell your mother you dropped by and refrain from telling her about this, because I don’t want to hurt her. But you should know that the next time you come into my home, it will be only on her invitation and not mine.”

Justin stared at Tucker who stood before him looking extremely hurt and angry, which was exactly how Justin felt and he couldn’t believe that he had intentionally caused Tucker to feel the same. Sure, he often poked fun at Tucker about the age gap between him and his mother, which he really had no right to do, especially now that he was with Brian. But it was never in a hurtful way, not like this. He’d taken out his frustrations on the man who loved his mother and sister better than Craig ever had, a man who took care of them and made them both happy. Tucker had also always done everything he could to not come between Justin and his mother, to give him space and time to accept him into their lives and he’d always been open and caring toward him.

Not once had Justin ever felt like Tucker disapproved of him for being gay, or for choosing his own path and becoming an artist. In reality, Tucker was one of his biggest supporters. Tucker never missed going to an art show, he attended all the GLC benefits with his mother and every single time he’d been hospitalized since he knew him, Tucker was always there to offer any support he could. Justin had even ruined the man’s honeymoon and yet Tucker had never held a grudge about it. He’d been more concerned with Justin than he was with cancelling many of the plans he had and losing tons of money. Justin had learned to be cordial to him and had reluctantly accepted the man his mother loved, but he’d never done anything to deserve such kindness and acceptance from him.

What the fuck was wrong with him? He’d used Tucker as a vestibule for his anger and said some of the worst things he could say to him! He really was an asshole and his mother would be disappointed. Hell, she probably wouldn’t want to extend any invitation to him ever again if she knew what he’d said. Still, Tucker had said he wouldn’t tell her. Tucker was a good man, a better man than Justin deserved to have for a step-father. “I’m sorry,” Justin spoke, his voice hitching. He walked toward the door and met Tucker’s sad eyes. “I’m really fucking sorry. I didn’t mean any of what I said. I’m upset and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you I hope you can forgive me.”

Tucker’s hand fell away from the door and caught Justin’s arm before he could go by him. “If you really didn’t mean it, then I forgive you.”

“I didn’t,” Justin said passionately. “I know you love my mom and Molly and you’ve been really good to me too, better than Craig ever has been. I never should’ve compared you to him. You didn’t deserve that. Just tell my mom to call me when she has a chance.”

Tucker nodded. “Are you going to Daphne’s?”

“No,” Justin said in a depressed tone, “she’s working. All my friends are working.”

Tucker smiled softly and put her arm around Justin’s shoulder and turned him toward the living room. “Except one.”

Justin took the comfort that Tucker’s one-armed embrace offered him and immediately felt the stress draining from him. “Are you sure you want to hear me talk after what I said to you?”

“You need to talk, I’m here to listen,” Tucker assured.

Tucker couldn’t help him with his dilemma, but just having someone neutral who listened to him made things not seem so dire. They ordered pizza, watched a movie and occasionally talked about things going on in both of their lives. Justin had never spent much alone time with Tucker and he was pleasantly surprised at how smart and funny he turned out to be. Relaxing and hanging out with him put Justin in a better state of mind and by the time he left he was ready to talk to Brian.

***

When Justin got home he kept himself busy by cleaning the house. Brian wanted to hire a housekeeper, which Justin was sure he would do sometime soon, but for the time being it was up to him and Brian to keep the huge home clean. It was after nine p.m. by the time Justin finished dusting and mopping the downstairs. He felt exhausted and wondered if he’d manage to stay awake until Brian got home. After taking a hot shower to clean off the grunge of the day, the hot water relaxed him and he was even more tired. It was now getting close to ten o’clock and so he checked his cell phone to see if Brian had called. Brian hadn’t, so Justin decided to call him to get a read on what time Brian expected to be home.

There was no answer on Brian’s cell phone, so Justin tried his office.

“Exhibition, this is Jeffery speaking.”

Justin was surprised that Brian’s assistant answered the phone. He’d expected that the switchboard for Exhibition’s calls would be switched on and he’d have to punch in Brian’s extension. “Hi, Jeffery, this is Justin Taylor. Is Brian available?”

“Yes, he’s available,” Jeffery said. “Let me put you through.”

“Thanks.” Justin waited and the phone rang three times before it was picked up.

“Justin?”

“How’d you know it was me?” He hadn’t been put on hold so he knew that Jeffery hadn’t screened the call for Brian.

“I just looked at the clock a few minutes ago and realized how late it was. I was picking up my cell to call you and realized it was dead. I left the charger at home.”

“You need to buy an extra one,” Justin said. “I’ve got to get one for my car. Do you want me to pick you up one too?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Brian said. “I’ve got one at the loft I’ll just leave here at the office.”

“Oh, okay. I haven’t heard from you other than that text message earlier today so I thought I’d call and see if you know what time you’ll be home tonight.”

“I honestly don’t know,” Brian said, the stress he was under evident in his tone of voice. “My whole team is still here and we might be working for a few more hours.”

“What happened?”

“Same shit, different day. I swear to God I have no idea why I’ve hired half of these fucking people. Nobody seems to know what the fuck they’re doing.”

Justin was tired but he’d helped Brian with ads a few times. “Is there anything I could do to help?”

“Where are you?”

“At home.”

“If you were still in Pittsburgh, I might take you up on it.”

“What exactly is the problem?”

“I’ve got a meeting tomorrow morning at nine a.m. for Benson Baby Wipes and the boards look like shit. Every fucking change I’ve had the team make has either been fucked up or doesn’t look right.”

“Do you want to email me a picture of them?” Justin audibly yawned. “Maybe I can make some suggestions?”

“Nah, that’s okay, we’ll figure it out. You sound tired and should probably go to sleep. Hey! How did you appointment go?”

Justin gulped. “I’m negative,” Justin said, “but there’s…”

“What the fuck?” Brian shouted. “This is not eighteen font, Marcia! For fuck sakes, I think we might finally have this shit right and you give me this?”

Justin heard the woman apologize to Brian and promise to fix it immediately and then Brian was back on the phone. “Fucking idiots,” Brian grumbled. “Look, I’ve got to go. I think I might just stay at the loft tonight.”

The thought of Brian not coming home made Justin feel a mix of sadness and relief, but he asked, “Would you like me to drive back into town and be at the loft?”

“I’d like you to,” Brian admitted, “but I’ll probably only have a few hours of sleep before I have to get up again.”

“Oh, okay.”

“You don’t have plans for tomorrow, do you?”

“No. I told you I’d go with you to your appointment if you wanted me to. It’s at noon, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but I need you to do something else. Shit, I meant to call you hours ago and ask you about it, but I got sidetracked.”

“What is it you need me to do?”

“Lindsay has work and Melanie found out she’s going to be stuck in court all day. She asked me if I could pick Gus up from school, but he gets out right in the middle of my appointment. I told her you would do it. She was going to call and ask you herself, but I told her it’d be fine. I should’ve asked you first, but you did say you wanted to share him.”

Justin beamed inside. “Of course I’ll do it!”

“She said she’d call the school and have you put on the approved list. You know what school he goes to, right?”

“Yup.”

“Okay, you have to go to his classroom to pick him up between 12:30 and 12:45, no later.”

“Okay. Should I take him back to the house then?”

“No, I’ve cleared my schedule for after the appointment. I can meet you guys somewhere. Lindsay gets out of work at 3:30 so there’s no sense in us going all the way out to the house and then having to come back into town. I’ll have my phone on vibrate so why don’t you text me once you pick him up and we’ll figure out where to meet.”

“All right, that sounds good.”

“Okay, I’ve really got to go and get this ad finished. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Later.”

“Later.” Justin hung up his phone and crawled into bed. He was too tired to think about anything at all and quickly fell asleep.

***

TBC In Chapter 12 Part 2