Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. - Oscar Wilde

*****

Thursday, February 24, 2005 

"Mommy!" Gus hopped down from the bar stool, ran over to Lindsay, and hugged her.

"Did you have fun today?" Lindsay asked, kissing Gus' cheeks.

"So much!" Gus exclaimed, dancing around.

Justin smiled down at the little boy and ruffled his hair. "I had a lot of fun too."

"Brian still isn't home?" Lindsay asked, glancing around the loft.

"He's workin'," Gus answered. "I talked to him on the phone."

"He should be home in about an hour," Justin further explained.

"I'm gonna go finish my food, Mommy," Gus told her. "Justin made me chicken soup and ants on a log."

"All right, sweetie, but hurry up because it's almost bedtime."

Gus pouted. "I thought I was stayin' at Dada's tonight."

Lindsay sighed. "I know, but you don't have to. I didn't have to be at work as long as I thought."

Justin felt as disappointed as Gus looked at him, not only was he fun to be with, but he distracted him from any thoughts about seeing his mother and sister.

"But I don't wanna go home, I wanna stay," Gus whined.

Lindsay felt guilty. "I know that, but you're going to spend the night with Dada on Saturday."

"It's not fair!" Gus complained, stomping his foot. "I wanna stay."

Not wanting this to ruin Gus' fun day, Justin knew he had to intervene and try to help. Justin knelt down to be level with Gus. "Buddy, me and your dad would love to have you stay here too, but if you go home with your Mom tonight, then she won't be all alone. I bet she needs her big man to keep her company tonight."

Gus' hazel eyes widened and he looked up at his mother. "You do?"

Lindsay gave Justin a grateful smile before addressing Gus. "Yes, I do. In fact, I'll even let you sleep in bed with me tonight. You can have all of Mama's pillows."

Gus smiled and agreed, "Okay! But can I finish my food first."

"You can, sweetie," Lindsay said, "hurry up."

"K." Gus ran back over to the bar and climbed up in his stool.

Lindsay watched in surprise as Gus took a large bite of the celery stick. "I can't believe you got him to eat celery," she whispered, amazed.

"Ants on a log are the only way I'll eat it," Justin said. "I let him make his own so I think that made a big difference. At first I made myself one and ate it to show him it was good and he thought I was crazy."

"My nanny used to make those for me and my sister. I'd forgotten about them until now."

"My mom made them for me too," Justin said wistfully.

Lindsay wanted to ask more about Justin's family but rightly chose to change the topic of conversation. "I want to thank you for taking care of Gus today; he seemed to have a great time."

Justin grinned. "Anytime, I wasn't just saying that I had fun to appease Gus, I really did love hanging out with him. He's so smart, witty and he makes everything fun. When we were at the library there was this old gray haired man sitting at one of the computers and he kept coughing loudly as I was grabbing the book I wanted. When we walked past, Gus tapped him on his shoulder and whispered, ‘In a library you're supposed to be quiet, mister.' Everyone around who heard, including the man coughing, couldn't help but laugh. I could hardly hold in my own laughter the whole time I was checking out my book."

Lindsay smiled proudly at her son's adorable behavior. "That's Gus all right. What was his reaction to the laughter?"

"He kept ‘shushing' everyone."

"Of course he did," Lindsay said.

"Mom, Justin, I'm done," Gus said, climbing down from the stool. "I need to wash my hands." He clapped his hands together, the peanut butter he got on them making a squishy noise as his hands separated and came together.

"I'll go help him wash up," Lindsay said, leading Gus into the bathroom.

Once Gus cleaned up, he and Justin said their goodbyes, Justin assuring Gus that he'd see him in a few days. He grabbed his cell phone to call Brian and let him know that Lindsay had taken Gus home.

"Hey," Brian answered his phone in a groggy voice.

"Hey, back."

"Does Gus want to talk to me again?" Brian asked. "I'm almost finished here so it shouldn't be too much longer before I'm home."

"Lindsay stopped by and picked him up," Justin said. "She was able to get out of the gallery earlier than she thought."

"Oh."

Justin heard so much disappointment in that one word. "I know, it sucks. But he'll be staying with us on Saturday."

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to call an order in at China Star?"

"Sure," Brian replied, "get me the number seven."

"Okay, I'll call them. See you when you get home."

"Later."

"Later," Justin replied and hung up. A tremendous ache took up residence in body as he closed his phone. He couldn't wait for Brian to get home to distract him from all the pain and loneliness in his heart.

*****

After fifteen minutes of fucking Justin, Brian came to the realization that the immediate blowjob he received after arriving home and the fuck occurring minutes later, had less to do with his husband being horny and more to do with Justin escaping emotion. It wasn't in Brian's nature to over-think a fuck, but he found himself thinking about Justin's wants, needs and emotions a hell of lot more than he liked to before, during and post fucking. It was when Brian kissed Justin's neck then lightly bit at his skin, prompting Justin's ass to tighten and for him to beg for Brian to bite him harder, that he realized something was off with the younger man.

Brian continued to fuck him, to give them both pleasure but he couldn't stop thinking about how Justin had never acted this way ‘in bed' before. He only wanted to use the barest amount of lube, stopped him when Brian wanted to finger him first, and the moment the head of Brian's dick entered him, he shoved his ass back to the hilt much quicker than he should have. Maybe that should have startled Brian. But at first, he thought it was all about him, selfish prick that he is, thinking that Justin was so hot and horny for him he couldn't wait and would rather endure pain than go another moment without having Brian's dick buried inside his ass.

"Harder," Justin growled desperately, his voice muffled. Draped over the sofa, his face smashed against the back cushion, hands gripping the seat, he widened his stance, hoping to get Brian's cock even deeper inside of him. "Please, please, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, Brian!"

Brian fucked faster, his hips slamming against Justin's ass, one hand jerking his dick, the other pulling the blond locks of hair. He wasn't a stranger to pain management and didn't know what else to do, so what Justin asked for he gave, and gave a little more. He wanted Justin to know that whatever it was that was bothering him, that at least while they were fucking, he didn't have to worry. Brian slapped Justin's ass, bit the crease of his shoulder and folded his body over him. Justin came, come flooding over Brian's hand and onto the sofa, his hole squeezing Brian's cock as his body jerked and vibrated around Brian, bringing forth Brian's orgasm.

The moment the last euphoric tide abated within him, Justin felt the ache burning inside of him again. He groaned, from the feeling of Brian pulling out of his tender ass and because he'd been so sure that if he could just feel the pain physically, it would somehow eradicate it completely. No such luck.

Brian discarded the condom, pulled up his pants and when it appeared that Justin couldn't move, he helped pull his up too. "You wanna tell me what that was about?" he asked Justin, turning him around to face him.

"I'd rather not," Justin replied, walking over to the kitchen. He felt a need to tell Brian, but that thought alone bothered him enough not to want to. Brian had his own shit to deal with and Justin knew he didn't actually like talking about emotional shit, and if he told Brian about what happened, he would most likely become an emotional mess. Justin wondered how it was that he went from being able to hide every emotion to being afraid that he couldn't quell them at all.

"I thought you had a good day with Gus?" Brian knew that was a low blow. He was guilting Justin into thinking that he thought something bad had happened with Gus, but he didn't want to spend all night guessing at the problem.

Justin paused grabbing a box of rice and looked up at Brian. "It isn't Gus. I had a great time with him. He's the best."

"Did Lindsay say something shitty to you?" Brian asked.

"No," Justin assured, going back to grabbing the take-out containers from the bag, "she was fine."

"I'm not going to play twenty questions," Brian said irritably, walking around Justin to grab plates from a cabinet. "Just tell me what the fuck that," he paused once he was beside Justin and gestured to the sofa, "was about."

Justin sighed deeply and with a resigned tone said, "At the children's museum, I ran into my mother and sister."

Brian hadn't expected that, though he figured his mood had something to do with Justin's reluctance to be living in Pittsburgh. "Shit."

Justin laughed dryly. "Yeah." He scooped his food onto his plate, took it over to the table and started eating, his appetite barely there, he had to force himself to chew.

Brian brought his food over and sat across from Justin, giving him a moment to swallow before he asked him to elaborate. "And?"

"She was there as a chaperone for Molly's class."

"Did you talk to her?"

"For like a minute," Justin said sadly. "Molly's so different now. She's really tall for a fifth grader, almost as tall as me and she's so beautiful. I can tell she still adores me, but she doesn't know..."

"That your parents abandoned you?" Brian supplied when Justin didn't say anything more.

Justin took a few bites of his food and processed how he could continue the conversation without sounding like he was defending his parents, knowing that Brian hated it the few times he had defended their actions. "She doesn't know what really happened. They kept her out of all of it, I knew all that the last time I saw her."

"So where the fuck does she think you've been all this time?"

"I don't know. I didn't have much time to talk to either one of them. They were leaving to go out and board the buses when Molly spotted me. She ran over to me and hugged me tighter than she ever has." Justin stopped talking for a moment as he felt tears well in his eyes. "I think they were both so shocked they didn't even notice Gus standing beside me. They probably thought he was some random kid."

"So Molly and your mother didn't ask where you'd been?"

"No, they didn't have time. The chaperones and teachers were trying to rally all the kids up and my mom had to help. She handed me her business card, told Molly I could call her at their new number and then pulled her away with the rest of her class."

"So are you going to call?"

Justin wanted to, to talk to Molly, but he knew that he'd have to go through his mother or maybe even his father and he didn't know if he wanted to deal with that. "I don't know."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do," Brian said, keeping his tone soft. "But if Molly saw your Mom give you her card and told you to call her and you don't..." He let his words trail off for Justin to draw the obvious conclusion. Molly would think that he didn't want to talk to her.

"I know," Justin stood from the table, grabbed his barely touched plate and walked over to the counter to cover it with plastic wrap. "I just don't understand. They didn't want me to contact them and now my mom suddenly wants me to." He grabbed two beers from the fridge, opened one for himself, walked back over to Brian and handed him the other. "I don't know what the fuck to do and poor Molly is probably sitting by the phone waiting for me to call her. If it were the other way around, I know I would be. I don't want to talk to my parents though, not yet. I didn't want to see them or to talk to them until I could at least pay them back a little bit, show them that I have every intention of making something of myself."

Brian grabbed Justin's wrist and pulled him so he sat in his lap. "You have already made something of yourself."

"I'm not saying this to get pity Brian, but seriously, I haven't made myself into anything but a whore."

"Fuck that." Brian squeezed Justin against him and carded his fingers through his hair. "You made yourself into a survivor and that's more than they probably expected which I'd guess is one of the reasons why they cut you out of their lives."

Justin was surprised at Brian's neutral way of thinking regarding his parents. "So because they didn't want to watch me die in prison, that makes it okay?"

"You know it doesn't. I sure as fuck don't think that but I know you're looking for something, something to hold onto so you won't be so pissed at them. Fuck, I don't even know them so I'm no one to be making judgments or explanations on their behalf."

"But you may be right."

"Maybe. Whatever goes on with your parents and you, maybe they don't have to be involved with what goes on with you and your sister?"

"Yeah right," Justin snorted, placed his beer on the table and turned so he could straddle Brian face to face. "Do you think I should call her?"

Brian shrugged and kissed along Justin's throat. "I think you should call her if you want to."

"What if I have to talk to my mother or father and they ask about me, about what I've been doing..." Justin sighed as the thousands of questions his parents might possibly ask him assaulted his thinking.

Brian drew back and looked into Justin's eyes. "Do you plan on ever telling them the truth?"

"No," Justin replied emphatically, "never."

"Then tell them," Brian stopped speaking for a moment to think. He didn't want to lie, but he and Justin were already doing that and if they could lie for Brian to get an account they could certainly lie to spare Justin the pain of telling his parents that he had to rent out his body to stay alive. Decided upon his thoughts, Brian continued, "Tell them that shortly after the trial, you and I met. I kept an apartment there in Chicago, I knew you needed a place to stay and I needed a housekeeper and dog walker."

Justin laughed. "You don't have a dog."

"They don't need to know that."

"You know what I'd like to tell my mother?" Justin asked, grinning like a fool.

"Hmm?" Brian nuzzled his face under Justin's chin and took a deep breath, smelling Justin as his perfect ass innocently wiggled upon his crotch. It was beginning to get harder to continue the conversation that he was having with Justin because, even though they just finished fucking, having Justin's ass so close made his cock ache to be inside the warm place it loved. "Tell me," he said when Justin didn't start talking.

"Never mind," Justin mumbled, abruptly standing up from Brian's lap. He crossed over to the stairs, taking off his clothing as he went. "It's too late to call Molly tonight anyway."

Brian stood, took a deep breath and thought of the time he saw Carl's tongue in Deb's mouth. With his dick not doing his thinking, Brian's mind was free to think. He walked after Justin and saw that the blond had already gotten under the covers and thrown them over his head.

"So you'll call her tomorrow afternoon then." Brian was fine going to bed this early but he wasn't ready to sleep.

"Huh?" Justin asked, poking his head out from under the blanket.

"It's too late to call Molly tonight, so you'll call her tomorrow."

"Maybe," Justin conceded, his body suddenly felt like lead. He didn't want to move, didn't want to think, because he was sure that his thoughts were completely pointless. Things were so much easier when he didn't have hope.

Brian undressed, slid under the duvet and propped himself up on his side. He really hated talking but he knew that if he didn't get Justin to say what he wanted, he wouldn't be getting what he wanted. It had been too shitty of a day at work and he wasn't going out to pick up a trick, so if he wanted to get off at least once more, he had to talk to get him talking so that his husband would relax. "It's too early to sleep."

"Well maybe you should go out then?" Justin suggested. "I can sleep by myself, you know."

Brian made a sour face. "I want you to tell me what you were going to say before, about what you'd like to tell your mom."

"It's stupid."

Brian flicked Justin's ear and scooted closer to drape his arm over his waist. "Tell me and I'll fucking tell you if it's stupid."

Justin raised his eyebrows.

"What? You think I won't?"

"No...it's just... I know it's stupid and I don't need you to agree."

"This is why trying to communicate sucks," Brian muttered, glaring at Justin. "Just fucking tell me, asshole."

Justin had never heard an insult sound so sincerely non-insulting. "Fine." He thought to himself about what had first come into his mind before giving in and deciding to tell Brian everything. "I want to tell them that nobody knows, not your family, friends, no one."

"Knows what?"

"That we've been carrying on a secret romance," Justin replied, blushing. 

"A secret romance!" Brian laughed aloud because he could never imagine himself ever doing any such thing.

"See," Justin frowned, "it's stupid."

"No, no, it's just funny. So, tell me how this secret romance began. I'll have to know if it's going to be believable or not."

"All right. So... uhm...let's see. You were in Chicago on business a couple of weeks after the court ruling. I'd just gotten a job at a coffee shop and you came in to get a latte. You were my last customer before the end of my shift. I made your drink and you flirted with me."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did I flirt with you?"

Justin shrugged. "I don't know, maybe you thought I was hot?"

Brian snorted a laugh. "That'll work. So, what next?"

"You asked me if I knew a place that tourists didn't go to that had good food and beer."

"Uhuh..." Brian began to run his hand up and down Justin's chest, his fingers playing in the baby fine hairs that were invisible to the eye.

"I told you that there was a place not too far from where I was staying and that I'd walk you to it if you'd wait for me to grab my bags. We talked the whole way there and when we got to the entrance, you asked if you could buy me dinner as repayment for me being your tour guide. I, of course, said yes, since I was living in a shelter and hadn't gotten my first check from the coffee shop yet and the only food I was used to eating was slop."

"You were living in a shelter? Is that true?"

"For a little while I did, until..." Justin gulped. "I didn't tell you that yet. But you did ask about me carrying around a duffel and a backpack when we left the coffee shop. I told you that I didn't trust my roommates. Anyway, we went into the restaurant, it's called ‘Local Coco's' it's a diner/bar on the corner of Newton and 14th. "

"Not ‘The Wiener Circle'?"

"That's on the other side of town," Justin answered. He closed his eyes and imagined the pretend evening. "You and I hit it off, we talked for hours about nothing and when we left you wanted to walk me home. That's when I told you where I lived and I told you why."

"And I believed you when you told me about what your Professor did to you," Brian spoke softly, firmly.

Justin opened his eyes, put his hand in Brian's and smiled at him. "You did and you wanted to help me."

"I did."

"And you told me that I could stay at the hotel with you for the weekend, just as friends and that you'd help me out however you could. Over the next two days you fell hopelessly in love with me but because I hadn't paid enough on my fine I couldn't leave the state and come to Pittsburgh with you, so you put me up in the hotel until you could arrange to come back and find a place that would be ours there."

"See, the apartment and dog thing could've worked," Brian said, "but your story is much more elaborate."

"I like my story," Justin said in a quiet voice and closed his eyes again. "If it had been like that..."

"What happened after you moved into the apartment?" Brian interrupted.

"I continued working at the coffee shop and you and I would talk on the phone, email and you'd come see me whenever you could. You told me about your friends, about your past and that it would always follow you around. The way you lived your life before changed when you met me. But you knew that they'd think I was using you for your money if you told them about me. Eventually, the distance between us got to be too much and you wanted me in Pittsburgh with you."

"This is some story," Brian spoke, moving his hand to Justin's hair. "You should be a writer."

Justin giggled, "I'm not done with it."

"Oh right, I proposed, didn't I?"

"Yup, and of course I said yes and that's when you had to tell your family. They wouldn't believe it if you told them the truth, so you told them what the real truth is."

"You think your parents are going to believe that?" Brian asked.

"Why not?" Justin turned on his side and gazed into Brian's eyes. "If I even get that far, there's no reason they couldn't believe that. If you act the way you do with me when we're around the Lewises, they'd have no reason to think I'm lying."

"I'm that good," Brian joked.

"Better." Justin grinned. "So you think you can remember that, if my parents or Molly ever ask?"

"I could." Brian kissed Justin's forehead. "You realize that they may not even ask for any explanation."

Justin nodded. "Oh yeah, they will. When I introduce you as my husband, they'll want to know it all."

"They'll think they did the right thing, leaving you there, not talking to you."

"I know," Justin admitted, "but I don't care. I don't want them to feel guilty, Brian. I'm angry at them but I've thought about this so many times and as mad as I am, I know that my parents lost so much because of me and there is no denying that."

"It was that asshole that sucked you into all of it that caused it," Brian said with heat to his tone. "Don't fucking forget that." He yawned, sleepy from Justin's bedtime story and from his long workday. "You should call tomorrow."

Justin scooted closer and pressed his naked body against Brian. "I will," he vowed. "I promise."

"This isn't something you're doing for me; this is for you, for your sister, right?"

Justin nodded. "I know. Brian, you may not realize this, but you are pretty great."

Brian flipped Justin onto his back and settled between his spread legs. "I realize it." The time for talking was officially over. He reached for a condom and ground his dick against Justin's cock; he was sleepy but not so tired that he still didn't want his husband. "Would you like a demonstration?"

Justin grinned mischievously and asked, "Do I get to perform my own demonstration after yours?"

Brian dipped his head down and rested his lips inside Justin's parted mouth. "If you insist," he whispered.

*****

Friday, February 25, 2005

Justin awoke at the sound of the loft door sliding open and then closed. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked to his right; surprised to see it was a few minutes past noon.

"Morning, Sunshine," Brian called out, walking up the steps to the bedroom.

Justin sat up and in a throaty voice asked, "What are you doing home?"

"I took a half-day off. We have stuff to do." Brian walked over to the closet and began to change out of his suit. "Get up, get showered and get dressed."

Justin dragged himself out of bed and plastered his body against Brian's back. "Take a shower with me?" he asked, kissing along Brian's bare shoulders.

Brian faced Justin and gently pushed him away. "I took one this morning while you were still sleeping. I'm sure you're aching for more of my dick in your ass, but..."

"Like you're aching for my cock in your ass?" Justin cut Brian off and playfully slapped his chest. "Where are we going?"

"Shopping." Brian pulled out a burgundy sweater and a pair of jeans and threw them onto the bed.

"Is there something else you needed from the store? I thought I stocked the fridge pretty well."

Brian raised one eyebrow. "Not for food."

Justin's shoulders slumped. "Do I have to go? I'd much rather you model your purchases once you've decided upon them."

Brian laughed dryly. "You're going to be the one modeling."

Justin's eyes widened. "Ah, no, I'm fine."

Brian gestured to the array of clothing in the closet and touched the few items of Justin's that were hanging inside. "You have nothing to wear."

"It's a hell of a lot more than what I had before," Justin defended. "I don't need anything more, at least not until the summer and by then I'll hopefully have a job and..."

Brian interrupted Justin by letting out a loud long laugh. "The cleaning lady only does the dry cleaning twice a month. There's no way you can survive two weeks on that."

"We have a cleaning lady?" Justin asked. "How often does she come? Are you sure you need her now that I'm living here? I can take care of all the cleaning and it's not like all my clothes have to be dry cleaned. I know how to do laundry. Isn't there a communal laundromat downstairs?"

Brian looked at Justin as though he'd lost his mind. "What are you on?"

Justin ran a hand through his greasy hair and huffed, "Nothing, why?"

"You just asked like ten questions in five seconds."

"I'm a little weird in the mornings," Justin told him, putting one hand on his hip. "Now are you going to answer those questions? Cause if not, I think I might go back to sleep."

Brian rolled his eyes, wondering why he'd never seen this ‘morning' Justin before. "You're not going back to sleep. You've slept longer than I have."

Justin shrugged. "Well, I'm still tired so..."

"All right, let's see, yes, I've hired a ‘cleaning lady'. Her name is Veronica and she comes every Monday, unless it happens to be a holiday, then she'll call and arrange a different day. She's usually here around two and leaves around six. Laundry is collected every other Friday and she brings it back the following Monday. Besides occasionally running the dishwasher and picking up after yourself, you don't need to clean anything and we definitely still need her."

"What about the laundromat downstairs? Couldn't I just do my clothes there."

"If you want to deal with that for your underwear and tees, whatever, but I pay Veronica to do all the laundry so you'd be better off letting her clean it all when she does mine. In case you didn't notice, most of the clothing you got in Chicago is supposed to be ‘dry cleaned only' and if you don't wash it the way it suggests, you're throwing away money because none of that shit will last."

"Well I still think I can stretch this stuff to last me. I don't need any other new clothes," Justin insisted.

Tired of arguing with about this, especially because it was an excuse to keep Justin's mind off the impending call, Brian tried one more time. "Look, I'm buying you new clothes whether you like it or not, so if you want to choose some that you like, be ready in twenty minutes." He turned his back on Justin and began to dress.

Just as Justin was about to reply with, ‘Just because you buy them it doesn't mean I have to wear them,' he realized exactly what Brian was doing. Brian had planned this ‘surprise' shopping trip. He'd taken off work early, all so that he could entertain Justin and keep him busy because Brian knew how anxious he was about calling his sister and mother. He thought about calling Brian out on this, but the thoughtful act was so sweet Justin didn't want to ruin it. "All right," he consented, "but only if we can get lunch first."

*****

Brian was feeling quite smug about how well their shopping trip had gone. He'd managed to keep a smile on Justin's face the entire time. Now, they were walking into the loft, both of them with many shopping bags weighing down their arms.

"Oh fuck," Justin groaned, dropping his bags on the floor of the elevator. He didn't know what got into him; he loved shopping with Brian, more than he thought he ever would. After the first store, Brian had taken him to ‘Lord', a men's clothing store that catered to every person who walked inside. There were no prices on anything and so Brian convinced him that if he tried something on, felt good and looked good in it, then the price truly didn't matter. Justin had accepted this but after hours of trying on clothes, alongside Brian, and being told that he looked great in almost everything he put on; he had to put a stop to it. "Thank you for taking me shopping," he told Brian as the elevator began to rise, "but I think maybe we should return some it."

Brian snorted. "You don't return anything to Lord's." He rolled his eyes at Justin. "I thought you had fun."

"I did." Justin smiled at Brian and grabbed for his bags when the elevator stopped.

"So what's the problem?" Brian lifted the gate, grabbed his own shopping bags and placed them in front of the loft door while he dug his keys out of his coat pocket.

"I didn't realize how much I got until I saw them boxing it all up. It's going to be summer soon. I won't be able to wear anything but the jeans then."

Brian shrugged and opened the door, shoving Justin inside first, before gathering his stuff and following him in. "That's why designers make seasonal collections."

Justin dropped his bags to the floor. "There is no way I can let you do this again. I'll hopefully have a job by then and I can buy my own shorts and t-shirts," he said.

Brian wasn't going to spoil the day. "If that's what you want."

If Justin's size changed, which he guessed that it would now that he was eating three meals a day, he would measure him in his sleep and buy him suitable spring and summer clothing himself.

"Really?" Justin asked, surprised. "You're not going to..." His words were cut off from the sound of his watch alarm beeping. "It's four-thirty. Molly should be home from school by now. I have to call her. Oh shit. God damn it, I don't think I'm ready to call today. Maybe I should wait; maybe I can wait until..."

"Shh." The shopping trip suddenly forgotten, Brian stepped behind Justin and rubbed his shoulders. "You can do it. If you want, you can sit on my lap when you call."

Justin laughed and turned around, Brian's arms dropping to grip his waist as he did. He breathed in Brian's scent and closed his eyes, the feeling of safety lessening his fears. He opened his eyes and nodded at Brian in thanks. "Maybe just... stay around."

"You want privacy?" Brian asked. "I can go shower now if you want."

"No." Justin grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. He'd programmed in the office number and the house number that his mother had listed on her business card yesterday. "Just, maybe you can start hanging this stuff up before it wrinkles?" He wanted Brian close, but not so close that he could hear both sides of the conversation completely.

Brian faked a gasp. "I can't believe I've left Prada in a box this long. Hopefully it will survive."

Justin snickered as he watched Brian gather all their bags and go up into the bedroom. He could still make him out through the glass, and knowing he was near if the phone call turned out badly made it a lot easier for him to press the send button.

"Hello?"

Thrown by the unfamiliar male voice answering the phone, Justin stuttered out his reply, "Uhmm... I...I'm looking for... is this the...the Taylor residence." He hoped to God that he hadn't programmed the wrong numbers in on his phone because he'd already thrown the card away and was so stupid not to memorize the name of the agency where his mother worked. Jennifer Taylor was a common name and he'd have to spend days calling listings to find her.

"Yes, this is the Taylor residence. Who did you need to speak with and who is calling please?"

Justin wondered if maybe it had been so long since he'd spoken to his father that he'd forgotten his voice. "Dad?" he whispered.

"No..." The person laughed. "I'm sorry, who is this?"

Justin detected a small accent when the man asked the question and knew that he was wrong, it wasn't his father. "This is Justin," he introduced, "my mother gave me this number..."

"Justin!" the man said with a relieved tone. "Your mom and Molly have been waiting... hoping for your call. I'll go get her. Hold on, okay?"

"Okay," Justin gulped. He heard the sound of the other phone drop and clang onto some type of surface and then the sound of quick footsteps until there was only silence. His anticipation and confusion grew as the seconds of stillness from the other line passed. He didn't have any idea who the man who answered the phone was and he didn't know if he was about to talk to his mother or his sister first.

"Justin! I'm so glad you called," his mother's voice suddenly spoke.

"Hi, Mom."

Jennifer let out a long sigh into the receiver. "Hi, I... I want to apologize for the way I acted at the museum. It was such a shock seeing you and then I had to rush so that we could get the kids back to school and..."

"It's okay," Justin interrupted. His skin broke out in goosebumps and he felt nauseous. It wasn't okay so why had he told her that it was. It wasn't okay that she'd abandoned him and yet, he felt so grateful just to hear his mother's voice, it wasn't supposed to be this easy. He wasn't supposed to be able to forgive her for casting him out of her life and he was angry with himself for thinking that he wanted to. He wanted to just wipe the slate clean, start again and have his mother be his mom again.

"Justin? Did you hear me."

All he'd heard had been his own internal dialogue. "No... sorry the connection was bad for a moment," he lied.

"I asked, are you still in Pittsburgh?"

"Yes. I live here now, with my husband."

"Your...your husband!"

"Yes, his name is Brian."

"I.... I didn't expect... Oh, Justin, are you happy?"

"Yes," Justin replied, "now I am."

"Were you able to get an extension or a reduction for the fine?"

"It's been paid," Justin told her in a tight voice. "I worked to pay off a lot of it, and because I married Brian, what is his money is also my own so he paid off the rest."

"That had to be a large amount of money, Justin. Did you marry this man for the money?"

"I don't really see how that's any business of yours," Justin snapped, losing his cool for a moment.

"I never stopped being your mother, Justin. You are my business and..."

"Listen, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but the truth is, you and Dad dropped me. I know your lives were messed up because of what happened and if I could go back and change that I would, but I don't think you have any right to ask me why I married Brian. You don't know me anymore." He hadn't planned to say any of that to his mother, but Justin found himself unable to stop. "I would've loved for you to have met Brian before we got married. I would have loved for you to be at our wedding, but that wasn't possible and it wasn't because of me."

"You're right," Jennifer whispered, obviously holding herself back from crying. "There's a lot of things we need to discuss."

"There is," Justin replied, his voice gentler.

"I'd love to meet your husband and see you when I'm not chasing after a bunch of fifth graders. I know Molly wants to see you too. She wanted to be home tonight in case you called but she had basketball practice. I have so much I need to tell you."

"I have to ask Brian when we're free. But maybe you could give Molly my cell phone number and she could call me tomorrow?"

"All right."

"Give me a minute to go talk to Brian." Justin put the phone on hold and walked up to the bedroom. Brian was busy putting away their newest purchases in the closet. "Hey."

Brian had to pretend that he hadn't been listening closely to the conversation. "So, how was it?" he asked, kissing Justin's forehead.

Justin playfully pushed Brian away from him. "Don't act like you haven't been listening this whole time."

Brian smirked. "So?"

"She wants to meet the both of us."

"That includes you getting to see your sister, right?"

"Yes." Justin smiled. "I'd like to meet them over here, if that would be all right with you."

"They're your family," Brian told him, "and it's your home now too."

"So maybe I could make dinner on Sunday for them if you don't have anything planned already."

Brian thought for a minute. "Not that I can think of."

"Good." Justin pecked Brian's lips before going back to his phone. "Mom?"

"Still here, sweetie."

"Are you guys free Sunday night?"

"Anything we have going on can take a back seat to seeing you," Jennifer told him.

"Well I don't want to take you and Dad away from a business dinner or something."

"Justin..." Jennifer sighed. "I wanted to wait to tell you in person but..."

"What?" Justin asked, dread dragging up his spine.

"Your dad and I divorced."

"What?" Justin gasped. "Because of..."

"It was NOT because of you," Jennifer quickly said. "We hadn't been happy in a long time. The time we spent together during your trial was the first time we'd been in the same room for more than sleep in almost a year."

"Oh god," Justin groaned, collapsing onto the bed. "He left you and Molly."

"It was amicable, Justin. It's one of the things we need to discuss."

Justin recalled the man that answered the phone. "The guy that answered, who was he?"

"His name is Tucker, he's my boyfriend. I'd like to bring him with me and Molly on Sunday if that'd be all right."

"You don't want to ask dad to come?" Justin asked.

"I can give you your father's new number if you'd like to call and ask him."

"No," Justin told her firmly. Overwhelmed with the new information, Justin stuttered, "No...not...not now. This time, this time, can you and Molly just come?"

"Of course," Jennifer said, "I understand."

"It's just that I don't want to..."

"You don't have to explain, honey. We'll talk on Sunday, okay?"

"Okay," Justin spoke with relief.

"Do you want your Dad's number?"

"I don't know. Maybe you can give it to me on Sunday, after you explain what is really going on with him that you won't tell me about now."

Jennifer took a deep breath. "All right. So what time and where do you live now?"

Justin told his mother the address after arranging to meet at five and he hung up the phone after giving her a terse goodbye. "Shit," he said, falling back onto the bed.

Brian put the last pair of underwear in Justin's drawer and dropped down onto the bed beside him. "What?"

"My parents are divorced now." Justin turned on his side to face Brian. "My mom is dating some new guy. Molly is playing basketball, apparently my girly little sister is now a jock and I... I'm.... God, nothing has changed for me, nothing I can tell them."

Brian rubbed the back of his hand against Justin's face, the cool metal from the ring brushing down across his lips. "You told her we were married, that's a big change."

"Yeah," Justin sighed. "But it's fake."

Brian shrugged and locked his eyes with Justin's blue ones. "She won't ever know that." He leaned down and kissed Justin, pushing his tongue in between Justin's plump lips and diving in to taste his warm mouth. "Stop worrying," he whispered, pulling back.

Justin smiled as he felt Brian's erection pressing against his leg. "I suppose you know what to do to make me stop worrying?"

Brian grinned devilishly. "Of course I do. But you'll have to come get it," he said, flopping onto his back.

Justin sat up and gave Brian a lustful stare, running his eyes up and down Brian's body while he grabbed a condom and lube. "You're a very giving husband; I think I'll tell my mother all about that."

"You do that, after..."

"I do you?" Justin finished, throwing his shirt off.

"Just remember that I'm usually the giving one," Brian added.

"I couldn't ever forget," Justin replied, anxiously pushing his pants down.