I'm going to be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
Say a prayer for the Pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender ~ Jackson Browne

*****

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Brian watched from the patio as Justin pushed his little brother in the baby swing in the backyard. Geo was almost a spitting image of Justin, he had his mother's dark hair, but his face was all Justin. He sipped his beer and laughed when Justin started pretending that the baby was kicking him every time his feet would swing toward him.

"Justin tells me you have a son with two of your friends," Craig commented, dropping down into the seat across from him.

"Yes, his name is Gus. We usually spend Saturdays with him but his mothers took him to the zoo today."

Craig nodded and his expression looked worried. "Does he... is he a good father?"

Brian blanched, surprised at the question. "To Gus?"

"Yes, well he is his step-father. I ask because Justin used to say he never wanted to have kids but..." he paused and pointed to his sons and smiled, "he's so good with them. He was always a wonderful brother to Molly."

"Gus and Justin get along well. They've only known one another for a little while though, so he doesn't call Justin ‘Dad'."

"I see," Craig replied and took a swallow of his own beer.

Brian wasn't sure what to make of the man across from him. He had pre-existing issues with the man for how he treated Justin, but ever since they'd arrived for the barbecue, he had been kind, if not a little hesitant and uncomfortable whenever he and Justin would touch or kiss. Brian figured the guy handled his son being gay a lot better than most straight-laced fathers did.

"He didn't have a good example," Craig said, "that's another reason why I wondered."

Brian held himself back from rolling his eyes because if the man expected him to feel pity for him or to disagree, that wouldn't happen. "Justin hasn't ever told me he didn't want kids but I certainly wouldn't let him around Gus if I didn't think he was a good influence on him." He smiled as he thought about their last visit together. "He's a lot more interactive with Gus than I find myself being. He actually gets down on the floor with him and plays cars or trains with him. He's always got some weird game he makes up that makes Gus happy."

"He's very creative," Craig said, laughing. "He used to pretend he was a different animal every day and insist that Jen and I refer to him by that animal's name. I don't remember when he finally stopped doing that. It was probably around the time he picked up a crayon and starting drawing them."

"Brian, do you need another beer?" Christine asked, carrying a large salad out onto the patio.

"No thanks," he said but glanced at Justin's empty one. "I think Justin could use one. But I'll get it."

"I'd better check the hamburgers," Craig said, hopping up. "Would you mind getting me a spatula while you're inside?" he asked Brian.

"No problem," Brian said, disappearing into the house. He needed a moment away from the cutesy-family shit. He walked over to the fridge to grab a beer and stopped in place as he saw magnets holding several pictures of himself and Justin on their wedding day. They were there amongst all the other family pictures Christine and Craig had placed on the fridge and oddly enough, they didn't look out of place. Brian tossed that thought out of his mind, grabbed a beer and went after looking for the spatula.

Outside, Justin was bringing Geo up to the patio. "Where'd Brian go?" he asked, handing his brother to Christine who placed him in his high chair.

"He went to grab you another beer," Craig answered.

"He seems so devoted to you, Justin," Christine said genuinely happy. "Your mother told me..."

"You talk to my mother?" Justin asked.

"They have a better relationship than we do," Craig muttered.

Justin's eyes widened. "What did she say about me?"

"Not much, just how in love you and Brian are. We're all so happy for you, Justin. I hope you know how much I desperately wanted to meet you. I know your father..."

"Do you need anything else from the kitchen?" Brian asked, interrupting the conversation as he stepped out on the patio.

"Oh, I'll just go in and get the plates and silverware," Christine said, "go ahead and sit down, Brian. You're a guest."

Brian handed Craig the spatula and then handed Justin his beer, kissing his forehead as he did. "You all right?" he whispered, noticing that Justin looked pale.

Justin nodded and grabbed his hand. "Yeah, thanks."

Craig soon served the burgers, and as everyone ate, the conversation drifted toward Justin's schooling. "I'm glad you're able to go back to school, Justin," Craig commented.

"Well, the University of Pittsburgh isn't my first choice, but I'm hoping that if I take some classes there and do well maybe somewhere else might let me in," Justin explained. "I'd really like to go to PIFA but that probably won't ever happen."

Brian winced. "Well you never know until you apply," he said, brushing his hand along Justin's bare arm. "You should try Carnegie Mellon. Ben says their art program is intense but he thinks you'd do well there."

"Well, Ben doesn't know why I probably won't get in," Justin said, taking a bite of his burger. He didn't want to discuss his future with Brian because there wasn't going to be one.

"Well, it's too bad you're married and living here in Pittsburgh," Craig joked. "You know I've got all those alumni friends who are constantly shelling out money at Dartmouth for one thing or another. You'd be able to get in there easily."

Brian bristled at the thought of Justin going out of state. "Well our friend Ben is tenured at Carnegie Mellon. If Justin thought he was ready, he might be able to help him with the admission process." He leaned over to Justin and kissed him, uncaring of the food his husband had yet to swallow.

"Well I think that means he wants Justin to stay," Christine said, laughing and fanning herself.

Justin pulled away from the kiss and blushed furiously, knowing that Christine couldn't be further from the truth. It was all pretend for Brian and that was just good acting.

*****

Monday, April 18, 2005

"Jungle Man?" Justin suggested. He worked up a quick sketch of a man in a loin cloth with vines as fingers and snakes for his hair.

Michael laughed. "I think he might work as a villain, but not for a hero. That'd be too Tarzan."

Justin stared off toward where Brian was on a yoga mat in the middle of the loft doing push-ups. He had sweat dripping off his glistening golden skin and his arm muscles strained with exertion. Brian had ear buds in and the Ipod attached to a Velcro band on his arm. Occasionally, he'd hear Brian let out his breaths to a beat and it reminded Justin of the way Brian breathed during sex. He shifted in his chair at the computer and adjusted his hard-on.

Michael rolled his eyes and smiled as Justin's attention was diverted for the hundredth time by Brian exercising. "We're so doing this at my shop next time," he said.

Justin looked back over at Michael and took his hand away from his crotch. "Sorry."

"S'okay." Michael leaned back in his chair and whispered, "Who wouldn't be captivated by that."

Justin laughed. "You're a married man."

Michael grinned wider. "And lucky for you, you're married to that man. Not that my man isn't perfect and gorgeous."

"So true," Justin said. "Ben is gorgeous. But Brian... he's like exactly what I always..."

Michael laughed but stopped when he saw Justin's expression turn sour. "It's okay to love him."

"No," Justin whispered, "it's not."

"Justin, just because he may not tell you it..."

Justin's cell phone rang, interrupting Michael and saving him from another conversation that would give him far too much hope. He'd already set his mind to what he was going to do, nothing would change it. "I've got to get this," he said, looking at the display. "It's Irene Lewis."

"Sure," Michael said and went back to sifting through Justin's sketches.

"Hello?" Justin answered the call.

"Justin, how are you sweetie?" Irene asked.

"I'm good."

"I know it's late, I hope I'm not interrupting your and Brian's evening."

"No, it's fine. What do you need?"

"Well, you said that you and Brian really enjoy red wine, right?"

"That's right."

"Well I was on my way to buy some now and I was wondering if you or Brian had a favorite?"

"I don't. But give me just a minute and I'll ask Brian." Justin put the phone on mute and walked over to Brian. He squatted down in front of him to get his attention.

Brian ripped the ear buds out. "What?" he asked.

"It's Irene on the phone; she wants to know if you prefer a specific kind of red wine for the party tomorrow."

Brian got to his feet and growled, "I don't fucking care. Tell her any kind is fine."

Justin sucked in a deep breath as he stood up and took the phone off mute. "Irene?"

"Yes, sweetie."

"Brian says any kind is fine."

"All right then. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, bye." Justin hung up the phone and slipped it back into his pocket.

"Jesus Christ!" Brian yelled, pacing the loft. "I can't even fucking get any peace in my own home. They've got to fucking call here and demand the stupidest shit for this fucking farce of a little dinner party! God damnit! Do I look like a breeder?" He threw off his iPod and stalked up the stairs to the bathroom and slammed the door closed. 

Justin slowly turned toward Michael. "Fuck."

Michael giggled. "He'll cool off."

"Yeah," Justin mumbled and sat back down beside Michael, "in a few days."

"Hey, it's not like you're the reason he flew into that rage," Michael said. "That was all Irene's fault and it's his fault for lying in the first place."

Justin's imagination went wild as Michael continued to prattle on about Brian. He grabbed his sketchbook and his hand flew across the page. In a matter of minutes the image of Brian as a superhero was drawn. He finished off the drawing by writing four letters at the top and handed it to Michael.

"Rage!" Michael said excitedly. "Oh my god! This is perfect!"

"It's genius," Justin said, his mood lifted as the act of creation encompassed him. "Let me see that, I want to change his costume."

Michael watched as Justin made a lightening bolt like slash mark across the superhero's chest and then made it look like his suit had been torn in that shape. "Holy shit! You're amazing, Justin!"

Justin smiled smugly as he stared at the superhero. "Rage: Gay Crusader."

"But why? What's his story?" Michael asked.

Justin shrugged. "Well... we'll have to think of one, won't we?"

Michael nodded excitedly. "Yes. We will."

Justin yawned. "I'm pretty tired, why don't we take a few days to think about the story?"

Michael hugged Justin and stood up. "Sounds good. You've got to calm Rage, right?"

Justin shrugged and said, "Maybe." He walked Michael over to the door. "This was fun."

"It was. Hey, you never did answer my question though, you were sketching so fast you probably didn't even hear me."

"What?"

"Well, Brian's birthday is Wednesday, what are you doing for him?"

Justin paled but replied. "I'm going to give him what he needs."

Michael grinned deviously. "I don't think I want to know what that means."

"Probably not," Justin said, trying to keep his voice normal. "We probably won't be too busy though so plan on going out with him that night."

"With you both," Michael corrected.

"Yeah," Justin lied and opened the door. "See you, Michael."

"I've got a lot of stuff going on this week so you should just stop by the comic book shop this weekend if you can and we'll see if we can figure out a story for RAGE."

"Sounds good," Justin said, hoping that Michael wouldn't throw him out when he did.

*****

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

"So... what are you doing?" Brian asked.

"Why are you calling me for the fourth time in like two hours? Are you really that bored at work?" Justin asked.

"Fuck you. I need a blowjob but phone sex will work, are you home yet?"

Home. "No, I just walked out of PITT's admissions office."

"So, how'd it go?"

"Not good. Due to a bunch of bureaucratic details, I won't be able to start until the Fall." Details that Brian didn't need to know anything about.

"Well then maybe you should just try Carnegie Mellon?" Brian suggested. "It wouldn't hurt to apply."

"I will," Justin lied, he figured one more on the many won't hurt.

"So, are you going home now?" Brian asked, stroking his dick. He'd been hard since he left the loft for work. Justin had been sleeping so peacefully that Brian hadn't wanted to wake him. Doing without his morning orgasm had given him a case of blue balls and he needed it cured immediately.

"No, I'm going to put applications in around town. I might even try the diner."

"You're going to get a job at the diner?" Brian asked, appalled with the idea. "Whatever for?"

"Brian, we talked about this. I'm not going to live off you. I can't do that. Besides, if I'm not able to start school until the fall I need to do something. I can't sit around the house all day."

"You don't just sit around. You've been working on your art, which is..."

"I can still work on my art," Justin cut in. "I'd like to have a normal job. It's been a while."

"You'll have that once you and Mikey get the comic book going," Brian told him.

Justin was getting more than a little aggravated. "Brian, we don't even have a story idea, let alone a way to publish the thing."

"You and Mikey spend time figuring out the story. I shouldn't have to remind you that you're married to a man whose company has access to everything you need, most importantly top-notch advertising. That's what you need to be doing with your time, not working in a diner."

"Brian, I don't need you to dictate what I do with my time. I'm finally free to live my life the way I feel is best for me. I appreciate that you want me to focus on the comic and I will, but it's my decision, no one else's. If I want to wait tables at the diner, then that's what I'm going to do." Justin was two seconds away from throwing his cell phone out of the Jeep's window.

"I never said you did," Brian yelled back. "You're being childish. I'm trying to help you and..."

"You're trying to stop me from getting a job, and I don't need your permission to get one. Are you worried that I'll go back to my old profession and fuck a guy for more tips?" Justin parked the Jeep in front of the diner and rested his forehead on the steering wheel.

"Jesus, Justin, no! That's not what I'm worried about. I just want to see you succeed, and working at a diner isn't going to do anything for your career."

Justin could hear the sincerity in Brian's voice but it wasn't enough to deter him from his next, softly spoken statement, "We're only friends, not spouses, so what I do with my career doesn't factor into your life."

"You know when you're angry it makes me hot and the case of blue balls I have is only getting worse. Why don't you pick me up some lunch while you're at the diner and bring it by the office when you're done?" Brian suggested in a sultry tone.

Justin sighed and managed to laugh at Brian's abrupt change in conversation. Whenever anything got too personal that was Brian's way to deal with it, but Justin didn't really mind. He was glad for the change of subject too and would love to relieve Brian and himself of some sexual tension, but he had more important things to take care of. "I can't. I've got too much to do today and tonight we're having dinner with Randall and Irene."

"Well I was planning on going there directly from the office..."

"I know, you told me last night," Justin interrupted.

"Oh, well why don't you meet me here early and we'll go over together."

Justin wanted to believe that the reason Brian was so adamant about seeing him had more to do with than just sex, but he knew that wasn't possible. "I can't. I'll just meet you there, okay?"

"Fine. Later."

"Later." Justin sucked in a deep breath and tried to ignore his heart aching as he closed the phone. He had to stick to his plans; it was what was best for the both of them.

Justin walked into the diner and spotted Debbie at the back waiting on Emmett and Ted. He waved at them but took a seat at the bar. He had things to do and he didn't need to get sidetracked. When Debbie walked his way, he plastered on a smile. "Hi Debbie."

"Hey, Sunshine," Debbie said, pen poised over her order pad, "what can I get ya?"

"I've already had lunch but I'd like to fill out an application please."

Debbie put the pad and pen in her apron and placed her hands on her hips. "Now why do you want an application? Just last night at dinner you were saying you're going to be starting school and that comic book with Mikey. How ya' gonna find time to work when ya' got that going on?"

Justin resisted the urge to tell Debbie that it wasn't any of her fucking business and gathered his thoughts before replying, "I'm not going to be able to start school until the fall and even then I'll need a job to support myself."

"With all the money that Brian's made with that deal I wouldn't think that you'd need a job."

"Brian and I are married in name only," Justin whispered the reminder. He started to slide off the stool and said, "If you don't want to give me an application then..."

"You sit down, Justin," Debbie said, grabbing his hand. "You don't need to be filling out an application ‘cause you're hired."

Justin smiled, his first real smile of the day. "Really?"

"We need a new waiter, Nickie quit on me a few days ago without notice. In case you can't tell, we're swamped."

"Then I guess I came by at the right time," Justin said.

Debbie grinned. "You do have experience dealing with customers, right?" 

"Yes, yes I do," Justin said, grinning.

*****

"Justin, so good to see you," Irene exclaimed and enveloped him in a hug.

"You too," Justin said, nervously embracing the woman that had been so kind to him.

"Come inside, sweetie," Irene said, leading Justin into the large foyer.

Justin looked around the immaculately decorated space in awe. "It's beautiful."

"Well, once Brian gets here I'll give you both the tour," Irene told him. "Randall's waiting in the living room for us. I'm very curious as to why you want to talk to us before Brian comes. I've been worried since you called this morning."

"I'm sorry about that. I'll explain in a minute." Justin squared his shoulders and reminded himself of why he was doing this and followed the woman into the huge living room. Randall stood up from his leather wing backed chair and shook his hand as he entered. "Good to see you, Randall."

"You too, Justin. Irene said you sounded upset on the phone," he replied. "We've been worrying about you and Brian."

"I know," Justin said, sitting down beside Irene on a large plush white sofa. "I really don't want you to worry about me; you both have been so good to me and Brian." He felt himself choking up and dug inside of himself for strength. "It's just that we... or more like me... I haven't been very good to you."

Irene placed her hand on Justin's shoulder and rubbed it. "Whatever do you mean by that, Justin? You've been a joy to both me and Randall. You and Brian. We've enjoyed spending time with you and loved meeting his family."

"I know," Justin said. "But you don't understand. I've been lying to you."

Randall sighed and stared at Justin. "Son, I think it's time you told us the truth then."

"I want to," Justin said, his voice cracking. "But I... I need you to promise me that you won't hurt Brian."

"Hurt Brian!" Irene gasped. "Randall and I would never..."

"But if I tell you the truth about us..."

"Justin, it's all right," Randall interrupted the boy and walked over to sit beside him. "Whatever you have to tell us, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you or Brian. You boys have become very important to Irene and me. You're like family to us."

"But..."

"No buts," Irene said, rubbing his shoulder again, "tell us what you need to, Justin. We're listening."

*****

"You're still here," Cynthia said, walking into Brian's office.

Brian looked up from his computer and muttered, "You see me, don't you?"

Cynthia laughed and walked closer to Brian's desk and noticed the piles of paperwork on his desk. "I didn't know Inspire Publishing was shopping."

"When has that ever stopped me?" Brian asked. He reached out and gathered the rest of the papers. "Shouldn't you have left already?"

"I was working on the Roles Account." Cynthia sat on the edge of Brian's desk. "So I guess I won't be seeing you tomorrow."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Ted told me it's your birthday. How is it that after all these years I didn't know when your birthday was?"

"Because I've taken great pains in keeping you from doing something stupidly sentimental such as throwing me an office birthday party," Brian snipped.

"As if I ever would've," Cynthia said. "So Justin isn't planning something special for you?"

Brian rolled his eyes. "Why would he?"

"Because he's your husband."

"Well, you're well aware that we aren't married because we want to be. Justin's let me know that; he's well aware of it too." Brian hadn't meant to add that last part. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said, dismissing Cynthia.

"And that pisses you off?" Cynthia asked.

"Why should it?" Brian asked.

"I think you had other reasons for marrying him. You can talk your way out of anything, Brian. You could've had your ‘fiancé' break things off with you. That would've solved everything."

Brian glared at the woman. "You think it's that simple?"

"No," Cynthia replied, hopping off the desk. "I don't and you don't either. Brian, I've known you for a long time and I've seen you do some pretty ruthless things to gain clients and I know how you treat your tricks. None of that seems to add up when it comes to Justin and your marriage. You've been really agitated the last two weeks or so but before that... well, I haven't ever seen you so happy."

"Cynthia," Brian growled, "Leave. Now."

Cynthia backed away out of the office, but before she closed Brian's door she said, "Whatever it was that made you so happy, you shouldn't spoil it."

Brian pushed away from his desk, refusing to let Cynthia's psycho-babble get to him. But as he cleaned his desk of the all papers he'd printed out about publishing and marketing a comic book, he had a sinking feeling in his gut that she knew what the fuck she was talking about. He didn't know exactly what to do with that knowledge. He had married Justin and it was true, he didn't have to. He could've gotten out of his lies so easily. And the question of why he didn't, why he wasn't thinking clearly enough to do so, he couldn't find an answer for.

*****

Justin wiped away his tears, ashamed that he'd allow himself to fall apart as he confessed the truth to Randall and Irene. "Please," he begged, "don't break your contract with Kinnetik. He knew the kind of life I was living and even though he may not ever admit it, he married me to get me out of the hell I was in. I was a perfect stranger and he wanted to give me a better life and risked his own life and company to do it."

"Justin, we knew the truth," Randall said softly.

Justin jumped up from the couch and turned to stare at the Lewises. "What?"

Irene nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes that the young man's story had brought on. "We were well aware of who you are and who Brian Kinney was. That was one of the reasons Randall was wary of doing business with Kinnetik."

"I...I don't understand," Justin gasped and began to pace. "What do you mean?"

"I had my assistant do research on Brian when he first tried to get an appointment with me," Randall said. "I wasn't sure that a man who lived such a reckless personal life could be trusted with my company. When he lied to get me to meet with him, I figured that I'd give him the meeting, gauge what I thought of him and go on my way if I didn't like it."

"But then we heard about you, and Laura, the lady at the front desk who was there the first night you came, she called to tell me about you. We'd noticed you a few times before with other men at the hotel. I knew what you were doing there but you hadn't ever caused any trouble before, so I told Laura to go ahead and let you up to Brian's room."

"She'd said that she had to make sure all visitors checked in," Justin said, recalling that night perfectly.

"I'm sorry to admit this," Randall said, "but at first it was a bit of a game. I wanted to see how far Brian would go and..." The man looked toward his wife and smiled at her. "Irene fell in love with you. She'd known of your story, Justin, and after you two went shopping together she wanted to do something to help you."

"Oh god," Justin's stomach heaved. "I can't believe this."

"Sweetie, we really didn't plan for everything to go so far but after we saw you and Brian together, the both of us, we're romantics see and we have very good match making skills. During our years of marriage we've put together dozens of couples who are still together to this day," Irene said.

Randall sighed. "I can't tell you how sorry I am for letting things go so far. I know it wasn't right and it certainly isn't what Irene and I usually do to get couples together. Believe me when I tell you this, Justin, we do care about you. We wanted you safe and happy, and seeing you and Brian together... we were so sure that you two could be happy together."

"But we're not," Justin said. "Brian doesn't love me. He hates that we're in this situation. He hates that he's tied down to me. I know he says he did it for your account but I've gotten to know him and it's obvious to me that he could've gotten out of the lies he told you and possibly still secured your account with Kinnetik. He doesn't love me and I've come to realize that I love him too much to keep him in a marriage that he loathes."

"Justin, that can't be true. We've seen the way..."

"But that's just it. It's an act," Justin told them. "It's all pretend. Which is why... I'm going to give him the freedom he gave me."

"No!" Randall said, standing up quickly. "Justin, give him time..."

"Time to hate me more?" Justin asked. "Time for me to fall even more in love with him than I already am, only to be disappointed."

Irene stood too and put her hand on Justin's arm and gently squeezed it. "Sweetie, how could you fall for someone who didn't show you love?"

"Because that's me," Justin said. "It's my biggest fault, Irene. I'm so naïve! I've... I've got to go."

"Justin, please, stay for dinner, wait for Brian and maybe you two can talk after we tell him that we know the truth. And I promise you, I won't feel any different about you and Brian. I'm not going to blacklist him or dissolve our contract, okay?" Randall pleaded.

"And you and I are still friends," Irene told him, extremely worried about the young man who had gone through so much.

"We are still friends," Justin replied with great relief. "But I can't stay. I need time to get my things from the loft before Brian gets there. He's going to be angry at me for telling you the truth, even if you guys aren't mad, he will be. He'll feel like I set him up. And I need some time to myself before I can face him."

"But what will you do?" Irene asked.

"I got a job today at the diner where Debbie works. I start next week. You see, all our friends know most of the truth about us, and I think that they'll see that I'm doing the right thing for Brian. For now, I'm going to stay with my mother for a little while. As you know, she doesn't know about what I did in Chicago and I think... I think I need to be honest with her and with my dad. I don't want to live a life of lies anymore and if they don't want me... then..."

"Then you'll come here," Randall said, "promise me."

"I couldn't," Justin said, "it wouldn't be right."

"It would be fine," Irene told him adamantly. "It'd be the least we could do."

"Okay," Justin said. He hugged both of the Lewises. "After you tell Brian the truth, can you do tell him something from me?"

"Of course," Randall said quickly.

"Tell him... tell him I said thank you."

Irene grabbed Randall's hand as Justin rushed out of the house. When the door slammed closed behind him she turned to her husband. "You need to call Brian, right now."

"But we told him we wouldn't..." Randall said. "Maybe we shouldn't interfere."

Irene gave her husband a shocked look. "He needs us too. They both need us. We have to fix this."

Randall nodded and grabbed his cell phone from his pocket, dialed Brian's number and hoped the man would pick up. They didn't have much time to spare.

"Brian Kinney?"

"Brian, it's Randall."

"What can I do for you?"

"Are you still at the office?"

"I was going to pack up here and head out in about a half an hour."

Randall sighed. "Brian, do you have a minute to talk to me and Irene on speakerphone."

"Uh...yes."

"Are you sitting down?"

"Randall, what's this about?"

Randall clicked the phone onto speaker. "Are you sitting down, Brian?"

"Yes, I am. What's going on? Is there a problem with the commercials because..."

"It's not the commercials," Irene cut him off. "It's Justin and he just sacrificed everything you've given him to give you what he thinks you need, but I think you need him above anything else."

"What?" Brian gasped over the phone. "What did he do?"

"He's giving you the freedom you gave him," Randall replied. "Or so he thinks."

*****

Brian's heart pounded erratically as he threw open the loft door. "Justin!"

Justin zipped his bag up, put it on his shoulder and walked out of the bedroom toward Brian, disappointed that he hadn't been able to trust Irene and Randall. "I'm right here."

Brian looked down at the bag and then back into Justin's eyes. "What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving," Justin said, his voice wobbly. He walked closer to the man but refused to meet his eyes. "You talked to..."

"The Lewises called me," Brian said, his voice much calmer than Justin expected it to be.

"I asked them not to."

"Why? So you could run away?"

"I'm not running away. I'm leaving so that you can have your life back."

Brian grabbed Justin into his arms and shook the bag off his shoulder. "This is bullshit."

Justin shook his head. "Please stop. Please. Just let me leave. I'm sorry I went behind your back and told them the truth, but I had to."

"I'm not!" Brian said pulling Justin tightly against him. He couldn't deny his feelings any longer. He needed Justin, he loved him, and he didn't want to spoil either of their lives. "I'm not," he whispered desperately into Justin's ear.

Justin pushed out of Brian's arms. "I can't stay and be your fuck buddy," he said, voice cracking. "I love you, Brian. I didn't mean to love you. I never believed I could fall in love so easily. It seems ridiculous, given the situation, but I fell in love with you and in the process I made you live a life you never wanted. I made you sacrifice too much of yourself. Randall is going to stay with Kinnetik, so you can keep the account and keep your life. You don't need me. You don't need a whore for a husband. You don't love me and aren't ever going to, so it's better that I just leave."

Brian stepped forward and pulled Justin to him. He forced their mouths together, opened up Justin's lips with his tongue and explored the sweet mouth of the man he had fallen for, trying to pour all his feelings into the kiss. Feeling as if it weren't enough, he pulled away and whispered, "I do."

"What?" Justin said, barely able to stand on his feet. The kiss had sucked out all of his energy.

"I said, I do. To all of it. And for the rest of our lives I never want to hear you call yourself a whore ever again, and I am so sorry that I ever made you feel like you were one. I'm sorry I ever called you that. Having the balls to tell the truth made you a better man than me. If Randall would've called to tell me that you told the truth and that he was canceling the contract with Kinnetik, blacklisting me to everyone... none of that matters." Brian smiled a shy but sublimely happy smile that was only for Justin. "For richer or for poorer, I do."

"You...do?" Justin gasped, gripping Brian's hips.

"I do," Brian laughed. "I don't know how you did it. I don't know how it happened. But, do you remember what you said about your intentions?"

Justin grinned a disbelieving and beautiful smile. "That I had no intention of falling in love with you?"

"Well you know what they say about good intentions, right?"

"What?"

"That sometimes...." 

Justin didn't let Brian finish his sentence. He was too busy devouring the man's mouth and leading him toward the bedroom.

After many rounds of sex that ranged from slow and sweet, fast and hard and always intense, Justin and Brian lay all hot and sticky, cuddled close to one another. Justin ran his fingers through Brian's hair and joined their left hands. "We're going to celebrate two anniversaries," he said quietly.

"Huh?" Brian asked, barely able to stay awake.

"Two anniversaries. The day we got married and the day we really got married." Justin slid up Brian's body and looked down at his wincing face. "But, given that neither one of us wants to give in to those silly romantic traditions we could celebrate something else instead."

"Oh yeah?" Brian asked, his fingers ghosting down Justin's back and over the crack of his stellar ass. "What?"

Justin smiled and tucked his head under Brian's chin. "Our birthdays."

"You know...?"

"Yeah, Michael reminded me about it," Justin said, kissing Brian's throat. "Happy Birthday."

"Mmm..." Brian moaned, his dick coming back to life. He slid his fingers in between Justin's ass cheeks.

Justin winced as Brian touched his tender hole. "Careful."

Brian took his hand away and flipped Justin over onto his back. He straddled Justin and wrapped his hand around his dick and began to pump it. "You want to show me what you got?" he asked, raising one eyebrow.

Justin ran his hands down Brian's chest and tweaked his nipples. Looking into his eyes he said softly, "I'd rather show you what I feel."

Brian rolled his eyes and climbed off of Justin and laid on his back.

Justin turned on his side and grabbed a condom and the lube. "You want it on your back?"

Brian shrugged in nonchalance. "Well, we're equal partners so maybe... maybe you shouldn't be the only one."

Justin's heart soared and he had to blink back his tears. It was all almost too good to be true and for a minute, he wondered if he was being naïve again but then he looked down into Brian's eyes which shone with feelings he knew were mirrored in his own and he let the last binds of his past go. He was in love, he was safe and he was ready to be free with Brian.

*****

Epilogue
4 Months Later

Michael stared at the story Justin had written, his mouth hanging open. "I don't know what to say."

"Oh come on, Mikey, it isn't that badly written is it?" Brian teased from the bar.

"No, it's...it's amazing," Michael said, looking at Justin.

Justin let out a breath of relief. "So, do you think you can turn this into a comic."

Ben had been reading over Michael's shoulder, and he too was deeply affected by the story. "Justin, are you sure you want this made into a comic?"

"Everyone will know that J.T. is you," Michael said, softly. "Everyone."

"I know. But... it's time for people to know my side of the story."

Brian walked over to the sofa, sat beside Justin and wrapped his arm around him. "He has nothing to be ashamed of."

"Of course you don't," Michael said.

"It takes a strong man to survive what you did," Ben added.

Justin nodded. "Which is why I need to tell the truth. And that means I'm going to tell my mom and dad the truth too. I don't want them to see what J.T. had to become to survive in the world the evil professor painted him into without hearing it from me first. That is, if you think this will work for a comic. I mean, you'll have to tell the story the way a comic is told. I have no idea how to do that."

"I can do it," Michael said, "and the comic will be amazing. I was thinking... Rage can use his mind control to force the evil professor into telling the police where his hidden journals are. They'll read them and find out where he's keeping J.T. locked up."

Justin smiled wistfully, "I wish that part was true. I know he kept a journal every day. I always saw him writing in one but my lawyer said the FBI couldn't ever find it."

"They're somewhere," Brian said, "and one day they'll turn up."

"Wait a minute," Ben said, bolting up from his seat. "I have an idea of where they might be."

"What?" Justin asked, wary of getting his hopes up. "How..."

"Justin, you're aware that part of the ‘L' was originally supposed to run underneath your school, right?"

"Yeah, when I first started there I heard stories about parties being thrown down there until the Dean decided to clean it up and..."

"And they started using it as private offices for the Professors who didn't have one," Ben finished. "But the health department came in and kicked them all out of there because of all the mold."

"How do you know this?" Justin asked.

"I was offered a teaching position there about ten years ago and the guide told me about it. He said that some of the professors still camped out down there from time to time because they liked the quiet."

"Oh god!" Justin gasped. "Do you think? Do you think that maybe he did?"

"It wouldn't hurt to find out, would it?" Brian asked.

"But who would listen to me?" Justin said. "I'm not allowed within 100 yards of the campus and the cops won't listen to me. It's been too long. Besides, even if he did keep an office there and put his journals there, he may not have written about his plans for me."

"But what if he did?" Michael said, excitedly.

"A narcissistic asshole like him? You said he was meticulous, right?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, but..."

"Well he wouldn't be the first asshole to document his crimes," Brian said. "It's worth a shot."

"And I bet Carl could call in some favors with some guys in Chicago," Michael told him.

"You think?" Justin asked.

"Like Brian said, it's worth a shot," Ben told him. 

Justin nodded, "Yeah, it is."

"And if there isn't anything there, we still have this," Michael said, pointing to the paper with Justin's story. "You'll tell your story and maybe someone else will come forward."

Justin leaned against Brian and took comfort in his husband's embrace. "Whatever happens, I have hope. Right?"

"And me," Brian whispered into his ear, "from this day forward."