Point of View

Chapter Eight: “Bonedriven”

July 2nd 2007

Brian’s P.O.V.

We’re just a wish away

27th letter

Much maligned

Beat me clever

When we get home, I hold one of his hands in my own and place the other on the small of his back, to lead him up the stairs. Once we reach his room, we both abruptly stop our footsteps, just inside the entrance.

“Shit,” Justin groans in a weak voice, “I was supposed to finish the laundry after we got back from my mom’s house. There’s a load of my sheets that need to go into the dryer and the extra sheets for the kids still need to be washed.”

Fuck. I know he could get by with sleeping on the bare mattress with a blanket; but after all this stress  he deserves to made extremely comfortable. “Okay, well I’ll put them in the dryer; you can just stay in the other guest room.”

“Those are in the pile too. I think I’m fucking ‘nesting’,” he explains. “I can’t stop cleaning and organizing everything. When I left for the doctor this morning, I didn’t plan on not coming home so late.”

“What about my room?” I hope he didn’t clean in there too. I can wash my own sheets, I’ve been trying to do everything I can and leave him as little as possible to do.

He looks up at me and his cheeks flush. “I put fresh linens on but I haven’t…”

“Well then you can sleep in there for now. I’ll finish washing the rest and you can move to your bed later, okay?” I can’t believe that he did my bed first. I guess that’s just more proof that he puts me first, more often than he should. Whether he does this on purpose or not, I have to start putting him first. He needs to do the same.

“Okay, just let me change into some sweats first.”

I watch him as he walks slowly over to his dresser; when he bends down, I can’t help but look at the way his ass fills out his new pair of jeans, pushing at the fabric and tempting me. He’s always had such a great ass.

“What?”

Shit. I’ve been staring but I can’t help it.

Justin smiles at me innocently, takes off his shirt and shucks his jeans down his hips and steps out of them. “What the heck are you staring at me for?”

“Your body is changing so much,” I tell him, eyeing him up and down, my gaze finally resting again on his stomach. Yeah, there was no way I was going to tell him that I was lusting after his stellar ass.

He blushes and reaches for his pants, pulling them on over his briefs. “Thanks to you, I have this beautiful ‘round’ body,” he says sarcastically.

The only thing ‘round’ about him is his ass. He’s perfectly fit everywhere else. I smile and walk over to him and help him pull on his sweats the rest of the way. He laughs at me as my fingertips tickle his stomach. “I think you’re beautiful like this.”

He playfully pushes me away and rubs his belly. “You mean looking like a haggard with a blubber belly?”

“No,” I say. I take his hand and lead him out of his room and into mine. “That’s not blubber in there and you don’t look like a haggard; you just look a little tired.”

“I’m fucking exhausted,” he admits.

We get in my room and I see that he made my bed perfectly. It looks completely inviting, and even more so when Justin crawls in it.

“I can wash my own sheets and make my bed,” I tell him. “But thank you for doing it.” I tuck the covers around him and sit down beside him, unable to stay completely out of the bed he’s in.

“You’re welcome,” he says, yawning.

“Please take it easy from now on and let me do this kind of stuff, or at least help you with it.”

“Okay,” he agrees. “But sometimes I just can’t help it.”

“Well, when you can’t help it, I understand. But I don’t want you exhausting yourself ever again.”

“You just can’t stand to be around me when I look ugly,” he jokes.

“I think one of the biggest problems I’ve had with you, is that it’s the total opposite, Justin. One day you suddenly became so hard to be around.” I touch his belly gently with one hand while looking in his eyes and stroking his cheek with my other hand. “You have always been flawlessly beautiful, Justin.”

“You…you are too,” he whispers. His eyes widen, obviously shocked at what he said.

I know he’s embarrassed about his confession so I’m not going to dwell on it. He’s still so fucking pissed with me; I doubt he means the sentiment as much as I did. I kiss his forehead, leaving my lips on his warm skin for a moment before I pull away. “I’m going to make you something to eat and get your vitamins; you stay awake just a little while, okay?”

He nods and requests, “If we have any of that poppy seed bread can you get me some?”

“Warmed with melted butter?” I ask, remembering he how prepared it for me and the kids last night.

He licks his lips, his tongue poking out innocently. “Yes, please.”

My dick reacts to him and I find it so hard to leave him. We stare at each other for a couple of long moments before I finally turn to walk away from Justin. “I’ll be back in a bit. Just turn on the TV and relax. I’ll call your mom and let her know I’ve got you safely tucked in bed.”

“Talk to the kids too; I’m sure Evvie and Leighton were a little freaked out when my mom picked them up from Daphne’s. Audrey is probably wondering where I am,” he speaks uncertainly.

He cares about my children as though they are his own. It’s obvious in not only his words but also the timbre of his voice when he talks to and about them. How in the world he thinks he wasn’t supposed to be a father is beyond me. I have to calm him down or he’s not going to relax. “When I talked to Mom while you were being examined, she said they were fine. She didn’t tell them anything was wrong with you. They probably thought it was a special day to spend with Grandma.”

“I know… but just make sure they’re not scared. If they are, will you bring the phone up so I can talk to them.”

“Of course,” I reply. I hope that I don’t have to do that, Justin needs some peace.

“And tell my mom I said thanks for watching the kids and keeping them overnight.”

“I will, Justin; try and relax, now,” I tell him and close the bedroom door behind me.

***

Monday June 16th 1997

Justin’s P.O.V.

Say you will

Never mind

Open up

Open wide

“Holy shit, Brian!” I squeal, feeling the crazy rolling around in my stomach as I answer the door to him.

“Hey,” he says, surprised at my exuberance. I haven’t exactly been very cheery lately.

I give him a quick hug and usher him into the apartment. “I’m so glad you came today. The baby is using my womb as if it’s a jungle gym. You’ve got to feel this shit!”

He laughs and sits down beside me on the couch. “I’ve felt it before.”

“Not like this,” I tell him, taking the bag of food from his hand and setting it on the coffee table. I grab his hand and push up my shirt, exposing my huge belly. I still have awhile before I give birth, but I’m so big; so far all the weight I’ve gained has gone straight to my stomach. The doctor says it seems that way because I had such a light, small frame before I became pregnant.

“I swear to God, your belly is enormous! How in the fuck do you carry this thing around? You have the smallest body of any guy I’ve ever seen but the baby must have inherited your eating habits, but not your metabolism,” he snickers.

His words don’t bother me in the least. He’s just as amazed about everything my body’s done as a result of my pregnancy as I am. That’s what makes this whole ‘having a baby’ thing so cool; sharing it with Brian. I feel the baby push extremely hard against my lower abdomen and move Brian’s hand there. “Do you feel that, Brian?”

“Jesus,” he laughs his words out, “not only can I feel it, but I can see it.”

“I know,” I squeal. I can’t help my excitement as I have this huge feeling of revelation barrel through my body. “I’m going to have a baby, Brian!”

“Did you just realize this now?” he asks jokingly.

I take his hand off my stomach and push down my shirt. “Shut up, you know…its just crazy real right now. I can’t believe it. I mean, in just a little while I’m going to get to hold my baby.”

He smiles at me. “I can’t wait to see that. You’ve wanted a kid since I bought you that Cabbage Patch doll for your birthday. Now you get to see what it’s all about.”

“I doubt that it’ll be as easy,” I joke.

“No, it won’t. You can’t exactly put this kid away in your toy box when we want to go outside and play.”

“No, but we’ll get to go outside and play with him.”

“And the poop in the diapers will be real; so don’t think I’m going to change any of them.”

I can’t help but grin at him. “So, what’d you bring for lunch?”

He takes his hand away from my stomach and grimaces. “Did you really just go from talking about poop to asking what I brought for lunch?”

“It’s not uncommon for the baby to poop while it eats,” I tease.

“Okay, just for that,” he reaches and grabs the white bag, “You have to guess what I brought before I give it to you.”

I smell the air. “It’s definitely Italian.”

“Duh.”

I sniff a few times. “Hmmm…well I’m gonna say cheese manicotti with red sauce for me and a chicken garlic salad for you.”

He stares at me with a look of disbelief. “That’s fucked up you know.”

I smile and laugh at him. God, do I love our lunch dates. Whenever I spend time with Brian, it’s the only time I feel as if my life is normal. It’s the only time that I feel like I can relax and just enjoy being Brian Kinney’s best friend.

I don’t mind being pregnant, but Griffin sort of acts like that’s all I am. I’m his pregnant husband. I want to only be Justin, sometimes. With Brian, I am.

***

July 2nd 2007

Brian’s P.O.V.

Bonedriven

Bonedriven

See we’re taking all the life

To all pollutants

Shave your face

We’re all confusion

We’re all the rage

It’s nearly nine o’clock and I’m completely beat. Thankfully, tomorrow starts the holiday and both Justin and I have off work the next few days. We’ll be able to relax and lounge around the house a little with the kids.  

Today was one big frightening day. I was nervous all afternoon about talking to Jennifer. After Justin left my office, his pregnancy was the only thing I could focus on. I rehearsed all the ways we’d tell Jennifer; but came up completely short with an explanation that would explain our, mostly my, fuckup. I was terrified when I drove over there. Let’s face it; I had a reason to be. She was right of course, about almost everything she said. However, it still hurt to hear it all. Nevertheless, I really deserved it; I deserve more lashings for the mental and emotional beating I’ve given Justin.

It makes me sick to think of how I treated him. I wish I could go back and change it all. I can’t though, so I’ll have to stick with my plan and do all I can to show him I love him. The love I can offer him may not be the romantic love he once wanted from me, and maybe still does. Nevertheless, it’s what I can offer him, now. I hope that there will be more in the future, no matter his doubts, I’m positive things will change between us. I have to show him that I want that change.

While Justin’s been resting, I’ve been cleaning up the house and doing laundry. It gave me a chance to be alone with my thoughts. When he passed out and collapsed into my arms, I’d never been so scared in my entire life.

Losing Griffin was terrifying, but it was also something that we knew was coming. I will never say that I was ‘prepared’ to lose him, I won’t ever say that it is easier to know that I would; but even if I didn’t want it to happen, even if I barely wanted to acknowledge that it would, I wasn’t shocked when he died. I may have had moments of disbelief, of hope that he would not; but I knew, I knew it would happen.

With Justin, it was only a minute or two that I had to think that I would lose him. Those two minutes with him sweating and shaking in my arms, felt like forever. The fear of losing him , losing our babies, pummeled me; those moments injured me more than I ever thought was possible. I had always known that I could find a way to live without Griffin; I promised him that I would. I made no promise like that to Justin and I don’t think I could; I couldn’t live with Justin and I have no idea how I practically have for so long.

Jennifer was on the phone with 911 and I was just held him, helplessly calling his name repeatedly. Finally, his blue eyes opened and centered on mine and I couldn’t help but let my tears fall as I leaned forward and quickly kissed his quivering lips. I don’t ever want to know what it’s like to live without him.

He told Jen not to let the ambulance come; he swore that he was all right. But I insisted on taking him to the E.R. I’m glad I did, otherwise we wouldn’t have found out about his iron deficiency until his next appointment. I don’t want to imagine how things could’ve gone this week if I didn’t know there was something wrong with him. To be honest I didn’t notice that he was tired and worn out. I knew that he was getting sick I didn’t realize that he wasn’t eating regularly until he admitted this to Doctor Raleigh as she checked him out.

Now I am determined to make sure that he remains healthy. I love Justin. I don’t know exactly what that entails right now, but I know that I don’t want anything to happen to him or my children inside him. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure he and the babies are cared for in the best possible way. I owe that to him and much more.

I checked in with Jennifer again and the kids were all fine. They were busy finger painting and Jennifer assured me they weren’t worried. I hope all goes well with them over-night. I made sure to tell Jennifer to have Leighton call Justin if he has a nightmare; he’s the only one that can calm him down when he wakes up from one.

After Leighton’s birthday, we’re all going to start family therapy. I have put it off for too long. We all need in help in dealing with our lives as they are now and in growing from the past.

I finish putting fresh sheets on all the beds, turn off all the lights in the house and head toward the master bedroom. When I open my bedroom door, I see that he’s fallen asleep again. The dark circles under his eyes have dissipated slightly. He looks peaceful and comfortable; the way a man carrying my children, a man who cares for my children every day, should look, especially while they sleep in my bed.

I take off my clothes and slip into a pair of sweatpants, opting out of a shower. I’m too tired; I don’t think I could lift my arms to wash my hair. I grab the remote placed near his hand and turn off the television.

Justin stirs and slightly opens his eyes. “Is it time for me to get in mine now?”

“Go back to sleep,” I whisper. Fuck. I don’t want to move him. He looks warm and inviting all sleepy-eyed.

“Mmmkay,” he whispers and shuts his eyes again. I don’t think he realizes quite yet what’s going on or where he is.

I walk around to the other side of the bed and lift the covers to get in. He turns over to face me as I crawl in beside him.

“Did ya get the laundry done?” he whispers, worry-lines creasing his forehead.

“Yeah,” I whisper, running my hand over his bare arm.

“Are there sheets on my bed?”

I nod and shuffle closer to him and drape my arm over his hip. “Go to sleep.”

He closes his eyes and snuggles his head into my chest. “In my room?”

“No, you’re in my bed with me.”

“I should lie down in there,” he whispers back, his lips moving against my chest.

Isolate

Crowded out

All that’s left

Inside out

Maybe I can’t erase

All that’s left

Inside out

I stroke his silky back with my fingertips and speak softly. “You should stay here, Justin. It’s where you belong.”

He turns away from me, causing me to think that he’s going to get out of the bed, but he doesn’t. He just shifts positions so that his back and ass is flush against my chest and groin. “Mmmkay,” he yawns.

I hold onto him, resting my hand on his stomach and stroking him, feeling his breathing getting deeper and more even and matching my own to his pace as we both drift off to sleep.

***

January 1st 1990

New Years Day

Heaven knows who walks away

Heaven knows who walks

Who walks

Bonedriven

Bonedriven

See we’re taking all the life

Bonedriven

Bonedriven

See we’re taking all the life

“Answer me!” Craig yelled as he stood above Brian.

Brian tucked himself back into his pants and stood up. “I was having some fun,” he replied boldly.

“You smart ass piece of shit!” Craig stepped closer to Brian, balling his fists at his sides.

“Craig, calm down,” Jennifer spoke, getting in between her husband and adopted son. She placed her hand on Craig’s back. “You’ll wake Molly.”

Craig ignored her and turned his attention to Justin. “This is sick! You call one another brothers and you’re in here watching him get his dick sucked. What the fuck is the matter with you?”

Justin backed away from his father’s advancing steps toward him. “I… I just came in here to talk to him,” he defended.

Craig pushed Justin up against the wall and screamed, “Don’t lie to me. When I came in here you looked like a whore in heat!”

“Craig!” Jennifer screamed.

“That’s your son!” Brian yelled, pushing Craig away from Justin and standing in front of the young boy. At seventeen Brian had reached his full height and used it to tower over the man. “Don’t ever call him a whore. You’re the one that can’t keep it in your pants!”

“You ungrateful son of a bitch!” Craig yelled and pulled his hand back.

“No Dad!” Justin pushed Brian to the side and his father’s fist connected with the side of his cheek.

“Justin!” Jennifer gasped and ran to her son.

“You fucker!” Brian pushed Craig as hard as he could, causing the older man to fall on the floor.

“I’m fine, Mom,” Justin seethed, backing away from his mother.

Craig quickly got to his feet. “Get out of my house!” he screamed at Brian. “Now!”

“You’re over-reacting to all of this!” Jennifer protested. “You need to leave, Craig. I want a divorce.”

“Over this piece of trash?” Craig asked, glaring at his wife. “All he’s done since we’ve taken him in is ruin our family!”

“That isn’t true,” Justin yelled, standing beside Brian.

“This isn’t about Brian,” Jennifer hissed. “Why do you think I wanted to come home early? I was tired of watching you flirt with your secretary all night. Brian’s not the only one that knows you’re a cheater! I won’t turn a blind eye to it anymore. You humiliated me tonight!”

“Mom!” Justin gasped and turned to his father. “How could you do that to her?” he demanded.

“That’s none of your business,” Craig growled. “You’re a child, an ungrateful one, just like him,” he said, waving his hand at Brian.

“Get out, Craig!” Jennifer said, stepping up to her husband. “Pack your bags and get out of my house.”

“Mommy, why are you making Daddy leave?” Molly’s small voice cut into the room.

Jennifer wiped her tears and walked over to her daughter. “Sweetie, you need to go back to bed. We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

“No!” Molly screamed. “I want to go with Daddy!”

Craig gave Jennifer a smug expression. “Go pack an over-night bag, sweetheart; we’ll go stay in a hotel tonight.”

“You will not!” Jennifer screamed.

“She’s my daughter,” Craig replied snidely. “If I want to take her with me, out of this hell you call a home, I will.”

“Molly, please, you have to stay here with us,” Justin tried.

“I don’t want to stay here! You and Brian hate me and I want to go with Daddy!”

“We don’t hate you, Molly,” Brian protested. “We love you.”

“You sent me to bed early!” Molly cried. “I wanted to watch the ball drop on t.v. but you wouldn’t let me and Daddy said I could.”

“I told Brian and Justin that you couldn’t,” Jennifer defended her sons. “You aren’t old enough to be awake this late.”

“You let Justin when he was my age,” she huffed, crossing her arms and glaring at her mother.

“That’s because your father and I spent the New Year at home,” Jen tried to explain.

Craig grabbed Molly’s hand and crouched down beside her. “Go pack a bag, honey.”

“No!” Jennifer yelled, running after them. “You’re not taking her. I won’t let you. Not after what you did to your son!”

Craig looked at Justin and sneered. “He’s not my son, not as long as he follows that trash around.”

***

July 3rd 2007

Justin’s Point Of View

I was wrong and i will wait

I was wrong and i will i will wait

I was wrong and i will

I will

I will

Wait

I wake to morning sunlight peeking out from the slits of curtains covering the large windows in the master bedroom. I feel Brian’s body pressed up against my back. His breath is even and warm as he breathes in and out onto my neck, tickling me as he does. One of his arms drapes across my hip and his hand rests on my stomach. Every so often, I feel him rub his thumb over my belly button. I remember that this is how we fell asleep last night and I’m surprised we both slept like this all night.

“You awake?” he whispers the question into my ear.

I turn toward him, keeping my body in the safety of his arms. My stomach growls and we both laugh. “I’m hungry,” I say needlessly.

“Me too, how about we go out for breakfast before we pick the kids up?”

My stomach lets out a growl of agreement and we both laugh.

He disentangles himself from me and then crawls out of the bed. I shield my eyes from the sun as he draws the drapes open. “Come on, sleeping beauty, get up,” he says, standing over me beside the bed.

I groan and my eyes adjust as I take him in. I let myself imagine, for just a second, that I wake up to Brian every morning; his olive skin shining, his lips drawn in a lazy smile that’s reserved only for me.

“Come on, we have to get the little beasts fed.” He grabs my hand and helps me sit up.

“I want to stay in bed with you.” Oh my God! I just said that aloud!

He laughs. “What?”

I cover my face with hands and mumble. “I’m sorry, I’m tired. I didn’t mean to say that.”

He sits down and places his hand on my thigh. “Do you really want that?” he asks, his voice so quiet I barely hear him.

I remove my hands and look him in the eyes. “Brian, I didn’t mean to say it. Please forget about it.”

“Tell me the truth, please?” he begs in the softest voice I’ve ever heard come out of him. “Sometimes, you make me so fucking confused, Justin. But I’m not anymore.”

“Why?”

“I woke up this morning, wanting you... so bad. I was afraid to move, because I wasn’t sure I could stop myself from touching you. And I feel fucking guilty even thinking about it. When I… when we had sex last time, it came from somewhere else inside me. I was so consumed with so many bad feelings that I needed to release. I poured them out into you without thinking. Now, it’s different. I want you, just as badly, but from a different place inside me.”

I close my eyes, take a series of deep breaths, and tell myself that there is no way I am awake. I have to be dreaming because Brian doesn’t talk like this, especially about me!

“Justin,” he squeezes my thigh, showing me his presence is definitely real. “Tell me how you feel. I know I don’t deserve you; I don’t deserve to have you in my life. But I want that. I do. I want you to be my husband and not just because getting married is what is best for our children. I’ve been thinking about this since I woke up, wanting you and wanting you to stay in my bed, in my arms.”

I look at him again and see how different his expression is from any way I’ve seen him look at me before. “You feel guilty though, Brian,” I speak. “I’m not going to be with someone who feels guilty every time they’re with me. It’ll be just as it was before. You’ll feel like you’re betraying Griff, you’ll hate me for it.”

He shakes his head and smiles at me. “All that guilt I was feeling was misplaced, Justin. I realized that for the most part, the guilt wasn’t because of Griff. I remembered the night before we got married…”

“Oh, Brian, please,” I interrupt him. “I don’t want to know about that.”

“No, God! Just listen, okay?”

“Fine,” I say, preparing myself mentally. He’s already left my mind and heart a complete mess I doubt there is much else that he could say that would change my state.

“There was a condition, a promise I had to make to him, before he’d marry me. I had to promise him that I’d move on, if anything ever happened to him. And, last night, while I was doing the laundry, I had some time to think about us. I was still confused until I walked upstairs and saw you in my bed.  Do you remember what I said to you last night?”

“You said I was in your bed,” I recall.

“And, I said that it’s where you belong. I meant that. I was sure of it, the second I woke up today. I promised Griffin that I’d fall in love, again and when he was sick I promised him that I would live, even after he was gone. I wouldn’t ever be able to promise you that, because when you passed out; I got so scared. I knew that I couldn’t live without you, Justin”

“That was just your fear talking,” I tell him. “You don’t want to be alone and you think you’re moving on because I’m here.”

“You don’t understand what I’m say. It isn’t about my fear of being alone. Justin, I didn’t have to fall in love with you.”

“Right,” I snap. “Because I was already here, easy to get in bed!”

He laughs at me, takes my hand, and places it over his heart. “No, you were already here. My guilt is because of you. I hate myself for what I did to you, to us and I’ll never forgive myself for it. I’ll never, not feel like a guilty fool. Especially because I know, I don’t have to fall in love with you. You’re not easy, in any way. I fought against every feeling I had for you, for years. I thought it was wrong and I made myself believe that it was just brotherly love, but I know that isn’t what it is. It never was. I fell in love with you in the third grade and I’ve never stopped loving you; even if I didn’t understand that’s what it was, even if I behaved like the biggest asshole on the face of this earth, and even if I loved Griffin, and acted like I hated you. You may never believe me, but I never hated you. I loved you. Constantly.”

Oh. My. God.

***

Friday, May 18th 1990

Brian’s P.O.V.

A thousand lamps

Won’t lift the dark

Rest of our lives

Might have already passed

See we’re taking all the life

“God, damn. Look at that ass!” Henry whispers in my ear as we turn down the hallway, dressed in our caps and gowns.

I look to where he’s pointing a few feet away and see a kid bent over, tying his shoe. The sun coming in through the large hall windows bLinds me as we walk toward him, but I can definitely see and appreciate that hot ass that caught Henry’s eye first.

“I’ve never seen him before,” Henry goes on, adjusting himself under his black graduation gown.

“Probably here for the ceremony and got lost,” I say, still admiring the bubble butt as we near its owner.

“I saw him first, Brian,” Henry tells me sternly, punching my arm. “I bet he’s a virgin.”

I lick my lips and shrug. “Just because I didn’t say…”

“Brian!”

I stop in my footsteps. Holy fuck! I was staring at Justin’s ass. I was imagining what it’d be like to fuck him. Sure, we’ve jerked off together a few times, but… he’s like my brother.

“You look different,” Henry, speaks as Justin walks up to us. His voice is on edge and he’s blushing furiously. He knows that I’d kick his ass if he laid a hand on Justin.

Good thing I didn’t voice my own desires. Henry would never let me live that down!

“Mom told me I had to wear something nice that wasn’t my school uniform,” Justin replies. He skims his hands down his hips and wrinkles his nose. “I fucking hate these slacks, they’re too tight.”

I try my hardest not to look at his crotch and the bulge his cock makes under the fabric. It isn’t my fault though, he’s right, the black slacks are entirely too tight on him. They practically look painted on him. The pale blue button up shirt he’s tucked into his pants brings out his eyes and the sunlight shining in makes his blond hair glimmer golden. Oh my god! What the fuck am I thinking?

“Well they look good to me,” Henry croaks out what we’re both thinking, unable to stop himself.

I don’t blame him! The outfit Justin’s wearing makes him look completely different. He still looks damn young, but he doesn’t seem like a little kid. “Where’s Mom?” I ask, trying to divert the attention away from Justin’s state of dress or the ideas that I have about his undress. Maybe the pot in that joint Henry and I just smoked was laced with some heavy shit that is making me unable to control my libido.

“She had to bring the rest of Molly’s boxes to my Dad’s apartment. The movers were loading the van today,” he says softly.

“They’re not leaving tonight, are they?” I know Molly seems to hate Justin, me and her mother right now, but I still want to say goodbye to her before they move to New York.

I think once she grows up she’ll see that her father’s a prick. I hope so, because Jennifer and Justin have been in so much pain since Molly declared to the court that she wanted to live with her father. I feel guilty about how everything happened, but I also know that even though Craig wants to blame me for him and Jennifer’s marriage breaking up, I know it’s his fault. I only wish that he didn’t put Justin and Molly in the middle of it.

“No, they’re still leaving tomorrow morning, but I guess the movers want to have it all packed up because they’re leaving really early.”

“Sucks about your Mom and Dad,” Henry says gently. “When my parents divorced last year I couldn’t believe it. They always seemed happy, but it turns out my Dad was bonking his secretary.”

“Yeah,” Justin says gruffly, the pain evident in his twisted expression, “same here.”

“Come on,” I say, putting my arm around Justin and then Henry. “Let’s take one last walk down the hallowed halls together.”

Justin looks up at me and smiles wistfully. “I wish I was graduating too.”

“So do I,” I say. “But I’ve decided that I’m going to stay at home the first year.”

Justin turns out of my arms and steps in front of me. “What?”

I drop my arm from Henry’s shoulder; he looks at me, realizing we need a moment. “I’m going to go take a piss.”

When he walks into the bathroom I elaborate, “It’s cheaper in the long run and I’ll have more freedom at the condo with you and Mom than I would in a dorm room.”

He jabs me in the stomach and smiles. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Cause I haven’t talked to Mom about it. I mean, we’re going to have to share a room,” I remind him. “Do you think you can handle that, Sunshine?”

Justin launches himself into my arms and hugs me tighter than he ever has. “I can handle it. I’m so happy, Brian. I was so worried I’d not only lose Dad and Molly, but you too.”

I hug him back, tightening my arms to match his exuberant embrace. “That’s never going to happen, even when we don’t live together,” I promise.