Heavy Funk: The-Human-Body = 3 Little Words Challenge

“Oh dear God!” Justin threw the flap of the diaper back in place.

Brian coughed and backed toward the nursery’s door. “I can’t… I can’t… handle,” he gestured to his daughter, “that!”

Justin held his nose and turned to Brian. “You will not leave me,” he hissed, his words really came out as a high-pitched squeal.

Brian laughed but regretted taking in the deep breaths his laughter caused; he started coughing again. “I can taste it!”

Justin took his finger off his nose and straightened his posture. “I can do this,” he said quickly, but shivered, horrified by the stench.

“Yes, you do it!” Brian agreed and encouraged.

“You’re helping,” Justin ordered. “It’s not so bad if you breathe through your nose; you don’t taste it that way.”

Brian backed closer to the door stepped into the hallway and took a breath of fresh air before going back into the nursery. “You’re the one that doesn’t have a gag reflex.”

“Get over here and hand me the wet-wipes so we can get this over with.” Justin noticed that Jasmine had a self-satisfied expression on her face. In all her weeks of life, he’d never seen her look so pleased and content.

Brian cautiously stepped toward his husband and the littlest-biggest stink bomb on Earth. He took Justin’s tactic and breathed through his mouth as he grabbed the container of wipes and pulled out a dozen of them.

Justin shook his head at Brian’s antics and pulled back the diaper again. “She went more!” he cried. “And it’s slimy green!”

Justin’s outburst caused Brian to jump and he ran for the doorway.

“Go get my Mom,” Justin demanded. “There must be something wrong with her.”

Brian took the opportunity to breathe as he dashed down the stairs.

Justin looked at his daughter curiously. “Please don’t have diarrhea,” he begged her. “I can’t deal with that. Not today.” He put his finger in her tiny fist and let her hold it as he waited for his mother. “You have to be good for Dada and me. We have no idea what we’re doing. You’re supposed to be good for us, like you were for Aunt Daphne. Cause we’re the ones who are going to raise you, I suppose you don’t like that much yet. But can you give us just a little break? I promise we’ll get better.”

Jasmine started to whimper and her eyes became teary.

“Oh no,” Justin shushed her, rubbing the side of her face. “Please don’t cry.” He felt his emotions coming to the surface and fought his own tears. “Don’t cry,” Justin said, to both himself and Jasmine.

Brian ran up the stairs, Jennifer following closely. “Do you smell it?” he asked his mother-in-law as they walked into the nursery. “It’s not normal!”

Jennifer laughed as she neared her son and granddaughter. “All babies stink like this. It’s normal.”

“But Mom,” Justin protested, wiping his eyes. “She pooped again before I could change her and it’s slimy green shit!”

Brian put his hands over his eyes. “Show her, Justin.”

Jennifer rubbed her hand over Jasmine’s cheek and the touch soothed the baby. “Go ahead;” Jennifer said slowly, “I’m sure it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“It is,” Justin assured, pulling back the diaper.

Justin gagged and backed away. “I gagged!” he declared.

“He gagged!” Brian told Jennifer. “He doesn’t ever gag; I should know, Jen!”

“Thanks for the TMI, Brian,” Jennifer replied, trying to keep her laughter in. “Guys, I hate to tell you, but this is normal poop.”

“But she pooped twice, in minutes,” Justin said adamantly. “That can’t be okay.”

Jennifer began to clean the child up. “It’s amazing what the human body can do,” she replied, smirking at the horrified parents.

“It’s disgusting what the human body can do,” Brian replied dryly. He put his arm around Justin and kissed him, acknowledging his husband’s frustration. “Are you sure she’s okay?”

“She’s fine,” Jennifer assured, putting a clean diaper on the baby.

“I was afraid that we’d have to change her formula again,” Justin confessed. “Or that I’d done something wrong, made her formula wrong or…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Jennifer picked Jasmine up and handed her to Justin. “You guys are doing great. Just wait a few more minutes before changing her, even if she is crying. She probably hadn’t finished pooping the first time.”

“Thanks,” Brian sighed.

Jasmine’s eyes landed on Brian and she squirmed and cried.

Justin pouted. “She hates me.”

“You liked your father better than me,” Jennifer told Justin.

Justin handed Brian Jasmine. “That makes me feel better Mom, thanks.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Brian grumbled.

“Come on,” Jennifer laughed. “The food is ready. You both need to eat.”

“Yeah, like she’ll let me set her down long enough to do that,” Brian whined.

Justin smirked at his husband. “You can always give her to Blake,” he said. “I think she was only crying because she needed changed.”

“Ahh… yes, Sunshine, good thinking.”

“I’m a genius, remember?” Justin said, walking down the stairs after his mother.

Brian was about to tell Justin that there was no way in Hell he was a genius. Justin had suggested having a kid in the first place. But then he looked down at Jasmine who stared at him in complete fascination and the words couldn’t pass his lips.

TBC in Heavy Sting