Chapter 20 - Talk to Me

Brian’s ardor had cooled off a bit by the time they got into the RV and pulled out of the tiny-assed parking lot next to the club. It was really late, and he had already consumed a few drinks, although he wasn’t so inebriated that he couldn’t drive, he was incredibly tired. And he was still torn between his sense of urgency driving him to get back to Pittsburgh as quickly as possible and his more carnal desires. One thing was for certain, though - nothing was going to happen while they were still sitting around in the parking lot of this club. So, in the end, Brian found himself heading back onto the highway and driving east.

Justin, meanwhile, was quietly watching the road pass by as he looked out the window. In his mind, he was once more reliving all the fun they’d had this evening and wondering if he should say something to Brian about all those tingly feelings that made his tummy feel funny while they were dancing. This had been one of the best night’s of his life. He loved being with Brian. He loved the way he always felt safe and protected when Brian was near him. Even the scary, loud dancing place hadn’t felt so intimidating with Brian by his side. And he knew that there were a lot of troubles ahead of them - not the least of which was the fact that he might have to go back to that hospital - but he knew that as long as he had Brian it would somehow turn out alright. It just had to. Justin didn’t think he could bear to be away from Brian now.

They hadn’t gone more than five miles past the city limits when Brian felt another wave of fatigue wash over him. There was no way he was going to be able to keep driving tonight without the risk of him falling asleep at the wheel. Luckily, right about then, he saw a big brown highway sign indicating that there was a County Park off the next exit and the sign included the symbol indicating that there was camping at the park. That would have to suffice. He quickly took the exit and followed the rest of the signs to the park. When they arrived there wasn’t anyone at the check-in booth, so Brian just drove right on into the almost deserted park.

Brian pulled the RV into one of the oversized parking spots near the edge of the Park’s border and set the parking brake. This wasn’t like one of those fancy RV parks - there wasn’t any electrical or water hook up - but it was quiet, there were a lot of trees separating each of the campsites and they actually had a nice view of the lake. This was a lot more like what Brian thought ‘camping’ - even camping in what was basically an apartment on wheels - should be like. If they wanted electricity, he’d have to go out and do that thing with the generator again. But, since it was really late, he thought he’d just skip it for now. They could always do that in the morning.

Justin was still just sitting there in the second Captain’s chair looking sort of dreamy. The boy was even still humming the tune to one of the songs they’d danced to earlier. He looked so fucking adorable with that half-way sheepish grin on his face - and Brian couldn’t for the life of him even think up a different adjective to use other than ‘adorable’ despite how stupidly lesbionic that term was. Maybe it was the late hour, or maybe it was because Brian was still feeling the last twinges of guilt for his actions back in St. Joseph, but before he knew it he had grabbed Justin’s hand, towed the boy up out of his chair and pulled the beautiful young blond into his arms where he proceeded to slowly sway back and forth to the song the kid was humming.

Justin smiled up at him with such a brilliant, glowing, incandescent smile that it didn’t matter that the only light inside the RV was the moonlight trickling through from outside. It seemed as bright as day to Brian. Before long Justin was getting into the dancing as much as Brian was. They were back to where they’d been on the Zoobabies dance floor - their bodies molded tightly together and their groins grinding hotly and dangerously close.

Justin’s humming was interrupted at that point by a deep body moan and the boy looked up at Brian with that look of pure sexual curiosity that the older man just couldn’t help finding endearing no matter how exasperating it was at the same time. “Brian, I know it’s probably not true, but my mother always said that dancing like this - you know, so close to another person and . . . well, the way you’re rubbing up against me and all . . . well, it’s another of those things that can get you pregnant. I know that all the times I danced by myself that it didn’t lead to that, but . . .” Justin once again verbalised one of his mommy-isms regarding pregnancy.

“Well, I’m not sure about that, Sunshine, but I do know it can lead to some more of those ‘boyfriend things’ we’ve been trying out . . .” Brian trailed off playfully. “And, like I told you before, in our case, there’s absolutely no way in Hell it could lead to either of us getting pregnant. You know what? Tomorrow, while we drive, I think it’s past time for you to use that Devil’s Box for a little sex education research, Sunshine . . . Your mom certainly told you a lot of crazy ass shit, didn’t she?”

Justin nodded sagely, looking a little saddened by the reference to his deceased mother. “That’s true. My mom DID tell me a lot of crazy assed shit . . . I guess I didn’t really believe most of what she said. But it was hard sometimes to know what was real and what wasn’t. I didn’t have anyone else to talk to, you know, so it wasn’t like I had any way to tell what was real and what wasn’t . . .“

“Can I ask you something?” Brian thought that this was as good a time as any to bring up the subject that he knew they’d have to breach sometime. “Did you . . . Did you really kill your mother, Justin?”

Justin froze in place.

Brian could see by the sparkling of the moonlight that Justin’s big blue eyes had teared up. “Yes . . .” Justin replied in a small voice that was barely audible.

“Was it the voices? Did voices tell you to do it?” Brian pressed even though he knew this conversation would probably cause Justin significant pain - but he just had to know the truth.

“No,” Justin answered right away, without any hesitation. “No, the voices, they didn’t tell me things, they told my mother things . . .”  

Brian was instantly relieved but he wanted to make certain. “So you DON’T hear voices?”

“No.”

“Your mother did?”

“Yeah . . . Yeah, they used to tell her things all the time,” Justin answered with a melancholy air of remembrance. “And sometimes it was just silly stuff, but mostly it was scary. That’s why she yelled all the time . . . And then, one night, she just screamed and screamed and yelled for help and she just wouldn’t stop . . .” Brian could feel the boy’s shoulders begin to shake and there was a stifled sobbing that Brian could just barely hear before the boy finally went on. “I didn’t go to her, Brian. I didn’t go to her. I was too scared. I just . . . I hid in the closet in my room . . .” Brian squeezed the boy tightly, trying to reassure him with his body since it felt like adding any words would simply be too jarring. “And then in the morning, when I finally came out, she was dead . . . There was blood and . . . and I didn’t know what to do . . .” Finally the quiet sobbing broke out into full-fledged, panic-stricken wailing.

After several long minutes, when the crying had finally abated a little bit, Brian finally spoke. “Justin . . . Justin, listen to me. Are you listening? That is not you killing your mother. That’s just her dying. You didn’t kill her. You need to stop saying you killed your mother, because you didn’t. It’s not your fault.” When Justin mutely shook his head in denial, Brian once again insisted. “Justin, It’s NOT your fault!”

“Don’t you see, Brian? It is my fault; I should have helped her when she was screaming for it. I should have saved her from herself, Brian!” Justin continued to cry uncontrollably “I was too much of a scared little coward to help my own mother, and because of that she's dead. She's fucking dead and I. Am. To. Blame.”

“No, Justin. No. People make their own pain. You didn’t cause that and you probably couldn’t stop what was happening to her. She was sick, Justin. You had nothing to do with that.” Brian found himself holding the boy even tighter, his hands feathering through the thick blond tresses, his lips leaving little consoling kisses on the boy’s temple and in his hair until the sobbing had died down to mere sniffles again. “You know what? This has been a fucking bullshit excuse of a day for both of us, Sunshine. I feel like I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster, and I don’t even do emotions. Let’s . . . I don’t know . . . Let’s . . .”

Brian looked around him trying to find something - anything - that would distract them both and give them time to rein in their raging emotions. The sight of the clear waters of the lake glinting in the starlight outside was the first thing that caught his attention. Moonlight . . . a stroll around a lake . . . fresh air and stars above . . . It was an idea. So what if it was a ridiculously romantic idea that Brian wouldn’t normally be caught dead engaging in. There wasn’t anyone around here who knew Brian, so there was no reason to worry about tarnishing his asshole stud reputation, right? And his Sunshine seemed like he definitely needed a bit of a break.

“How about we go take a little walk around the lake, Sunshine? I think the fresh air would do us both a world of good, besides I could teach you how to properly stargaze.”

Justin wasn’t quite sure what Brian meant by stargaze, but the walk sounded nice. And maybe Brian was right, a nighttime stroll could be just what he needed to help get his mind off of his mother. So he nodded in acceptance. Soon Brian had grabbed the old throw off the back of the sofa and then they were exiting their motor home and heading for the lake shore.

The stars WERE absolutely stunning in their ethereal beauty. You couldn’t ever see stars this clearly in the Pitts . . . too many bright lights and skyscrapers. But out here in the boonies, it was as if they had descended so low that you could almost reach out and touch them.

As they walked, Justin held tightly onto Brian’s arm, nervous that he might lose his way in the dark if they lost contact. Eventually, his hand slipped down Brian’s arm and, as Brian felt Justin’s fingers brush against his own, he couldn’t resist the urge to let their hands intertwine. He smiled as he chuckled to himself. No one on Liberty Avenue would believe this scene. Brian ‘Fucking’ Kinney holding hands while walking in the moonlight. He could scarcely believe it himself. This was even worse than Brian Kinney driving an RV or Brian Kinney going to the Fair. Oh, well. What the folks on Liberty Avenue didn’t know . . . wouldn’t bother Brian.

They walked quietly, hand in hand, for several minutes. When they neared the shoreline, Brian unfurled the blanket he’d grabbed onto a patch of damp sand next to the lake and then pulled Justin down to lie next to him on it. It was a warm night, so luckily there wasn’t any risk of getting chilled. And nobody else was around, so it felt like they had the whole lake to themselves. The moon was full and provided an abundance of light, which caused Justin’s white-blond hair to practically glow in the dark. And the way that the younger man was looking up at Brian from where he was lying on his back on the blanket, let his whole beautiful face be lit up by the moonbeams. Brian could see every feature perfectly delineated by the silvery light - the prominent, high cheek bones, the broad forehead, the turned up nose and those full, pouty, provocative lips . . . Brian simply couldn’t have resisted kissing those lips if he’d tried. And he really didn’t have any incentive to resist. So . . .

Brian, who was propped up on one elbow, leaned over and slowly lowered his mouth down until their lips were just barely touching. This first kiss was so fleeting it felt like a brush of butterfly wings. Then Brian felt his eager blond taking a bit of initiative. The boy kissed him back and added a tentative lick across Brian’s lips. He rather liked how bold the little imp was getting. As a reward for the brazen behavior, Brian pressed down and applied more pressure to the next kiss, opening his lips to allow the boy’s tongue access inside. And then he was thrilled when the shy nymph actually took the invitation in stride and began to explore inside all on his own initiative.

“Are you going to show me some more ‘boyfriend things’, Brian?” Justin breathily whispered from kiss swollen lips when he finally came up for air a few minutes later. “I have all these tingly, squiggly feelings in my tummy and . . . And . . . And further down it’s even more tingly . . . They started when we were dancing earlier - I don’t know why . . . But, I think I like them . . . And . . .  And . . . Oh, Brian!” This last exclamation came along with Brian’s hand reaching down to that spot ‘further down’ where the boy was feeling so much tingling, but bypassing the hard cock he found there he instead pressed evocatively on the spot behind Justin's balls.

“I would very much like to show you all about THESE boyfriend things, Sunshine,” Brian replied, nuzzling into the soft folds of warm skin at the crease between the boy’s shoulder and neck and revelling in the warmth of the slightly sweaty skin he found there. “But I'm not sure you're quite ready for the full experience yet . . .”

“I want to, Brian. I want it all.” Justin vehemently stated, and then he looked away, becoming shy all over again. “I-I-I read about anal sex in the Joy of Gay Sex on the computer . . . At first I thought it sounded kind of icky but then, after I looked at all the pictures . . . well, it didn’t look so bad. Those men in the pictures looked really, really happy - maybe even gay - so I’m pretty sure they were enjoying what they were doing. I bet they were feeling all tingly, too, you know. And . . . And, well, it says if you’re careful, then it won’t hurt as much. So, I-I-I really want to try that . . . to feel . . . to feel it all with you, Brian. I want to be your boyfriend in every way possible.”

The boy’s naivety was so fucking arousing that Brian found it hard to stop himself - to say what he knew should be said to caution the unwary youngster. “I want you to be absolutely sure about this, Sunshine. I want to do this for you, but I don’t want you to feel obligated or taken advantage of,” Brian tried to explain matter-of-factly, attempting to be as up front and honest with Justin as he could, even though it felt so odd to be talking about this stuff when normally Brian would have just fucked first and tried to avoid any and all discussion later. “This is not to be taken lightly, Justin. Once I pop your cherry, there’s no going back. And, no matter what I do, it will hurt a little. That’s a part of it. But I can promise that you will also feel pleasure like no pleasure you’ve ever felt before.”

“I know what I want, Brian. I’m sure. Really, I’m sure! And I don’t feel obligated - I feel special and safe when I’m with you. I know you’ll always take care of me. And I . . . I want to feel even more special. Because, if they make me go back to that hospital . . . well, I can't bear the idea of being separated from you, Brian, but if they do make me go there, then I want to have this to remember. I can hold this memory close to me whenever I get scared or feel alone . . . You . . . You're the only one who ever cared about me or about how I felt, Brian. So, I want to take this from you and then I’ll have you for always, no matter what they do to me,” Justin stressed as he reached up with one hand and softly stroked Brian’s stubbly cheek.

“If that happens, Sunshine, you know I’ll do everything I can to get you out of there. I promise.” Brian looked deep into the eyes that were shadowed by the shifting moonlight so that only a sliver of blue showed.

All the while they’d been speaking of these carnal delights, bits and pieces of clothing had been disappearing almost as if they’d melted away under the moonlight. In the end, they both lay naked under the huge full moon. Brian was even more blinded by the brilliance of Justin’s perfect pale skin once it was fully revealed. It made him want to run his hands, lips, and tongue over every inch of it. If the moonlight could kiss that silken alabaster expanse, then so could he. But the distraction of seeing Justin bared in the moonlight was short-lived as the boy’s continued worries brought him back to the moment.

“I don’t want to think about that, Brian. I know you said that I might have to go back there. Back to that hospital. But I just don’t want to think about that right now. Right now I just want to think about you and your lips touching me and that thing you do with your hands when you . . . when you . . . when . . . when . . . Yes, when you do THAT. Ohhhhh!” Justin whispered, with a growing edge of lust in his voice as Brian’s hands obediently slid back up so that the boy’s nice thick cock was firmly gripped in his palm.

Brian was almost overcome by the boy’s panting pleas and had to pause briefly to get his own libido in check. When he thought he had himself back under control, he let himself squeeze the twitching, pulsing dick in his hand a few times in order to coax out some precum for use as lube and then, reaching around to palm the full globes of Justin’s ass, he started to rub at the tight virgin hole that he intended to claim that night. When Justin’s panting progressed towards full blown moaning, Brian slipped his wet finger inside and carefully began to massage at the tight, ring of muscles guarding Justin’s untried depths. 

While his hands were otherwise occupied, Brian’s mouth left a trail of light, gentle kisses down the boy’s chest and stomach until he was finally able to nibble at the tip of Justin’s beautiful mushroom-shaped cock head. Justin made a sound somewhere between a squeal and a moan, and Brian actually giggled at the sound of it. As he did, the vibrations this caused brought about another soft moan from the now overly aroused younger man. Brian found that he craved those sweet, uninhibited and totally prurient sounds, and silently made a plan as to exactly how he would coax even more of them out of his oh-so-responsive partner.

As Brian continued to work his finger just inside Justin’s perfect little pucker, his other hand was busy flipping open the tube of lube. He efficiently squirted some inside the waiting pink knot and continued until he had spread a very generous amount on his hand and all around Justin’s hole. He wanted Justin to feel as little pain as possible and was determined to use all his experience and skill to prepare him as well as he possibly could. 

Feeling Justin writhing and flailing beneath him, Brian determined that it was past time to add another finger in order to move things along. He poured even more lube on his hand and, as he began to push gently but steadily with his second finger, he felt it enter just as he began to let his thumb caress the space between Justin’s sack and the prize he could barely wait to partake of. Another new sound escaped from somewhere deep inside Justin’s throat and it was almost Brian’s undoing. It was a combination of a squeak, a moan, and a whimper - and it was totally fucking hot and far more erotic than anything one of his more sophisticated partners had ever uttered. As much as he wanted to make sure Justin was ready for what he had planned, Brian knew that if he didn’t move things along soon it would all be over before it even began.

“Oh . . . oh . . . oh, Brian . . . Just . . . Just . . . Just Brian . . . I need . . . I need . . . something, Just Brian. I need something. I need you, Brian. Please.” The sweet little neophyte was so tongue tied and frantic with need that he could barely get a word out, and on top of that he didn’t really know what it was he was asking for, just that Brian was the only one who could supply whatever was lacking.

“You want my cock inside you, little boy? Are you ready for this? Do you need to be filled?” Brian growled, using every bit of his strength to maintain some semblance of control.

“Yes, Brian. YES!” Justin nearly shouted out his need as he reached down his hands, grappling loosely along Brian’s naked flesh, desperate to grasp at any part of Brian that he could.

“Okay, Sunshine. Just relax. I’ve got this. I promise I’ll take care of you. And, after tonight, no matter where you are or who you’re with, I’ll always be there with you.” Brian said as he reached over for the condom packet and, ripping it open with his teeth, offered the contents to Justin. “Go on. Put it on my dick.” When Justin hesitated, Brian smiled and gave a few more instructions. “It’s easy, Sunshine. You just take out the little latex disk, put it on the tip of my cock, and then roll it down.” Brian guided the boy’s hands and they effectively rolled on the condom together, turning it into another form of foreplay. “Rule number one - Always use a condom. No exceptions. Ever,” Brian added in the requisite safety lecture without ruining the mood.

Just feeling Justin’s fingers brush across his cock was exquisite torture. He didn’t think his dick had ever throbbed this hard in all his long and rather promiscuous life. Before he knew it, Brian had positioned himself between Justin’s legs and instructed the boy to put his legs on Brian’s shoulders. Brian normally preferred to take a trick from behind, but this was no trick. This was his Sunshine. Brian really wanted to see Justin’s face and look into his eyes as he took his virginity. That way he could make sure that he was doing it right and that the boy was truly enjoying it. When they were finally settled, Brian placed his sheathed cock at the boy’s most intimate entrance and slowly pushed forward.

“I-I-It hurts.” Justin panted out following a soft sound of pain. “Does it always hurt so much?”

“Sorry, Sunshine, but that’s always a part of it.” Brian rubbed Justin’s belly in a soothing motion, “Now, just relax and push . . . That’s it.” Brian spoke softly and patiently, guiding the boy through the process of accepting the sensual intrusion, and in no time at all he was able to slip his dick further into the tight and welcoming heat of Justin’s body.

After a few slow, careful motions, he found himself fully seated inside this new lover’s body. With extra care, he slowly began to rock in and out, increasing his pace and depth each time he felt the boy’s body relaxing just that much more. Finally, when he was able to glide along without any further resistance, he settled into a steady, relentless pace that should eventually bring both of them to the ultimate of pleasures. And, a moment later, Brian could tell when he managed to graze the boy’s prostate by the youth’s swift intake of breath and the startled, aroused moan that Justin simply could not hold back. Shit . . . His boy was so exquisitely responsive and tight that Brian wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to last. Yes, this was definitely going to be one transcendent experience for the both of them.

Brian transitioned into a maddeningly slow, steady rhythm, allowing his novice lover to fully adjust to the feeling of being filled. At the same time, he kissed Justin’s sensuous lips on every down stroke, loving the way the blond instinctively raised his hips further to meet Brian’s thrusts. The more experienced, older man took this as a signal to speed up the pace just a bit. The driving pace combined with the moonlight above made their sweat covered bodies look like bejeweled works of art. Brian knew he wouldn’t last too much longer and hoped that Justin was truly as close as he thought.

“Damn you feel so fucking good, Sunshine,” Brian whispered as he continued to pump into the boy’s welcoming heat.

“Brian . . . t-t-the t-t-tingling in my t-t-tummy is getting s-s-strongerrr . . .” Justin panted “A-and i-it feels like my willy is going to explode.”

“That's a good thing, Sunshine! Don't fight it. Just let it all go. Just let go and come with me.” Brian instructed as he continued to angle into the lad’s prostate.

With a deep growl coming from who-the-fuck-knows-where, both men came simultaneously - Justin in between their two bellies, and Brian filling the condom embedded deep in Justin’s ass; both men shaking from their violent releases.

Eventually, Brian lowered Justin’s legs from his shoulders and collapsed onto the quivering mass of satisfied Sunshine. Gently he withdrew from Justin’s body, kissing him in the process to lessen the empty feeling that was sure to follow. Then they both laid back on the blanket and stared up at the stars while their individual heartbeats gradually slowed.

“Brian?” Justin’s hushed yet overjoyed voice eventually penetrated the silence that surrounded them on the lake shore. “I don't care if my mother was right and I DO get pregnant. I wanna do that again and again and again . . .”

Brian chuckled at the boy’s declaration. He had to admit, if only to himself, that he didn't want this encounter to be just another drive-by rumble in the sheets either. Regardless of how things had played out, he had come to genuinely care for Justin. And for reasons Brian wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge yet, he didn’t want to let his sweet (did he just use the term sweet to describe a man?) blond go.

“Well, Sunshine, I don’t think that will be a problem. In fact, I’m all in favor of that plan. We can definitely do that again . . . and again . . . and again,” Brian replied, emphasizing each ‘again’ with another tender, sleepy kiss deposited on whatever piece of skin he managed to find with his lips.  

Justin snuggled closer into Brian’s warm body and whispered in a barely audible “Okay. But, maybe after I take a little nap first . . .” before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.