Ianto silently pondered Jack's admission of fear, suddenly feeling nervous and unsure, reconsidering his request that Jack confide in him about his ordeal. 'Can I handle hearing what Jack had endured, especially if it was harrowing enough to instill fear in his normally fearless lover? When Jack turned in Ianto's arms to face him, his hand cupping Ianto's face while kissing him softly on the mouth, Ianto thought, 'For him, I can do anything, just as he would for me.' Ianto let Jack leading him almost shyly by the hand across the room to the comfort of the sofa. Jack set the yet to be touched glass of amber liquid on the coffee table and sat down, pulling Ianto gently down beside him.

The lovers sat facing one another, Ianto with his leg bent between them up on the sofa while his arm draped across the back, comfortingly resting his hand on the back of Jack's neck as he feathered the soft hair there. Ianto gave it a light and reassuring squeeze as he turned his attention to his own forgotten glass. He quickly downed it in one gulp and exhaled sharply at the heavy burn.

“Easy, Ianto. Though I'm sure you're gonna need it … and probably a few more, too.” Jack muttered.

Ianto grabbed the liquor bottle of the coffee table as Jack emptied his own glass. Ianto tipped the bottle in the air towards Jack with a questioning look and Jack nodded. Ianto started to pour a few fingers worth of the rich amber liquid for Jack, when Jack reached out and tipped the bottle bottom to pour a full glass with a wry smile.

“I think we deserve to over-indulge a little, tonight, don't you?”

Ianto nodded in silent agreement, not quite sure of what subjects this discussion would entail anyhow and he threw caution to the wind, pouring himself a whole glass as well. They both held their glasses aloft in silent toast and then they both tipped and drank until their glasses were drained.

Jack told Ianto, in agonizing detail, all that had transpired, the tale-telling spanning an hour or two's time and several more subsequently refilled/quickly drained glasses. Jack began his tale with being sent to 'Hell', realizing where he was and (as Jack had mistakenly thought) a means of escape. He then began describing to Ianto about his miraculous 'return', how his joy and relief were short-lived, as he quickly began discovering little inconsistencies upon his return. Inconsistencies which when added together, ultimately led Jack to the realisation that while he had thought he'd escaped and was 'home', he had merely been deceived into believing he had and he was still 'there'.

While starting a second bottle, most of which was being consumed by him, Jack talked of how he murdered Jefferson down in the cells, sadistically breaking the man's arm before ruthlessly stomping on his head without a second thought. Jack paused and began tearing up, though trying to remain composed while describing in heart-wrenching detail how he had shot Gwen point-blank through the heart in cold blood. The tale of his harrowing ordeal continued further as he told Ianto how he then was informed of Owen and Tosh's fatal car accident.

The final two refills of the glass preceded Jack's halting description to Ianto of how the alien creatures had come to Earth and killed everyone on it by destroying every power plant on the planet and therefore plunging it to darkness and chaos. Every single other living being on Earth, that is, with the exception of himself, who was left to suffer, alone and desperate in complete darkness for all eternity.

Jack had quickly decided against telling his young lover how he had been trapped there in endless torment, spanning the course of five years for him, while for Torchwood it was only a day. Jack also withheld that while he was imprisoned there, he had tried to end his torture and his life by shooting himself repeatedly, to no avail. Jack knew Ianto far too well, and fearing what that single piece of knowledge alone would do to him on top of everything else, he kept quiet.

Ianto had listened in silent sympathy as Jack spoke, feeling Jack's pain as physically as if it were his own, and one thing had been nagging at him, but his usually sharp mental clarity had diminished more with every drink he'd consumed, so he was finding it difficult to suss out exactly what that might be. After a few moments of silent deliberation, it hit him. Jack, during the entire retelling of his hellish ordeal, had not mentioned Ianto, not even once. In fact, the more Ianto thought about it, it almost seemed as if Jack had purposely gone out of his way to avoid making any mention of Ianto at all.

This glaringly blatant avoidance to mention Ianto began a surging storm of anxiety deep inside the Welshman. His mind, though muddled by alcohol, struggled to think and began creating hellishly tormenting scenarios and as horrible as the events Jack had already told him were, it seemed that at least in Jack's opinion, all that he had already told Ianto was obviously far less torturous than whatever he was trying so desperately to hide from Ianto now.

Ianto furrowed his brow, his clouded brain valiantly refusing to give up working the puzzle. 'What could be worse than all Jack had told him? What had happened to Jack that could possibly be so horrible that he couldn't tell me? And why don't I have any part in this 'hell' of his? Wait, is that it? What happened to me? Did Jack-? Bloody hell! He'd shot Gwen, had Jack hurt him as well? Is that what he didn't want to tell me? No, Jack would never hurt me, so then maybe it was-' Wait! That had to be it! I must have done something. Why else would he not mention him? God, what had he done?

A look of dread slowly crept across his face, “You … haven't mentioned me, Jack, not once-”, he swallowed the lump in his throat as Jack refused to look Ianto in the eye. “why everyone else … but not me. What did I do there, Jack?” Ianto's voice broke, “Oh, Jack, what did I do to you?”

Jack was silent for a few minutes before he haltingly started to speak. “I had thought, that … that I was here, I thought I had … you know, made it back home.” Jack began a rambling whisper, getting lost in his thoughts, talking to himself and forgetting Ianto was there. “You just don't understand, no one can, that place seemed so real, so much like this one, just like this one. But it wasn't this one, couldn't be this one. Everything looked the same, everyone acted the same, and it felt the same. I should've known, you weren't you, it wasn't you, but it was you, so confusing, but you seemed so real and it looked like you, and it sounded like you, but that- No, I should've known it wasn't you, it was never really you-”

Ianto watched, horrified as Jack began talking to himself, faster and faster as his eyes glassed over again, totally unaware of Ianto's presence, just like Ianto's mum used to before they had put her in the institution.

Panicking, he grabbed Jack's face with both hands and tilted it up at him, “Jack? Jack, please? Jack, stop it!”

Jack slowly came around and stopped rambling as Ianto shook him. “It will be alright, Jack. Whatever it is you're keeping from me, just tell me, Jack. Please, I can't help if you don't tell me.”

Jack pulled Ianto tightly against him, dread filling him at the thought of the hurt he knew he was about to bestow on Ianto as he nestled Ianto's head in the crook of his neck. “Alright, Ianto, I will. I don't want to, but I will.”

* ~ TW~ *Start of excerpt from the audiobook, 'In the Shadows by Joseph Lidster* ~ TW~ *

He wasn't thinking about Gwen, not anymore, not at all. Not thinking about her eyes staring at him as they clouded over, all the blood spreading across her shirt and staining his. He wasn't thinking about it. He wasn't going to think about it. He was going to find Ianto Jones and everything would be okay, he'd help him. Ianto loved him, he'd forgive him. He'd rescue Jack from the shadows.

He burst through the boardroom doors and Ianto was there and he was with Darren Soursby. He had his arms around Darren and they were...

Suddenly, Ianto broke away from the kiss and turned to Jack with a leering grin “You always forget about the little people, don'tcha, Jack?”

Ianto shouted at Darren at the back of them room, “Get dressed and get out. This is between me and Jack.”

“I-I don't understand, Ianto … ” Jack had fallen back against the door frame. He felt sick.

Ianto leered at him as he pulled on his shirt. “Well, it's not like you've stayed faithful, is it sir? I've spent months watching you flirt and kiss and carry on. If I'd ever trusted you, I'd say my ickle heart would be breaking right now.”

Jack watched as his … “friend” buttoned up his shirt and pulled on his suit jacket.

“Thing is, sir … I never trusted you.”

Suddenly Ianto turned and roared at Darren. “I SAID GET OUT!” The young man, still only half-dressed, ran through the room and stumbled past Jack.

Jack, staring at Ianto, didn't even notice. “Sit down … SIR. Let me get you a coffee.”

Jack, his hurt starting to give way to a cold anger, sat down at the head of the desk.

Ianto, for once not bothering to put his tie on, went over to the side table and prepared some coffee.

“Did you really trust me, Jack? Oh, no, that's sweet. I mean I suppose I fooled you the first time we met, so I shouldn't be surprised you fell for it a second time.” He came over with two coffees, handed one to Jack and sat down next to him. “You killed Lisa.”

Jack blinked and turned to face him, “I did what?”

“You killed Lisa.” He took a sip of his coffee. “You killed the woman I loved.” Suddenly he laughed, “And you think I then fall in love with you? I was using you, Jack, the same way everyone does.”

Jack shook his head, “N-N, ... No, it wasn't like that. You grieved, you moved on. We saved you from her, from your … madness.”

Ianto shook his head and put a hand on Jack's shoulder, “Yeah, yeah, if that's what you wanna believe.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to get close to you so I could hurt you the way you hurt me. And it was easy, so easy. I suppose though, deep down you've always known you couldn't trust people, 'aven't you?”

Jack pushed back into his chair, scared as Ianto's dark eyes bored into him, staring into his soul. “Even your hero.” Ianto took another sip of coffee, “Even he abandoned you after your first resurrection.”

“No” said Jack quietly.

“Then there was Alex and Suzie and how many others? Eh, Jack? How many others have betrayed you? And you go on and on about the darkness, but … ”

Suddenly Ianto flung his coffee against the wall, the mug shattered into a thousand pieces, noise burning into Jack's mind. “The darkness is here, Jack, it's in us, it's in all of us. You can't save us from ourselves. We all use you in the end.”

“No” said Jack again “No”

“Yes, yes, I used ya, Jack, the same way we all do.”

“Ianto, I trust you, this isn't you. I know who you are and this isn't you.”

Ianto stood up calmly “You always think you know best don't you? But yeah, you got it wrong, again.”

“Oh, you're not drinking your coffee?” Jack shook his head.

“You think I've poisoned it?” Jack nodded.

“You still don't understand, you. God, you're stupid.”

Jack shook his head. The whispering voices were back, taunting him.

“I'm not here to kill you, Jack. I'm here so you can kill me, like Suzie, like Gwen.” Jack looked up at the man he … the man he loved. Then, tears pouring down his face, he opened up the box of matches.

“That's it, Jack.” Ianto grinned. He held his arms aloft and laughed, “Bring it on!”

Jack didn't look as the shadow lunged out of the box, enveloped Ianto and took him to hell.

* ~ TW~ *End of excerpt from the audiobook, 'In the Shadows by Joseph Lidster* ~ TW~ *