Ianto choked back the rising lump in his throat as he listened to the anguish in Jack's voice as he recalled the events in the boardroom. Finding him in Darren's arms, kissing him, Ianto unashamed and unapologetic when Jack caught them, cruel even. Ianto's heart ached as Jack repeated the hate-filled words the hellish version of himself had hurled at him.

“You said … you didn't love me, that you were just … using me” Jack paused, tears in his eyes, “To-to … get back at me for killing Lisa.” Ianto closed his eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek. Jack put his hand on Ianto's thigh and squeezed. “But it wasn't you, not really and I should have known that.”

“But how, Jack? You couldn't know that! You thought it was me! How could ya not? Even if it was saying all those disgusting lies, the thing standin' there, wearin' my face! My god, Jack, I can't even imagine- ”

Ianto could not finish, his thoughts racing, the pain in his heart, the sick feeling in his stomach, how it would have shredded him to hear Jack utter even a few of those same words to him, much less all at once and delivered so hatefully.

“How? How could you ever look at me, Jack, without feeling it all over again?” Ianto finally whispered, putting his head in his hands, tears still in his eyes. “I'm so sorry-”

“Look at me, Ianto.” Jack said firmly as he turned towards him, cupping Ianto's face in his hands.

“Can't ” he whispered refusing to look up.

“Look at me, Ianto, and listen to me very carefully when I say this.”

Ianto lifted his tear-filled eyes to Jack's face, eyes that were now full of sorrow and anguish knowing the heartbreak that had been delivered to Jack, for all intents and purposes, by his own hand. After a long moment, Ianto finally looked deeply into Jack's eyes, astonished to see them full of love, just as they always were when Jack looked at him.

“You want to know how I can look at you and not remember those words?”

Ianto opened and then closed his mouth as if to speak but only managed a nod.

Jack looked Ianto square in the eye, unblinking and said, with tears welling in his eyes again.

“You, this right here, that's how.” Jack paused, placing his hand firmly over Ianto's heart.

“It wasn't even your fault, it was some alternate version of you and yet you still feel responsible.” Jack smiled at him in loving wonderment and continued, “Your heart, Ianto. That wonderful part that is so uniquely you. That's how I can look at you and not see him. You could never be like that, it's just not you.” Ianto, in his embarrassment, tried to look away, but Jack held tight, kissing his lips softly.

“You … came to hell to save me, to bring me back, even when you weren't sure it would work and even though it meant you might be stuck as well. You risked your life for me, Ianto,” he sighed, closing his eyes “That is so much stronger than any words-”

Ianto interrupted him. “I love you, Jack, what else could I do? I couldn't just leave you there.” he whispered vehemently.

“I love you, too, Ianto, so much. I'm glad you found me, just please don't ever risk your life for me like that again.” Jack kissed Ianto deeply. 'I know what it's like to lose you now.' he thought to himself.

Ianto unconsciously patted his pocket while he silently debated with himself whether he should get Jack's permission or just slip it in his drink and damn the consequences. After the day that Jack had, though, he decided to not make the choice for Jack, but to let him make the decision himself.

“I , uh, took the liberty of procuring these before we left tonight, just in case.” He took out two Retcon pills and silently placed them on the table in front of Jack.

“The last few hours or the whole day?” he asked quietly.

“The whole day, if the dosage is correct.” he held Jack's hand.

“If I'm taking it so are you, Ianto. I don't want you remembering this either.”

“I had already figured as much, sir.”

They each took a pill, placed it in their mouth and washed it down, or so Jack wanted Ianto to think. In truth, Jack had merely palmed the retcon, knowing he needed to remember this day, all of it, even 'hell' so that he would never forget how much he loved Ianto, needed Ianto, how it would feel to lose him, or more importantly, how Ianto had risked himself to save him.

He hated lying to Ianto, but he couldn't stand the look of pain and guilt on his young lover's face, guilt for things he wasn't even responsible for. Ianto would never remember and Jack would make sure it was never again brought up, and pretend it had never happened. He slipped the pill in his pocket while Ianto wasn't looking.

How similar he and Ianto were, like a matched pair, though neither one of them realised just how equally so. Great minds thinking alike, his young Welshman had palmed his pill as well, shoving it into the couch when Jack wasn't looking, for he had no intention of forgetting this day. Ianto hated lying to Jack, he had promised himself after Lisa never to do it again, for any reason. These last few hours spent with Jack at his flat were worth remembering, hell or no hell.

Ianto's only thought was for Jack, and for him to forget all that had happened to him today in 'hell', but he brought two pills because he knew Jack would not take it without letting Ianto forget as well. Ianto, with his almost mechanical ability to compartmentalize and bury emotion, never had any intention of taking the Retcon. He preferred to keep his memories intact, whether good, bad or indifferent.

Ianto laid back on the couch, pulling Jack with him, enjoying the closeness of Jack's body as they kissed languorously with Jack settled in next to Ianto. Jack burrowed himself contentedly in Ianto's arms, his head resting on Ianto's chest, his pelvis pressed against Ianto's hip, with their legs comfortably twined together. Thoroughly exhausted, each man's breathing quickly evened out, their breathing almost perfectly matched as they began the slow descent into sleep.

On the edge of slumber, Ianto closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Jack's forehead, Jack's hair tickling Ianto's nose. The intoxicating smell drove Ianto wild most nights, but now it acted as more of a sedative, though most likely it was the alcohol making his eyes drift closed, his arm possessively around Jack, slow fingertips ghosting up and down Jack's arm as it rested on Ianto's chest. Ianto's other hand was curled firmly around Jack's, which lay directly over Ianto's heart.