Detective Brian Kinney, macho cop and fearless crimefighter, sat in the uncomfortable seat located just outside the examining cubicle of the Emergency Room completely defeated. There was no pretense of control over his emotions. His slumped body and the crumpled features of his face, streaked by slowly cascading tears, said it all. Brian was a broken man. He had failed to protect the one person he cared about most in this world. The fact that he didn't even know that Justin was going to the Museum on his own didn't matter...not to Brian. Nor did it matter to his mother, Jennifer. That was clear when Brian and Carl first arrived at the hospital. 

Carl had broken speed records getting Brian to the hospital after receiving the call from the station house informing them of Justin's attack. They had parked in a spot reserved for emergency vehicles, including cop cars. Within seconds they were sprinting in the ER door and quickly finding out where Justin had been taken from a petite young lady who could see the fear in the eyes of the tall, attractive man. They didn't have to go far before they saw Jennifer standing outside one of the examining rooms. The curtains were drawn over the window to the room, giving privacy to doctors and patient. The moment Jenn saw Brian, all the fear and anxiety she had been forcing herself to keep suppressed bubbled to the surface. She didn't yell or scream at the man. It probably would have hurt less if she had. 

"Where were you?" she hissed between clenched teeth. "Why did you let this happen?"

Brian took the words like a blow to the gut. Carl was shocked. Surely the woman knew that Brian couldn't have been with Justin 24/7. How could she expect him to know that this would happen while he was at work? There had never been a direct threat to Justin's life, at least not that anyone knew of. He was aware that Brian felt Justin might be a target of the basher or bashers who went after the Simpson boy, but there was no proof of that theory. Carl knew that Brian had done the best he could under the circumstances. He glanced over at Brian, half expecting him to defend himself from Jenn's comment, but all he saw was guilt. It hurt to see his partner like that.

Carl gently put his hand on Jennifer's shoulder and spoke quietly to her. He asked her to follow him a little way further down the hallway, still in view of the door to Justin's room if the doctors came out. She reluctantly followed. Once they were out of earshot, Carl spoke calmly to the terrified mother. Brian couldn't hear what the two were saying to each other, but it didn't really matter to him. All he could think of was that he should have kept Justin safe as he wondered just how bad his situation really was. He sat down and let the tears come. Brian knew that he would never be the same if Justin was too severely injured or worse. He didn't even know what kind of injuries Justin had suffered. The pain consumed him like an out-of-control forest fire. 

Along with the pain, the rage was beginning to build inside him too. The idea that anyone could hate his beloved Sunshine so much they wanted him dead was too much to digest. Someone like Justin could never have done anything to engender such naked hatred. It was unfathomable. Brian was so wrapped up in his anguish and anger that he didn't notice the two officers who were approaching him. Carl did and hurried back to his partner, followed closely by Jennifer who had calmed down a bit after listening to Carl's wise words of comfort and understanding. She had called Craig to let him know about the attack while on her way to the hospital but he had only commented on how they should have expected something like this to happen with the way Justin was flaunting his lifestyle. He still couldn't forgive his son for shaming him at the Senior Prom. After talking to Carl she realized that some of her overwhelming anger was really directed at her ex but it had spilled over onto Brian. 

The cops turned out to be the Detectives assigned to Justin's case. They had just arrived after first checking the scene of the crime and talking to the witnesses and security guard who first found Justin. Word had already gotten out that the victim was the boyfriend of a fellow Officer, so they were anxious to get the full story. Even though they were from another Precinct, they knew of Carl who had been a first-class Detective for many years now and sported a number of commendations. It was clear right away that his partner wasn't in any shape to be questioned at that very moment so they directed all their questions to Carl. 

It only took a few brief minutes for the Detectives to reach the conclusion that this case had nothing to do with domestic problems. It had nothing to do with the fact that one of their own was involved with the victim. It had to do with Detective Kinney's demeanor. There was no doubt that his boyfriend's attack had devastated him. Carl's answers to their questions only cemented their conclusions. Whoever the attacker of Justin Taylor was, he had nothing to do with the relationship between cop and boyfriend. That didn't rule out a gay bashing, of course, but the entire thing was too methodical to be a simple case of the young man being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The crime felt too personal for a random attack, especially since the crime scene revealed how well planned out it had been. The 'closed' sign on the bathroom door to keep witnesses out and the weapon being smuggled in were strong clues that the whole thing was pre-planned.

Carl explained to the Detectives how he and Brian were assigned to the long-running gay bashing cases that had plagued the city for a while now. The thought crossed their minds that this attack on Justin could have something to do with that situation. Perhaps someone was trying to send a message to the investigating officers. The fact that one of the Detectives on the cases was gay himself could have been the catalyst to the attack. There were plenty of questions but not enough answers yet. They did give Carl some good news. They let him know that the attacker had been spotted by an eyewitness and, just as importantly, had left behind his weapon with his fingerprints because the witness claimed she didn't see the man wearing gloves. It was a big break for the Detectives and might prove to be an even bigger break for Carl and Brian with their own cases. After a few more questions, the Detectives left with the promise to keep Brian and Carl in the loop with any results from their investigation.

Carl then turned back to check on Brian and was surprised, as well as relieved, to see that Jennifer had taken the seat next to Brian and laid her hand gently on top of his where it lay in his lap. There were no words between them but the tension had eased visibly. It appeared that his words to Jennifer had gotten through her anger and she recognized how broken Brian was by the day's events. She could see the great love the man felt for her son and it softened the edges of her despair. The fear was just as sharp, however, and both heads looked up anxiously when the door opened to Justin's room. A clean-cut young man in a white Doctor's jacket with a stethoscope draped around his neck stepped from the room. He joined Brian and Jennifer as they rose to meet him.

"You're the relatives of the patient?" he asked.

"I'm his mother. This is his....his boyfriend. Please Doctor....please tell us what is happening with Justin," she begged the young man.

Brian interrupted. "He's going to be alright, isn't he Doc?" Brian beseeched the man.

"Please sit down," he ordered the two. "I'll answer all the questions that I can. First let me tell you that it looks like he will survive, but we can't be certain yet as to how serious the damage is. He took a blow to the side of his head, but it wasn't full force. From what I understand the attacker was interrupted at just the right moment so even though the blow landed it could have been so much worse. He lost a lot of blood from the head wound but they have him stabilized and on fluids. He's not fully conscious yet however. He is drifting in and out so we need more time to see how alert he will be."

"We had X-rays taken when he was first brought in and the good news is that there are no signs of internal bleeding or pressure on the brain. He does have a concussion but we are monitoring that very carefully. The wound is actually not near as bad as it looks. I have to warn you that the entire right side of his head is badly swollen and we had to shave off his hair so he doesn't look so good at the moment, but all that will improve with time. Our main concern right now is to the extent, if any, of any damage to his brain from the blow. We won't know that until he is fully awake and able to be tested."

"When will that be?" both Brian and Jenn asked simultaneously.

"That I can't tell you. There is no timetable for this kind of thing. We'll be taking him to ICU as soon as a room is ready so he can be monitored closely for any changes and consciousness. You can both come to the ICU with him if you want. They always allow up to two visitors at a time but no more than that. If you would like to go into the examining room just to see him for a minute before we move him you can do that, but it's crowded in there right now so it would help if only one goes in at a time until he is moved."

More than anything, Brian wanted to push his way past Jennifer and rush to Justin's side, but he couldn't do that to the mother of the man he loved. He stepped back and motioned for Jenn to go in first. She gave Brian a grateful half-smile and followed the Doctor into Justin's room. After she left, Brian sat back down. The pain that had moved to the back of his mind while listening to the doctor, came roaring back to life and he sucked in another deep breath...again feeling like he had been punched in the gut. Carl joined him. After a few minutes of silence, Carl finally spoke up.

"Brian, don't you think we should let the guys and Debbie know what has happened. You know that Deb loves Justin like a son. I have her home phone number. I can call her for you, if you'd like. Once she knows, she can pass the news on faster than Western Union. You know our Debbie," he added, trying to lighten the mood by just a teeny bit. 

It didn't bring even the tiniest smile to Brian's face but he nodded his head. Nothing would bring a smile to his face until he saw for himself that Justin was going to be alright. Right now the only smile that mattered was Justin's 'Sunshine' smile. If he would give Brian one of those the world would right itself once again. 

Carl could read Brian's thoughts. "Okay, I'll go and call. You wait here and I'm sure Jennifer will be right out." Carl laid his hand sympathetically on Brian's shoulder. "He's going to be fine, Brian. You heard the Doctor. Besides, we know what a fighter that kid is. You've told me all the stories of how he stood up to his father and the school. He's not going to let this get to him."

"I know," Brian whispered, so low that Carl had to strain to hear it. "I'm telling you now Carl, they'd better get to the bastard who did this to Justin before I do or they'll be putting me under arrest. I'll fucking kill the son of a bitch if I get to him first."

Carl could barely hear the words through Brian's gritted teeth but he got the gist of it. He prayed too that they caught the guy before Brian got his hands on him. He didn't care about the attacker. He just didn't want Brian to do anything stupid. Now wasn't the time to worry about anything like that anyway. He had a job to do, no matter how unpleasant it was going to be. He had become quite fond of the vivacious redhead who mothered half the gay boys on Liberty Avenue and he didn't look forward to giving her the news about one of her favorites. With a heavy heart he left Brian to find a pay phone.

**************************************************

It seemed forever before Jennifer walked out of the ER examining room that they had her son in. She was shaken...that was clear....but she looked more hopeful than when she had entered. She hurried over to Brian who put his arms around her and held her tight for a few moments. When she stepped away, she let Brian know that Justin had awakened briefly just before she left. He had recognized his mother and the doctor said that was a good sign. Before he closed his eyes again he asked for Brian. She had come right out to tell him. She gave Brian a soft peck on his cheek and motioned to the door.

Brian moved to the door with fear. He had no idea what he would see when he entered the room. As he stepped through the door he was surprised to see how many people were in the room. There was the one Doctor who had spoken to them, a couple of other Doctors and several nurses. There were at least two men who looked like technicians of some sort since they were monitoring the machines that spewed out information on Justin's condition. Justin lay as still as a corpse on the examining table. He had several machines hooked to his body that were monitoring his vitals, especially brain waves. He wasn't on oxygen and that in itself was a relief. An IV was slowly pumping fluids into Justin. His beautiful blond locks were barely visible as they peeked out from under the large bandage on his head. Brian could see that there were no strands poking out from the right side. His heart cracked at the sight. 

Brian mustered all his will to plaster a more positive look on his face. He didn't want Justin to wake up suddenly and see just how frightened he really was. A chair was pulled up to the bed at Justin's side. He sat down in it and rolled up as close as he could to the side railings of the bed. He saw Justin's limp hand resting at his side. Brian gently lifted the hand and held it between his own two hands. Brian didn't give a fuck what any of the occupants of the room might think. He brought Justin's hand to his lips and kissed the fingertips softly. Fresh tears threatened to fall again, but he willed them away. This was about Justin, not his grief. 

Brian stared at the pale face of his lover. Justin looked so calm, as if he was simply taking a little nap in the middle of the day. It wasn't the first time Brian had seen him like that. He had come home from work a few times before to find Justin napping on the couch....only those times ended a lot differently than it would today. He usually awakened Justin by popping out the blond's beautiful cock and giving him a blow job until he finally came fully awake. That would always lead to some wild lovemaking. Sometimes he just woke Justin by kissing him over and over until the young man gave up and popped his eyes open. There would be no blow job or soulful kissing to wake Justin this time. Brian stood up and leaned over to give Justin a tender kiss. He could at least give Justin that much. As Brian pulled back, he saw that Justin's eyelids were fluttering and he was trying mightily to wake up. 

"Come on, Sunshine," Brian urged breathlessly. "Let me see those gorgeous blue peepers of yours."

"Brian?" came Justin's cracked voice. 

"I'm here Justin. Don't talk right now. You need your strength."

"Brian," Justin repeated. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I love you Justin!" Brian declared. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I love you! Just concentrate on getting better so I can prove how much I love you every day from now on. That's all I ask."

"I love you too Brian," came the choked reply. Then Justin closed his eyes again.

Brian panicked, but then the Doctor who had talked to them put his hand on Brian's shoulder.

"Don't worry. He's fine. He'll keep going in and out like that until he is fully stable, but he is getting there. I've just got word that they are ready to move him so I'll need you to step out. Then you and his mother can spend more time with him in ICU."

Brian nodded his head. "Thank you, Doctor." Brian leaned down and kissed Justin once more. "I'll see you upstairs, Sunshine. I'm not going anywhere until you are one hundred percent back to your old self. I promise you."

With that Brian left the room and joined Jennifer. It was going to be a long evening that might drag out for all night or longer. It didn't matter. The two people who loved Justin the most would be right there when he came back to them all the way. Brian briefly thought about the man who had done this to Justin, but right now he wasn't wasting any of his precious time on the bastard. His time belonged to Justin...but when the time came, the man who did this was going to be one sorry S.O.B. Brian would find him if it was the last thing he ever did.

To be continued...........................