BABY SHOWER
by BiggestBJFanEVER

Brain stopped drinking and doing all those bad things because they might hurt the baby. He felt better than he had in years and he really did have a glo, and Justin loved him so much! Justin told him so, and Brian said, "Oh baby I love you to" and they were so happy!"

So then Lindsay told Justin he had to give Brian a baby shower and it was such a good idea! One day when Brain got home from work he was really sad because Cynthia had fogotten to get him a decaf latte. His back hurt to because now he is six months pregnant.

“Surprise!” Everyone yells when he came to the door.

“OMG I’m so surprised!” Brian said and then the blonde came up to him and they made out like they wouldn’t stop until breathing became and issue and they had to come up for air before they past out.

“Oh baby I’m so proud of you!” Deb said, wiping away a tear.

They open the presents and Brian liked everything, all the clothes and even a Tickle Me Elmo doll and a baby seat for the new car. They had a new car because the vet wasn’t particle for the baby.

“Thank you everybody now get out because I want to make love to my husband!” the brunet announced and everyone laughed and left and teh ad exec and the artist looked at the presents some more and made love and they were soooo happy!!!!

BRIAN IS IN HELL
by Jane

Scene One:

"FUCK NO!!"

"Brian, you have to. You can't drink that anymore. Look, it's in the book..."

"Fuck your baby book, and fuck you!"

Justin closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "Look, you can drink all the decaf you want...

"NO! I am not giving up coffee!"

"You only drank it to stay skinny anyway and you definitely don't have to worry about that anymore!" Justin snapped back, completely losing patience.

Brian stared back at him, and realized his eyes had begun to fill... what the fuck? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!!! Horrified, the two men stared at each other as Brian began to cry.

"Don't panic," Justin panicked, quickly thumbing through the book, "It's just hormones... fuck, FUCK where's the chapter on hormones?!"

"THIS SUCKS!!" Brian yelled, unable to stop crying. And completely devastated that Justin thought he was ugly. No one would ever want him, ever again. "FUCKING GET THIS ALIEN OUT OF ME!!!"



Scene Two:

“No. No fucking way,” Brian stated, staring at Lindsay and Justin. He held Gus on his legs. Gus was squirming to get comfortable because, at six months along, Brian no longer had a lap. The chiseled cheekbones were also far less sculpted, but his lips seemed fuller. At least Justin thought so; he thought Brian was sexy. Brian refused to listen to him, though. “I’m fucking fat, don’t patronize me!” Justin had stopped trying to placate him.

“We have to think practically,” Justin insisted now. “I’m not going to keep prying you out of the Corvette’s bucket seat. You need something you can step down from.”

"I will not be caught dead in a minivan!"

"Not dead, pregnant," Lindsay answered. She glanced worriedly over at Melanie, who was biting her lips to keep from laughing hysterically. Mel almost hurt herself every time she saw pregnant Brian. Of course, Brian had shut her up by telling her that at least his pregnancy didn’t send Justin out on a hunt for the opposite gender’s genitalia. Mel kept her mouth shut after that, but every so often a giggle would escape. She really couldn’t help herself.

"Pregnant, dead, same thing," Brian mumbled.

"Fine," Justin sighed, "How about an SUV?"

“Fuck this,” Brian said, “I’m putting Gus down for his nap.”

After he’d left the room, Mel’s giggles became a little more pronounced. Justin turned to her with a pained expression. “Mel, can you cut that out? You have no idea what I’m going through.”

“Sure I do!” Melanie replied cheerfully.

“So, when’s the shower?”

“Shower?” Justin replied to Lindsay’s question. “He’d kill me.”

“You leave it all up to us, honey,” Lindsay told him.

Scene 3:

Brian was pissed. Horny and pissed. First, he had had to start scheduling work around an afternoon nap. A nap! No matter what, three p.m., out like a light. Then, when he woke up, horny as hell. And would he be able to order up a trick? No way in hell, not after the amount of crap he’d been getting around Liberty Avenue as the new reigning Queen. Justin’s Queen, for fuck’s sake. Brian would never let any of the unworthy see him in this condition anyway. And then, as if Brian wasn’t sex deprived enough, Justin had announced that he, Justin, could only suck and fuck so much, like eight times a day was pushing it or something. I mean, come on, what was that mouth for if not for Brian’s use? But Justin had put his foot down a week ago and refused to come by the office at 4:00 pm anymore.

Brian slid open the door to the loft, yelling, “You better be naked and on your hands and knees, Sunshine! Prepare to have your brains fucked out…”

“Surprise!” everyone yelled along with Lindsay’s pained, “Brian!!”

Oh, fuck, they were all there. The whole gang. A banner hung low on his ceiling’s exposed beams, declaring, “Happy Blessed Event!” Everyone was waiting for him with a stack of gifts in the sitting area. A huge cake sat on the kitchen counter.

“This was not my idea,” Justin called from where he sat on a stool. “Besides, traditionally, I’m not even supposed to be here.”

Brian crossed to the father of the fetus, grabbed him by the hand, and pulled him through the throng of well wishers. “It’s a good thing you are,” he informed the little twat. Well, it’s a good thing Justin’s mouth was here. As Deb and Emmett offered their sincere best wishes, Brian muttered back, “Yeah, yeah, get the cake ready, I gotta take care of something.”

Ten minutes later, Justin re-emerged, beet red. “He’ll, ah, he’s taking a shower, he’ll be out in a minute.” Ted shook his head, and eyed the heavy, post-coital expression on Justin’s face. Shit, he thought, I’d get pregnant if I could get me a piece of that.

Fifteen minutes later:

Brian finished his third slice of cake, and finally asked, “Hey, where’s Mikey?”

“Oh, he’s, um, he had an emergency at the comic store…” Ben answered.

“A comic book emergency?” Brian repeated, setting his fork down, knowing he REALLY shouldn’t have that fourth piece he was eyeing.

“Yes, well, ah…”

“Presents, Brian!” Lindsay interrupted cheerfully. “Come see what we got you!”

Twenty minutes later, Brian held up a tiny pack of onesies. “What the fuck? What the fuck is Baby’s Best? You call that a brand? No one could shop Baby Prada?"

“Don’t even, Brian,” Justin responded from his spot next to Brian on the couch. “I told you we should have registered.” He pressed the Tickle Me Elmo. Privately, he was calling the thing “Melanie’s revenge.” It giggled. For the three kajilionth time.

Brian grabbed the doll and ripped its head off.

“Brian!” Melanie shrieked, unable to believe (well, very able to believe) that her present had been decapitated. One more piece of ammo for me, she thought.

“Brian!” Lindsay reprimanded. My god, the man had just decapitated a poor, helpless stuffed animal.

“Brian!” Justin sighed, wishing that everyone would get out so he could give Brian a rim job, fuck his brains out and calm him down. That measly bathroom blow job was good for a half-hour, tops. And time was way up.

“Brian!” Deb snapped, hitting him upside the head.

“Ow, Deb, why?” Brian smoothed out his hair, looking over his shoulder to the woman and her My Gay Married Son Is Oppressed and If He Can’t Marry I Won’t! t-shirt.

She looked confused for a moment. “Because I love you,” she answered.

“All right, that’s it, everybody out,” Brian commanded, struggling to stand. He glared at Justin, who moved to help him. The gang all stared back at Brian, not reacting to his announcement. Fuck, why do I always need to be explicit? he thought, before continuing, “I am horny as hell and Justin promised me he would…”

“All right that’s it, out! everybody out!” Justin interrupted, elbowing Brian in the pudge.

Brian gasped, clutching his side.

“Oh my god, are you all right?”

Brian grinned evilly. “Shit, sunshine, you are way too easy.” His look turned serious. “And you better stay that way for the next three months.”

“Yeah, cause after that you’re never going to fuck again,” Mel cackled.

“You would know!” Brian yelled after her, slamming the door after the crowd.