"Pop, can we get a dog?" Gus asked from the edge of the pool as his father was sunning himself on a chaise nearby. Justin was racing with Gabe at the other end of the pool. "Please?"

Brian looked up and squinted at his son, then checked to see if Gabe could hear them. "We aren't going to have this conversation where your brother can overhear, but we can discuss it with Justin after Gabe goes to bed."

Brian could see Gus' mind working. He almost pouted, but he thought about how Brian hated when he pouted and the fact that it wouldn't do his case any good if he pissed his Pop off now. "Okay."

Brian watched as Gus dove back into the pool and swam towards Justin and Gabe. Gabe would be four in two months and he absolutely loved the swimming lessons Justin had arranged for him and Gus. The instructor, who had left only minutes earlier, thought both boys could swim competitively given a bit of training and practice. Gus preferred soccer, but Brian could easily see Gabe competing in a few years. The kid was like a fish; he loved being in the water. The pool was heated and they had had a warm spring, so they had been able to open it up earlier than most, and Gabe and Gus had already spent two months taking their Saturday lessons, even though it was only June. Justin was already talking about continuing the lessons at the community center when it got too cold to stay outside.

They were all taking riding lessons as well. Brian was adamant that he wanted to get horses for the stables, but Justin refused to let him until they were all comfortable and capable with riding and caring for the animals. So twice a month, the boys' morning swim lessons were followed by two hours at a local equestrian club for riding lessons. Of course, Brian was already making quiet inquiries about hiring a stable master and purchasing mounts for the four of them.

Brian loved their new home. They'd moved in only weeks after the fire that had destroyed the loft. Only the family room, the kitchen and their bedrooms had been completely furnished on moving day, but Justin and the decorator had soon made the entire house feel like a home. Brian had even agreed to host a Christmas party at the house that year for their friends and family on the condition that Brian could hold a business party as well. Both parties had gone extremely well.

The house and landscaping was well maintained. Rather than hiring a firm to handle the landscaping, they had hired a husband and wife; she kept the house and he kept the grounds and pool. It was more economical in the end, and Justin loved Martha and Jake. Brian shook his head. If they hired a stable master, that would make three employees just to keep this house functioning. It was a good thing they made as much money as they did.

The loft had been their home for a long time, and it had been difficult letting go, but after the fire, it had seemed like the perfect time to move on. The loft, however, was still part of their lives. Brian and Justin had bought out the other owners in the building and had hired an architect to redesign and rebuild the place. They still hadn't decided if they wanted to sell or rent the new apartments out, but the restoration was almost complete. In fact, Brian and Justin had an appointment to tour the finished building with the architect that week. Brian had seen the progress at various stages, but Justin had avoided going back, saying he didn't want to see it until it was done.

Brian's thoughts were interrupted by a very cold and wet boy jumping on top of him. Since he could still breathe, it must be Gabe. "Papa! Did you see me? I beat Daddy!"

"I saw little man," Brian said. "Are you about ready for lunch?"

"Yes!" Gabe shouted and climbed down off Brian so he could shout the good news to Gus. Brian chuckled. Gabe certainly had Justin's appetite for food. Speak of the devil, Justin was walking up to him, a towel rubbing lightly over his wet skin. Justin looked good with a tan.

"Do you want shower duty, or cooking?" Justin asked.

Brian thought about it. If he cooked, he would have to wait to take his own shower until after lunch. If he took shower duty, he had to make sure both boys made it in and out without causing major flooding and that they actually used soap.

"I'll cook," Brian said. "Salmon steaks and salad sound okay?"

"It sounds good to me," Justin agreed and followed the boys into the house and up the stairs. Brian went to the kitchen and made a quick salad using extra olives and cherry tomatoes-if he didn't put so many in, he and Justin wouldn't get any, since the boys would eat them all-put together a tray with the salad, whole grain rolls and salmon steaks and went back out to the grill. While the salmon was cooking, he went to the pool house kitchen and gathered the salad dressing from the refrigerator there, then set the table with their outdoor plates and silverware. Brian wasn't sure why it was necessary to have separate settings for inside and outside, but it did make life more convenient when they wanted to eat outside. And the dishwasher in the pool house made clean up simple.

Soon, the boys were back, dressed for riding and digging into the food with relish. Justin followed a few minutes later and then it was Brian's turn to head for the shower. As he went up the stairs to the master bedroom, Brian reflected on this domestic life they had created, sure it was somehow all some drug induced dream. Twelve years ago, before Justin and Gus had entered his life, he might have considered it a nightmare, but he had to admit that he was surprisingly happy. Funny how that worked out.

BJBJBJBJBJ

Justin was nervous about seeing the loft for the first time since the fire Michael had started. He and Brian had gone back once to look for anything they could save, and Justin's mind had been filled with memories of charred furniture and ashes. Now, seeing the façade of the building that had been their home for so many years, Justin was at last able to remember the way it had been before the fire. He followed Brian and the architect through the lower levels, not really listening to their discussion of the apartments and possible tenant concerns. It was only when they reached the third floor that Justin's attention was engaged.

As he walked through the rooms, his mind filled in the space the way it had been. This is where he painted Brian nude on the red lounge. This is where Gabe took his first steps. This is where Gus used Justin's oil paints to create his own masterpiece on the wall. This is where Gabe fell and jabbed a pencil into his hand. The memories flooded his mind.

That level hadn't changed much in layout from when they had lived there, except that the stairs connecting the floors was gone, but the top floor was completely new. Brian had kept the feel of the old space, but the bedroom was now at the back of the loft, two steps leading to the raised area. The bathroom was basically where it was before, but with the access repositioned and rearranged to accommodate the closet's move. The kitchen had moved to where the bedroom had been, taking up that long wall and leaving the majority of the floor plan wide open at the front of the space.

"You hate it," Brian said, interpreting Justin's frown.

"No..." Justin said hesitantly. "It's just... so different. After seeing how little downstairs changed, I thought..." Justin shook his head and looked around the space again, trying to view it with an objective eye. "Actually, I think the flow is better, as is the lighting. Moving the bedroom area was a good decision. Moving the kitchen was even better. It opens up these windows and lets all that light in that was being blocked before by the bedroom screens. I like it."

Brian nodded. He could understand Justin's reluctant admiration. A part of him had wanted to recreate his home, but another part knew that it was important to move on. This design was better. It would show better if they rented or sold it. If.

"Is the closet larger?" Justin asked.

Brian nodded. "When we changed the access for the bathroom, we were able to take that space and add it to the closet. And did you see the improvements in the kitchen? We upgraded the appliances like you always wanted and added in a double oven. See over there? They built in blinds with electronic controls and a remote so you can control how much light gets in from anywhere in the space."

Justin looked at Brian strangely, "You don't have to sell me on the upgrades, Brian." Brian flushed and put his tongue in his cheek, and Justin understood. "Do you want to keep it?"

"I'm not sure I could bear to see anyone else living here," Brian said. "Maybe we could keep it for weekends when Gabe is with your Mom and we don't want to drive home after Babylon."

"You don't have to justify your feelings," Justin said. "If you want to keep it and we can afford it, then we'll keep it. I miss the old place, but I could learn to love this one too." Justin gave Brian a sly look. "What will we do with the puppy if we're here for the night?"

Brian groaned. He had told Gus that they had to discuss the dog with Justin, thinking that Justin would side with him and tell Gus no. Instead, the twink had loved the idea and he now had two immature brats begging for a puppy. Pretty soon, Gabe would join the battle and he would be lost. How could he ever hope to survive an onslaught like that? But he was going down fighting.

"We won't have a puppy, so it won't be an issue," Brian smirked and walked towards the door.

"Brian!" Justin shouted at his back. "You know this isn't over, don't you?"

"It never is," Brian muttered.

BJBJBJBJBJ

The letter came to Kinnetik. Cynthia set it aside from the normal mail because it was marked personal and Brian glared at the envelope like it was something diseased. The return address was printed Three Rivers Psychiatric Hospital with a handwritten care of Michael Novotny beneath. Brian wasn't sure what Michael wanted, but his gut was clenched with dread as he used a letter opener to slit the envelope.

The paper was that cheap blue lined binder paper that every school boy bought in reams each September. Brian recognized Michael's writing. It brought back memories of notes passed in class and afternoons spent finding trouble. It brought back memories of a friendship that he had always believed would last forever.

Dear Brian,

I'm not sure how to even begin this. I'm sorry. I know that is long overdue, but I want you to know I really mean it. I'm sorry for all of the shit that I've put you through because of my own insecurities and jealousy. You were the best friend any guy could ask for and I fucked it up time and again.

I also want to say thank you. By all rights, I should be in prison right now, or at the very least the county hospital. Instead, I'm in a nice facility where they actually care that I get better. They treat me good here. Ma tells me all the time how lucky I am. And I know she's right.

Part of what they are making do in this place is look at how my choices and decisions have affected those who love me. Not just the blatant things I did to you and Justin and Ben, but the way I hurt Ted by dragging him into my schemes. The way I put a rift in our family. The way I hurt JR. I've fucked up on so many levels; it's hard to face it all. But I'm writing this letter, and several others to try to face the people I have hurt.

You were my best friend, Brian, but I wanted so much more than that. Even when I was with Ben, I never let go of that teenaged crush. I realize now that it wasn't really about you. It was about me. I was afraid to face the world on my own. I needed something to buffer me from the hurts and pain that is possible. So I used you. You were my excuse for not getting close to anyone. You were my protection from harm. Your walls became my walls. And when you started to let those walls fall, I felt like my safe place was being destroyed. And so I struck out at Justin and destroyed our friendship in the process.

I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, but I want you to know that I long for it. A part of me still wishes that we were back in that time and place before Justin, before Gus and Ben and everything else that changed our world. But most of me recognizes that I need to start over and find a new place for myself. With or without you in my life. I only hope that you have found happiness, despite my attempts to prevent that.

Love always,

Mikey

Brian took a deep breath and wiped away the stray tear that had somehow fallen from his eye.

BJBJBJBJBJ

Justin was working in his studio, the French doors to the pool deck open and letting in the warm breeze and a multitude of sunlight, when Martha brought the mail to him. She always disposed of the junk mail before bringing the more important mail to him. Deciding it was a good time for a break and a cold drink, Justin was soon seated at the table and flipping through the envelopes. One letter in particular caught his eye and he opened it with trembling hands.

Dear Justin,

You have every right to simply tear this letter up and toss it away without ever reading it, but I hope that you won't. I tried to force you out of Brian's life on many occasions, I sniped and whined and when that had no affect, I called you a whore to the world and then burned down your home. You have every right to hate me and distrust anything I say to you.

But I think that you are a better man than that. After everything that I did, you were still willing to speak up in my defense and I can never tell you how grateful I am for that. You called us family, and I'm finally ready to believe that it's true.

I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused you through the years. I hope that some day you will forgive me. I'm learning to see things differently now, to see what everyone else sees, rather than what my mind projects, whether out of fear or jealousy or desire. I hope that someday we can be friends as well as family, but I will understand that mere words on paper will not be enough to make that happen.

They are going to release me soon. When they do, I want you to know that I will stay away as long as you want. I won't try to insinuate myself into your life-or Brian's life. In fact, Ben has offered to let me come out to California for a while, to see if we can work through some things now that I'm getting better. I haven't decided for sure if I'm going to go, yet. It amazes me sometimes that Ben can still love me after all that I've put him through. I'm really not sure that I deserve that love, but I'm trying to become worthy of it.

Thank you again,

Michael

Justin sat in at the table staring at nothing for a long time.

BJBJBJBJBJ

"I got a letter today," Brian said casually over dinner that night. "From Michael."

Justin shot a look at Gabriel, who was happily playing with his broccoli spears between bites. "I got one too. He said he's thinking of moving to California and trying again with Ben away from here."

Brian looked surprised at that, but when he really thought about it, he wasn't. "Ben is a fucking saint if he let's Michael come back. But that's between them. I think he's sincere about trying to change, though."

Justin nodded. "I would feel better if he made those changes in California, but I'm not going to tell him he has to leave. His daughter is here, his family."

Brian nodded and watched Gabe dip another broccoli spear into ranch dressing. Family was important, but Ben and Hunter were Michael's family too. "I think that making a new start might be the best thing for him. If he stays and falls back into old patterns he won't be much of a father to JR anyway."

Suddenly Gabe looked up at his fathers and stared directly at Brian. "Papa, can we get a dog?"

Brian groaned while Justin laughed. "I swear, I didn't put him up to it!"

BJBJBJBJBJ

Justin threw a rather large pool party for Gabriel's fourth birthday in August which included all the kids from Gabe's preschool class and all their friends and family. Brian took grill duty and hid there for most of the party, drinking beer and letting friends and the other fathers come to him so he could avoid the squirming mass of sugar-high children. Justin, on the other hand, was in his element, organizing games and activities and coaxing even the shyest child to participate.

Brian grinned at his husband, who was at that moment herding the kids down towards the tennis court where he had organized a scavenger hunt. Most of the parents followed along so that they could help their children. Brian knew that there would be prizes for the winning teams, just as there had been prizes for all of the games so far.

Most of his friends had stayed behind, so Brian finished cleaning the grill and joined them. He grabbed a beer from the cooler and took a seat on a chaise in the shade and looked over at Debbie and Carl, who were sharing a wicker loveseat. Emmett had come alone, but Ted had brought Blake. Lindsey had gone with Gus and JR, but Mel was on another chaise sipping a beer with her eyes closed. The talk was of Michael's upcoming release.

"The doctors said that he'll be home next week," Debbie was saying. "And he does seem so much better. But I still worry about him."

"Did he decide whether he wanted to go to California?" Emmett asked. "I know he was still unsure the last time I spoke with him."

"Ben convinced him to come for a few months at least," Ted offered. "On the condition that they see a couples' counselor. I think the fact that Ben is willing to work on things is a minor miracle."

"The man's a fucking saint," Debbie agreed. "I hope that they can work things out. It took some time, but I like Ben. He's good for Michael. I'm not so sure I like the idea of my boy being so far away from home, though. Not permanently, at any rate. But if it helps him..."

Mel sat up and joined the conversation. "He's really been trying to fix things with JR, but my daughter is stubborn. She's still pissed at him. I think she'll get over it soon, and Lindz and I have discussed visits with Michael if he does stay in California."

They were all quiet for a time and Brian considered how he felt about everything. Even after years of keeping Michael out of his life, Brian missed his old friend. He hated the fact that he couldn't trust him anymore. Worse, he hated the fact that Michael still had the power to hurt him. But oddly he felt like if Michael moved to California, they might have a chance to slowly rebuild at least some of what they had lost in a way he would be afraid to do if Michael was always around.

"So how's the Battle of the Dog going?" Emmett asked Brian in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Have you conceded defeat yet?"

Brian smirked. "We called a truce and negotiated a mutually beneficial peace accord."

"In other words, you're getting a dog," Ted teased.

Brian raised an eyebrow and Ted was cowed into submission momentarily. "Actually, we are. But we are also getting the horses. See? Mutually beneficial."

Debbie laughed. "You were losing the battle against the two blondes and the miniature Kinney, so you decided to get what you could out of the situation. Justin was going to give in about the horses soon, and you know it."

"Maybe," Brian said. "But I got one or two other concessions out of the deal as well."

"Like?" Emmett asked just bursting with curiosity.

"I'm not telling," Brian smirked. "Some things are not your business."

"Then why bring it up at all?" Emmett asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

The kids began returning about then and Gabe came running up to Brian and threw himself into his Papa's arms. "I caught a butterfly, Papa! But Daddy made me let it go. And we're going to have cake and open presents!"

Brian chuckled. "I take it you're having fun?"

"Lots and lots," Gabe agreed and scrambled off Brian's lap to race back to Justin, who was walking back up the path with Jennifer. Brian watched as Justin allowed himself to be pulled back to the table where the presents were waiting. Gus, seeing Brian sitting with their family, came and sat on the end of Brian's chaise.

"He's so hyper!" Gus complained. "You should have seen him on the hunt. He kept running ahead and then running back to try and make the rest of us hurry up, then he'd run ahead again. And he hasn't stopped talking about the damned butterfly."

Mel glared at her son and scolded, "Language, Gus! Just because your father has a mouth like sewer doesn't mean you need to as well."

"Sorry Ma," Gus sighed, and then turned back to his father and whispered, "I think Dad's about ready to tie him down. He said the little shit is crazy on sugar. Then Grandma Jen laughed and said he takes after Dad."

Brian laughed and Mel glared at him, not sure what Gus had said to Brian but sure it was probably inappropriate. "Just wait until he gets the present from your Dad and me."

Gus' eyebrows went up making him look even more like Brian. "You got it? Really? What kind?"

"Hey, I'm not telling," Brian said. "You'll just have to wait and see."

The next twenty minutes were taken up with presents and chasing down bits of wrapping paper before they could blow into the pool, while Gabe shouted and gasped over each of his gifts. Some of the parents and kids went back into the pool while others watched the proceedings. Brian was treated to a personal show as Gabe brought every present over after opening it so that he could see. Justin kept giggling like a loon and making quiet comments to his mother before handing Gabe another present. Jennifer, on the other hand, hadn't put down her camera all day. Brian was sure that they would get the digital pictures in their email that week.

"Brian? Can you go get our gift?" Justin asked. The pile of presents had dwindled dramatically and Brian got up and went to the storage room where they had safely hidden the puppy. The little fluff ball was curled up in his crate and snoozing when Brian entered, but looked up with sleepy eyes when Brian opened the crate's door.

"Come on you little shit," Brian crooned to the puppy. He was weaned, but just barely. Brian was not looking forward to housetraining him, but he had to admit that the puppy really was adorable. Brian carefully put the puppy into the specially wrapped box Justin had waiting and closed the lid. As he carried the box back outside, he could feel the puppy wriggling around and knew he was going to have to help Gabe open this one.

Justin, Gus and Gabe were all three waiting when he got back. Jen had her camera ready and Brian shook his head. How exactly had his life come to this? Deciding not to dwell on it, Brian crouched down by Gabe and set the box on the ground.

"Okay, Gabe," Justin said. "This present is for you, but you'll have to share with all of us."

Gabe looked up at his Daddy and asked, "Like the Wii we got for Christmas?"

"Just like that," Justin said.

Gabe smiled and nodded his acceptance of the condition and then turned back to the box. He carefully lifted the lid and the puppy jumped up, like he had been waiting for just that. Gabe fell back on his butt and started to laugh as the puppy climbed from the box and began licking all over him. And Gus was there petting and laughing right along with his brother. Soon JR came over and the three siblings were all playing with the tiny yellow Labrador while happy friends and family looked on and a proud Grandma took a hundred pictures.

BJBJBJBJBJ

Michael was released form the hospital and spent three weeks with Debbie and Carl doing his community service hours before leaving for California. The day he was to leave, Brian went to Debbie's house. Michael came to the door and smiled when he saw Brian. They had talked on the phone once since he was released, but hadn't seen each other.

"I'm glad you came," Michael told him. "I have to leave for the airport in a few minutes, but I'm glad you're here."

Brian nodded and smiled uncertainly. "Justin wanted to come, but Gabe has a cold and so he's playing nursemaid. He...We wanted you to know that we forgive you. For everything. And we... I want you to know that I hope we can rebuild some sort of friendship in time. But it's going to take a while to rebuild the trust that was lost."

Michael nodded and wiped at a single tear that had escaped. "Thank you. I know how much I hurt you. And Justin. I want to try to be friends again."

Brian hugged Michael and kissed his cheek. "Good luck. Ben is a great man. I... I'll miss you."

Michael clung tightly to Brian and nodded. "I'll email. And I'll be home for Christmas."

Brian squeezed Michael once and let go, stepping away. "Take care of yourself."

"I will," Michael said, wiping at another tear. "Tell Justin... Well, tell him I said thanks."

Brian nodded once and left.

BJBJBJBJBJ

Brian and Justin were lying in bed that night after making love. Brian had been unusually quiet and pensive all evening, but Justin hadn't wanted to bring up his visit to Michael. Justin was just glad that Gabe was feeling better and wanted to enjoy the peace. So when Brian began to talk in the dark of their bedroom, Justin was surprised that it wasn't about Michael.

"Do you think we'll be able to get the same egg donor this time?" Brian asked. "I'd like a little blonde girl with blue eyes and your smile."

"The agency said at the time that there was enough for two more tries," Justin said with a smile. "I doubt that they would have used them for another client or tossed them. Anyway, we can always ask. I can't believe you made this part of the puppy pact."

"You wanted the horses as much as I did," Brian said. "That wasn't much of a concession."

"Having another baby isn't much of a concession, either," Justin laughed. "I've thought about it since Gabe was born."

"Now you tell me," Brian said playfully. "I could have demanded sexual favors instead."

"You've got those already," Justin told him with a chuckle. "There's not much you could ask for that I wouldn't give willingly."

"Same here," Brian murmured. "Especially when you get Gabe and Gus asking as well."

Justin smiled, knowing that was true. Brian was learning just how much he adored his sons. The proof being his desire to have another child. Despite his protests and complaints, Brian loved being a family man. Who would have ever guessed?

"The rule remains, however," Brian said a little later. "No one can know that this was my idea."

"Sure," Justin said. "Because no one can know that Brian Kinney loves his family. Your secret is safe with me. But I'll warn you, most of our friends and family are starting to catch on."

"Shit," Brian muttered into Justin's hair as he pulled his aging twink closer. "Fuck it. At least I'm happy."

"Me too," Justin said and hugged Brian tighter. "And I plan on staying that way long into the future."

"Fuck yeah," Brian agreed. "Now go to sleep. You and the mutt have obedience training in the morning."

Justin laughed sleepily and it didn't take long at all to comply.

The End