Chapter 8 - Accumulation.

Brian got out of his newly purchased old beater car on the first day of Senior Year and took a deep breath before heading inside.

Brian was incredibly proud of his new wheels. The car was a real monster - a 1980 Chevy Monte Carlo. He’d bought it for $500 from a neighbor kid who was headed off to college. Vic had nicknamed the heap, ‘Big Bertha’. It wasn’t much to look at - the exterior was more dented than not and the ugly fake vinyl roof material was slowly peeling off. All the cabbies would get out of his way - even in cities like NYC & Beantown - afraid that he wouldn’t give a damn about ramming into them. One door didn’t open until you kicked it. There was a slight exhaust leak in the floorboard, so on long trips you had to have the windows open or you would be asphyxiated. It only got about five miles to a gallon of gas. But it drove smooth and was his and he loved it.

Big Bertha’s interior was much nicer than the exterior. The vinyl covered bench seats were still in good condition. The big seats made it seem like you were driving around with two full couches. Lying lengthwise on the seat, even Brian could stretch out to almost full height. It could seat at least ten without undue crowding. It had come with fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror and a steering wheel ball so you could drive it one-handed and not spill your beer. The heater was great - it cranked out heat like a boiler. However, in the summertime it was like driving in an oven even with the windows open. It had an eight track tape player - the guy he’d bought it from had thrown in 4 old 8-tracks including ‘Supertramp’ - but Brian had purchased a cassette converter so he could play real music. The trunk was huge - he’d managed to stow three whole kegs of beer in there one time.

Basically, Brian had been living out of the car all summer. He’d got a summer job working at a resort restaurant in the Poconos and had been allowed to park the car at night next to an old barn in exchange for occasionally mucking out the stalls. It had been THE party car for all the staff kids working the resort. There had been more than a few unplanned road trips. One night they’d taken off at 1:00 am to find a girl named Fiona who supposedly went to Bucknell University in Lewisburg, PA, because Brian’s friend Whitney decided (after the third bowlful of pot) that he loved her and couldn’t live without her. They never actually found Fiona but Brian had a nice day-long fuckfest with five of the Bucknell soccer team players the next day before they headed home. They drove out to Williamstown, Massachusetts for the opening game of the football season - Williams College versus their longtime nemesis Amhearst - and destroyed Big Bertha’s shocks when 40-50 people had enjoyed an awesome kegger while standing on the roof. They’d taken Brian’s car to every rock concert within a 100 mile radius that summer - including Bob Seger, Motley Crue, Madonna and Alice Cooper.

Big Bertha was going to be sorely missed by all of Brian’s summertime friends and Brian would truly miss a lot of them, too. He hadn’t left until the last shift at the resort locked up the main doors after dinner service on Memorial Day. He’d had to drive like a maniac to make it back to Pittsburgh in time for his first day of school on Tuesday. Bertha didn’t accelerate very quickly, but once you got her up to cruising speed, it would take a Sherman Tank to stop her and her gas tank held about a million gallons. Except for occasional breaks to piss and grab something to eat, Brian had driven straight through the night. The only other time he’d stopped was when he’d been pulled over for speeding on the Penn-Lincoln Parkway - going at least 90 in a 65 mph zone. Luckily for Brian, the Pennsylvania State Trooper only gave him a warning because, just as Brian went to roll down the window to speak with the policeman, one of the kittens that had been born that summer at the barn where he’d worked popped out from under the front seat and made himself comfortable in Brian’s lap. The hard-hearted cop was amazed at seeing a kid driving around with a cat - he said he’d never seen THAT before - and because Brian had amused him, he let the kid go. Brian looked down at his tiny savior, and named him Joselito on the spot because his eyes were the same color as the Jose Cuervo tequila he’d been favoring all summer.

But all the fun and adventures of the Summer were over now. Brian had to get his mind back into a Pittsburgh frame of reference. He was looking forward to seeing Mikey and Debbie - they’d come up to visit him one weekend over the summer but otherwise Brian had been on his own the whole time. He wasn’t looking forward to school, having to return to the drudgery of working at the Diner or, especially, having to go back home to Jack and Joan. It had been a glorious summer, full of fun, sex, little responsibility and loads of independence. Now Brian had to go back to the real world. He already knew it was going to suck, but that didn’t make it any less depressing.

“Hey, Bri,” rang out the not-so-dulcet tones of Mikey’s greeting from the far side of the parking lot. “When did you get home? I tried to call you, like, a million times over the weekend but your folks said you weren’t home and they didn’t know when you’d get here. Are you ready for Senior Year? Can you fucking believe it? We’re finally Seniors . . ."

Michael’s end of the conversation started while they were still at least ten meters apart and just kept going, uninterrupted by any response from Brian. Michael ran up to his best friend and fell into step beside him as the two made their way up the front steps of the school. Brian strutted through the main doors as if he owned the place - which he felt was only his right now that he was at the top of the dogpile of students. Finally, the last of the crew of bullies that used to follow John Matthews had matriculated and moved on. Not that the school was completely free from prejudice. There were plenty of kids in Brian’s own grade who hated fags just as much, but for the most part he knew who they were, had already fought it out with all of them at one time or other, or at least knew how to handle them. It didn’t hurt that Brian was now over six feet tall with pretty decent muscles from all the time he spent at the gym or in soccer practices and knew from longtime experience how to throw a pretty mean right cross.

Both Brian and his ward, Michael, expected to have a relatively relaxed and bully-free senior year.

~**~**~**~**~

As Brian and Michael sauntered inside for their first day of their last year of high school, a slim, small-statured, blond boy stood watching from behind the trunk of a tree that was part of a line of vegetation marking the edge of school property.

Justin had been keeping a very low profile all summer long. Brian had been enjoying his summer job and, for the most part, had been staying out of trouble. Just the mere fact that Brian was out of Jack’s reach for the entire time had made Justin’s job so much easier. Instead of having to dog Brian’s every step, Justin had allowed himself to melt back into the obscurity of hazy dimensionlessness except for when he felt that Brian needed him or when the yearning to look at his boy got too overwhelming.

It was probably a good thing that Brian hadn’t needed him too often lately. Justin had found himself being pulled towards his little nephew, Jesse, a lot more frequently. The little scamp was constantly getting into trouble - skinning his little knees, wandering off at the park and once even getting himself locked into a storage cupboard in his father’s garage causing the whole family to panic. Justin did his thing - sat with the boy and comforted him when he was hurt or scared and did what he could to protect the child. Even then, Justin didn’t feel nearly the same connection to Jessie that he’d always had to Brian. He wondered if it was because Jesse didn’t need the same protection as Brian had always needed. Jessie didn’t need protecting from his own family.

But today, Justin had felt a growing uneasiness starting as soon as the sun rose this morning. He knew that something important was going to happen in Brian’s life today. So here he was again, trying to remain inconspicuous so Brian wouldn’t know he was following him, but at the same time keeping Brian in his sights at all times. Exactly what the threat was, Justin didn’t know, but somehow he thought it might be bad.

~**~**~**~**~

Third period, Brian had Honors Chemistry. That was one of the classes that Mikey definitely wouldn’t be in with him. In fact, not many of the people in Brian’s small circle of acquaintances at school were in that type of class. Even though he was more sociable these days than he had been when he was younger, Brian still had a tendency towards being a loner. The people he did hang out with were an eclectic bunch - most of whom he’d met through Michael - and tended to be the same type of geeky, comic-book nerds and misfits as his friend. Brian got on okay with the jock crowd as well, since he’d always been tall and athletic and had been on the varsity soccer team for three years now, but then again, not many in that clique had the brains to make it into any honors classes, let alone Chemistry. So, when Brian walked into class that morning, he didn’t know very many of the other students and none well enough to approach them. He made his way towards an empty lab bench in the back and sat down alone.

When the bell rang and the teacher stood up to begin speaking to the class, Brian was still sitting at his bench all alone. However, about halfway through roll call, the classroom door opened and in walked one of the most attractive boys Brian had ever seen. This guy was tall enough - probably just under six feet - with tousled reddish brown hair, a quirky little half grin and piercing icy grey-blue eyes. The new kid handed a slip of paper to the teacher, who directed him to take a seat, and then turned to scope out the class. His gaze landed on Brian almost right away and, with a small nod, he headed straight for the empty seat at the back.

The chemistry teacher resumed taking roll. Brian Kinney’s name was called and then a few moments later, the new boy answered to the name, Lars Nielsen. Brian sat quietly through the rest of the teacher’s first day lecture on what was expected in the class, reviewing the syllabus and then the instructions for the first day’s assignment. When the loquacious teacher finally shut up, Brian turned to his new lab partner and smiled. Lars smiled back and Brian’s gaydar instantly started pinging at full volume.

“Hey there. I’m Brian,” Brian introduced himself, pouring on his full Kinney charm. “I KNOW I haven’t seen you around school before, so where in the world did you come from, Mr. Lars Nielsen?”

“Helsingor, Denmark, actually,” Lars replied with an enigmatic, almost teasing glint in his eye. “By way of Milan, Italy, and before that Jakarta, Indonesia.”

“Wow! And here I am - the farthest I’ve ever been away from Pittsburgh is Boston. How did somebody like you end up in the Pitts?”

“My Dad’s family comes from here, actually,” Brian’s new lab partner answered. “My grandmother’s health is getting pretty bad so my Dad gave up his State Department job and moved us all here. I . . . well, I can’t say it’s actually an improvement over living just a couple train stops away from Copenhagen, but, well, I didn’t really have much choice.”

“Mr. Kinney. Mr. Nielsen,” interrupted the teacher, who had snuck up on them from behind. “If you think you’re up for it, this is a Chemistry class not a social hour. I suggest you both get on with today’s assignment before you run out of time. Hmmm?”

The boys weren’t allowed to talk much after that. The class assignment kept them busy clear up until the bell rang signalling the end of the period. As they gathered together their books and put away their lab materials, Brian managed to catch Lars’ eye again for a moment.

“Since you’re new in town, I’d be happy to show you around sometime, if you’d like,” Brian offered as they walked together out of the classroom, hating that his voice sounded a bit shaky and unsure.

“That would be okay, I guess,” Lars answered, trying to make his response sound uncaring and only vaguely interested, not wanting to betray any hint of excitement that might make him seem less cool. “I’ll catch you around sometime. Later, Kinney.”

“Later, Lars,” Brian replied, his own expression betraying his interest a lot more than was generally acceptable for a cool high school senior.

“Hey, Bri,” Mikey, appearing out of nowhere like always, piped up before Brian could even take two steps away from the door of the Chemistry classroom. “Who was that? Must be some new kid - I didn’t recognize him at all.”

“Yeah, Brian. Who WAS that?” Brian heard a very familiar, hushed voice repeat from over his left shoulder.

Brian turned and saw his usual blond shadow leaning against a row of lockers just a couple of feet away from where he and Michael were standing. Justin had a disapproving look on his face that Brian didn’t think he’d ever seen directed at him before. Brian turned his back on the nosy and interfering blond who he didn’t want to acknowledge anyway and redirected his reply back at Michael.

“His name’s Lars. He’s in my Chemistry class. Said he moved here from Denmark,” Brian answered, trying to sound disinterested and casual, in spite of the fact that his heart was beating about a million miles a minute. “I offered to show him around town sometime.”

“Wow! That would be so cool. He’s, like, fucking gorgeous, Brian! I wonder if he’s . . . you know . . ." Michael enthused as he hopped along behind Brian, who’d already started towards his locker.

“Oh, yeah. He’s definitely ‘You Know’. He gave me that look,” Brian said confidently, smiling down at his pet Mikey, but almost immediately losing his smug look as he caught another glimpse of a very displeased Justin popping into the space just in front of him and forcing Brian to have to quickstep to the left to avoid being tripped.

After not having seen much of Justin all summer long, Brian was a bit disconcerted to find his old ‘invisible friend’ dogging his steps so diligently now. He still didn’t want to think about what it meant for him to be able to see the young blond who nobody else could ever see, and he wasn’t going to acknowledge him if he could avoid it. Although it did make Brian nervous to know that Justin was hovering like this. Brian had usually seen Justin’s presence as a warning of some possible danger. The fact that his long-time guardian was here again, now, didn’t bode well. But, looking around him, Brian couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary and didn’t think there was any threat nearby, so he was lost as to why Justin seemed so concerned. If he hadn’t been trying to avoid looking like he was insane, Brian would have even yelled at Justin when his former protector popped into his path for a third time that morning. Instead, Brian just sneered at the apparition, turned and walked away without bothering to get his books for the next period out of the locker.

~**~**~**~**~**~

Justin did NOT like that new boy. ‘Lars’. What kind of name was that, anyway? And the way the kid had bragged about all those places he used to live? Of course Brian, who’d never been anywhere, would eat that shit up. And yeah - he was okay looking, and all - but not THAT good looking. He might be kind of smart too, and easy to talk to and cool . . .  But still, Justin somehow knew that this Lars guy was no good - he could tell just by looking at the kid. Why did Brian not see it? Why would Brian be at all interested in this Lars?

Justin was sure that this new kid was the reason he’d been feeling so uneasy all day. There was something about him that just didn’t feel right. He wasn’t good for Brian. Justin knew that in his gut. But he didn’t know how to get that point across to Brian. It had been a long time since he and Brian had communicated freely. Justin didn’t think that Brian would even listen to him if he tried to warn him away from this Lars.

It was so frustrating to see what he saw, to know that he and Brian were meant to be together - somehow, sometime, maybe in the future, no matter how improbable that seemed - and not to be able to physically do anything about it. Justin had watched as Brian grew up from a baby, to a child and now to a young man. Brian was the same age as he was now. Or, at least the same age Justin had been when he died. But Justin wasn’t dead, though, was he? He didn’t know what he was. Maybe a ghost or spirit or what-the-fuck-ever.

All Justin knew was that it was getting old. He was tired of never being able to do all he wanted to protect Brian. He was tired of feeling so ineffectual. He was tired of watching Brian’s life from the sidelines. The older Brian got, the more Justin longed to be more a part of Brian’s real life.

The last couple years had been especially hard for Justin. Brian had become a gorgeous young man. The precocious, yet sad and lonely child, was now all grown up. Brian wasn’t a child anymore - not by any stretch of the imagination. Brian was tall, muscular, had a gorgeous body, and the most soulful hazel eyes. His soft auburn hair was alway styled now in the trendiest cut. Brian earned enough money on his own to buy much better clothing. He wasn’t the lonely outcast anymore. He was borderline popular - the only thing holding him back from permanent membership in the popular kids' clique was that Brian didn’t care enough about it to bother. But Justin was still just waiting on the periphery of Brian’s consciousness and all he could do was watch while Brian lived.

Brian was everything anybody could want - Gorgeous, strong, kind-hearted and even quite well-endowed. He’d become a hot commodity on Liberty Avenue. Before he even had a fake ID, Brian was getting into any club he wanted to visit just on the basis of his looks alone. And, when that failed, he wasn’t averse to giving the bouncer a blowjob if it meant he could get into a club without paying the cover charge. Brian was a favorite in every backroom on the Avenue. It was almost to the point where Brian could command whomever he wanted to follow him and not fear getting turned down.

And Justin hated every single minute of it.

Even though Justin worried constantly about Brian’s safety when he was trolling the bars and clubs on Liberty, he’d long since given up following his charge around there. Justin couldn’t bear watching Brian with all those anonymous men. Every time Justin saw him with someone who didn’t care about Brian, or anything else except getting off, it killed a little piece of something inside him. Justin thought that, perhaps, it was killing a little piece of Brian each time too, but the boy wouldn’t listen. He always came back for more - steeling himself, taking his pleasure at face value and not letting himself get attached to anyone. The longer Justin had watched, the more he felt that Brian was simply using sex as another means of distancing himself from everyone. It wasn’t right. It definitely wasn’t what Brian needed. But what the hell was Justin supposed to do about it when he didn’t really exist in this plane.  

Justin wanted Brian to find something more sustaining. Something real with somebody who actually cared about Brian. Yes, it was true that Justin wanted Brian for himself - eventually - but until they could be together, he didn’t want Brian reduced to nothing but anonymous sex with a string of random, uncaring partners, either. What Brian needed, and had always needed from the day he was born, was pure unconditional love. Justin did his best to give his soul-mate what he needed, but he could tell he was failing miserably. Brian desperately needed to find someone who loved him for himself - not for his image or his looks or what Brian could do for them. What he needed was a boyfriend. And, no matter how much the very idea grated on Justin’s nerves, he loved Brian enough to want that for him.  

However, that didn’t mean that Justin would sit back and let just anyone into Brian’s life. This Lars wasn’t the right one for Brian. Justin was sure of it. No matter how interested Brian was in the new boy, Justin simply knew it would end up badly. His only problem was convincing Brian of that.

Before it was too late.

~**~**~**~**~

By Friday, Brian had talked Lars into joining him after school for a visit to the Liberty Diner. Friday was the only day of the week when Brian didn’t have soccer practice after school, so he was free to take off as soon as he tossed his history book into his locker. Lars was supposed to meet him on the sidewalk in front of the school after their last classes. Brian was practically running through the front doors, he was so excited about this ‘date’.

Okay, so it wasn’t really a date - neither of them had made any overt moves on the other and the premise for this little outing was just Brian showing the new guy around town. But, if Brian had any say in the matter, it was going to end up as something much more than just two buddies hanging out after school. Brian wanted this boy more than anyone he’d ever seen before and his plan was to get Lars to want him back just as much - preferably before the night was through.

Brian could see the sunlight glinting off Lars’ shock of bright auburn hair before he was even halfway down the steps to the parking lot. He plopped his jeans-clad ass on the metal handrail that ran up the middle of the steps and slid down, by-passing the rest of the steps in his rush to get to where Lars was waiting. If it hadn’t been just too fucking undignified, Brian would have skipped down the rest of the sidewalk, he was feeling so jubilant. If possible, his smile got even wider as he neared the spot, and Lars turned around and grinned as Brian neared.

“Hey Brian. Hey Lars. Where are you guys off to?” Mikey’s high-pitched tenor voice intruded as the other young man appeared from out of nowhere, insinuating himself between Brian and Lars just as Brian got near.

“Michael . . .” Brian’s greeting for his long-time friend wasn’t exactly enthusiastic.

“Hey, Mike,” Lars replied with a cheerful smile directed in the interloper’s direction. “Brian promised to show me the sights of your famous ‘Liberty Avenue’ this afternoon. It’ll have to be something special if it wants to compare to the ‘Stroget’ - the gay district of Copenhagen.”

“Well, I doubt we can compare with the open-mindedness of Europe, but in Pittsburgh, Liberty Avenue is the best you can get,” Brian offered, pointedly ignoring Michael as he shouldered his way in between the two so that he was closer to Lars.

“Yeah, you’ll like Liberty, Lars. I’ve grown up in the neighborhood my whole life. It’s the only place a guy like us can really feel relaxed,” Michael added his opinion. “So, Brian, if you’re heading towards the Diner, can I grab a ride with you?”

Brian rolled his eyes, causing Lars to snicker. “Sure, Mikey. We’ll give you a ride but then you WILL be getting lost . . . right?” Brian suggested, nodding hopefully at his buddy, silently willing him to get the message.

Unfortunately, Michael either didn’t understand or didn’t want to understand. Instead, he ignored Brian’s hints and jumped into the front passenger seat of Brian’s beater car yelling ‘Shotgun’ before Brian could stop him. The tall eager brunet shook his head disdainfully at his clueless friend, pulled the driver’s side seat forward so that Lars could climb into the back and then sat down himself. While Brian’s back was turned, he missed the hatefilled glare that Lars sent Michael’s way from the back seat. Michael, who happened to be looking in the rearview mirror at that moment, didn’t miss the look, and was startled at seeing such unveiled hatred coming at him from this boy he hardly knew. Michael quickly sat back in his seat and looked over at Brian for reassurance. Brian wasn’t paying the least bit of attention as he started the car engine and backed out of his parking spot.

There was one other witness, though, who had seen the entire interaction. Justin had been standing just next to the car while the boys were talking and had clearly seen the hostile look that the new boy had shot at Michael. He also saw how the boy neatly wiped the nasty look off his face just before Brian turned his head and smiled at the back seat passenger. By the time Brian saw Lars, the spiteful, manipulative glare was gone - replaced by a look of easygoing cheerfulness that effectively hid any hint of the antagonism that had been there only a moment earlier.

Justin’s intuition that meeting this Lars wasn’t going to be a good thing in Brian’s life immediately got stronger.