CHAPTER TWO

THE SECRET OF HIS SUCCESS

October 2004- NYC

"Fuck!"

"What is it now, Brian?" Cynthia asked nonchalantly. Having worked with and for Brian Kinney for the last ten years, she was immune to his sudden outburst.

"What the fuck do you think it is? The Chicago office is about to cost us another account. A very lucrative account," he answered. "I need to get Ted in here."

"He's still presenting so it will have to wait." At his deep frown, she almost laughed. Brian was not a man known for his patience. "What exactly is the problem?"

"I only want to discuss this once so we'll wait for him."

"Okay." She knew when he was in this kind of mood, it was best not to argue with him. "What did you think of the new layout for Brown Athletics?"

"I think you may have hired a fucking genius. Which one of the general fuck-ups did the most decent work the art department has produced in forever? I think the guy either deserves a raise for saving the account or better yet a promotion to Art Director since the one we have now is not living up to his salary."

"Brian, that's harsh although I'm not inclined to disagree with you. I've offered the guy the job before but he declined. He's a freelance artist named Justin Taylor. As a matter of fact the painting when you first come into the office is one of his. He painted it back when he was a student."

"Well by the look of the work on the Brown account, his talent is improving. So why hasn't he taken the job? And when were you going to tell me you offered it?"

Cynthia rolled her eyes. She often marveled at Brian's inability to understand how she has been able to work with him all these years. Brian Kinney was a man who always surrounded himself with the best and Justin Taylor was the best artist she'd come across in ages. If Brian had the opportunity before she took the initiative and presented the employment offer, Cynthia knew he would have jumped on it. "Brian, how long have I been your assistant?"

"Since I first moved up to Senior Executive at Ryder. What does that have to do with my questions?"

"And when you moved to Kennedy and Collins, I moved here because you wouldn't accept the scatterbrain they tried to give you. When you decided to start your own company after bumping heads with Andrew Kennedy and he tried to undermine your career, although they called it ‘corporate downsizing due to the economy', I went with you without worry or question. Fortunately, they couldn't make that excuse work without a very well-paid severance package- thanks for that by the way. So when you opened the New York office as well as the Los Angeles and Chicago offices and offered the CFO position to Ted in spite of everything that happened, I stood by you. So why would you think that after almost ten years I don't know how you think- well within the context of business at least? I knew after seeing Justin Taylor's work, you would want him exclusively. Right now he said he had some family things which required his attention and he couldn't accept the offer as a full-time employee at the time. However, he did say that he was certainly interested in the future. In the meantime he's agreed to keep working with us on certain campaigns where our art department is either lacking or too busy to fully flesh out your unadulterated vision."

Before Brian could respond, Ted came into the office looking harried but he had a triumphant smile plastered across his face. Brian appreciated Ted's newfound confidence instead of the well-worn schmuck appearance his friend and colleague formerly donned. Theodore Schmidt was brilliant in so many ways but he was scared of his own shadow. Brian began allowing him to present to clients as well as maintain his title as Kinnetik Corporation's Chief Financial Officer. As a result Ted began to dress better feeling comfortable in his own skin and he proved to himself what Brian had known for a long time...that he was worth so much more than what he allowed himself to believe.

"We got it Bri. We got the account for the asking price, no negotiating the deal. DeAndra Thomas was pleased."

"Great, Theodore. Now what could we possibly find out about beauty products?"

"I guess that's where the core of the research has to come in. I mean we don't know enough women to figure out how to sell this across the board meaning all ethnicities which is what she wants to do. I don't think giving this to Paul would be in the best interests of our company nor ‘Be You Cosmetics.'"

For her part, Cynthia nearly laughed out loud at the dejected looks on their faces. She was tempted to let them stew in their own juices for not thinking ‘her' woman enough to deal with this campaign. She'd worked on many over the years so it wasn't a matter of Brian's trust in her. It rankled that both he and Ted forgot sometimes that she was a woman especially when handling accounts geared toward the female half of the species. She looked from one to the other, seeing frown lines form one each face. Even Melvin in Accounting who moonlighted as the drag queen ‘Melinda Mounds' couldn't take this on or give advice. Glenn in Marketing, who was becoming Grace, was due for the last part of his transitional surgery soon and he would end up having to pass the account off anyway.

At their continued silence, she lost her temper. "Oh for fuck's sake, give me the damn file."

"What the fuck is your problem, Cynthia? Menopausal?"

She narrowed her eyes at him before answering. "That's about as likely as you recapturing your lost youth."

"Ouch," both Ted and Brian said at the same time.

"Well you deserve it. You both do. I happen to know a lot about the line since I wear the product so I'll take it over."

"Well why didn't you say so instead of watching us run through the whole directory of employees?" Ted asked.

"Because I was sitting here and it should have been obvious. But then again, you're men so I shouldn't have expected more."

"Hey, that's not fair."

"Look. Whatever but I have the account now. I'm using Justin for this one so don't try wheedling him from anything else unless it's one of our old and very particular accounts. Now, what was so important that you wanted to wait for Ted?" Cynthia asked effectively dismissing the argument. To her, their success was already assured and there wasn't anymore time to argue with the boys' club.

But Brian surprised her by first apologizing for the lack of consideration on his part. "It's not that we forget you are a woman, Cyn. You're just a huge part of the trinity which makes up the company. You keep Ted and I on the straight and narrow and honestly that takes a helluva lot of focus. And now with opening another office, it's going to be a lot more stressful."

"Wha-what? Why are we opening another office?" Ted asked concerned. He knew they could afford to do it but Kinnetik NY was successful and thrived as did the other two offices.

"We have to, Ted. The Chicago office has costs us some really big accounts and is about to lose another one. It's not that they aren't producing quality work; they've become overwhelmed by the workload. So I've decided to open another office to service the Midwest clientele and backup the New York office, too just in case. The projections for next year are already assuring Kinnetik's need to branch out more. This will help the anticipated growth and perhaps even land us the top spot in the industry. As a boutique ad agency, our uniqueness lies in the ability to assure no two campaigns look alike which is something no other firm does. KNY is doing well handling all of our east coast based clients and KLA is doing well in the west. The only region suffering right now is the middle so... we're going to open another office based out of Pittsburgh."

They both looked at him dumbfounded but it was Ted who asked, "Why the Pitts?

Brian had fought like hell to shake the dust of the Pitts from his Prada boots and managed to stay away for more than five years. In that time it wasn't hard to see his growth in business and as a man. Without the expectations of his ‘family' Brian seemed to flourish; he seemed able to breathe freely. Ted was the only one who knew how stifling their belief of who Brian is or was could be. Unfortunately he used to be one of the pack passing judgment and making sanctimonious pronouncements over Brian's life and choices unless it was work related. It wasn't until he moved to New York with a job offer from the man himself that could see how wrong he'd been. Brian had given him a job and helped Ted to reestablish and redefine his purpose. In the process, he discovered Brian Kinney was a man who lived by his own rules but never without a heart the way he'd been perceived. He was the most honest man Ted had ever known- true to himself and to those around him regardless of whether he'd be lauded or lamented.

Brian took a deep breath before answering. "Pittsburgh is a midway point and it would be a lot easier to bounce between the other three offices. The only office that would still require planning to visit would is the LA office. But they're not having the problems the Chicago office is having. Being there will keep Cynthia and I accessible between NY and them so that no office would be overwhelmed. It makes it even easier to pass the work along if seemingly understaffed. I don't want to lose another one of our major accounts. The three of us have worked damned hard to see Kinnetik grow and I won't let it fall because of promises not delivered, especially if it's within my power to fix it. Which brings us to the next order of business..."

He handed each of them an envelope. Within was something he planned on giving them at the beginning of the new year.

"What the hell? Brian you can't do this. This is your baby. You just can't..." Ted stammered as he held the documents in his hand.

Cynthia's reaction was similar. "I'm happy just being your assistant. I don't want a partnership. I'm already that without a third of the company."

Brian smiled at them both, expecting them to say what they had. "Look, I know I wouldn't be here without the two of you. Well okay. I may have been but it would have taken me a lot longer to achieve what we have built together. You both know me; I love celebrating accomplishments and this is no different. You've both earned your right as my partners. In the meantime, Ted you will stay on to run the New York office while Cynthia and I set up shop in Pittsburgh. I know I can trust you with this."

"I can't do it, Brian," Ted said.

"Bullshit. You've kicked Crystal's ass. Running Kinnetik will be a cinch compared to that. And don't worry, you won't be without support. Cyn and I will be back and forth so much it will feel like we've never left. Now as Kiinetik's CFO, I need you to contact a few Realtors in Pittsburgh to secure office space. I want a complete remodel to our specifications so as soon as you have some prospects, Cyn and I will fly out. No one under any circumstances is to know of the plans and that includes Michael and Lindsey. I know of their penchant to call you if I'm not answering my phone. Don't answer or have Caroline tell them both you and I are in meetings. Also as my personal accountant, I need you to do me another favor. I'm keeping the loft here in the City but now I need a house outside of Pittsburgh no more than thirty minutes away and possibly a loft apartment for times I have to be Downtown early the next morning. I actually like living in Westchester so an area like it would be great. Cynthia will also need a house and I want to absorb her relocation expenses."

"And how are we going to handle the staffing of Kinnetik PA?" Cynthia asked. Brian looked at her already knowing what she was thinking.

"Honestly, I would like to hire qualified local talent. Except there is one person who I think if you'll both agree will make a fucking fabulous Art Director. I plan on opening KPA in about six months so if he'll accept, the job is his."

Cynthia beamed. "I'll contact his agent, Joan Swanson. Although I have his email, I think she's been more like a mother where his career is concerned. If Justin has any questions, she'll be able to answer them all directly. Should I offer relocation expenses for him as well?"

"You're a partner now, Cynthia. You can make that decision but just check with Ted first since it will be coming out of Kinnetik Corp's accounts." Brian lifted an eyebrow as he leaned over his desk. "Do you really think he'll be able to handle all this? I know that the campaign he worked on for Brown was top-notch but running the department and fixing their potential fuck ups is another matter." Brian's gut told him he would but Cynthia had contracted the young man and has built a report with him. He wanted reassurance.

Cynthia smiled. "Tell you what, you tell me, Brian."

"Wait? Who are we talking about?" Ted asked feeling like he came in on the tail end of a previous conversation.

Cynthia's smile widened. "Justin Taylor."

"Holy shit!" Ted exclaimed. "He's an amazing artist, Brian. I bought some of his earlier work back when he was attending the Art Institute and to think he was just a student then."

They left the office and headed toward the lobby where one of the paintings were kept. Brian regarded it with single-minded focus at first. He indeed noted the use of color but there was something else. He was feeling what the artist must have felt when he painted it. The optimism. The exuberance. Freedom and fearlessness. The title of it Boundless was everything Brian had aspired to be in his life and career. He lived life on purpose and it was amazing to see the sentiment displayed boldly on canvas.

"Well what do you think?" Cynthia asked.

"Do whatever you have to do to get him," Brian answered simply still regarding the painting which spoke to the core of his being. "He belongs with us."

"I thought you might feel that way. From what I've heard from Joan, he's had it pretty hard but he still shines from the inside out."

Brian was intrigued and wanted to ask what kind of hard time the person who painted the way he did could've had but kept silent. He knew how a hard life could be transformed into a good one or at least a bearable one. Brian often felt like he was fighting the ghosts of his own past.

Turning from the painting which caused him to feel things he wasn't used to Brian said, "I'm going to the office. Ted run the specs to Cynthia as soon as possible so she could get Mr. Taylor working on the campaign right away. There's a lot to do before we can begin preparations to complete the opening of Kinnetik PA. Remember no one, and I mean no one is to hear about this. I have enough to deal with already and don't need to answer questions from Michael and Lindsey."

Ted nodded. "I got it, Bri. And I really don't blame you but you know when you get there, they'll want to know where you live, what you're doing and who you're doing it with. I've always suspected it was safer in their minds; to their position in your life to have those questions answered."

"Yeah, it has been. I don't think they'll be able to reconcile ‘New Brian' with the old one. But that's their problem."

"And Gus?"

Brian smiled at the thought of his son. If there was one good thing about returning to Pittsburgh, it was being able to see Gus more. "Gus is different. He's never had any preconceived notions based on my behavior prior or even after his birth."

"Well if it helps, although it probably won't, I think it's good you are determined not to go backwards. Others probably won't agree with me though," Ted said as he dropped his eyes.

"Since when do I give a fuck what others think?" Brian shrugged but his look thanked Ted for his nonjudgmental stance.

Ted acknowledged it with a brief nod of his head. "I better get my ass in gear." He said that last in a pretty good imitation of Debbie Novotny who served as a surrogate mom to all the boys on Liberty Avenue but especially Ted and Brian.

Brian laughed. "You better not let Deb hear that."

Ted smiled as he moved off down the opposite hall to his office while Cynthia moved into her customary place beside Brian. "I'll make the call to Joan while waiting on Ted to run me the numbers."

"That's good. Let me know what he says."

"I will," she assured him. Then, "Are you planning on seeing Debbie?"

"Yes, I'll have to. She's been more of a mother to me than my own. She'll kick my ass if I'm back and she has to hear it from someone else."

"And rightfully so but you know that once she knows so will the others."

Brian nodded. "I'm not worried about Emmett. Even Melanie is not someone I worry about too much but Lindsey and Michael are another story. They like to plan and map out my life or at least try to. I really don't want to have to cut them out of my life, Cynthia but I will not go back to the life I used to live. I may fuck the occasional guy in the backroom or at the baths- I'm a gay man and have needs after all- but right now, I'm all about business. I find that I've grown used to flying under the proverbial radar without any other expectations than the ones placed on me by business needs."

She was happy to hear him say that. She'd always hated it when Michael and Lindsey cornered Brian or put him into a neat little box within their lives. She never voiced it but she was displeased with it just the same. Brian Kinney was one of the few men she had ever met or trusted especially after her own tumultuous teenage and college years. Her first employer had sexually harassed her so much, she'd filed a lawsuit which was settled out of court but until she met Brian as a low-pay-grade secretary, she was black-balled within the Advertising sect. He paid for her tuition to return for her Marketing degree out of his own salary while working at Ryder and collected it on the back end under the Tuition Reimbursement Plan the Ryder Agency offered for their executives and their staff. If she remained in the bowels of the company, she would never have been able to do it on her own. He'd told her from their first meeting that he wanted her with him; someone within the company solely loyal to him able to keep his secrets and watch his back. He promised if he climbed he would take her with him and he had never lied to her as so many others had. So when he left Ryder for Kennedy and Collins, there wasn't even a question of if she would follow when he asked.

Brian entered his office, unlocking his computer and began seeking out properties for Kinnetik PA. He put a quick call into Ted asking him to call "New Beginnings Real Estate" company and schedule an appointment. They're first appointment wasn't until January 5th, just after the New Year. Brian thought it worked for him and his schedule. Now the only other problem was Jonas and what to do about the relationship he was involved in. Could he really handle a long-distance situation? It would certainly solve the problem of Michael and Lindsey's interference or at least he hoped it would. Jonas was convenient but...

"Bah. I'll leave it up to him," he said aloud to himself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Humble and NOT so Humble Beginnings (1976- 1996)

Brian's POV

People think because you're blessed with gorgeous good looks, impeccable style and the intelligence to carry it off that you were born under a lucky star. It couldn't be further from the truth. I worked damn hard, enduring broken arms and ribs from an abusive father and a sanctimonious, judgmental frigid bitch of a mother who loved laying guilt for Jack's actions at my feet. But the rise of who the world knew as Brian Aiden Kinney had come with a helluva price- mostly my peace of mind... well almost.

In retrospect, I guess he could see what and who I was from the onset... a no-holds-barred-bona fide- potentially successful- out and proud gay man. I couldn't be less smart or less handsome than I was. To the outside world, I wasn't expected to look any less than my parents who were attractive before heavy drinking and constant abuse made them less so. It didn't help that Claire and I were the children they never wanted. It was evident in the way we were treated. For years my sister and I were at the mercy of unhappy people. Claire prayed incessantly to forget; I drank and fucked to excess for the same reasons.

Claire, being raised mostly by that she-wolf, Joan Kinney, was advised that no man wanted a woman who was too intelligent. Anytime Joan caught her studying pass the requisite homework, Claire was beaten to the tune of Bible verses and then dragged off to church to hear first hand what a ‘woman's duty' should be. As for me, I was beaten because I needed to toughen up in order to follow in my dad's footsteps of working at the steel plant. That was fucking bullshit. Even from the age of six, I had no intention of working in some factory. Jack must have somehow known that because he would constantly tell me that I was nothing and nobody; screaming rhetorical questions and accusations at me even as I cowered in a corner to protect my face from his fists. Joan was determined to preach Jesus into me while Jack was determined to beat both Jesus and the devil out of me. There was no one we could tell except each other and Claire and I stopped speaking after the beatings began to get worse and more frequent. I guess she resented me because I was determined to live life instead of waiting for ‘life' to happen to me; she was never really given the choice- or more accurately never dared to make it.

When I met Michael, I'd found someone who in a way was going through something similar. I was being bullied by my parents; he was being bullied by everyone else. Yet I still couldn't bring myself to tell him what was going on in my house. It wasn't so much that I was embarrassed. It was the era where no one talked about the horrors that went on behind closed doors. But I knew every time I showed up to the Novotny house late at night and Deb or Vic patched me up; every time they took me to the hospital, I knew they knew. I thought for sure they would tell or stop me from making their house my home away from the ‘House that Jack Kinney built.' But I was fucking glad they didn't. They kept their silence and I kept mine.

For those four years of high school, Michael and I pretty much became inseparable- well except when I had work, soccer practice or it was time to fuck. My old gym teacher who was also my soccer coach taught me a valuable lesson which lasted me straight through to my move to New York. Sex was my currency. It assured me that he would seek out scouts to come to games my junior and senior year. It got the work on my first car done without the money I earned working at the Big Q having to change hands. What my academic and athletic scholarships didn't get me while I was college, my innate talent at sex did. But I'd changed how I dished it out. In high school, I'd get fucked occasionally and became an expert at giving blow jobs; in college I did the fucking and gave a blow job only if I felt like it.

Upon graduation, I also learned having a talented cock would move you up the corporate ladder faster than a trick could drop his drawers. I thought when I landed the job at Ryder Advertising, moving up would be easy. It wasn't. I was stuck at the entry level for almost three years. It was seriously messing with my timeline. I was staying with Michael or other friends I'd met at college. I was tired of sleeping on their couches or waking up with Mikey wrapped around me like a human vice. I needed my own space like a person needed air. I was determined not to go back to Jack and Joan's house even if that meant living on the fucking street. So when a closet case named Bill Dorf crossed my path in Woody's of all places, it was almost a done deal. The next day at the office, I made my move.

We were standing in the elevator on the way up to the twentieth floor offices of Ryder when I heard him on the phone with a woman. I could only assume it was his wife since he had classic breeder written all over him. Once he hung up the phone, I pretended to do a double take.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" I asked casually.

He looked straight ahead before he answered, but not before giving me the cursory once over checking me out without checking me out. "I don't think we've ever met. I'd remember."

I had to admit, I was attracted but not to his looks. It was his power I wanted. And I was through playing to get it. I looked around noting the people I rode the elevator with everyday and said only one word low enough for only him to hear. "Woody's."

It was enough to gain his full attention. He was saved from offering any further comment just then by the ding of the elevator which stopped on our floor. We stepped off and as expected Marty Ryder was making his way down the hallway to greet Mr. Dorf. On any other morning, he would have been there already, his secretary in tow. But Mr. Dorf wasn't looking at Marty scampering toward him, he was regarding me as if seeing me for the first time.

"What is it you want?" he asked, his voice strong but with a bit of a tremor underneath.

"For now, to be Senior Ad Exec on your campaign. Eventually to own this place."

He smiled. "I like your ambition, Kid. Tell you what. I heard about this place called Babylon."

"When away from the wife and kids, the big dog is playing, huh?"

"Yes well, had no choice in the matter. I love my wife and kids but sometimes I just need.."

"A stiff prick. Hey I'm not judging." In reality I was but if it got me what I wanted, I didn't give a shit.

"I see we understand each other."

"Yeah we do." Before we could have any further conversation, Marty had reached us.

"Mr, Dorf," Marty said loudly while reaching for his hand. "I hope Brian here is not bothering you."

My spine stiffened but I remained silent. Mr. Dorf, however, didn't. "No. This young man was not bothering me at all, Ryder. In fact I don't think you really understand just how valuable he is."

"Oh I'm sure he has wonderful ideas but-"

"I want him on my campaign, Ryder."

"But Charles Dawson has been working really hard on your campaign, Mr. Dorf."

But Mr. Dorf wouldn't back down. "Well that's great but honestly I found the last presentation lacking. Perhaps he can assist, Brian and his team. He does have a team, doesn't he?"

Marty looked as if he would turn purple at any moment. "We'll amass one for him."

"If I may," I interjected smoothly. There was no fucking way I was going to work with a pre-planned team which would try to sabotage me. I was about to advance even pass Charles and I knew it. "I have some people within each of the departments which I already work well with. I would like them to work this very special campaign with me."

"Who are they?" Marty asked a little perplexed wondering how he was roped into giving in so easily.

"Marshall Franklyn and Tom Haggarty from the Art Department, Theodore Schmidt in Accounting and for my personal assistant, Cynthia Moore."

"Brian, they're all relatively new. You need to be around more experienced Account Execs.," Marty protested.

"No, Marty. Perhaps some new and young blood will awaken the campaign. I also need an office. Working down in the barracks is not good for creativity." I smiled wide as Marty fumed.

"How about you get the account first before we talk about an office."

Mr. Dorf interjected on my behalf. "Ryder, I expect that this young man and his staff have everything they need. If that includes an office and space to work in, then so be it. I have been with this company for the last four years and I would not like to take my business elsewhere because of inadequate work or work ethic."

His strongly worded threat worked. Later that morning I was shown to the last available corner office. It turned out that Mr. Dorf's account was worth thirty million dollars and it was dedicated to surfboards and swim wear, two subjects I knew very little about but I didn't care. Ryder would get five million dollars, fifty-thousand of which was mine when I landed the account. And as a huge thank you to Mr. Dorf, I spent the night dancing with him at Babylon and fucking him well in his hotel room. That account gave us all the the promotions and raises we needed to get out of whatever situations we were in and we became the top team within Ryder Advertising Associates. By my third account, I was able to put a hefty down payment on my loft located at the corner of Fuller and Tremont on the sixth floor above an appliance and electronic store. Although I did most of the work myself, I was fortunate that one of my former tricks was a contractor. Who said sex doesn't sell?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

October 2000

"I'm moving to New York."

Silence.

The ‘gang' as Brian called his surrogate family, were gathered at Debbie's for their customary Sunday dinner when Brian made his big announcement. Brian sat regarding each face while playing with his newborn son, Gus. Debbie and Vic were the only two who had known of Brian's decision beforehand. Looking surreptitiously at the two, he was grateful for their support. Although he would never admit it to anyone, he suspected that the two of them knew how fucking scared he was. Brian hadn't even mentioned the move to Ted who was his left hand as Cynthia was his right while working at Ryder but knowing Ted, he understood Brian's reasons.

"What the fuck do you mean you're moving to New York, Brian? And when the fuck did you go to fucking New York?" Michael was the first one to break the silence.

"Did I stutter, Michael? I'm. Moving. To. New York." Brian annunciated every word so Michael would get it this time.

"You can't, Brian. We have a son!" Lindsey argued.

"I kinda know that, Lindz since I'm holding him. As far as when I went to New York, applied for a job there, had a three-day interview and I got it." Brian shrugged at Michael who was still voicing his outrage.

"And the Loft, Brian? It's your home," Michael continued to protest.

"It's a place, Mikey. Just a place. I'm renting it out until I'm ready to sell it. The residual income will add a nice cushion for my new start."

Lindsey, still petulant said, "Well you sure have everything figured out." Brian didn't have a chance to respond before Lindsey's partner weighed in.

"Well I for one think it's a splendid idea," Melanie said, making her inherent dislike, jealousy and glee clear.

"You would," Brian said just as clearly, while noting the displeased sideways glance Lindsey shot at her. He was sure there would be a huge argument over Melanie's overt enthusiasm.

Emmett who had Brian had befriended on his third week in Pittsburgh was a bit teary but like Ted, he understood Brian's motives. "I'm so happy for you, Honey. Life won't be the same around here without you."

Brian nodded his gratitude. Emmett was special to Brian although he would never tell him. The night he'd met the six-foot-two queen, Brian had stopped a strung out Emmett from getting raped and took him to the Loft since the Drag Queen, Godiva was out of town on tour. The one thing that captured Brian's attention was not only Em's sweetness of character and his innocence but an emotion Brian was all too familiar with...pain. He and Emmett had never talked about that night nor why Emmett who was new to town, had gotten mixed up with Tino in the first place but they remained solid friends because of it. Subsequently, Brian had introduced Emmett to the family and he'd been a part of it ever since.

"Look Lindsey and Michael, there's nothing you can do or say to change my mind. I leave next Tuesday and I'm not looking back. It's time."

Vic and Debbie nodded. They both knew why Brian needed to go. He was tired of living up to Michael and Lindsey's expectations of him while denying his own. He'd gone through that phase while living under Jack and Joan Kinney's roof. Now with Jack dead, he needed to separate from Joan and Claire who had taken to stopping by whenever the mood suited them to lament his selfishness while requesting money- he was no use to them otherwise. Michael used him to keep from living his own life, constantly living vicariously through him while Brian fucked as many men as he could handle as fast as he could, took as many drugs nightly as he dared and drank to shut out the voices telling him he was worthless plaguing his mind. Sure he was the ‘Stud of Liberty Avenue' but at what cost? As for Lindsey, Brian was also tired of being her ready steady bank account. He was only ‘Gus' father' when it was convenient for her and Melanie. In the meantime, every chance she got Lindsey would pit Brian and Melanie against each other. It was unfair to both of them so he was moving, not only to start his own life the way he wanted to live it but to make Michael and Lindsey stand on their own two feet.

He sat there listening to their constant list of complaints and grievances of abandonment and being selfish and thoughtless before he simply got up, handed Gus to Mel after placing a kiss on his head and left. There was nothing more to say. His decision was made as were his plans. Later that night, Brian went to the Diner where he knew Debbie was working the late shift. He was happy to see the place nearly empty. Debbie Novotny had always been more mother to him than his own.

"Hey Kiddo. I'm surprised you're not out and about making the last of your rounds tonight."

He accepted the coffee she poured him gratefully before answering. "Nah. This is one of the nights I just needed some time."

"Bullshit, Brian. You needed to get away from Michael. I don't think I ever felt like choking that kid as much as I did tonight."

"Don't be too hard on him, Deb. Maybe with me gone he'll find love, discover the meaning of life and all the other shit that hetero-normative gays are looking for." Brian smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"And what about you? What will you do now that you won't be 'Cock of the Walk' anymore?"

"I don't know, Deb. Concentrating on business and becoming the biggest fucking success out of Pittsburgh since Warhol sounds like a good plan."

Deb smiled at the man she considered her son. "Just remember there's more to life than money, Brian. And call every once in awhile. Don't make me have to come to New York to find you. I promise you, the results won't be good if Vic and I have to."

He leaned over, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I promise."

***

Tuesday came. Brian, who was not normally sentimental, took one final turn around the place which had been his since landing that first big account at Ryder four years prior. Each crevice held a memory- some loved and wanted; others he was eager to forget. Either way, his time in Pittsburgh was finished. He'd gone by the day before to kiss Gus and tell him he'd see him again soon. Melanie wished him well but Lindsey was still barely speaking to him. Same went for Michael. It had hurt but Brian was used to hurting. For him the pain was nothing new, in fact he welcomed it to a degree. If he pushed it down far enough and learned to build walls around himself, then no one could get to him or ever know what he truly thought nor did he have to give a damn of what others thought of him. That in and of itself was freedom. Brian knew who he was, what he was and what he could do but the fear that he would prove Jack and Joan or others who said he couldn't succeed right, is what kept him driven. For every obstacle overcome, he raced toward the next not looking back. It was his gift and his curse but he would survive it all beautifully as always. Looking at his watch, Brian left the Loft for the final time but looking forward to the future.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

January 4th 2005

If someone had told Brian Kinney five years ago that he would be back in the place he'd first started, he would have put his size eleven foot in the person's ass and cursed the day they were born. When he'd left Pittsburgh, it was his intention never to return to this place. If not for it being a midway point between the Chicago office of Kinnetik and Kinnetik NY, he never would have...not even to visit. As Brian roamed the streets of the city he once called home, he thought back to his youth and his sudden decision to move; of the expectations of those around him prompting him to get the hell out as fast as he could to begin designing the life he wanted to live... the one he wasn't given a chance to live.

Michael had already called several times demanding to know where he was staying as had Lindsey. He'd deflected their questions as skilled as an Air Force pilot dodged missiles. Brian had grown used to the peace and quiet of his existence having no need to be the ‘Life of the Party' in order to find fulfillment. He had his work, he had his friends- the ones who didn't have preconceived notions about who and what he was, and he had Jonas. Or he did until he decided to move back to the Pitts.

Brian replayed their last conversation in his mind so much it was like a running tape.

"It's not you, it's me," Jonas said.

"That's a load of horseshit and you know it but I'm willing to let you live in your delusion. If you didn't want to go in the first place, why not just be honest and say so? Why let me go through all the motions of setting up house for us if it wasn't going to last? This is the reason I've always hated relationships."

"I didn't want to hurt you, Brian."

"Who says I'm hurt? I'm pissed but you don't have the power to hurt me, Jonas."

"Well it's nice to know that you aren't affected by my decision."

Jonas' sarcastic tone told Brian that his parting shot had hit its mark. He mentally chuckled. If Jonas Monroe thought he'd best Brian Kinney, he had another think coming.

"Yeah whatever."

"Well then I guess there isn't anything else left to say then."

"Guess not," Brian said but then paused for emphasis. "Except do me a favor and tell Ethan I said hello."

Jonas gasped. "Wh-why would you tell me to tell Ethan Gold hello? He has nothing to do with this."

Brian laughed but there was no humor in it. "Doesn't he though? I'm sure he was none too happy to discover that his sugar daddy wouldn't be readily available anymore. He must let you fuck him into the mattress quite often."

"Brian, what the hell are you saying?"

"I've smelled him on you, Jonas...every night for the past year. There has never been a need to lie to me before so don't start now."

He watched silently as Jonas went from angry and indignant at the accusation to resigned to speak the truth about himself. "Okay, Brian, you're right. But that didn't and shouldn't affect what we've been to each other."

"It doesn't, Jonas. You were a means to an end for me as well."

"You were never ‘a means to an end for me' Brian."

"Yes I was but then again since you are determined to be in denial, here's a bit of truth for you. I care about you to some degree but I don't love you and I know now that I never could have."

"Why not? It's all I've wanted you know."

Brian nodded his head. "Yeah, I know but that emotion and I have never been on a first name basis. So if Ethan's place is where you want to be, you should be there."

"You- you're kicking me out? But Brian-"

"Don't think of it as kicking you out but as freeing you to live your own life," Brian answered sarcastically. "Everything you moved in with is already packed in the guest room."

"I- I can't believe you're doing this. Ethan told me you would but I didn't want to believe him."

"Well it seems the illustrious Mr. Gold has better sense than you do. Don't let the doorknob hit you where... well you know the rest." Brian smiled.

As he wheeled his suitcase out to the living room, Jonas paused in front of Brian. "You know I really did love you."

Brian laughed. "Yeah. So much that when the dark haired violinist bent over for you to stroke him with your bow, you couldn't find it in your heart to be honest with the man you supposedly love. Get the fuck out, Jonas... and when he cheats on you, don't even think you can undo the mistake you're making by running back to me. I don't give second chances."

Brian pulled his coat tighter around him walking to his destination. Although he hadn't lied in any way, shape or form to Jonas about his feelings, he would still love to stop remembering the last time he'd saw him. But Brian had a feeling it would haunt him the rest of his life since Jonas was now dead. He'd received the hysterical call from Ethan Gold at about three in the morning and the demand that Brian pay for the funeral and all of Jonas' final expenses, including his upkeep. It was a good thing that upon Brian finding out about Ethan which was many months before confronting Jonas, he had cut Jonas out of his will and removed his name from everything associated with him. Apparently, Jonas had told Ethan of the original arrangement. Unfortunately for Ethan who believed that with Jonas' death he was going to receive what belonged to his deceased lover, Jonas never undid his own will and Ethan had to find out that he would actually inherit nothing except what Jonas had left him...a mountain of unpaid debts. Brian laughed and promptly hung up after disabusing Ethan of the notion that Brian would help with anything or that he was obligated to. Stupid little fool. He felt a little sorry for Jonas but not enough to lighten Ethan Gold's load in the process.

Which brought him back to being in Pittsburgh once more. The last thing he wanted to do was reclaim his ‘Stud of Liberty Avenue' title but that was what Michael and the others expected. Ted was the only one of their circle who knew Brian- the real Brian- underneath all his bravado. The good thing about Theodore Schmidt was he knew how to keep Brian's secrets. Michael and Lindsey had called the office many times when Brian refused to answer his cell phone and Ted always gave him the heads up for the nature of their calls. He would never betray Brian's confidence which was a lesson Brian had learned a few years ago when he'd had a bout with testicular cancer. The only two people Brian had trusted to help him was Ted and Cynthia and he never had to worry about the company or himself being left in their capable hands. His faith in Ted resulted in Brian leaving Ted in charge of the Kinnetik NY office while he and Cynthia returned to Pittsburgh but they would still spend the majority of the time in New York until Kinnetik PA was ready to be staffed.

Arriving at house which held many memories for him, he stood on the sidewalk for a few moments in nostalgia. He remembered the feeling emitting from the brick the first time he'd gone there. The smell of home cooked food wafting through the open windows and the sound of laughter coming from what he would know later to be the mud room off the side of the kitchen. It felt like a home instead of a house of living corpses. He walked up the three steps, careful of the loose brick which was always somehow falling out of place even after re-cemented. He couldn't help but smile at the memory of the first time it tripped him up when he and Michael were sneaking in drunk after curfew. He tapped lightly on the door and waited for the porch light to come on, smiled widely at the face which greeted him through the window curtains and was yanked into a bear hug when the door opened.

"Jesus fucking Christ, I almost thought you were a ghost. You look good, Kiddo."

"Thanks, Ma," Brian greeted Debbie. He couldn't help but hold her as tight as she held him. He had missed her and although they had talked more frequently than he had planned or imagined, it was still nice to see the face belonging to the larger than life voice.

"Come on, Sis, let the boy up for air. Hey Brian," Vic said as he also embraced him. "It's been a long time."

"That it has. You look well."

"I'm doing better, Son."

"Perhaps that's because of Rodney," Debbie said in a singsong voice.

"Oh Rodney, huh Vic? And here I thought you were still holding out for me," Brian quipped.

"Well I couldn't hold out for you young jet-setter, power corporate types to take care of an old queen anymore." Vic laughed.

"So you planning on staying awhile or is my house cold enough that you have to keep on your fucking coat?"

Brian shed his coat and immediately sat down at the table as was their custom. He was grateful when Debbie placed a hot cup of coffee in front of him. Sipping it slowly, he closed his eyes at its warmth and taste. Debbie's coffee was like ambrosia, much better than he remembered ever having at the diner.

"What's up, Brian?" Vic asked watching the beautiful man who had been like a son to him.

Brian smiled. Vic and Debbie could always see through his actions and could tell when he was avoiding or stalling talking about a subject. "I have to move back to the Pitts. For now I'm just visiting."

"Business is going okay, isn't it, Honey?" Debbie asked concerned.

"Yeah. Business is good although part of the reason I decided to move back and open up a Pittsburgh branch is because our Midwest clientele has increased. The Chicago office is a bit overwhelmed but being here allows me to bounce between New York and Chicago at will."

Both nodded at Brian's explanation. They never doubted for a moment that Brian Kinney would make something successful out of his life. He was intelligent, bold and most of all he was determined. They knew where it came from and drove the well-oiled Kinney machine.

Vic asked, "So business is good but what else is on your mind?"

Before Brian could answer or evade the question again, Debbie intervened. "The truth, you little shit. What has you so on edge about moving back? You know we won't say anything."

"I know," Brian assured them. "It's just that...I've changed. I can't go back to being Brian ‘Fucking' Kinney anymore. Sure I'll still fuck the occasional trick but it won't be like it was before."

"And you're afraid of the flack you're going to catch behind your choice," Vic said.

"Yes. No. It's that I don't want to have to cut anyone out of my life because of them."

"You mean Michael?" Debbie asked knowing he did.

Brian nodded before answering, "And Lindsey. You both know that they were a big part of the reason I sought the job in New York right?"

"I'd wondered," Debbie said. "Honey you had world-weariness written all over you."

"I couldn't breathe, Deb and I know a big part of it was my own fault. No one can make me do what I don't want to do."

"True, you're on of the most stubborn sons of bitches I know, next to Vic."

Vic chuckled. "Aw thanks, Sis...I think."

"You're welcome," she said seriously but she had a smirk on her face. "My point is, Brian, that if you know this, then you have to redefine and reinforce your boundaries. Michael and Lindsey will be fine. And if they're not, then they are are just going to have to learn to live with it. I love my son but I love you too. It's time he grows the fuck up...been time really and hopefully this new guy will help him."

"New guy? What happened to David?"

"He's gone and thank God for that let me tell you. Michael became a real shithead."

Brian and Vic laughed. It was a rare day when Debbie said something against Michael.

"I'm only sorry you couldn't see it," Vic said. "You would have seen through the bullshit right away."

"Hey, I'm in advertising. Bullshit is a big part of the business."

They laughed but had grown quiet awhile later. "So how long are you in town for, Brian?" Debbie asked.

"This time only a few days. I have a meeting with the Realtor tomorrow to look at some properties for the office."

"I guess you'll be moving back into your Loft then," Vic concluded.

"No," Brian said surprising them both.

"But why not? You'll be close to the office that way."

"Actually I can't. I already have a buyer for it. In fact he's planning on redesigning the Loft to include the one next door. But other than that, I think I want to live outside of the City." He dropped his eyes at the last part of his admission, almost afraid of the judgment he was expecting to see.

"You liked your place in Westchester that much?" Vic asked skeptically. They had gone for a visit when Brian first bought the place. Although it could be termed the suburbs, everything was relatively within walking distance.

"Strangely, I did. I honestly didn't think I would even as I signed the papers. I missed the City sometimes but after growing up at Jack and Joan's the peace was welcomed especially if I needed to work on a new campaign. I also had the Loft in the City but stayed there mainly if I had a late night at the office because of an early morning meeting the next day. Plus here the Loft was a revolving door. Between Michael, Lindsey and the endless round of tricks, it was like there was no escape. I had to leave home to catch a break most days. That didn't happen in New York. The truth is if I had stayed here, it would have taken me forever to get to where I wanted to be financially."

"Well then, Honey, you owe it to yourself to keep doing right by you and Gus. You two are really the only two that matter in the personal decisions you make. Understand?"

Brian smiled. "Yes, Mother."

***

The following day, Brian paced restlessly outside of New Beginnings Realty waiting for Cynthia. He didn't know why he was so fucking nervous. It wasn't like he didn't know Pittsburgh and he was starting off in a completely new city. Perhaps it was because the office was located in a part of town not popular for the gay community but then that never stopped him before. He didn't know. He only knew that he felt like he was on the cusp of something life altering but he couldn't explain what.

He looked at his watch again when he heard the tell-tale click-clack of red bottom high heels. Looking up, he scowled.

"I know, I'm late but I brought you a peace offering," Cynthia said smiling.

Brian took the proffered tall non-fat latte with his lips twitching. She wasn't his assistant-turn partner for no reason. After a long draught, he said, "Okay, you're forgiven but Cyn."

"I know, Brian. The next time, call. Let's go in before we really are late."

The interior of the office was immaculate. Massive desks in either oak or cherry wood, hardwood floors and top of the line furniture made the open floor plan feel more like a furniture showroom than a real estate office. The scent of lavender and vanilla permeated the air each occupant at their desk answered ringing phones.

"Can I help you?" a medium height blonde woman asked from the coffee maker inconspicuously placed on the near side of the potted plant.

The red suit complimented her coloring to a tee but it was the warm, soft brown eyes which put Brian at ease instantly.

"Yes, I'm Brian Kinney and this is my business associate, Cynthia Moore. We have an appointment to look at properties for Kinnetik."

"Well come on in. Your appointment is with me." She extended her hand in greeting. "I'm Jennifer Taylor, the owner. I am well aware of your company so I decided to fly in personally and show you the listings."

"Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to do so," Cynthia said. "I know this time of year is usually hectic for real estate markets."

"It is and I didn't want to overwhelm my staff in the process. I understand you both are from Pittsburgh."

"Yes, I started out at Ryder many years ago. Cynthia did as well."

"Well Mr. Kinney since you are familiar with the area, is there any place in particular you would like to start?"

"Please, call me Brian and may I call you Jennifer."

"Of course."

"Kinnetik is not a company who thinks and operates within a box so the first place I think we should look is around Liberty Avenue."

He could have died laughing at the looks on both Jennifer and Cynthia's faces- identical in shock value.

"I take it you know that area is considered..."

"Gay PA? Yes, I'm well aware of it and since I've been a part of gay PA for a long time, I'll feel right at home."

Jennifer smiled full-on. "My son is the same way, Brian, out and proud. Don't go all defensive on me." She finished with a raised eyebrow.

Both Brian and Cynthia smiled back. Brian had to admit, he really liked her which was unexpected but welcomed just the same. "Then I think we could certainly work."

"Good. Let me pull up some listings and before we go out we'll narrow them down, okay?"

"Sounds great, Jennifer."

Ironically as luck would have it, the first property had all Kinnetik would need and more. The added bonus was it was in the center of everything Brian held dear at an important time of his life. The blue building formerly known as the Liberty Baths was actually a jewel of a find, never mind that the floor was littered with dried cum and and the walls were disgusting. The building was structurally sound which was a big plus in making it into a corporate office.

"Brian, you cannot be serious," Cynthia said.

"Sure I am," Brian said with a smile. "I've done some of my best thinking in the old steam room especially during no towels night."

"UGH!" Both Cynthia and Jennifer let out at the same time while Brian just chuckled.

"Tell me, Jennifer. With all the work that needs to be done on the interior, do you think the owner will be willing to come down on the price about eight thousand?"

"I don't know. It doesn't hurt to ask."

"Let me know. Oh and is Jase Kemp Contractors still in business? They did some excellent work on my old place when I lived here. I'd like to use them again."

Jennifer had grown quiet a moment before she said, "Jason Kemp was found dead in New York a week before Christmas 2001. He'd been naked and beaten up pretty badly within his New York apartment. The rumor is that he was tied to the bed face down. His brother closed the business both here and in New York, said it was too painful for him to run it. The murder is still unsolved. He was popular amongst the brokers here and in New York and his work was top of the line. It's been hard to find someone with his vision or talent since."

"Are you shitting me? That's too bad. He was young and had a damn bright future ahead of him." Brian remembered the sweet faced young guy. Sure he was a trick and he'd never fucked him past the one night in backroom at Babylon but he was a friendly guy. Bringing himself back to the present Brian had another thought. "Jennifer, I don't suppose you do houses outside of the Pittsburgh area?"

"We certainly do and just as with this property, I'll handle your account personally. Are you looking to rent, lease or buy."

"Buy certainly. I'd like it to have structural character but the interior updated. If it has to be a fixer and the price reasonable, then I could use the excess to have the house fully gutted and redone to my specifications. I just would prefer not to have a new construction. Too many things could go wrong."

They continued to discuss the location in proximity to what would soon be Kinnetik. Brian requested that she also help Cynthia. All in all it was a very good trip without mishaps or running into the two people Brian most wanted to avoid until he was ready to reveal his plans. Every time his cell buzzed, Cynthia would look at him and he would studiously ignore her. The final time it rung, she snatched it out of his pocket and went to do her job. She delivered the messages from both Michael and Lindsey who had called back to back informing him he was in a meeting. When Michael had pulled the ‘It's an emergency' card, she'd stumped him by asking the nature of the problem. When he didn't provide an immediate answer, she politely but firmly told him that Brian would call him and not to call back before then. Checking into the office, she found that both Michael and Lindsey had tried the same tact with Ted and Caroline and was having a helluva time holding them at bay.

"You know, you're going to have to talk to them, right?" Cynthia said maintaining her professionalism, but barely. It was one of the things Brian valued in her.

"I know."

"Then do so before both Caroline and I quit."

Brian chuckled at her annoyance. There were very few times Brian had seen Cynthia as pissed off as she was at that moment. "You can't quit. You're a partner now."

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'll happily let you buy me out for a large sum of money and then go sit my interminably relieved ass somewhere on a beach where I never have to run interference with your friends again. You'll have a helluva time replacing me, Brian. Remember what happened the last time you tried? Make the calls."

Brian shivered with the thought of the twit who just happened to be Andrew Kennedy's lover's sister. The woman was completely useless except where Andrew's partner Dale Collins was concerned. Her tits as big as flotation devices provided him with a lot of hours of entertainment.

Jennifer who had stood silent watching the exchange then said, "By the look on your face, Brian, I think you better listen to her."

Groaning, he did what he was told hoping they would finally get the hint: Don't call me, I'll call you. But it would remain a pipe dream.