Chapter 8 - Kiss And Tell (Thursday, June 2nd - continued)

"Help me, Matt! I'm in SUCH desperate need of a drink," Emmett collapsed on the barstool and turned his begging countenance on Woody's primary bartender. "Give me a Cosmo - Stat! No, better make that two Cosmos . . . Oh, fuck it, just hook me up to a Cosmo IV. I'm gonna need it tonight, Honey!"

"Em, Sweetie, what the hell's wrong? You look distraught," Debbie laid a worried hand on the shoulder of the man on the next barstool.

"Oh my short & curlies! You would NOT believe what happened to me tonight, Deb!" Emmett wailed as he sipped down his first Cosmo of the night. "I don't even believe it and I was there!"

"This sounds good! Should I get out my phone and record your confession in case I might need this for later blackmail opportunities?" Uncle Vic asked, immediately glad he'd taken his sister up on the invitation to meet her for a drink after Deb's shift.

"No need, Sweetums! The whole incredible ordeal was caught live on camera. You can watch it all yourself on Teddy's web site, if you want, while I get started on this!" Emmett dug into his voluminous shoulder bag and pulled out his brand new tablet computer, which he passed off to Deb and Vic while he applied himself to Cosmo #2.

Both Deb and Vic, who knew absolutely nothing about computers, just stared at the device until Emmett took it back, tapped the screen a couple dozen times and then handed it back to them. They saw the main screen of Ted's site - Jerk@work.net - and on it a big section for the 'Summer of Sin' show. Em reached around, without even sloshing his drink, and tapped the tablet one more time which started a video feed.

The images shown there seemed so incredible that, after watching, neither Novotny nor Grassi seemed capable of speech.

"Do NOT say a word until I've had at least two more drinks!" Emmett commanded.

Deb simply tapped the screen and watched the unbelievable happen again.

"So Teddy ashed me to be there as a Sell-leb . . . A Sullebrery . . . A Celebury . . . you know - a famous judge," Emmett slurred out his story after his fifth Cosmo. "Sorta 'Fetch Dixon does the Summer of Sin'! You know, to get the show started off with a bang and all, right?"

Sooooo, I get there - by the way, the place Teddy rented for this thing is really nice an' it's got a pool an' every thin' - but I dinna know that yet. But I did see the silly 'Kissing Booth' they had set up for me right in the front room. So I get all shet up in there and all and The Master comes on the speaker and he's like, 'Fetch gets to judge the kissing competition' - by the way, you'll NEVER guess who The Master is! It's actually so funny . . ." But right as Emmett was about to reveal the big secret, he was interrupted by Matt handing him his sixth Cosmo, which derailed the man's whole train of thought.

Two sips later, the man remembered he was in the middle of a story and continued. "I'm 'sposed to judge this kissing contest, you see. They sit me on this high stool behind this hokey little booth and put a hot pink blindfold on me and I'm 'sposed to kiss all the guys in the game and give this expert critique and all, right? Well, most of them are okay kissers - nothing fabulous or anything, but ok. Then, like the sixth or seventh guy comes and fucking shoves his tongue halfway down my throat practically suffocating me! Icky! I mean, you read about that in romance novels and it SOUNDS great, and all, but when some guy actually does that to you . . . well, let’s just agree it simply isn’t nice at all!

“So, I’m shoving the guy off me, trying to get a breath of air into my lungs, and I hear this ruckus, but of course I can’t see what’s going on because of the fucking blindfold, and I’m starting to get worried that the creep who tried to suffocate me is coming after me now and so I’m about to get up and run, you know . . . But, after a couple minutes, whatever it is dies down and one of Teddy’s slave boys comes over and tells me it’s ok and I should proceed. So, I’m like, WHATever!”

“Well, so the next guy comes up to me and I’m still all, like, totally tense and all. There’s just no WAY I’m going to enjoy this kiss, right? Then the guy whispers to me in this voice that’s fucking sexy as sin, and says, ‘Relax!’. That’s all he says. Just, ‘Relax!’. And you know, he’s definitely NOT ‘sposed to talk to me or touch me or anything - that’s like part of the rules, you know - and, I don’t know why, but that VOICE! Fuck me, that voice goes fucking straight to my cock and I just relax on command and don’t say a word to the slave boys or anything”

“And then the next thing I know his lips are pressing against mine - Ohhhhhh, those lips! - and they’re like so soft and the kiss starts off just so light and soft and almost reassuring, you know? But then he moves his body closer and I can SMELL him - it’s like the pheromones invaded my brain, or something - and I’m, like, practically jumping off that stool trying to mash my lips against his. And the kiss gets all hot and his lips get hard and insistent and then his mouth opens just the tiniest little bit and I feel his tongue tickling - fucking TICKLING! Now you tell me how the hell you DO that with a tongue, huh? - against my bottom lip! And then he’s nibbling at my lips so tenderly and it’s, like, so gentle and yet so INSISTENT!”

“So, like the fucking slut I am, my mouth opens right up and I’m thrusting my tongue out at him, and I can hear myself actually whimpering for more even though my mouth’s so full of HIS tongue I can’t say a word. And he sucks my tongue into his mouth . . . and . . . and . . . he does this thing . . . I don’t know how the fuck he could do that with my tongue in HIS mouth, but he does this thing I’ve NEVER even heard of . . . And it’s like he’s making love to me with his mouth alone and . . . and . . . oh, fuck!”

At this point Emmett started to sob uncontrollably and both Deb and Vic rush to hug and console him. But even that’s not enough to stop the train wreck of Emmett’s confession, so he just goes on, chuffing out his words through his sobs. “Of course they’ve got me in all this ‘Fetch Dixon’ attire, because, like - DUH! It’s a porn show! - so I’m wearing this slinky lycra shirt and a mesh top underneath and only a very skimpy thong on the bottom and I’m sitting perched up on this high stool, so basically, you can see ALL of me through the window of the kissing booth.

At this point the sobbing grows so loud that the little group near the bar is attracting a LOT of attention. In fact, there’s a whole slew of men now gathered in a circle around Emmett, Deb and Vic. All of them are hanging on Emmett’s every word.

“And . . . and . . . *sniffle* . . . of course I’d been a little bit hard from the very beginning, because I’m getting kissed by ALL these gorgeous men, right? So I’m hard. Who wouldn’t be, right? And I don’t even lose the wood when that one guy practically rapes me with his tongue because . . . well, just because, you know. So, then there’s THIS KISS! This absolutely perfect fucking kiss . . . so perfect and so tender and so . . . *sob* . . . And I’m already so fucking horny after kissing all those other guys, you know, so it’s not really any wonder that I . . . well, I just couldn't help it . . . it was just the most PERFECT FUCKING KISS I’LL EVER HAVE IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!

And the sobs drown out whatever else the poor man was about to say. But, seeing as we now live in an age of scary technology, Emmett really didn’t HAVE to tell any more of his tale of woe, because, while he was giving his tearful confession, some tech-savvy nerd-type had synched his laptop computer with Woody’s television system and uploaded the file from Jerk@work.net so that everyone in the bar now had a glimpse of just what went down at the Residence earlier that night.

There on the huge television screen up above the bar - as well as on every other TV screen throughout Woody’s, since they were all cabled together - was a 64”, large-screen, image of Emmett.

Emmett was blindfolded with a padded neon pink blindfold and barely clothed in a mesh shirt. He was perched up on a high wooden stool and perfectly framed by the wooden slats of the makeshift ‘Kissing Booth’. You could clearly see his hips and thighs and even his dick where it was poking perkily out of the top of a very skimpy pair of thong underwear. And he was kissing Brian Fucking Kinney, the legendary Stud of Liberty Avenue! Their lips were going at it over and over again, Emmett seemingly ready to jump through the booth’s little window in order to get closer to those Kinney lips.

Which is when IT happened.

Whatever the fuck Kinney was doing with his lips, it worked!

It worked really, really, really, well.

So well, in fact, that Fetch Dixon, internet porn star of widespread renown, had a spontaneous orgasm right there, on screen, from only that simple Kinney kiss!

The entire population at Woody’s was standing around transfixed by the sight being broadcast - repeatedly - on the television screens. The way Fetch's head fell back with his eyes closed, his jizz spurting up all through the little holes on that mesh shirt, as the man kept cuming over and over again. The bar was eerily silent as they all watched the scene. The only movement was from the several patrons who were surreptitiously - or not so surreptitiously, depending on the individual - rubbing at their crotches. Which was why everyone around clearly heard Emmett’s final comments.

“It was BRIAN! BRIAN! And I’ll never have another . . . another . . . another kiss like that again, ever, in my life, and . . . and . . . and . . . *sob* . . . It was Briiiiiiaaaaan!” Em’s voice tapered off and his sobs took over and everyone there understood the pain and futility of his statement.

Poor Emmett - It must really be devastating to have experienced that sort of perfection and know, KNOW, you’d never get the chance to even come close to it again.

Poor Emmett!