IN OR OUT CHAPTER 4:
MICHAEL
Fucking Ben didn’t come home last night. I mean, he calls himself, giving me an ultimatum and then disappears, like I’m some child who will just blindly follow his order. What’s worse is that no one is answering my calls, and no one is calling me to see how I’m doing. How dare they ignore me like this?! After everything I’ve done for them, how dare they treat me like I don’t matter? Even Monty and Eli were cold to me this morning. When I asked what their problem was, Eli told me that they didn’t like people who weren’t grateful for what they have. I wondered what the fuck was up with his caustic reply, until I heard the other whispers about what occurred at Woody’s last night.
Apparently, my wayward husband and best friend almost came to blows over the infamous blond trick. I can’t help but feel a bit jealous over the fact that they weren’t fighting over me. Well they were, but not in the way that would have displayed me in the best possible light. It wasn’t because Brian was jealous of Ben, but because Ben was jealous of Brian having my attention. Well that’s something at least, right? It would help if Ben was actually here, since he comes up with the best plans, which is what I really need right now. Everyone is off doing their own thing and it doesn’t include me. See? This is yet another reason why my friends need new partners!
The doorbell rings and I’m so tempted not to answer it. I’m just not in the mood to loan someone a cup of sugar that I will never get back. I mean the least they could do is offer me a piece of the cake they ran out of sugar fixing. The pure selfishness of people is astounding sometimes! Anyway, whoever is at the door has decided to lean on the bell until I answer. Rolling my eyes, I make my way across the room, hoping that it’s not one of the neighbors that I really can’t stand. When Ben and I moved into this neighborhood, I really thought it would give me status somehow. It did for me, but most of the time, I think people just tolerate me to get closer to him. After all these years, one would think that would have changed. I mean, I’m not that different from most of them. I’m a small business owner, a husband… basically I’m just like them, except that I have friends and a husband with money. And so what if I think their jobs are boring or that their life with children is monotonous. Just because Ben and I don’t have any, it doesn’t make us less than them. Besides if we had kids, I wouldn’t be able to hang out with my friends. That would be just plain unacceptable!
I look through the peephole to see which one of the moochers is at my front door this time. It’s with more than a little surprise that I see Ma standing there, as colorful as she wants to be. She looks pissed, which can only mean one thing to my mind: she’s already heard about the way Brian treated me last night. Deciding that she is just the balm for my wounded soul I need, I look into the mirror right next to the door. First I muss my hair, making it look like I’ve been pulling at it in frustration. Then I rub at my eyes to make them red. I giggle a little, thinking of the picture I’m going to look to her. When I poke out my lip, I realize that I still look a little too ‘normal’ so I stand there and think about having to miss the Comic con here in the Pitts next month due to the bullshit couples therapy bitchy-butch Mel ordered. After about two more minutes, I have my ‘needs sympathy’ look down to a science. I wrench open the door just in time to stop her from going down the stairs.
“Ma, what are you doing here?” I ask brokenly.
“Michael! Oh my poor baby! Come on, let’s sit down and talk.”
“I’m not much in the talking mood today, Ma.”
“I know Baby. I heard about what happened last night.”
“You did?” I knew she must have. I mean, she lives for the Tell-a-Queen network and that mostly happens at the Diner.
“Yeah I did. And don’t think I didn’t stop by Brian’s office before coming here to give him a piece of my mind.”
I force more tears to my eyes. “I can’t believe he’s treating me this way Ma. After everything… I just can’t believe how ungrateful he is. And it’s all because of that blond boy ass!”
“Now you leave Justin out of this, Michael.” As always, I can’t say anything about that fucking pain in my ass. Ohhhh….. I wish he’d just… “Justin has nothing to do with your problems with Brian. He’s not in your friendship, and it isn’t his fault that Brian is acting like an ungrateful little shit. He even let Jen talk down to me this morning!”
Okay wait, what? Jen’s involved in this? What the fuck is Boy Wonder’s mother doing in our business with Brian anyway? “Well I hope you told her off. She’s just like Justin in that she doesn’t know when to leave Brian alone.”
“Now don’t you worry none about Jen. Friends or no, no one insults my baby and gets away with it. Right now, Brian owes you an apology. I’m sure he’ll give it to you when he gets rid of whatever bug crawled up his ass today. In the meantime, where’s Ben? I need to speak with him about his attitude towards you as well.”
FINALLY! Finally, someone is getting it! “I don’t know where he is. He didn’t come home last night. Just gave me an ultimatum and left.”
“WHAT?!?! Well that’s just not going to be tolerated! The two of you are married; he’s not allowed to just walk out! And you’re his husband, not his child, he doesn’t get to order you around. That’s my job!”
“Exactly!” I shout before I realize what she just said. She doesn’t get to order me around either. I’m my own fucking man. But I can’t tell her that, since she’s the only one still talking to me right now. “Anyway, he wants me to go to this fucking resort for couples therapy.”
“Couples therapy? You and Ben are in couples therapy? What the fuck for?”
I tell her that Ben, Justin, Blake, and Drew weren’t happy with the Partner-free week vacation. “But that’s bullshit! They all agreed to give Brian, Ted, and Em their space, didn’t they?” At my silence and downcast eyes she repeats, “Didn’t they?”
“Not exactly Ma. Look, Ben and I had an argument about money and my friends the morning we took off. I wanted us to have a vacation; he said that we could do that, but without my friends. He just wanted to spend time with me. Well we do that here, so I asked him what was the point in spending all that money to do what we already do here in the house. Anyway things got ugly and I told him that I was going to go with my friends; that I thought he needed to stay behind and think about what was really important to him, since my friends were important to me. When we got back, I found out that Ben and the others had been spending time and hanging out while the guys and I were gone. I didn’t like it. Long story short, we had a big argument in the middle of Le Mont. The police were called because it almost came to blows and so we’re all in counseling.” I left out key pieces of information, which she really didn’t need to know, like the real reasons of how and why things had gotten so bad for the other couples. I couldn’t tell her that I was doing everything I could to break them up so that I could have my friends’ full attention back. She wouldn’t understand.
“Well, although you were wrong for how you treated Ben about taking a vacation with just the two of you, that’s still no reason for him to stay out all night and issue ultimatums. I’m going to have Carl check into where Ben stayed last night. Where is this resort you’re supposed to be going to anyway?”
“That’s the thing, Ma. I really don’t know. And the others aren’t going, so it’s going to be boring as shit. Looks like Ben is getting his way anyhow.” I pout and fold my arms. “He said that if I don’t get on the plane, he’s going and when he gets back, our marriage will be over.”
“What? Just like that? Well then Michael, you know what you have to do.”
“Look for the best divorce attorney money can buy?”
“Don’t be a smartass!” She really thinks I’m kidding. I’m not! “You have to do whatever you have to do to save your marriage. You don’t want to end up alone, do you?”
“I won’t be alone! I’ll have Brian… and Ted and Emmett.” I hope she didn’t catch that hesitation after I said Brian’s name. That’s another can of worms that I don’t want to open with her.
“But Michael, they aren’t going to keep you warm at night.” Brian will, I think to myself even as she goes on with her thought. “It’s obvious that they are trying to fix things with their own partners. Now if I see Ben, I will send his ass home to apologize to you for the way he’s been acting. He’s acting like a spoiled brat and I have to say that I’m surprised at him. Well that shit stops now. Have a good trip Baby.”
She kisses me on my cheek and is gone before I have a chance to dispute what she says. Looks like if I want to keep her on my side, I better be on that fucking plane. Well at least I’ll get a free trip out of it, and have the time to think up new ways to separate my friends from their balls and chains when I get back. Perhaps there is a silver lining to the dark cloud that is my life after all!