THE WIFE OR THE MISTRESS: BOOK II: CHAPTER 5: THE FACTS OF LIFE Part 4

TED

I walk into the villa to hear Blake cursing up a storm on the phone. Now, I have seen him angry before. In fact, part of that anger is the reason we are here on this island getting therapy. But I have never EVER heard my mild mannered lover about to go nuclear like this before.

“I don’t give two flying fucks what she says or thinks, Diane! The only reason she’s sorry right now is because all of you are not buying into her bullshit. Trust me! I know this woman and her fucking offspring too well. As soon as you give her an inch of wiggle room, she’ll revert to being Bitchzilla and drop the proverbial foot on Tokyo, meaning US! Take my advice, Diane and fire her ass NOW! She’s NOT going to stop no matter how fucking much you threaten her job! She can’t if it means that everyone doesn’t tow the fucking line and bow down to the Queen and Prince of Assholery; it’s simply not within her.” He says before disconnecting the call.

As I stand here watching him, I see the tremble in his hands even as he tries his best to still them. I know that feeling all too well, and it has nothing to do with copious amounts of adrenaline coursing through his veins. All I can think is what the hell happened while I was at the conference center?

“Blake?”

“I’m… I’m fine, Ted.”

“You’ve never been a liar, so don’t start,” I say as I put my briefcase down on the sofa and cross over to where he’s standing overlooking the ocean. “Now, what gave you the shakes today?”

“I’m fine, Ted.”

I want to yell at him. I know he’s lying, so I opt for another tactic instead. “Who were you and Diane talking about firing?”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s just business.”

I sigh. “Blake, it does matter. YOU matter, so please, tell me what’s going on?”

“I… I… FUCK! I need a drink!”

It’s right there that I start to panic. Blake hasn’t had a drink in years, not wanting to risk his sobriety. What the fuck happened?! I want to scream but instead I say, calmly, “Blake, you don’t want a drink. You won’t even drink a non-alcoholic beer for fear that you’ll go backwards. Do you want me to call Bernard? Maybe he can help you work through this.”

“Did you know about him?”

“About what exactly?”

“That he’s just like us.”

“Yes, I know. Bernard and I share many things in common, including Darius. Crystal wasn’t the only thing he dealt.”

“How did you find out?”

“In an odd way, that’s for sure,” I snicker, but sober quickly. “He’d come in while I was on one of my binges, looking for another patient of his who was just about to blow his sobriety. I don’t remember the exact reason, but Darius, or in this case I’ll call him Dr. Crystal had come in. I remember hearing the heated conversation through my own haze of how he used to make house and office calls to Bernard under the guise of being a patient. Back then Darius was new to the scene, but he was smart and knew how to market in such a way no one ever suspected a thing.”

“Tino was the same way,” Blake says, hugging his arms around his midsection. I lace our fingers together, trying to help him stop the shakes. “It’s amazing to know that they actually had professional jobs during the day, even as they were dealing at night.”

“It is, but that’s not what’s bothering you, is it?”

“No.”

“Then what is?”

“Aside from possibly being like them in this moment, it was the message I got from Giant earlier. Then the call from Diane…”

“Okay, so let’s just take the message from Drew first…”

“You can’t take them first or second because both of them are related.”

“Blake, what’s going on?”

He disengages my arms from around him in order to snatch up his phone again. “Are you aware that Diane bought the Diner? It was official as of a few hours ago.”

“I wasn’t even aware that it was for sale.”

“It wasn’t, but the former owner was an old college friend of hers. Apparently, she wants to go travel and she gave Diane first refusal. Considering the business we now co-own, Diane thought it was a good investment.”

“It is, but what has you so frazzled about that?” I ask, as he scrolls through his phone.

“This…” He presses the play button.

As I listen to Deb’s tantrum, I try to control my own shaking. To hear of how little she’s thought of each of us, how we were only good enough in her world to take care of Michael in her stead has me wanting to not only fly back to Pittsburgh, but to stop off at the Diner and lay into her. But that’s not smart for two reasons. The first is that I’m so angry that I want to slap Debbie. The second is that even now, my violent reaction to her virulent words has me wanting to forget that I ever heard them. Crystal was always good for silencing the negative voices in my head, which her words are exacerbating right now. Most of the time, they are just these little laughs, and murmurs or whispers, but right now they are screaming that every negative thing I’ve ever thought of myself must be true, because Deb says they are.

“Ted? Teddy?” Blake calls out to me, but I can’t answer him.

Right now, I’m stuck inside my own fucking mind, looking for something, ANYTHING to shut Deb’s voice up. Her vitriol continues to echo around my brain until I can’t take it anymore. Blake is sitting on my lap to keep me from going anywhere, and somehow it’s exactly what I need in this moment to center me; to let me know that I’m not within Dr. Crystal’s house again being fucked and getting fucked up. I feel his hands wiping my tears, and the open-mouthed kisses he’s planting to the side of my face. But the urge to get high is still invading every cell and pore within my body, and I have to do something to drown out the voices fast before I fucking destroy everything, and quite possibly Blake in the process.

So I take ahold of my partner, my lover… the only man who can possibly understand me in this moment and kiss him for all I’m worth. Blake seems to understand exactly what I need from him right now as he’s being just as aggressive with me. How many times has he felt like I do right now and I’ve not been there for him? How many times has he hurt while I was out doing Deb’s bidding? The more I think about all I’ve done, the angrier I get- at myself, at the Novotnys, but most of all, at Blake for letting all this bullshit go on too long. But I understand why he did, and it just makes me fucking angry all over again.

The vicious cycle of angry sex continues as Blake rips my shirt open, and begins to bite me. I know he wants me to hurt, just as I want him to. The pain we’re both feeling is too great, even if it’s for entirely different reasons. He gasp out as I dig and rake my nails down his skin, knowing that there’s a good possibility that I’ve drawn blood. But he doesn’t care, and I vow to make amends for it later however he wants me to. Blake stands up to divest himself of the remainder of his clothing as I do the same. There won’t be anything sweet or gentle about this ride right now. There can’t be. Our feelings are too raw and exposed to do anything else but indulge in the selfishness of this moment.

As Blake quickly prepares himself with the barest amount of lube, I position myself to lie flat on the sofa. He doesn’t waste any time mounting me. It’s all I can do to hold on as Blake hurries through the stretching process until he’s fully seated. Not giving him adequate time to adjust, I thrust upward, relishing the sound of his near-scream. Instead of running away from me, he leans forward capturing my lips as he brings himself down even harder on my dick. I see stars behind my eyes as he does it again and again- part from pain, the other from the bliss of being within Blake after such a long absence. He continues to ride me roughly, and while I’m giving as good as I’m getting, it’s not enough.

I grab hold of his hips to still him as I flip us onto the floor. The ‘whoosh’ sound as his back hits the floor beneath us is just the sound I needed to hear. I hammer into him, with my only goal being to get us off, and to shut up the damn cunty committee of screech and whine going on inside my fucking head. Blake locks his legs behind me, using them as leverage to pump his pelvis into mine. I feel the tightening of his thigh muscles just as his ass squeezes my cock, causing me to redouble my efforts. As I bury my face into the side of his neck, I take his wrists, locking them into place above his head with my hands. I can feel him pushing against them, but I can’t let him touch me right now. I keep pushing into him until I feel that addictive tingle at the base of my spine. I can tell he’s with me by the moans, and pleas emitting from him. He’s not begging, but demanding that I fuck him harder, and God help me if I don’t comply.

When the orgasm finally hits, I feel like I almost pass out, but it’s the stillness from Blake which tells me he did. As I lay here, still on top of my loose-limbed lover, all I can feel is the cooling endorphins giving me peace. But it’s my mind which catches my attention, as all I finally hear is silence. I know that I have to figure out what to do, but the immediate thing when Blake and I wake up is to decide together how to handle all of this. The fact that both he and I are struggling to maintain our sobriety is a given, but we can’t go on like this. It’s evident that whatever wounds and secrets we have aren’t going away simply because we don’t talk about it. If we’re not careful, we could both blow it.

First, I have to willingly stand by the decision he made to break one stronghold which can cause him to stumble again. No matter the begging and demanding sure to ensue, I won't betray Blake by trying to be Mr. Fixit and I won't let the other guys be that for them either if they are so inclined. That recording spoke volumes about their entitlement issues; if I can help it, I won't let any of us fall prey to their false victim mentality again! But it’s time- past time really- that I take care of the other member of the Entitlement Express. Since there's no way to knock him off the island without ending up in jail, he’s the one who is going to be the most trouble to deal with, but I’ll do it. I’ll do it because it has come down to them or me and my life with Blake, and I’m choosing ME.