BEFORE I LET GO: BOOK II- CHAPTER 2
DUKE
I have to admit, as much as it pains me, seeing how I consider myself a fair person, that I wish Michael Novotny-Bruckner had missed this trip. It’s taking everything in me not to bogard Business Class and bust his ass. I can’t believe… No, correction! I CAN believe that he would be so fucking heartless, so callous, SO FUCKING EVIL to wish that Chris Hobbs had actually killed Justin Taylor. I would normally ask ‘who does that?’ but it’s clearly coming back that fucking punkass Michael has done it… and more than once!
“Penny for your thoughts?” Bernard asks me.
“Just trying to rein wayward thoughts and emotions in. It wouldn’t do well to show my patients just how human I am in this moment.”
“Let me guess...you heard Michael’s ill-thought comment too?”
“That’s the thing, Bernard. It wasn’t just ill-thought or ill-advised. It’s been spoken before! And we both know that once could have been interpreted as a mistake, but twice or more is meant and in this case, completely unforgivable. Michael meant it then and he means it now, perhaps even moreso. This is more than some bratty kid throwing a tantrum because his favorite toy was taken away. Michael has tried everything possible throughout the years to separate them, and I’m afraid that even being contained, he won’t quit. If nothing else, he’s a persistent pest.” I sigh. “But this is also something Brian should have told Justin long ago. I can’t imagine how he is going to process it all.”
We watch as Justin whispers harshly to Brian. Although they are leaning close, it’s not hard to decipher what is being said. I almost laugh aloud when Brian gets up, making a bee-line for the restroom. Surreptitiously, Justin follows after about five minutes. As soon as the ‘Occupied’ light comes on, there is a series of thumps, crashes and muffled moans ricocheting around the cabin.
It makes me glad that we chartered this plane strictly for use by the resort, as most of the passengers are gay or very liberal. There is no way that homophobic straights would have been able to tolerate the communication going on behind that closed door, even if they employed such methods in their everyday life with their own mates. Moments later Justin alights from the restroom, put together and poised, and also decidedly less pissed. Oh we all know he’s still angry, but it’s less noticeable in the set of his shoulders and the ramrod straightness of his spine. When Brian comes out, it takes everything in me not to laugh.
The poor man looks like he’s been through the ringer and there’s definitely a twitch as he tries to maintain his normal swagger going back to his seat. I look away as he gingerly tries to sit down after looking at the plush seat in consternation. To put it simply, Justin tore that ass up. I doubt it will be the last time over the course of this journey. But as anger management goes, there are worse ways he could take out his aggression.
After all, the Taylor-Kinney methods of pain management are legendary.
“Do you think they are going to be okay?” Bernard asks me.
“I honestly don’t know. But I do know that if there was ever a time they needed to talk, it’s now. Michael Novotny soon-to-be-ex Bruckner has been given too much power in their relationship from the very beginning. It will be hard to undo all of that, and if I know the manchild, he’s not going to let his stronghold go easily.”
“Even at the risk of his own relationship? Are you saying that Ben has become expendable.”
I look over at the man, now speaking with Brian and shake my head. “Sadly, he always was, Bernard. He always was.”
“Well hopefully, like any other addict, he’ll enter the withdrawal stage and look back to see what he’s done to himself and those around him.”
“That usually works when they know that they were wrong and are willing to change. They have to make a conscious effort to see their error and grow from the experience. But what happens when the addict thinks they are right and justified in their wrong thinking? They ‘yes’ us ad nauseum while continuing to do anything they can to get to their drug of choice. We’ve all seen that happen time and again in rehab, where they learn to suppress their addictions long enough for us arrogant doctors and counselors to believe they’re cured. But the moment they are released, where do they go? Back to their vices, thinking that they are fooling everyone. They learn how to hide their illness better, until the next time they are caught red-handed. That’s what we are dealing with when it comes to Michael.”
“Thankfully Ted and Blake were willing to clean up their acts but…”
“What’s bothering you?” I ask, noticing the frown on his face.
“Even with help, a recovering addict can relapse, even knowing that it’s damaging themselves.”
“Ahh, you’re worried about Blake, yeah?”
“Yeah I am. Ted is used to having money and fighting the temptation that such funds afford. He’s done exceptionally well in resisting, although I think he’s got a long way to go. With Blake’s new windfall, he’s not only on a more even keel with Ted financially, but he now has access to unlimited funds. It will make getting drugs easier; he’ll also be able to hide them better.”
“But you have to trust your ability to guide him- guide them- Bernard. I know that neither of them wants to use again, but if they can’t resolve their issues, it will be beneficial to them both to part ways.”
He nods at me. “They have always suffered the effects of ill-timing. I can’t help hoping that they finally got it right. Part of Ted’s problem was Blake leaving him in the first place after he dropped him off at that rehab center. Sure we know that Blake didn’t want Ted to see him that much of a mess, but Ted wasn’t able to see it that way then. There isn’t a guarantee he will see it differently if it happens again either.”
I take his hand, understanding just what kind of pain he’s in. We both care a lot about seeing Ted and Blake succeed where others doubted them. “Bernie, all you can do is help them. They have to keep themselves from falling. You know this, man.”
“Yeah, I do. But I can’t help but question if anything can save them. The good thing is that they are talking, even if it’s not what they should be talking about at the moment. Blake is allowing Ted to, at least, be there for him somewhat. He told me that Ted is helping him with all the newfound financial responsibilities. It will at least give them a starting point.”