Membership status: Member
Bio:
What if Brian had taken the job in New York in season 1? After three years in New York, Brian returns home to Pittsburgh to find that things and more importantly people have changed.
This was one of my first attempts at fan fiction and I am not 100% happy with it. Still I decided that some people might like and appreciate it anyway.
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Brian Kinney, Daphne Chanders, Debbie Novotny, Emmett Honeycutt, Gus Marcus-Peterson, Jennifer Taylor, Justin Taylor, Lindsay Peterson, Melanie Marcus, Michael Novotny, Ted Schmidt
Tags: 10k+ Word Count, Addiction/Alcoholism, Anal Sex (Lots of it!), Canon Divergence, Drug Use - Recreational, Getting Back Together, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Out of Character, Substance Abuse, Vulnerable Justin, What if...
Genres: Angst w/ Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Drama
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: None
Chapters: 22 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 73665 Read Count: 26214
Date: Sep 18, 2020 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16
Hi again! A reply to your reply... When I’d feared at the beginning of the story that Justin was making money for drugs, for example by going to one of Sap’s parties, I already had the thought that he might have to hustle… Terrible, that he'd had to do it not only to get drugs but also because he was forced to do it by Denny...
Oh, wow, now we’re getting closer to it. I really hope that Brian can convince Michael to drop the charges – if that is even still possible at this stage. It would be so awful if Justin had to go to jail. I can’t imagine what that would do to him in his current fragile state… Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, Justin was in a real bad state and it's horrible what he thought he had to do to keep Danny in his life :( Hopefully that part of his life will be over for good now!
Yes, we're getting closer and we'll finally find out what happened between Justin and Michael. We'll get all the answers in the next chapter. Everyone has been so patient, I think it's time to get the whole truth ;)
As for Brian - he'll definitely try to do something, but what and will it work? We'll see...
Hopefully a jal sentence can be avoided, it would most definitely break Justin at this point and that can't be in anyone's interest. Not even in Michael's, right? Right? *looks at Michael sternly*
Thanks for your comment. More will be up tomorrow and hopefully all questions will be answered then :)
Date: Sep 26, 2020 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17
My goodness! What a dramatic chapter! Very well written as always and one can feel Brian's despair at the end! One question because I didn't understand this quite well....Vic didn't die because of the incident with Justin? I just ask because you wrote that he died two weeks after the escalation.
Michael... I don't know what to say about him... You wrote he wouldn't be the bad guy in this story but I really don't like him (as always :-) ). Justin was just Brian's fuckbuddy and an acquaintance? Okay, I can somehow understand this statement when I think of the time when Brian left for NY, but at the latest when Michael noticed what Brian was doing for Justin, he should have told him about it. And why Michael thinks he should be the one teaching Justin a lesson when everyone else was against it (Deb, Ben and Vic), I don't understand either. Well, he's just as unsympathetic to me as almost always...
Very exciting right now and I'm curious how it goes on! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
No, Vic didn't die because of the incident. He hurt his head in the incident, but died of a heart failure as he did in canon/on the show. Sorry, maybe I should have made that clearer. Both incidents were unrelated, but to Michael in his head and in his pain they might have been related. Or maybe in his pain over losing Vic, he just needed to lash out at someone and Justin was the best choice as he had hurt Vic just recently. But no, the accident and Vic hurting his head was not responsible for his death. My bad for not making that clearer!
Well, I am not a big fan of Michael either (no secret there!). His character was always the most annoying to me on the show, closely followed by Lindsay and Melanie. This story was not intended to be an anti-Michael story, but if people want to take it that way, I have absolutely no problems with that ;) I don't like the character and I guess whether I want to or not that always comes through in my stories ;)
I think the problem is that Michael hasn't really seen Justin and Brian together. All he has in his head are the images of them in the past before Brian left for New York and maybe his characterisation of their relationship would have been okay then. But as he hasn't seen the way Brian helped Justin, the way Justin leaned on Brian for support with his detox, etc... I don't think he really sees the depth of their new relationship (yet).
I agree, he should have told Brian. Then again, it's Michael, so... not surprised he wouldn't think it's his responsibility.
I also agree with you concerning teaching Justin a lesson. Vic himself, the person who was hurt, didn't want to press charges against Justin because he knew that wasn't really Justin and probably because he also knew that going to prison would not help him at all. We know that Debbie was really angry with Justin when the accident happened, but even she put her anger aside and is just happy that he's doing better now. Even she knows he would have never done anything like that when clean. I think in his head Michael thinks that once again he's the only one on the path of justice and that someone needs to keep fighting to get justice for Vic. Only that Vic never would have wanted this because he loved Justin and cared for him and everyone but Michael can see that...
As usual, thanks for your comment :) More will be up soon and hopefully the worst can be avoided and Justin won't have to go to jail!
Date: Oct 31, 2020 Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22
Hi again! Great last chapter! I was a little sad that our journey with both of them is now over, but that was already indicated in the previous chapter. Great story, amazing writing-style as always and yes, Brian was maybe a bit ooc (as you mentioned at the beginning) a bit too tame maybe, but I love the fact that you mostly let him go in this direction, let him mature, because I would find it not only unrealistic but also very sad and pathetic if he didn't take off this Stud of Liberty-image at some point.
Thanks again for publishing a completed story regularly! Oh, and a new story for the "Back for Good-universe"? I was so happy and excited when I read this! So, I'm looking forward to it!
From Monday on, there is also a partly lockdown here in Germany. For me, nothing is changing so much because of my work in a hospital. So, stay safe and healthy and hope to read from you soon! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yeah, it was time to end this particular story for these two...
I don't know what it is, but I just don't really find stud-Brian all that appealing. Even when rewatching the show, I mostly think to myself: What an asshole!
I know many people like Brian in the first season exactly for that reason, but I don't... I much prefer the "tamer", more grown up Brian from later seasons. The Brian that starts to be more open about his feelings and honest with himself when it comes to Justin. I guess I don't really fit in with a lot of Queer as Folk fans because of that, but I don't know... stud-Brian really just doesn't do anything for me...Which is why in most of my stories I'll have him ooc or they are post season 5 stories, where it can be justified to describe him as changed and more grown up ;) So yeah, it'll always be "tame" Brian for me... I am sure many people would prefer stud-Brian, but well... my stories, my Brian :P
All of my stories are finished before I start posting them - I hate nothing more than a WIP that doesn't get updated anymore or where you have to wait weeks and weeks for another update. So yeah, with every story I start posting, there'll always be a chapter a week - that's a promise I can make and will definitely keep :)
Yep, I felt like it was time to return to the Back for Good universe - after all we're all still waiting for that wedding to happen, aren't we? And we have to meet Miss Victoria Rose Kinney-Taylor ;)
Yes, I heard about the new lockdown in the media and from my family. Ireland has been in a new lockdown for a week and a half now. We were the first country to go back into a 2nd lockdown in Europe and will be in lockdown until December 1st. I am really hoping that numbers will have gone down enough by December to go home for Christmas. I haven't been able to go home at all in 2020 and that's the only thing that's really bothering me about this whole pandemic. I really miss my family and friends in Germany :(
As for the lockdown itself, I have been working from home since March and am more than used to it by now. I honestly don't mind it and love the extra time working from home gives me. I save 1 1/2 every day as I don't have to commute to the office anymore, so I have a lot of extra time for things I like. Of course it's sad that I can't meet my friends as regularly anymore as before, but as I have lot's of hobbies, I am also good with being at home on my own, you know?
And this whole pandemic has definitely been good for my writing ;) I have already finished two 30+ chapter stories since March... more free time means more time for writing ;)
Stay safe during these crazy times :)
Date: Oct 03, 2020 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18
Wow, deep inside I had thought of something like this, but I never dared to hope that Michael would act like that. As I said in reviews often before, I don't like Michael at all (also followed closely by Lindsay :-) ), but it's okay with me if he behaves positively (or like a real best friend) like he does now in your story. I'm just also reading a story where Craig becomes a loving father who accepts Justin for who he is and even gets on well with Brian. Craig even saves Brian's life in this story! That is probably the side in me looking for harmony... :-)
So, now the two of them could finally get a little closer, or... ;-) although I have to say, I'm curious how you'll let this develop... At the moment there is in my opinion such an imbalance between them, which makes it hard to imagine them as a couple. But only almost, because of course I would like to see them happily united but I really like it that or how you let them first develop some kind of friendship before anything else happens... Warmest regards and stay healthy!
Author's Response:
For once Michael did something right - good for him! I am not usually pro-Michael (as you well know), but I thought that for once we deserved a story where he might actually deserve the title of "best friend" or at least "real friend"...
I guess I love harmony as well (which is why my stories always end with happy endings), but with some characters I just don't see it... I don't think I could ever find a story where Craig and Brian would get on believable unless it's very well explained how that came to happen, you know?
As for Brian and Justin... Now that the legal problems are out of the way, things can finally move on, right? Right? Yes, they will ;) The imbalance you mention is a very good point and it's definitely something that will come up over the next couple of chapters. They won't just jump into bed and move on as that wouldn't work out. It could only end in disaster at this point :(
There's still lot's to come in the next chapters :)
Thanks for your comment. Stay safe and healthy (I heard Berlin has rising numbers again :( That really sucks...)!
Date: Oct 10, 2020 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19
Hi! Yeah, Berlin has as Germany in total rising numbers, but I think there are rising numbers everywhere, aren't there? But maybe we all could get the same treatment as Trump soon, wouldn't that be great... haha, what a joke this man is...
The story which I'm reading is a very long one and there is a very slowly development. First just between Craig and Justin. Then there is this scene in a parking lot. Brian gets attacked, Craig happens to come by at this moment and he helps Brian. After this they aren't suddenly best friends - that would have been unbelievable, but there is a development between them. So, yeah, I really liked this.
So, but now, your story... Beautiful, but also sad and heartbreaking chapter. For a short moment I also feared that Justin would've relapsed ... And as I said in my previous review, I totally agree with you (and with Brian), it would be too early for them to be together again, the imbalance between them is too big. Justin must first find himself again, love and accept himself, but hey, he's lucky, the man he loves so deeply loves him too. Could be worse. So, it's just time ... :-)
And by the way, it's good to see that Michael really acts as a best friend!
Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yeah, we (as in Dublin, Ireland) have had rising numbers for weeks now as well and are officially considered a "Risikogebiet" by the RKI and Auswärtige Amt as well... My family lives in a very rural area of Lower Saxony on the Dutch border and they usually had 2-3 new cases in a week in their whole county and now they have just crossed the line and have become a "Risikogebiet" with 56 infections in 100.000 people in one week. They had one outbreak in a factory. That's how fast it can go :( But hey, like you pointed out, the orange clown in the White House is fine, so we will all be as well, right? We just need a 24 hour medical team at our side, experimental treatments... It's nothing to be afraid of!
I have to admit that this was one of my favourite chapters in this story. Just because it was so emotional and showed so much about who Brian and Justin are as people right now. How much Brian has grown in recent years, months, weeks and how much Justin is still impacted by his addiction...
As you said, Justin needs to find himself first, needs to get his own life back again before he can even start to think about entering a relationship with Brian and the fact that Brian knows this and openly talks about it, shows how far he has come as well. He loves Justin and he will wait for him to be ready and will continue to support him along the way which is the best for Justin at this moment in time :)
As you said: It's just time... And we can only hope that with time they will figure this out and will make it work :)
Thanks for your comment. More will be up soon :)
Date: Oct 17, 2020 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20
I know you really shouldn't wish anything bad to anyone, but at least I would've wished Trump really suffered for a few days, so that he would at least show a little more humility... But what I'm hoping for...? There is probably nothing that would change this man... I've to say, I was never so interested in an American Election and I really hope this nightmare ends on the 3rd of November.
Another wonderful chapter. You came up with a very important point in letting them deal with some possible consequences from Justin's terrible last years and I was very happy for Justin that his HIV test was negative and that he didn't contract any permanent diseases. And it's good to see him looking forward, that he's thinking about his future, his possibilities and what he would like to do or to achieve!
Looking forward to Sunday, stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I think you weren't alone with that wish and any decent human being on this planet was hoping that his infection would change Trump. But like you said: Nothing will ever change that man. What a horrible, horrible human being :/
Unfortunately, I doubt that this nightmare will be over on November 3rd. With how many mail-in ballots the US is expecting this year due to Covid-19 and with how long it will take to count all of them, it might take weeks before a result will be clear and we all know who will not stay quiet during those weeks :(
I just felt like there was no way Brian wouldn't bring up HIV. He always pressed the importance of being safe under all circumstances, no matter what and with Justin having used needles and having prostituted himself to get money for Danny... let's say that would have been anything but safe, so I felt like there was no way Brian wouldn't bring it up.
Thankfully all worked out well (I couldn't hurt poor Justin even more!) and hopefully they can finally move on now. Justin made another step in the right direction!
Thanks for your comment. More will be up tomorrow! Stay safe :)
Date: Oct 24, 2020 Title: Chapter 21: Chapter 21
Hi! Thanks for another great chapter! Made me really happy to see that Justin is doing so well! Hm, and they haven't waited long... I'd expected that it would take more time but I'm really happy for them. I'm curious whether we're reaching the end or whether there'll be more... drama...?
Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Both Brian and Justin deserved a happy ending after everything they have been through... And they've waited roughly six months since Brian admitted that he loved Justin, which I think in their case equals an eternity ;)
We're getting close to the end. They have been through enough for one story, as far as I am concerned ;)
Thanks for your comment. More will be up soon! :)
As we're now in a second lockdown for the next six week, that means more time for writing... The only good thing about 2020 so far...
Stay safe :)
Categories: QAF US
Characters: None
Tags: Redeemed Behavior
Genres: Alternate Canon
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1488 Read Count: 1134
Date: Jul 03, 2020 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hi! Thanks for a short but beautiful and very well written chapter. This is exactly, how I wished it would have been. That maybe would have also saved them the Ethan-debacle too. Hope to read more from you!
Author's Response: Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it. Always like them to have a happy ending.
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Brian Kinney, Debbie Novotny, Justin Taylor, Michael Novotny
Tags: Bashing, Canon Divergence, Friendship, One-Shot, Season 2
Genres: Alternate Canon, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 5874 Read Count: 2866
Date: Jul 02, 2020 Title: Chapter 1: The Scenery Changed While I Was Gone
Hi! I like your writing-style, it's great. And you also represented the characters very well. I also wish you would continue this, because I so would like to see Justin getting better! And although it was very sad and heartbreaking, I really liked that your Brian doesn't hide his visits and that he shows his love for Justin openly. Thanks for sharing!
Author's Response: Hey! Wow thank you, that is super sweet. I'm not gonna lie, I have had a few ideas for snapshot stories within this universe but I have a really terrible habit of coming up with the entire thing in my head (usually while walking the dog) and then forgetting the whole thing as soon as I try to write it down.
Date: Jul 08, 2020 Title: Chapter 2: Snapshots
Hej! Great, you continued this! Thanks for another chapter! Vic is amazing! But we want more Brian-Justin-interaction! :-) And I so want to see Justin getting better! And I want Brian to admit, that he not only misses Justin's dick... But it's amazing, although it's so sad and heartbreaking, you manged to let me smile a little bit! Don't stop! Warmest regards!
A Yours, Mine and Ours story. Brian is a father of ten children and Justin the father of eight when they meet. This is a MPREG so if that isn't your thing I'm sorry.
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Brian Kinney, Daphne Chanders, Gus Marcus-Peterson, Justin Taylor, Kiki, Michael Novotny, Molly Taylor, Original Character, Original Female Character, Original Male Character, Other Cast Regulars, Ted Schmidt
Tags: Family, Language, M/M, Mental Health Issues, MPreg (Yup! Went THERE!), Other Character Death, Prostitution, Self-Harm
Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst w/ Happy Ending, Drama, Humor
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: None
Chapters: 11 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 37085 Read Count: 9361
Date: Sep 23, 2020 Title: Chapter 1: A Night Out
Hi! I had fun reading this and I asked myself how many more kids will come once they're together :-)
Joker & Batman? Hm, I also asked myself if they hadn't already had one child togehther.... :-)
Author's Response:
LOL, Brian and Justin do have form to go at it, don't they? As for the question, I plead the fifth.
As the title says: This is it! The Wedding :)
This one will be a lot shorter than the previous fics in this universe and there will be a lot less angst. As the title says, this is about their wedding and I think we can all agree that they deserve a happy, angst-free wedding, right?!?
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Brian Kinney, Daphne Chanders, Debbie Novotny, Emmett Honeycutt, Gus Marcus-Peterson, Jennifer Taylor, Justin Taylor, Ted Schmidt
Tags: 10k+ Word Count, Bottom Brian, Established Relationship, Family, Post-series, Wedding
Genres: Alternate Universe
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: Back for Good Universe
Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 17236 Read Count: 5343
Date: Nov 14, 2020 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hi again!
First an answer to your last one: Yeah, Brian - I think one could write a whole thesis about his character and its complexity. :-) That's why there are - fortunately - so many fanfics! Stud-Brian - for me it's not that his way of life is so appealing or desirable, what fascinates me about it is to look for the reasons behind it and to see and think about this tragic side of this lifestyle. Brian is such an incredibly interesting character! And yeah, so - I totally agree - it's hard to watch some of the painful moments of Season 1 (for me those are especially the ones in which Brian uses sex to punish Justin (because he gots too close) and maybe also himself (for letting his walls down more and more), but I rather see Season 1 than Season 5, because despite of Brian's Stud-attitude, you can already see changes in Brian, the start of maturing. And in my opinion, in Season 5 Brian's development was stopped, they let him fall back in old patterns (this terrible bet - so pathetic). That's still the main reason why I was so disappointed about Season 5... It's not that they didn't let them get married, it's more, what they've done to the development of those characters... And by the way, that's also the reason why I'm a strongly against a reunion of the series. Don't get me wrong, it would surely be great for the queer community but I don't think it would be good for the Brian/Justin fans because 1. after what they've done to them in Season 5 I'm too afraid what they would done to them in a reunion (and there would be nothing more terrible at least for me to see Brian either still at the age of 50 trying to fuck everything which moves or to be in a happy relationship with another man and they same goes for Justin... because no matter what Randy says about it, I totally believe that for the character of Justin there was nothing more important than to be with Brian and having success with his art) and 2. I didn't get the impression that despite what most of the cast said about it so far, neither Gale nor Randy are so much interested in a reunion of the series and imagine they would replace them with different actors....
So, this brings me finally to your new story! Thanks for continuing in this universe! A great first chapter and I totally agree with your opinion that they weren't ready to get married in Season 5 (not in the way the authors presented us those characters), but in your story they are ready! And I agree with your Justin... now, they are getting married for the right reasons! Amazing writing-style! I love your depiction of Gus and also of Luke and Vicky! It's so good to see them so happy!
As for the lockdown... I don't think that it'll will be over at the beginning of December but I hope that you can see your family again soon! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I totally agree with what you said about Brian! And also about season 5 - I won't lie, I liked the episodes after the Babylon bombing because I liked Brian finally being open about his feelings for Justin and let's face it, yes, I wouldn't have minded the show ending with a wedding, but as said in this story and in some comments before: It wouldn't have worked for the characters. I would have loved it as a fan, but for the characters it wouldn't have made sense... Especially with how they had Brian go back to his former self with that stupid bet... If they had let him grow after season 4, maybe... But the way they messed up his character in seaon 5, I don't think a wedding would have made sense, no matter how much I would have loved it. So thank God for fanfiction ;)
And while we're on the topic of Brian's character, I also want to say that I hated what they did to Justin's character in season 5. Just for the record ;) Turning him into Michael 2.0 was the most annoying thing they could ever do to him... and honestly, for him to move in with Michael of all people? When he had Daphne, his mom, was closer with Emmett... But well, I guess the creators had a different vision and saw Michael in a completely different light than I do ;)
As for the reunion: I would be scared of what they would do to Brian and Justin. Like you, I wouldn't want to see Brian still run after every piece of ass out there at the age of 50. I couldn't imagine anything more embarrassing. Oh my god, am I turning into Michael here???
Good thing that we have fanfiction where we can make them grow and behave the way we want and like ;)
I am glad that you liked this first chapter :) They all deserve this happiness after what I've put them through in this universe!
Thanks for your comment. Stay safe!
Date: Nov 16, 2020 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Hi! I just had to answer you today because at the weekend I looked through some scenes of Season 5 and that reminded me again why I dislike that season so much... and yeah, so much more often than in Season 1 I think "asshole" and I would like to shake Brian and yell at him and say "hey, you've come so much further, you don't really want to be like that anymore..." It's not only the bet... his whole behavior... this scene in which he tries on those four or five shirts, which actually all look the same ..., his syphilis disease ..., their different answer to the question how long they've been together (the foursome-scene) ... , his reaction to the Rage comic, in which Rage and JT get married .... his behavior at the exhibition ("it's been a long time since I fucked an artist)... Argghhhh! I often asked myself what have they done to Brian and why!!! And my only explanation is this... There is this scene after Justin returns from LA. Where they have this conversation and Brian says that he never thought Justin would have come back, Justin agrees and Brian asks "what would you want here anyway" and Justin answers "can't imagine" (in deutscher Übersetzung: "wenn ich das wüsste" and Brian looks soooo disappointed (it broke my heart). And later, this scene in which Justin leaves, he asks Brian "then why do we do all this when we both know that it won't work" and Brian answers "damned, if I'd know" (in deutscher Übersetzung "Verdammt, wenn ich das wüsste") - I always get the impression as if Brian felt back into his old self because he was too afraid to love, to trust into their love after Justin returned and told him that. And for me it also felt a little like some kind of payback.... And sadly, to be honest, it really seems as if Justin would not have returned anytime soon... That was for me the first thing I didn't understand (after what Brian went through with the cancer) and also hated ... They had come so far, they had endured so much together... And yeah, I totally agree with you, to turn Justin into Michael 2.0 also wasn't right, but I always get the impression that he was just tired of Brian's behavior and I really wished the circumstances about his return from L.A. would have been different. And I also absolutely don't understand why they let him go to Michael... And then finally, this amazing scene after the bombing and instead of letting them talk about what they want and how they can reach it through mabye some compromises, no, it's all or nothing, marriage... and then again all or nothing! This damn Season 5. Arghhh, it's just so tragic! So, no, I don't want a sequel, I'm content with reading fanfictions! :-)
(Hopefully you are not annoyed with my long answer... ;-) sometimes it's just good to talk or write about it)
So, thank you very very much for another wonderful chapter, for giving them what I think they really deserve. I really love your writing-style, and it was just right, not too cheesy, but simply beautiful! I'm just so grateful for everyone who still writes about them and keeping them alive through this! So thanks! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Hi, thanks for this great comment and for sharing your thoughts on season 5 some more. I agree on most things (the bet, the syphillis, the foursome, etc.), but I am not sure I agree on the reason why. To me (only ever having watched the show in English) that scene always seemed like playful banter between Brian and Justin, not to be taken seriously by either of them, you know?
I have to admit that I have always had a problem with that scene after Justin returned from LA and they sit on the bed and talk. When Justin says "There is one thing Pittsburgh has that LA doesn't", meaning Brian. As nice as a sentiment as that was at the time and as romantic as that was supposed to be, I couldn't help but feel that it was a completely hollow statement from Justin.
In my mind (and maybe it's just me), I have to agree with Brian and I don't think Justin would have come back if the movie hadn't been cancelled and Brett Keller hadn't pretty much kicked him out. Justin enjoyed his time in LA, he enjoyed working on the movie and he enjoyed being part of that "Hollywood scene", no matter what he might have claimed later in Brian's presence. In addition, once the movie fell through, he stayed in LA and only seemed to consider moving back to Pittsburgh after Brett told him he could stay "for a couple of days until he found something else". I didn't really get the impression that Justin had thought about going back to Pittsburgh before. And that's something that always bothered me about Justin's character (as much as we always like to talk about Brian and his emotional problems, why not focus on Justin for once?;)): He always seemed to consider Brian to be like a safety net. Brian always seemed like his last resort option if all else failed. Once LA fell through and didn't work out, Justin returned to Pittsburgh to stay with Brian at the loft because really: Did he have many other options? Yes, he could have moved in with Daphne again, but he wouldn't have had a job, no education, nothing... It made me feel like Justin treated Brian in the same way Brian had treated him in season 1: Always there if everything else fails. Of course in Brian's case that was in relation to sex and in Justin's it was more about the general aspect of a relationship and security and stability, but still... it felt like he was taking it for granted that Brian would always welcome him back. It felt like he only returned to Brian because there wasn't really another option at the time and Brian seemed to feel that way too which is why I think he started doubting Justin's declarations of love more and more and regressed more and more to his old self.
I am not saying that Justin didn't really love Brian and didn't really want to be with him, but he was only 21 at the time, still figuring out his life and I don't know... I guess it just bothered me that he didn't seem more excited to return to the man he claimed to love so much after not having seen him for months when the opportunity presented itself. Maybe I am reading that whole situation wrong, but... I don't know. I have never really felt comfortable with that whole "Brian will always be there as Justin's safety net if all else fails" chemistry between them.
Which is one of the reasons why I didn't particularly mind that the Wedding in season 5 didn't happen. Much as portrayed in my Back for Good universe, I really think Justin needed to find himself as an adult first and needed to become financially independent first before he and Brian could ever consider such a move. Nonetheless, having him be at the Babylon opening woud have been nice ;)
I have never felt like there would be much chance for a relationship between them unless they were both equals, you know? Justin would have been too proud to have any other kind of relationship and Brian might have misunderstood Justin's pride to mean that he didn't really love him after all, because if he did, why wouldn't he allow Brian to take care of him?
I think during Justin's time in LA, Brian got all these ideas into his head of a life Justin could have without him holding him back in Pittsburgh and the fact that Justin didn't return from LA any sooner and seemed to enjoy his time there only confirmed that to Brian: If given the choice, Justin would choose his career/his own life over Brian. And sadly, with Brian not being able to accept his feelings and really show them and deal with them, he pushed Justin down that path...
It just really bothered me that they took all these steps back after season 4. After having made it through that cancer arc (the shortest cancer in history ever!), I felt like there was a new level of trust and understanding between them which seemed to have been confirmed after the Liberty Ride when they had that conversation about Justin moving in and Brian having made some decisions about his life.
I felt like Brian was finally growing up and yes, Justin's move to LA came at the worst time possible, but it bothered me a lot that they had Brian regress so much to his old self instead of building on some of the decisions he had made at the end of season 4. I wish he would have gone to LA to see Justin, but well... his doubts, not trusting that he was worthy to be loved...
Season 5 just frustrates me a lot - let's put it that way! Both of them frustrated me: Justin for treating Brian like a safety net on the one hand and only coming back to Pittsburgh because he didn't seem to have any other choices in LA and then all of a sudden acting like Brian should have changed his complete behaviour while Justin was away. Only that Justin, while he was away, never really showed that he cared much about Brian either...
I guess they could have both worked a lot harder on their relationship during Justin's time in LA. Maybe that way Brian would have felt more secure in the knowledge that Justin really loved him and would have been able to go down that path of a serious, adult relationship some more. Who knows?
Anyway, back to the story ;) Thanks for your comment! I am glad that you like the wedding! I felt like they finally deserved to have their moment - both of them!
More will be up soon! Stay safe :)
Date: Nov 24, 2020 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Hi! Thanks for your long answer to my thoughts about Season 5! I agree nearly with everything you said and maybe at some points you misunderstood me or I haven't made myself clear. I didn't mean to blame Brian for everything. First of all, I blame Cowlip, because of what they've done to both of them in S5, how they let them behave and stopped their common growing. And no, it didn't start with this sentence, although, please if you have the possibility, watch this scene again! I don't think it's a playful banter, maybe at first, but look at Brian's face, he looks so disappointed. And I totally agree with you (and Brian), I also don't think, Justin would have returned if there would have been other / better options. And that's just so sad and so wrong after all they went through together (especially after the cancer) - but I wrote this before. We also see this opinion of Brian in his talk with Michael in front of the shopping window... So, yeah, your totally right, when you write "Brian got all these ideas into his head of a life Justin could have without him holding him back in Pittsburgh" And, yeah, I agree, this Justin is no longer this "lovesick" and onto-Brian-Justin and I sadly agree with your safety net-theory. And instead of letting them sit down and talk about everything, it all goes downhill from there... Brian behaving like he's in some kind of midlife crisis and Justin first not caring so much any longer and then suddenly wanting it all (marriage, kids, Stepford-house) - to me he often seems lost and as I wrote before, tired of it all. And from there, they want to start a marriage? No way.
Would they have a chance to have a relationship? That's a real hard question. After all that happened in S5 I'm not so sure, but just as the authors were able to do so much damage to them in S5, everything would have been possible I think. And starting from the end of S4 I would say, why not. Sure, it would have been difficult with their age difference, life experience and financial inequality. Justin, who is still so young, still has to find his place and also himself, whose career is just beginning in contrast to Brian, who has already come so far professionally. But with being only 21 I think Justin had already reached a lot... the comic which was a success, he had this exhibition in S5 and was highly commented in this article. An also an important factor is Brian. He already wanted Justin to explore and experience everything, never standing in his way. In my opinion there would have been a chance if Cowlip would have continued their development from S4, but with everything what happened in S5 you're maybe right. But, I still don't understand either this move to New York out of the blue just because of one promising article. He knows no one there, has to pay for a place, for studio space, for his art.... There, he is just one of soooo many others who try to make it big in NY. I think it would have been much better, staying a little bit longer in Pittsburgh, maybe continuing and ending PIFA, continuing on his art, working on their relationship by mainly talking more... Brian starting therapy maybe to work on his problems. Because, in relation to relationships and feelings they are not so unequal... and then, maybe going to New York together... I don't know, there would have been many possibilities.
So, this chapter! Again, wonderful written, just beautiful and I'm so happy for their little family! I also really like your idea not playing "Save the last dance for me" on their wedding - sure, they could make new and better memories but why not start with something new on this happy event! This scenes with Vicky are so cute... "What's a ‘Once only' policy?" haha - Emmett to the rescue! So, thanks for another wonderful chapter! Warmest regards and stay healthy!
Author's Response:
I think what it comes down to is that we can both agree that season 5 was one hot mess when it came to character development for both Brian and Justin :( And I agree, Cowlip are to blame for that!
I liked where they were at the end of season 4, then again I am one of the few people who actually liked their season 4 dynamics. I wasn't a big fan of the pink posse storyline, but even then you could see how much Brian cared and worried about Justin. And from there it only built to what led to the cancer storyline and Justin fighting for his place at Brian's side and Brian accepting him there. And then the end of the season with Brian seeing Justin cheering him on when he was on the Liberty Ride and then their conversation at the loft after the ride was over.
I would have loved if Cowlip had continued with them trying to build a relationship from there, but alas... They always loved wild, free, fucking it all Brian and never cared much for happy, domesticated Brian. I guess it's a good thing the show ended after season 5 and they didn't get a chance to mess up Brian/Justin even more in a potential season 6 with Justin in New York - and I agree, that move made no sense at all!
Good thing there's fanfiction and in our stories we can make them act the way we want them to ;)
I am glad that you liked the chapter - I felt like we all deserved some happiness :) And Vicky... I just love her. She's the best!
Thanks for your comment - more will be up tomorrow :) Stay safe! By now Ireland has the 2nd lowest incidence in Europe, so we're doing a lot better. Our lockdown will be loosened next week with shops, restaurants, gyms, etc. opening again for the first time in six weeks. We'll see how long that lasts :/
Date: Nov 30, 2020 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Hi! Yeah, I totally agree with you... most of S5 was terrible and I also agree with your opinion about S4 - I also wasn't fond of the pink posse storyline and Justin's haircut :-) but I liked nearly everything else... Although, I never understood why Brian brought Lindsay onto the stage at the opening ceremony for Kinnetik ... but that's maybe just my problem, I just don't like her ;-)
Your last chapter - beautiful, hot and cute! You made me laugh with this "Say it" :-) Although I know he's around 37, I saw this 17 year old Justin for a moment! A beautiful end to an amazing story (series). Thank you so much! It's good to read something positive in times like these!
As you surely know, here in Germany, we're having just a part-lookdown which will continue... Maybe it would have been better to have a total lockdown for a short time, but who knows what's the best...
So, then I wish you a wonderful December and Christmas time, a happy new year and stay healthy and safe!
Author's Response:
Haha, I don't like Lindsay either, so I am all with you on that one... That only played into her fantasies of being Mrs Brian Kinney one day... No idea why Brian would ask her to come up before Justin... Then again, we know that Cowlip always liked Michael and Lindsay way more than I ever could...
Well, even though Justin is 37 now, there will always be that cute, little highschool boy in him :)
I am glad that you liked this little interlude - we all deserved some happiness without angst!
Thanks for all your comments, they're much appreciated :)
Ireland has now lifted its lockdown. We have the lowest incidence rate in the EU right now and our numbers are back to being pretty low. I will fly home to Germany though tomorrow... I will quarantine for 12 days in an Airbnb (just works out with the days I will still have to work anyway, the joys of working from home - no one cares where home is!) and will then stay with my family over Christmas. I haven't been back home since last Christmas, the longest I ever stayed away. Usually I fly home 4 times a year, but well... So yeah, I am really looking forward to seeing my family again after all this time.
You have a safe Christmas and a very happy new year as well :) See you in 2021!
I bet there are lots of things we don't know about Brian and Justin, and I'm sure some of it might surprise us.
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Brian Kinney, Justin Taylor
Tags: Fluff, Post-series
Genres: Alternate Canon, Could be Canon, Romance
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1114 Read Count: 963
Date: Dec 12, 2020 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hi! Thanks for sharing! That was great and very well written. You made me laugh! I love it when Brian tells Justin something from his childhood (it's cute, even if it's also a little sad most of the time). More, please :-)
Author's Response: I love it too when Brian opens up to Justin about something. It tells you so much more about his little world that he had before Liberty Avenue.
Brian thinks he has Justin fooled, but his face gives away everything.
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Brian Kinney, Justin Taylor
Tags: 1k Words or Less, Fluff, One-Shot
Genres: Romance
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 701 Read Count: 1126
Date: Jan 03, 2021 Title: Chapter 1: Written All Over His Face
So beautiful! I love how you perfectly described the different moods! Thanks so much for sharing!
Author's Response:
Glad you enjoyed it, thanks!
A little AU story of Justin meeting Brian when he was a young boy in the '70s. Told from Justin's POV.
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Brian Kinney, Justin Taylor
Tags: None
Genres: Alternate Universe
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2783 Read Count: 860
Date: Jan 07, 2021 Title: Chapter 1: CHAPTER 1
Oh, Cathy! Happy birthday in retrospect! I was only briefly on facebook yesterday - I was so occupied with and shocked by the events in Washington...
Great story! Thanks for sharing! I really love those stories where they meet at kids... I love that Brian kind of protected Justin when they were younger. You could made a longer story out of that! Would be great!
Author's Response:
First, I'll thank you for the awesome review. I would have loved to have had it longer if my brain culd have conjured up more! I wrote it, reread it. Let it sit for an hour - reread it - but I just couldn't come up with anything. And then I wanted to get it posted - so...
To address your other comment - shocked is one word to describe it - horrified is another. Outraged - the list goes on. And in my opinion, the day can't come quick enough to have that man hauled out of there!
Thanks again. It means a lot you took the time to review.
Hugs,
Cathy
This story is set in the fictional world of Gilead (from the Handmaid's Tale). Don't worry if you don't know anything about that world, I will explain before the first chapter.
Five years after Justin has fled Gilead he receives an unexpected call that will change his life forever.
In this story Justin is with Ethan (I know, don't kill me! I promise it won't be like that forever and I promise that Ethan is not the bad guy here!). They didn't meet in season 2, in this story they only met after Justin had fled Gilead.
This story is finished and will be updated once a week!
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Brian Kinney, Craig Taylor, Daphne Chanders, Emmett Honeycutt, Ethan Gold, Gus Marcus-Peterson, Justin Taylor, Michael Novotny
Tags: 100k+ Word Count, Anti-Michael, Getting Back Together, Justin/Other, Mental Health Issues, Torture
Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst w/ Happy Ending, Cross-Over
Pairings: Brian/Justin, Justin/Ethan
Series: None
Chapters: 30 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 118711 Read Count: 24552
Date: Jan 11, 2021 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hi! You're back! And that with such an exciting story! But first, I want to wish you still a happy New Year! I hope it will be a better one! And I hope you were able to spend Christmas with your family in Germany as planned. Just a few days before Christmas there were harder restrictions here in Germany and I had to think of you and your Christmas plans...
It's so terrible what happens in the USA, but I hope we're far away from the things that happens in this series. :-) I'm still speechless when I think about the events from last week. How could they let it come so far? I mean, I really haven't expected something like this, but Trump's whole behavior pointed in this direction. What I find most terrible is that there is no real solution right now ... He isn't resigning by himself, Pence won't invoke the 25th Amendment and whether the Democrats will be successful with the impeachment is also questionable. If they aren't successful, he'll triumph and if they are, then for his followers he's some kind of martyr. But something has to be done! I just don't understand how he can't be forced to resign... And I'm afraid the horror will continue on January 20th...
But now your story... It's soooo exciting and I think about watching this series although I'm not sure I could endure it if it's as violent and brutal as it sounds to be. I'm very curious about all the events before Justin's fled (is it similar to the series? And if so, at what point in their relationship all this happened?) but I'm sure you will tell us in time. Very well written again, I just love your writing-style. And you conveyed the emotions very well, Justin's total confusion... And it's already clear here that he still loves Brian. I am very curious to see how things will continue, how will Gus and Ethan react, what will the first meeting between Justin and Brian be like, what has Brian had to endure and how is he mentally. Hm, now I have to be patient for a week... :-) Thanks for sharing this and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Hi Happy New Year to you as well! :)
Believe it or not, I actually ended up in Berlin at the end of my trip to Germany and I had to think of you as well when I was there.
I made it to Germany in early December and isolated for 2 weeks in an Airbnb. After two weeks, when I had no symptoms and all was well the harder restrictions just abot started and I went to stay with my mom and spent a quiet two weeks and Christmas with her and my brother. I saw my grandfather and two of my cousins, but that was it. All of it socially distanced and over several days. The rest of the family celebrations were cancelled and I didn't get to see anyone else in my family. Which was a bit sad as I hadn't seen them all year, but under the circumstances the only responsible thing to do.
I was actually in the county in Lower-Saxony that had the highest incidence rate in the whole state and they had even stricter rules than the rest of Germany. We had a curfew from 9pm to 6am every day and it was only lifted for one hour on Christmas Eve to make it from 10pm to 6am instead.
All in all, it was a very quiet Christmas and very relaxing.
I hope you and your family had nice holidays as well :)
While I was in Germany the Netherlands introduced a rule that everyone entering the country from December 29th needed a negative PCR test. I was due to fly from Amsterdam on the 30th, but couldn't get a test (they announced this new rule only two days in advance!). In my county you can't just book a test and pay for it yourself, especially not when they had the incidence that high and laboratories and doctors were overwhelmed anyway. So I had no way to meet the Dutch rules and had to book a new flight from Berlin. I had first booked a new flight from Cologne which was then cancelled and in the end ended up flying from Berlin. As it was a 7am flight, I had to stay in a hotel the night before. Thankfully, I was returning to Dublin for work, so I could officially say the trip was business related and I was allowed to stay in a hotel legally...
Having the rules change every day and having to rebook my return flight over and over was a bit stressful, but well... I took the risk of flying during a pandemic, so it was my own fault!
If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have flown over, but I know how important it was for my mom and my grandfather to have me there for Christmas, so that made it all worth it in the end, you know? And I took all precautions and thankfully nothing happened! Thank God!
And now I am back in Ireland where we went from the lowest numbers in Europe to having the highest numbers in the world in just six weeks. Happy days :/
As for the political situation in the US: It's just scary! Unfortunately, as shocking as the images from the Capitol were, they weren't surprising and I have to admit that I am honestly disappointed in the Republican party even more now than I was ever before. I would have hoped this would finally be the last straw for them to break with Trump, but I guess even an insurrection and coup attempt are okay as long as it will keep them in power... The whole situation reminds me so much of 1930's Germany... very scary and I wish there would be more people standing up against that kind of behaviour!
Which brings us to the story: I have to admit that I loved the Handmaid's Tale. Watching it was very scary, but it was so well done. And a lot of things in the show, when they show the rise of that horrible regime, you see so many parallels to 1930's Germany, to the US right now... You just can't help but wonder why Americans don't see what's going on and aren't waking up :(
As mentioned, the story will play in the regime of Gilead, former US and over the course of this story we'll find out some background on the rise of this regime and how all of it was possible. It won't be exactly like it was in the TV show/novel by Margaret Atwood, but there will be clear parallels. This story will be more QAF focused and everything will have a clear QAF connection. As for Brian and Justin, the story will be pretty similar to the TV show up to a certain point (which will be made very clear in future chapters). Except for Ethan (who Justin only met in Canada), most of the rest will be the same up to the point when the rise of Gilead started. But we'll find out more details in future chapters... ;)
You raise some very good points and I can promise you that all of those will be covered in the next chapters :)
I am glad that you liked the first chapter and that you're giving this story a chance. More will be up tomorrow! Stay safe :)
Date: Jan 18, 2021 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Hi! Oh dear, your short Christmas visit was really complicated and time-consuming, but at least you got to see your family, even for a short time ...
I think it's good that the impeachment got through (although I was really hoping that a few more Republicans would have come to their senses by now) and I hope he will be convicted. I get so upset about the voices who say you shouldn't do that because it will divide America even more. Trump has deepened this split (which may already have existed) and he is not going to stop and the worst thing would be if he started to run for president again in four years ... It just can't be that he gets away with his behavior
And you know what... I was so curious that I took a look inside this series and I couldn't stop myself from watching it. I'm already into the second season... There would be so much to say about it, but it would be too long... It's very well done and scary, horrible, terrifying, cruel, depressing, disturbing... Especially as a German I know that things like this are really possible and at this very moment when I'm writing this, maybe someone is being tortured somewhere in the world ... One should be grateful every day if you live in normal circumstances ... Me, I'm really not a conspiracy theorist at all, but of course this Covid situation also has a strange aftertaste ... Mask requirement, ban on meeting, curfews... and also with the incidents in Amerika... let‘s just say the series fits my current mood... :-(
While seeing it I often thought that I hope you won‘t describe the torture and what Brian went throught too detailed. I don‘t know, it would be hard to endure. This chapter... wonderful written, I feel so sorry for Gus (although it‘s a good thing his Daddy isn‘t dead) and I‘m glad Justin decided to be honest with him. And although I didn‘t like Ethan in the series, I‘m also glad that he isn‘t a bad guy here and that he understands Justin, his feelings for Brian and the situation. So, Brian and Justin were together for about 8 years? I‘m so curious... Did they get married? Was it even possible? If Ethan fled six years ago, then Gilead existed at least that long. I‘m curious if and how Brian and Justin get back together. I mean, will Justin have second thoughts about it or is it a given... How will Brian react when he finds out about Ethan... Question after question and I just have to be patient! ;-) Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Haha, yeah. There definitely was a lot of organising involved for this Christmas trip home. But I know it made my mom and grandfather really happy and to be honest, it was nice to see them again after a year of not being home and not being able to hug them in person. And thankfully everyone stayed healthy, nobody got infected, so it all worked out in the end:)
I agree with you on the impeachment: They just can't let him get away with this behaviour. If they do, they're setting a very dangerous precedent for more extremists coming after him. Which is what really pisses me off about the Republican party right now: They're so power hungry that they only care about their own positions of power, but don't give a shit about the country, its people and the constitution they always claim to defend. They are just a bunch of hypocrites out for their own gain... People like Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, etc should be punished right along with Trump...
Saying now that an impeachment will only divide the country further and that Democrats should just "move on" and forget about it... WTF? Can you see them do the same if the situation were reversed? Just remember how they all acted when it came to the BLM protests last summer... And those were mostly peaceful! Back then it was okay to arrest people and cart them away in unmarked vans, to have police use tear gas and rubber bullets on peaceful protestors just so Trump could take a picture with a bible in front of a church, but when it's white people storming the capitol, those are patriots and peaceful protestors that need to be forgiven... God, they make me so fucking angry, I have no words...
Yes, the Handmaid's Tale is a very scary show. Especially the flashbacks to how Gilead started, how they got into power reminded me so much of what's going on in the world right now. It also reminded me of 1930's Germany and once again showed that we have learned absolutely NOTHING from our history :( What made the show so scary for me was that it all seemed so realistic and while I was watching it, I had no trouble imagining people like that getting into power again. I mean, just look at some of those people in the US Senate/Congress, at Höcke and friends, etc... :(
And like you said: It made me very grateful that I am living in a state (and really, I am considering both Germany and Ireland here) where freedom of speech is valued, where different opinions are accepted and appreciated, where we have real democracies. Just look at Nawalny and Russia right now... scary stuff :( All those AFD morons going on about censorship and dictatorship by Angela Merkel? They obviously don't know what real censorship or dictatorship looks like. If they were right, they wouldn't be able to voice their opinions so openly, but would have been in prison a long time ago... :/
Okay, enough ranting, back to the story: We will find out what Brian went through and what happened to him, but I tried not to make it as graphic as it was in "No Matter What" for example... I tried to make what he went through a part of the story, but not an essential part. This story will be more about moving on, finding a new balance for everyone involved, etc.
Yes, Brian and Justin were together for a long time and much of it was already under the rule of Gilead. No, they weren't married, which will make sense once we find out more about the rise of Gilead in this story. I will explain at what point Gilead rose in the Brian/Justin timeline and how it happened, how they reacted to it and how it changed their life in Pittsburgh and affected everyone in their Liberty Avenue family. We will get answers to all of that, I promise!
As for Brian and Justin getting back together... well, you know me: I am a Brian/Justin girl and love my happy endings, so that's a given, but... the way there... might not be as smooth and easy as some want it to be/are expecting it to be. We shouldn't underestimate that Justin moved on, thinking that Brian was dead and has pretty much built a life with Ethan and Gus at this point. Will he just give up that life for Brian? Would Brian even want him to once he finds out the truth about Ethan? Hmmm...
So much that will happen in upcoming chapters :)
Thanks for your comment - it's much appreciated as always! More will be up tomorrow :)
Date: Jan 27, 2021 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Hi there! I totally agree with you about some of the republicans. They are really pathetic. Have you heard about the statement by Ted Cruz when Biden returned to the "Pariser Klimaabkommen"? I don't know if it's true, but I read that he twittered that Biden would do just something for the citizens of Paris. Haha, can he really be so stupid?
Yesterday I've finished the "Handmaid's tale" and now have to wait for the fourth season... There was one moment where I had to laugh about myself. It just showed how addicted and crazy I'm about Justin and Brian. There was this scene where Serena and Fred danced and the audience stood there astonished, full of admiration, and me... I was just thinking about prom and thought, you all should have seen Brian and Justin... A thousand times more beautiful, comparing to them, this dance was nothing, no emotions... haha, I can't stand straight filmcouples anymore....
Now, this chapter. First, I have to totally agree with Ethan. It would have been so wrong if he would have accompanied Justin and Gus. It's already such a hard situation, which was also seen when the doctor wanted to examine Brian.
I thought a lot about love these days and how one can classify or judge the love that one feels for different people (or if that's even possible). As you wrote, Justin loved Brian more than life itself, they were together for a long time, they've surely been through so much... and then there's Ethan. They met each other through their grief for a loved one and then fell in love so it doesn't sound like the "love of a life" but more like a community of convenience (it's hard for me to write this in English, I hope you don't misunderstand me). And if Brian hadn't returned, they might still be happy, but now I just can't imagine that Justin can continue to have a carefree happy relationship with Ethan. But it's also very clear to me that it is not that easy and I am curious and really looking forward to see how it will continue and what will happen next. In the "Handmaid's tale" I like Emily very much and I was so glad that she managed to escape. And especially in her case, they also showed in the series that it's not easy to simply continue a relationship after these experiences. And in June's case, too, I thought a lot about what would happen if both her and Nick managed to escape. Could she just be back with Luke like before? Would Nick continue to play a role? So, yeah, that let me think a lot about Justin's situation with Ethan and Brian. You see, you've managed to fascinate me again! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Haha, yes, I actually read the actual tweet by Ted Cruz about Joe Biden caring more about the people of Paris than the people of Pittsburgh (funny that it was Pittsburgh of all places!)... What an idiot! Someone really didn't understand why the Paris Climate accord is called the Paris Climate accord. I wonder if he thinks that the Kyoto protocol will only help the people of Kyoto... Me and my friends had a good laugh about his lack of obvious intelligence *facepalm* I wonder if he also thinks that Covid 19 is called Covid 19 because there were 18 other Covids before it ...
I am amazed that you actually went and watched Handmaid's Tale and finished it this fast! Wow! But it really is a good show and absolutely scary in how real it feels at times :/
I know exactly what you mean about that dance. Every time I see a prom scene or a romantic dance in a movie somewhere, I am taken back to the Brian/Justin prom dance and the Buffy/Angel prom dance (sorry, I am a huge Buffy fan and that prom scene always gets me...). It's funny that two of my favourite shows ever had very, very important prom dance scenes with older lovers surprisingly showing up at prom ;)
We will find out over the course of this story that Ethan really is not the bad guy here - much like everyone else he's caught in an impossible situation, trying to make the best of it and much like in this scene, he will be the voice of reason again in later chapters...
I get what you're saying about love and how Justin's love for Brian and Ethan might be different. And to a certain extent, I agree. Brian is and always will be the love of Justin's life. He will always be the one! After everything they went through together (we know about the prom and some stuff that is canon, but will find out about other stuff in upcoming chapters!), it's easy to understand why.
Having said that, Justin also loves Ethan. And it's really love. It might not be the same kind of love he felt for Brian, but he loves Ethan and that's something we shouldn't underestimate. They made it through hard times together as well, working through their grief together, supporting each other and starting a relationship, building a life and becoming a famiy with Gus.
I think it's very obvious that Justin loves Brian, even now. And Brian showing up like that in Toronto will have Justin question some very important things about himself, about the life he has now, etc.
Actually, June and Luke were kind of what gave me the inspiration for this story. After Nick came into her life, could she just go back to Luke and continue with him like before they were separated? So much has happened to her, so much between her and Nick and Luke's life in Canada also went on... it was a question that wouldn't leave me, so I turned it into this story and played around with it for a bit ;)
I am sure some people will be surprised by some of the things coming up in this story, but I can assure you, it won't just be a case of Justin saying: Sorry, Ethan, I love you, but you know? Brian's the one, so bye...
And we all know Brian: Would he even allow Justin to kick Ethan to the curb if he knew that Justin and Gus were happy and had built a happy life in his absence?
There are definitely a lot of surprises coming up... And it won't be easy for anyone involved.
I am glad I was able to fascinate you with this premise - that means I've done my job ;)
Thanks for your comment - much appreciated as always! More will be up soon. Stay safe :)
Date: Feb 02, 2021 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Hi there! Yeah, I've watched the Handmaid's tale in record time. don't know where I took the time... :-) First, I was just curious and then I couldn't stop. It really moved me... And surely, one can understand your story without watching it, but while reading it, I see all those characters and fates... I thought, Emily and her situation would have inspired this story mainly... I wondered if Emily would be back with her partner after her successful escape from Gilead... It wasn't really clear yet... But what has been made pretty clear is that it is by no means easy... So, even without Ethan the situation would be hard and not easy, but with Ethan... and Justin's feelings for both of them... as you wrote, an impossible situation... And as I wrote before, I also wondered about June, Luke and Nick - I was sure that they let Nick die in this fight in Chicago... (maybe this will happen in the next season???) because, in my opinion, they are also in an impossible situation - to be honest, I really like Nick (I often like those "bad" guys who have a good site deep inside), so I'm not sure, I would want to see June united with Luke again... but could there really be a future for June and Nick... an impossible situation...
This chapter and Justin's conversation with the doctor was already hard to read and painful. Just to imagine what Brian went through... and five years is a long long time... Your story and also Gilead reminds me so much of the Nazi time... torture, death, experiments... terrible. I wrote it before, I'm glad, that you started your story with Brian being free...
I like the way you let Justin and Gus talk. Through that we learned a little bit about their time in Gilead, the reasons for their escape and a little bit about what went wrong. And I think Justin behaved properly. It could have been that Brian woke up screaming, etc. It could have been that he couldn‘t allow any closeness or reacted with panic to a possibly too stormy greeting from Gus. Justin shows how much he cares about Gus and at the same time treats him with respect.
So yeah you are doing a great job! I'm looking forward to the next chapter! Warmest regards and stay healthy!
Author's Response:
I was actually surprised myself by how much I liked The Handmaid's Tale when I started watching it. That world immediately drew me in and wouldn't let me go even after a season had ended, which is why we now have a Brian/Justin story set in that world ;)
I get what you're saying about Emily's story and her inspiring this story, but I have to admit that this story has been a long time in the making already. By the time I came up with the idea, started fleshing out the storyline and started writing, I hadn't seen that part in Emily's storyline yet. So yeah, my idea for this story was totally based on the Nick/June/Luke triangle and what would happen if June and Luke were reunited: Could they just go back to their old relationship? After everything they have been through? Everything June has been through in Gilead? After everything she has shared with Nick? After everything Luke has been through in Canada?
It's funny how this story now actually mirrors Emily's story more, but when I came up with the idea, it was all about June and her two men ;)
I just knew that with how I wanted Brian's time in Gilead to go, I couldn't have him be the one in a relationship with someone else, so it had to be Justin. And generally speaking, I can't ever see Brian in a relationship with someone else than Justin. If another relationship is necessary for story purposes, it would always be Justin in that relationship... That's why he got to be with Ethan and got to move on/built a new life in Canada while Brian was stuck in Gilead.
You are right, it's important to remember that Brian is free now. The worst is behind him and he will be fine - I promise :)
I have to admit that Gilead always reminded me of the Nazi regime. So some things might be more German history than Handmaid's Tale really, though I am sure that Gilead wouldn't have been opposed to medical experiments and torture on people they considered lesser beings :/ I mean some of that was shown/hinted at in the show even...
Gus will see Brian in the next chapter - I promise! But I agree, I don't think Justin had any other choice. Without knowing what Brian's mental state was like, there was no way Gus as a 12-year old boy could be present when Brian first woke up. That could have ended in a disaster had Brian been severely traumatised... Even more than he obviously is.
I think Justin did the right thing by talking to Gus and explaining some of these things to him. Gus is only 12, might be too happy to have his Dad back to really understand why Brian might be more subdued than he remembers him... It just shows that Justin cares for Gus and wants him to be fine as well during this complicated time.
We will also find out more about their life and time in Gilead in upcoming chapters, just as we will find out what happened that night when they tried to flee to Canada. There's so much coming up :)
Thanks for your lovely comment. It's much appreciated :) More will be up tomorrow!
Date: Feb 10, 2021 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5
Oh, I'm so glad you changed the June-Luke-Nick-storyline a little bit. As you know, (I think we've already written about this...) I also can't stand having Brian in a "serious" relationship with another man. For me, in my imagination, that's just not possible and so far no author, who had written Brian in a relationship with someone else couldn't convince me about the reasons... I just don't feel it and it's fiction, so I also just don't want to imagine it. Normally I try to stay away from those stories but sometimes I just can't help myself and then I get angry most of all with myself (and maybe a little bit with the author :-) )
I felt so sorry for Emily because she was finally free, but you had the feeling that she couldn't cope with this situation at all ... She was so cautious about her son... She missed so much of his development... So, thanks for this chapter! That was such a heartbreaking moment between Brian and Gus, and I'm glad Brian was able to show his feelings in such a way, that he could cry, that he could show his pain but also his deep relief. I could also well understand Gus' doubts and fears ... That he felt somehow guilty, that he was better off. But with the sentence „it made everything in the last five years worth it" (even only in Brian‘s thoughts) you explained very well, that Brian could never even think about blaming Justin or Gus.
So, thanks for another great chapter. I‘m so curious what will happen and what happened! Looking forward to Sunday! Warmest regards and stay healthy!
Author's Response:
Haha, I totally agree about Brian being with someone else. It just doesn't work for me. Justin with someone else? Sure, why not? I can do that... but Brian? Nope, Justin is the one and if Justin is not around, Brian will have a sad and lonely existence. I am evil like that ;)
And to be fair, a concentration camp in Gilead isn't really the right place to find a gay lover... so the circumstances of this story dictated that it had to be Justin who would find a new love, not Brian.
After five years of being apart, Brian was on an emotional rollercoaster. So much has happened to him, so much he missed in Gus' life, so many worries and so much fear that they wouldn't be okay. I wanted to show the emotional turmoil he had been in for years that all came to the surface now that he was finally reunited with the two most important people of his life.
As for Gus, I really wanted to show that he's on an emotional rollercoaster as well. Everything that has happened in the last couple of days affects not only Brian and Justin (and Ethan by extension), but Gus as well. And poor Gus, still remembering some of what life in Gilead was like, then hearing more from Justin so he would be prepared if Brian might be cold/distant with him... No surprise he developed a case of cold feet due to survivor's guilt.
But Justin is right: Brian would never blame him! Brian would never be angry with Gus for having been safe. Brian made a sacrifice so Gus would be safe (we'll find out more about the details very soon) and to Brian it all paid off and it was all worth it. Gus and Justin were safe and that was all that ever mattered to him.
I know what you mean about Emily - I felt so bad for her as well. And I couldn't blame her for being so cautious around her son. He was way younger, didn't even really remember her only what his mother told him about her, only remembered her from images. At least Gus knows and remembers Brian which will make for a different kind of reunion.
It will be interesting to see how Brian's relationship with Gus and also with Justin will develop... we are getting closer to Brian finding out about Ethan and that will definitely change things :(
Thanks for your comment. As always, it's much appreciated :) More will be up tomorrow!
Date: Feb 16, 2021 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6
Hi there! „Justin is the one and if Justin is not around, Brian will have a sad and lonely existence" - haha, you made me laugh - that‘s not evil, as least not for me. I really understand what you mean and I like the way you said this, it has a certain ease and I think the next time I get annoyed with a story, I‘ll go back and read this sentence! And as realistic as some authors want to be, as I wrote before, it‘s still fiction and why should I imagine something that just doesn‘t feel right to me. And I also can imagine Justin with someone else, but I can‘t imagine him loving someone else like he loves Brian. So, I hope it‘s okay when I say, that I really don‘t want to see Justin with Ethan for much longer... no, don‘t take me too serious. I know that it takes time and I totally understand that Justin has to and will sort out what he feels. And I‘m so curious how you will let it happen.... And I have to admit, Ethan seems to be really nice here.
The second part of this chapter nearly made me cry while riding the tram back home yesterday. So sad, so heartbeaking and somehow the situation just suits Brian. This time it was a real cliff.... Very well written and I really can understand that they stayed so long in Gilead. I think, if something like this happens, it must be so unreal at first, that one just hope that it will be over soon. I'm so grateful that I didn't live during the Nazi era. Also because I would be afraid of how I would have behaved. Would I have gone away? Would I have resisted? Or would I have chosen the easiest way and would have adapted, hopefully not participated. I think that as long as one weren't in such a situation, one can't tell how one really would have behaved. I just hope to never have to live through such a situation. So, I‘m looking forward to Sunday! Warmest regards and stay healthy!
Author's Response:
Haha, your opinion on Justin and Ethan being together for much longer has been noted. And of course, it's okay for you to say that you don't want to see them together. I think that's a feeling that many people will share completely. I can't make any promises though that Ethan will disappear anytime soon :/ *hides*
Brian will find out about Ethan soon which will add a completely new layer of drama to this story, but like you said, Justin will have to sort through his feelings first. Yes, I am pretty sure we can all agree that he loves Brian, that Brian is the love of his life, but... and that's a big but: Justin also loves Ethan and has built a life with him and as much as it might disappoint some people, Justin is not the type to just end his relationship with Ethan like that because Brian is back... There will be a lot of emotional turmoil coming Justin's way :(
As for Ethan: He's not the bad guy here. I have to admit that on the show I never really minded him much and I certainly didn't dislike him like many other people did. I felt that the Justin/Ethan relationship was important to Justin's development and the only thing that really bothered me about it was how the writers had the relationship end with Ethan cheating the very first chance he was given. I would have prefered for him and Justin to break up over the "career vs. being out in the open" storyline that they barely hinted at, then buried again. As Daphne said back then: Justin nearly died coming out of the closet. Why would he have gone back into the closet for Ethan? Especially when Ethan chose his career over Justin... then again, like Brian said: Would it have been smart for Ethan to throw away his big chance at success over someone who he might or might not still be with a couple of years down the line? I would have liked them to explore that storyline some more, but I guess it was easier to have Ethan cheat, because that would play into everything Brian has ever said about relationships and romance *rolls eyes*
Anyway, this Ethan will just be a guy that's going to be caught in a very uncomfortable situation and will try to handle it as best as he can. Just like everyone else. He's not the bad guy in this story and will try to be a good partner to Justin and a good parental figure to Gus.
Oh God, now I feel bad for making you nearly cry on the tram :( I have been there, I know what it's like... I should have written a warning that tissues might be needed for this chapter...
Believe me, I chose the cliff setting on purpose. I just couldn't help it. It seemed too good not to have Brian push Justin off a literal cliff ;)
I totally understand what you mean about living in the Nazi era. I am not sure if it's a German thing, but it's something that has gone through my mind a lot as well. I have been to Auschwitz two years ago, I have been to many Holocaust museums over the years, many of them in Germany, but also in the US, the UK and Ireland and really, those questions have always kept me awake as well after such visits. I would like to think that I would have been as brave as Sophie Scholl (and not Jana from Kassel brave *shakes head angrily*) and would have done something, but I don't know if I would have been willing to give my life... I think, more realistically, I would have probably tried to keep my head down and get through it in one piece, not participating, but... what if they had forced me? Once again: Would I have been willing to give my life? It scares me that I can't say for sure and I have to say that while I have been to anti-Nazi demos in Germany, anti-Trump rallies in Ireland, anti-Bush/anti-Iraq war rallies in the US, etc - that was always easy and never under the dangerous circumstances of Nazi Germany... So I really don't know what I would have done :/
In my family, I was kind of confronted with both. My grandparents were born in 41 and 43 respectively and my grandmother's father was in the resistance and was arrested several times for refusing to do the Hitler greeting in church, saying that politics had nothing to do in churches. My grandfather's father on the other hand was sent to Russia as a soldier and he was only a soldier because he was forced into it and what else could he do without endangering his wife who was pregnant at the time. So he went to protect his family and in the end fell in Russia and never came back. He never got to meet his son...
And I found out through the years that this is a concept especially Americans are struggling with. For whatever reason a lot of them think that every German supported the Nazis and was all for Hitler and his agenda and when you tell them these kind of stories, they are surprised a lot of times that normal people oftentimes just did what they had to do to protect their loved ones, not because they were heartily agreeing with Hitler - of course those people existed, but it wasn't everyone :(
Anyway, enough doom and gloom! Thanks for your very kind comment. As always, it's much appreciated :) More will be up tomorrow!
Stay healthy! :)
Date: Feb 24, 2021 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7
Hey there! This will be a long review! Oh, when I read your last answer, I felt old... In my case, it's not my grandparents but my parents who where born in 1943 and 1945... I could have talked to my grandparents about it and asked them so many questions. But at first I was too young and then too inhibited. Unfortunately, in my family there is not much talk about such things or feelings. And my grandmother always scolded the Russians, partly because of her experiences with the GDR and the building of the Berlin Wall and also because my grandfather was a Russian prisoner of war for a few years. I'm politically more left-wing orientated and always felt the need to defend the Russians (although Stalin really was no better than Hitler). And there were always these thoughts in my mind ... the Germans were to blame, the Germans started the war ... So, yes, there would have probably just been a lot of anger and arguments. All I know is that my two birth grandpas died in the war, whatever they did. My uncle's father (also a different man than my father's father) was a communist and was killed by the Nazis. As I said, I am so grateful not to have lived during this time. And I think it's perfectly okay to be scared and to wonder what would one have done, how would one have acted. I find it much more sincere to have doubts about one's own behavior in such a situation than to stand up and claim that one would have resisted in any case ...
Oh my ... I didn't know what you meant by Jana from Kassel and I googled ... I just have no words for that...
So this chapter. How incredibly sad ... After Brian and Justin, Ted and Blake are my absolute favorite couple and the idea that Blake was killed and Ted then killed himself made me very sad. I don't quite understand Mel and Lindsay's behavior. How could they leave Gus behind. I have two sons of my own and can't imagine that I would go away in such a situation without them, but ... similar problematic question. You just can't say how you would really behave in such a situation. I understand that Mel wanted to try to fight outside of Gilead as a lawyer and of course they left him with Brian and Justin, but didn't they realize that Brian and Justin would also be persecuted for being homosexual?
Oh, I'm afraid we're nearing the time Brian will find out about Ethan. Oh my heart is breaking for Brian. And also for Justin. He's already so desperate and confused. Makes me so sad, especially after the kiss they shared. And I'm afraid of Brian's reaction. I asked myself if he's going to fight for Justin, if he has the strength to do it and if he even wants to.... Looking so forward to Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Oh, I am sorry - I didn't mean to make you feel odd or bad about what I wrote in reply to your review :( It's just that in my family we always talked openly about these things, my grandmother more so than my grandfather as it was harder for him never having known his own father, but even he would answer questions if asked. I sometimes tend to forget that it's not like that for everyone and I am sorry if something I wrote made you feel odd :(
I have to admit that my grandmother used to keep this old shoe box with old photographs going back to her grandparents' childhood and every time I would read something in a book or see something in a movie or in a documentary and mention it to her, she would get out that box and look for a picture to show me that it was true. I particularly remember telling her of my surprise when I read that women used to wear black wedding dresses back in the 19th and early 20th century and she went, got out the box and handed me a picture of her own grandmother getting married in a black wedding dress.
Those are some of my favourite memories that I have of spending time with my grandmother. Sitting at her kitchen table and looking at old photographs and listening to the stories she would tell about how she grew up, what life was like when she was a child... I was always very interested in history, it was one of my Prüfungsfächer when I did my Abitur and it's a way my grandmother and I have always bonded :)
I totally understand that talking about WWII and asking: What did you do back then? would cause trouble in a lot of families... understandably so :(
I also tend to vote on the left and I definitely share more left views than conservative views, then again I grew up in a total working class background where it was all about unions and the like. I definitely grew up in a very SPD attached household which of course left an impression on me. From an early age my parents and one of my aunts took me to pro-LGBT, anti-nuclear engergy, anti-war protests, etc... So yeah, I was raised with very progressive, left ideas and still have a lot of those. Especially when it comes to equality, social justice and to acceptance of people who might have a different skin colour, background, sexuality, religion, etc. than I do. Politik was my Leistungskurs when I did my Abitur, I studied it at university as a minor and I'll always be interested in politics and will always have an opinion ;)
Anyway, back to the story: It broke my heart to do this to Ted and Blake. I absolutely adore them as well and I always loved Ted and his development to become Brian's closest friend later in the show (sorry, Michael, but Ted wins easily!), so killing off both him and Blake here was one of the hardest things I ever did :( But it had to happen. It wouldn't have made sense if everyone we love and like had gotten out. The story is about loss and pain and we needed to understand how brutal Gilead was to its undesirables...
As for Mel and Lindsay - same reason. They had to go to make the emotional impact harder on Gus and Brian. As for their reasons for leaving Gus behind, I thought of all those refugee families breaking up and the men going ahead, leaving behind their wives and children, promising to get them once they have settled and have the money. I am sure Melanie and Lindsay would have fought to get Gus out from Gilead from outside the country, thinking that the rest of the world would be on their side and the pressure would just be too high on Gilead. And for the time being they would have known that he would have been safe with Brian and Justin... but yeah... hard decisions had to be made all around :(
Brian will find out about Ethan in the next chapter. And it will create a whole new set of problems for both Brian and Justin. My heart is breaking for Brian as well, but also for Justin... He will be so torn :/
Thanks for your comment. As always, it's much appreciated :) More will be up tomorrow!