"Are you sure no one else can watch them?"

Molly glances at Hunter but focuses on pulling out a tie from the drawer to hand over to him, "I am sure they could find someone else if they tried but Emmett and Drew asked me because Duncan wanted me to come stay with them and Lily agreed."

Hunter purses his lips but doesn't say anything else on the subject, just continues to make sure he has his outfit ready for the viewing. Molly gets why he is asking. If it was someone Molly was closer with and Hunter couldn't come with her to the funeral, she would be a little bummed too. Lonely. But he will have Justin there, not to mention his dads and his sister. Right now, it's a lot easier to abandon her grieving boyfriend than two grieving four year olds.

"Do you want to come run a few errands?" Molly asks once she finishes up with her makeup, "The viewing doesn't start until noon. We can drop Archimedes off with Mason and Ezra on our way out."

"Yeah," Hunter says quietly, "That's fine. What all do you need to do?"

"I'm going to go over to the arts and crafts store to get some supplies to keep them occupied," Molly starts to list, grabbing her purse, "Then I want to run to the grocery store to get some containers and some ingredients to do a spa day for Lily. I'm already bringing some of my nail stuff for her.

"Do you think Duncan will enjoy that?" Hunter asks.

"If it makes her happy? Yes," Molly says, absolutely certain, "Besides, you got a mani-pedi with me."

"That's because I am a solid sixty-five percent metrosexual. You said it yourself," Hunter says, walking over to her, "But Duncan is a man's man. Fits right in with Drew Boyd."

"Duncan is sensitive and sweet," Molly objects, already forming a soft spot for the boy, "Multi-faceted and open-minded. He will be down to have cucumber slices put over his eyes while his nails get filed and he meditates."

"Well," Hunter says as he puts his arms around her, "If anyone can get him to give it a try, it would be you."

----------------------------

Justin never fell asleep last night. His mind has been a constant hum of worry, nerves, and sadness. He's glad he isn't heading over there alone. Hunter's going with him. Nathan and Petra are meeting them there. He's not going to be walking in alone. He won't have to face Brian alone, if he even faces him directly at all. He should have at least texted his condolences. Told him how sorry he truly was. It would do nothing, but his silence and distance also do nothing but make him feel more guilty and awkward.

He almost feels relief when there's a knock on his door. He's not quite ready yet and Hunter said he wouldn't be up here until 1:30. They plan on getting there at 2 pm, giving them about three hours at the viewing to visit with friends and family instead of five. The funeral starts at 5 pm, goes on until approximately 6, and then there is a dinner at Brian's and Er…

Brian's house.

It sounds like a long enough day as it is. When Hunter mentioned to him last night that he would rather not be doing this for what could potentially turn into nine or ten hours, Justin agreed probably a little too quickly to be there at 2 pm instead.

So while he is grateful to have someone wanting to come in and possibly keep Justin company, he is also confused as well as a little concerned because he is suddenly dreading the thought of going sooner. He feels thrown off enough.

And only feels more thrown off once he opens the door and sees who it is.

"Mom?" Justin says, looking at her in confusion as she stands there looking solemn but tender once she meets his eyes. Justin peers around her, wondering how she got in, before his mother explains herself.

"I stopped by Molly's and Hunter's first, since she was planning on watching the kids. They buzzed me in," Jennifer says, stepping into the apartment. She takes off her dark coat, revealing a black, modest, but elegant dress.

"I just…" his mother starts, before biting her lip, "I'm really hurting for Brian right now and I didn't know Eric well, but I know Brian has to be in a lot of pain. If you don't want me to go give my condolences to him, I won't, but I want to let him know how sorry I am and that he doesn't deserve this at all-"

Justin blinks away moisture from his eyes as his mother breaks off and sniffles, then shrugs, "Maybe it's inappropriate. For his ex-fiancé's mother to come and see him-'

"I think he would appreciate it," Justin says, his voice sounding raspy, "Brian's uh... Brian's relationship with Eric's parents is iffy. Things are better with his dad but they are hard with his mom, plus both of them are in a ton of pain of their own right now. You might...you and Debbie might be able to give him that kind of support if he's willing to accept any of it. Hunter and I plan on getting there around 2 if you want to come."

Jennifer nods then unexpectedly brings him into a tight hug, "I can't imagine how his parents are feeling, regardless of how things have been with Eric. I know even when things were bad with you and your dad and that Hobbs...anyway, he was devastated when we didn't know if you were going to make it. I didn't know if I would make it if you passed. I can't imagine what they are going through. But Brian needs a parent's love through this, or as close as he can get."

Justin nods and wraps his arms around his mom more tightly before finally pulling away, "Speaking of parents and Dad, um...You know I gave Mason and his b...roommate the apartment across from Molly's right? Mason, Dad's-"

"Your dad's son," his mother interjects softly, "Yes, I know who Mason is. You know I do. And Molly let me know after you made the offer and he accepted."

"Okay," Justin says, nodding, "I just wanted to give you a heads up in case that was weird for you."

"Honey, it's fine," Jennifer says, making her way further into the apartment, "I'm glad you are getting to know him. I know it hurt you when your dad adopted him. It hurt me too. But that was never Mason's fault and from what I understand, his biological father is not a good person and was barely in the picture. Mason deserves loving parents and I am glad Craig was able to be that for him, even if I was upset with how he was with you. I really hope you guys form a great relationship and bond. I took him out a few times with Molly. I even took him out to lunch right after he moved to New Hampshire for college because Tucker and I found ourselves in the area. He's a nice boy."

Justin stares at her and shakes his head, "Dad never deserved you." His mother just rolls her eyes in response.

His mom being there helps. She fills in the silence by talking about his grandparents and Tucker and how happy she continues to be about Hunter and Molly. Part of Justin wants to confide in her. Unload on someone about how upset and guilty he feels. Tell her what led to Brian calling Eric and asking him to come home. But he can't foresee how she will react to that. He honestly can't think of what her worst or best reaction may be. He leaves the subject alone.

When they head down to the second floor at 1:30, they already see Hunter standing outside his door in a suit, talking with Ezra and Mason. Hunter is kneeling down, keeping a leashed Archimedes at an arm's length to keep from any potential hair getting on his clothes, but petting him anyway as if he wants the comfort only a puppy can bring. Justin's not going to lie. Part of him wants to pick the puppy up and hold him too. His mother looks like she's happier to see Mason than the dog.

"Hi, Mason," Jennifer says, approaching the younger man with a smile, "Did you get moved in okay?"

Mason, while looking slightly hesitant, doesn't seem to be too uncomfortable around Jennifer Taylor. Despite that, Justin does look glance over at Ezra and it seems that he's curious as well, possibly watching for any signs that he needs to break the ice or give Mason an out.

"It was good," Mason says, trying to smile, "Molly, Hunter, and Justin helped."

"That's great, I'm glad to hear," Jennifer answers before looking down at Archimedes, "Hunter, is this the dog you got Molly or does this dog belong to one of you?"

"I wish that he was my dog," Ezra says, looking down at the dog tenderly as Archimedes walks back over to be picked up by him, "He's the sweetest. But he belongs to Hunter and Molly. You want to hold your grandson?"

Jennifer takes a step back, "Maybe some other time. You must be Ezra, right? Mason's roommate?"

Justin ends up feeling a pang in his chest at Ezra's expression. It's mild to someone who wouldn't know any better, but being called Mason's 'roommate' obviously bothers him. To give Mason credit, it seems to bother him too.

"I would be Ezra, yes," Ezra ends up saying, situating the puppy in his arms to shake Jennifer's hand, "You're Molly's and Justin's mom? Jennifer, right?"

"I would be her," Jennifer replies, then glances at Mason, "Do you...Do you need anything? I'd like to get you both a housewarming gift."

"I can't really think of anything," Mason says, rubbing the back of his neck, "Molly and Hunter gave us a lot of their old stuff."

"I'll stop and get you a gift card somewhere then," Jennifer decides, "You can use it in case you think of anything you need later."

"Mom, you are momming out more than usual," Justin mutters, gently leading his mother away from Mason and Ezra before giving them a glance, "I guess we will see you guys tonight or in the morning."

Ezra nods, "I would say have a good time but that would be stupid. So I hope you see a lot of your loved ones during this trying time."

It's probably the only good thing Ezra can wish for them on a day like this, but seeing his loved ones is what Justin is dreading.

-----------------------

Molly arrives the same time Drew and Duncan do, coincidentally running into them in the parking garage. Well - to be more accurate - Duncan is the one who runs over to her.

"Molllllyyyyy!" She hears her name echo through the space, accompanied with small, running footsteps approaching her. When she turns around, she sees a bundled up and smiling Duncan a few feet away from her before her collides with her and wraps his arms around her waist.

"I missed you!" Duncan says, looking up at her adoringly and yeah, it does make her melt, "I asked Pa and Daddy to let you stay with us since Kendra is moving away and you came!"

"Of course I came! I missed you too!" Molly says, putting her bags down to return the hug, smiling briefly at Drew as he catches up and stands behind his son.

"Thank you for doing this," Drew says softly, "He's crazy about you and hyped you up to Lily over Facetime so, if she's in a better mood, she should be happy to see you too."

"Lily was very, very, VERY sad and mad yesterday," Duncan informs her, suddenly more serious, "She is very sad about the futural and not getting to go. I stay here with her because she's 'portant."

Molly nods, "She is. And you're a good friend for staying with her."

Duncan tsks, then puts a hand to his chest, "I'm her boyfriend. Friend too, but boyfriend comes first. Always."

Behind Duncan, Drew rolls his eyes then glances down at her bags, "Here, let me get those."

Molly shrugs, "Alright, but they are sort of heavy."

Drew looks at her like she's an idiot for thinking he can't handle a few bags but Molly does feel some slight vindication when he does seem surprised by the weight.

"What did ya bring?" Duncan asks as they get in the elevator and he takes a hold of her hand.

Molly looks down at him, "Lots of stuff. I brought arts supplies so that we can make different crafts, like galaxy and fairy jars, plus planters we can paint and some soil to plant succulents I found and put in Lily's window to make her room prettier. I brought stuff so that we can sew and make puppets and a stage so that we can create our own puppet show. There are kids books in there that are in Spanish and Mandarin since Lily knows Spanish and I'm learning it and I know Mandarin and she's learning that. I brought stuff so that we can write our own books and make our own board games-"

"Make our own?" Duncan asks, incredulously but intrigued.

"Yep," Molly nods, "I also brought stuff to make Lily's nails pretty and her skin nice and soft, things to make her feel relaxed. I will obviously do it for you too, if you want."

"Those are so many things!" Duncan exclaims, already seeming excited as he looks up at her with bright eyes as they get off the elevator.

"You definitely outdid yourself," Drew agrees, walking alongside them, "Let me know how much you spent. If you didn't keep the receipts, that's fine. Just give me an approximate amount and how much you spent on travel. I'll add it to what we are paying you."

Molly shakes her head, "I told you that you didn't have to worry about that."

Drew gives her a look, "You do realize I played professional football for twenty years, right? Give free services to someone who can't afford to pay for it."

Molly opens her mouth, then closes it. He does have a point.

When they get to Lily's room, Molly already knows she is going to have to work to get Lily much more open for potential fun and distraction. Her heart goes out to her as she sees Lily sitting on her bed looking extremely agitated, pushing at the rolling table as if she's testing it.

"Your Daddy will be back tonight," Jess says softly, already dressed for the funeral, "Are you sure you don't want to talk to him? There's still a little time before everything starts. He should still be at Emmett's-"

"I don't want to," Lily interrupts abruptly, pout still firmly in place, "I am very mad at him and I don't want to see him anymore 'cause he left and that means he doesn't want to be with me."

Jess lets out a breath and kneels down to get Lily to look at her, "You know that's not true. Your Daddy just needed time to rest and get ready."

"He can do that here," Lily tells her, then glares, "You did."

Jess purses her lips and doesn't seem to know what to say, so she stands up and runs her fingers through Lily's hair, "I understand you're upset. I'll come by and see you in the morning, okay? Will you be good for Molly?"

It's the first time Lily has looked at her since Molly had walked in, but she seems indecisive on whether or not she will behave. Molly gets it. Lily is hurting too much to keep up appearances. In all honesty, Molly would rather her just get the worst of it out earlier in the day so that they can focus on trying to feel better after, rather than delaying the inevitable.

"She ate a little bit of breakfast, but not much," Jess informs them, stepping away from the bed, "Her diet is no longer under restrictions, so that's good. If there's something that appeals to her at lunch-"

"I'll try to get it, sure," Molly finishes, "Don't worry about me."

Jess nods, glancing at the little girl on the bed then leans in closer to Molly, "She's not...She's not like this. She isn't acting like herself at all. I...I have experience with kids but not ones who have gone through something like this. I feel terrible that I can't give you more pointers, but-"

"We'll be fine," Molly says gently, leading her towards the door, "I worked part time at a school where one of the boys bashed my head into a wall and gave me a concussion. Honestly, I liked it more than the mainstream school I worked at. I've dealt with some difficult kids who you could only do so much for. Lily doesn't have a ceiling blocking her from getting better. She just needs time, understanding, and communication."

Jess nods, "I hope so."

Molly truly hopes so too.

When Drew and Jess leave, it's quiet at first. Duncan is watching Lily with a silent concern and Lily is watching nothing at all, just staring straight ahead at the wall. Molly is going to have to break the ice somehow, get Lily to be open to participating in something-

"Molly brought lots of stuff for us to do, Lily," Duncan says, standing up from his chair to walk over to her bed, "She said that we-"

"I don't care," Lily says, cutting Duncan off, "You do that stuff. I don't care what you do."

Duncan's eyes suddenly look sad and rejected as he looks away and doesn't seem like he knows what to say.

"What would you like to do, Lily?" Molly asks, watching the little girl closely, "You choose whatever you want."

Lily glares at her, but then straightens out her expression and sits up, "Can we go to Disney World?"

Molly raises an eyebrow, "That's where you want to go?"

"Yep," Lily sasses, flipping her hair back with her left hand.

Molly nods, "Well...you might not get to enjoy all of the rides you'd normally enjoy. You're still pretty hurt. I brought stuff you can enjoy here. Maybe your Daddy can take you to Disney when you're healed up. But until then? We can still have fun."

Lily stares at her a moment, then shakes her head, "No. I'm never going to have fun again. I don't want to."

Molly scoots her chair closer, "Why not?"

Lily shrugs and looks down at her blanket, choosing not to say anything in response. Molly lets out a sigh and touches her hand.

"Having fun, or trying to," Molly starts once Lily meets her eyes, "Along with learning new things, spending time with people we care about, and talking to those people when we feel sad or mad or frustrated? Those things help a lot. They don't fix everything-"

"It won't bring Papa back," Lily harshly interrupts, her eyes filled with stubborn tears, "It won't fix that. Papa is never coming back. Daddy said Papa d-died and died means gone forever."

Molly nods sadly, "I know. I know what it means. But it doesn't mean we can't talk about him and how sad we all are that he's gone. Once you do that, you might start wanting to talk about how great your Papa was and how you had a lot of good times with him. You'll keep your memories of him alive by doing that. In here and here."

Molly points at Lily's head, then at her chest. Lily looks down at her index finger before meeting Molly's eyes, "That makes no sense. Papa can't fit in either of those places. He's too big. Besides, he's dead. Dead means gone. Maybe in Heaven or maybe he's a ghost like in a movie but Daddy says he doesn't know what happens for sure, that no one does. Do you know?"

Molly shakes her head, "No idea. People think of what it might be like but no one really knows. Not until they die too. You probably only find out then."

Lily nods, maintaining eye contact with Molly as she looks more resolved, "I want to die then. That's what I want. So that I can be with Papa if I go someplace at all."

Duncan lets out a whine, "Don't say that, Lily! I don't like it!"

Molly tries not to give into her urge to comfort Duncan and focus on Lily instead, "I can't promise you that you will see your Papa whenever you do die - hopefully one hundred years from now - but I can promise you this: If your Papa did see you again because something happened to you now? Honey, he would be so upset. He would want you to live a very long life. If he's anywhere, somewhere we can't see, then he probably misses you a lot but won't want to see you for a long time because it would mean you aren't here with your Daddy and Duncan and-"

"Your baby sister!" Duncan interjects quickly, "She needs you too!"

Molly nods in agreement, "She's going to be born really soon, isn't she? In a month or so. Your Daddy is going to need a lot of help, especially now."

Lily looks away again and her voice breaks, "I just wanna see my papa. He shouldn't have d-died."

"It wasn't fair," Molly says hoarsely as Lily starts to cry, "I know. It wasn't his fault though. He wanted to stay here but that kind of stuff is out of our control."

"H-He should have tr-tried harder!" Lily shouts as Duncan carefully climbs up onto the bed, "He should've ran! Left! Protedded himself!

Molly opens her mouth only to close it out of confusion, "...Ran?"

"F-From the bad m-men!" Lily gets out as she cries harder, "I s-saw! I saw!"

Oh no. Oh, fuck.

"You want to talk about what you saw?" Molly asks, glancing at Duncan, wondering if she should ring a nurse to ask her to take him out of the room for a few minutes. It wouldn't be that nurse's job to watch him, especially with Duncan not being a patient, but Molly isn't sure how else to handle whatever story Lily has to tell. She doesn't think Duncan would go willingly anyway, not with the way he's inching closer to Lily and staring at Molly as if he knows what she's trying to plan.

"I stay here and listen," Duncan says, leaving no room for argument, "A bad man hurt my baba too. I saw. Before, I live with Baba. Then, I live with other people, more than one family! Now, I have my Daddy and Pa and I love them. They say that I am stuck with them. No more new families."

Lily leans her head on Duncan's shoulder as she sniffles and mumbles, "I'm glad you are Drew's and Emmett's family now, Duncan."

Molly bites her lip and focuses on Duncan for a moment, "Hey, Duncan? You ever talk to your Daddy or your Pa about what happened to your baba?"

Duncan shakes his head forcefully as he begins to look stubborn, "I don't wanna. I don't wanna think about that. I only say now because Lily talk about her papa."

"I don't want to say either," Lily says, sitting back up, "I don't wanna talk about that."

"Okay," Molly says consolingly, "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Talking does help though. I know a lot of times I don't like to talk either, but then Hunter gets stuff out of me and I end up feeling a lot better."

Lily nods and wipes her face, "Because Hunter loves you. You're going to get married and have lots and lots of babies. That's just how it's going to be, okay?"

Despite the heaviness the morning has brought, it's one moment of lightness where Molly can see a glimpse of the true Lily shining through. And even though part of her is really wanting Lily to talk - to reveal the full extent of what she witnessed and remembers to someone so that her father and her treatment team can be aware and make sure she's getting the right kind of support - she can't push her to do it since it might re-traumatize her. So Molly is going to embrace the opportunity for redirection and potential fun Lily is presenting.

Fun for the kids. Not for her. Hunter is going to tease her mercilessly about this once he finds out about this and feels up to being a dick.

"That's just how it's going to be, huh?" Molly asks, getting a sketch pad and a pencil out of one of the bags, "Throw some names at me. I want to be ready."

Surprisingly, a small and hesitant, but excited and hopeful smile makes its way onto Lily's face before she and Duncan get down to business.

----------------------------

Gus doesn't know how he is going to make it through today. He feels fucking sick. But as sick as he feels, he has to wonder how his dad is doing. Emmett had come over last night, right when Gus was finishing up a current events paper to send to his Sociology teacher. It had been on the rise of Canadian sex trafficking and the statistics and repercussions surrounding it so it hadn't exactly put Gus in a better mood. All Emmett had said once Gus emailed it out was that he needed to pack a few things and make sure he had his clothes for the funeral. Dad had apparently wanted to stay at Emmett's instead. Or maybe Emmett had wanted him to. Gus doesn't know. All he knows is that Emmett looked scared and concerned but wouldn't say why Dad wouldn't just come home. When Gus finally caught a glimpse of his dad, the man had only told him 'Good night' and went straight to one of the guest rooms with Emmett trailing behind, as if he wanted to make sure Dad was going where he said he was going.

Today? Dad is just as quiet, even when they get to the funeral home. He's only broken his silence with Gus a couple of times, one of those times was solely to introduce him to a cousin he's never met. Peter, Dad's nephew, as well as Peter's partner, Jamal, and their niece/adopted daughter. The whole meeting is awkward. Gus has known a little about Dad talking to one of Claire's kids occasionally over Facebook but it's different to see him in person. Peter looks like he'd rather not be here but probably came to make an effort with Dad and be supportive. Gus can understand that. He'd rather not be here either, but he's here for his Dad and for Eric. The meeting is a little stiff and soon after, Peter, Jamal, and Tamika go and hang off to the side because no one really has it in them to socialize more than they have to, not today. It's less nerve-wracking being next to his moms, Amanda, Diego, George, and Rick and sticking with people he already knows pretty well. Near the back, not anywhere near the front where his dad went once he parted ways with Peter.

Gus has been watching him from afar, just watching him sit in the front row, staring straight ahead. People are going up to him all the time, probably to tell him how sorry they all are or to ask about Lily. They don't stay long. Gus knows his dad isn't easy to talk to these days. The only people waiting him out are Michael, Malia, Cynthia, and Debbie. They are sitting up there with him almost stubbornly until the funeral starts and they have to go to their own seats. Eric's parents are up there too, although James and Louisa are sitting on the other side of the aisle from his dad. He's not sure if they've talked to each other today at all.

"Justin just texted," Mom says, glancing down at her phone, "He just got off the train with Hunter. I guess Jennifer came in this morning for this too."

"She always did like Brian," Ma says before backtracking, "Well...Not always. But most of the time."

"After the first year or so," Mom adds, then gets off of that subject, "JR will be happy to see Hunter, at least. She's been so quiet all day."

Gus looks around for his younger sister and sees her sitting on the couch, looking sadly down at the black tights and black shoes, her blunt black bangs just starting to hang over her eyes. Ben is next to her, seeming as if he's waiting for her to talk. Usually, JR is only quiet when she is content or when she's reading one of her ten thousand books that she has split up between their mothers' house and Michael's and Ben's house. But when she's actually feeling something significant, she usually goes to Ben first. The fact that he can't even get her to talk about this is saying something. But she's usually really happy to see Hunter. Gus used to get sort of jealous about how attached JR was to Hunter over him, although he would rather die than admit it. A few years ago, his mom caught onto that anyway. She said it was because Hunter moved all the way to California when JR was only four or so and he had the need and ability to take her to fun places and bond with her when he came to see her or when she went to see him, that while Hunter was her brother, he was also more like a fun uncle she could look up to, rather than a friend due to their age gap. Gus is more like a friend, sibling, and equal. He's a lot more mature than JR, but whatever. He can accept his mom's theory. And honestly? He doesn't care if it is right or not at this point. He doesn't care if Hunter is JR's favorite or not right now. If Hunter can get JR to perk up, then Gus will be relieved.

He just wants someone to be fucking happy for once, even if that person can't be him or his dad.

However, Gus does find himself perking up just a little when he sees Justin walk in, more than he expected to. He tries not to walk over there too quickly so that he doesn't overwhelm him. Gus has been doing a lot of that the last week or so, trying not to overwhelm people. He's been trying not to overwhelm his dad since the man looks like he's seconds away from jumping off a cliff and Gus really doesn't want that. It's why he wants to stay close, to make sure his dad is safe and taking care of himself. Gus has to make sure not to overwhelm Lily either. Every time she acts out and throws something or yells at someone, he wants to talk sense into her and get her to think about how much it is stressing out Dad, but Grandma pointed out that she's really struggling right now and doesn't understand everything she's feeling, that she can't help it and that their dad knows that. He's watching what he says around Amanda and Diego, since he's spent more time with them this past week than he has his own father even and he knows Amanda is distracting herself by trying to spend time with him. He's even had to tiptoe around Emmett, who looks like he's going to have a nervous breakdown any day now.

He's tired of feeling like he has to make sure everyone is okay. Justin has always been a safe person for him and he wants to fucking unload on someone other than his mothers. Gus knows he's been an asshole to them. But one look at Justin and he knows he can't do that to him either. The man looks as exhausted and sad as the rest of them do. At least Gus doesn't feel the need to support him too. Justin has his mom and Hunter with him. Petra and Nathan are with him too.

Maybe Justin does need support, being at an awful place with two exes in the room. Gus doesn't have an ex, he never fucking wants an ex, but if he and Penelope did break up and they ended up at a funeral together, Gus can only imagine it would be awkward and hard. While he would like to run up to the group like JR does - hug Justin as tightly as JR hugs Hunter - he chooses to stand back at first and just watch. Justin hasn’t seemed to have spotted him. Gus isn’t surprised, the room is packed. It’s definitely the most crowded funeral Gus has ever been to. But Gus is able to keep his eyes on Justin as he signs the guest books, mingles in the back with the people he came in with and a few others who approach him, all while he keeps glancing up to the front of the room every thirty seconds or so, as if he’s wondering if he should go up or not.

Should Gus take Justin up there? Gus doesn’t want to go, he’s too scared to go up right now. But Justin seems scared too. It makes Gus feel less crazy. He should take him up. Face his own fears with someone who is having fears of their own. It might be better. Easier. Although Gus isn’t decisive on the matter one way or another, he finds himself abandoning his mothers and ending up in front of Justin anyway. But as soon as he ends up in front of him, he doesn't even know what to say. Justin seems to know he can't get any words out, the way his expression softens and he puts a hand on the back of Gus's neck. And Gus is trying to keep his cool, he really is, because he told himself he wouldn't fucking cry today because too many people are already hurting. But the way Justin is looking at him, it's as if he's telling him that it's okay that he's hurting too.

It makes Gus break.

------------------------------

"It's okay, I got him," Justin gets out as his mother's hands hover over Gus instinctively when his head collapses onto Justin's shoulder and his body begins to shake with sobs, "Go see how Brian's doing. Talk to him. If he seems like he's handling things okay, let him know I'm taking Gus into the other room for a bit."

"... Alright," his mother eventually says, her expression crumpling slightly when she takes one look at Gus. Nathan looks like he wants to comfort him too and Justin gets it because Nathan lost both of his parents. Even if one deserved to fucking die, Nathan understands the magnitude of that kind of loss, the stress that it brings. But Justin knows Gus and he knows teenage boys well enough to know that Gus doesn't want that kind of attention or pity, especially since he's Brian Kinney's son. Nathan seems to sense that too since he chooses to follow Petra over to Hunter instead, taking one last sad glance at Gus before he does so.

"Here, come on," Justin says, walking him out of the main room, "It's alright. Let's go sit down."

"I-I don't want to f-fucking be here!" Gus gasps out, crying into his hands.

Justin lets out a breath and continues to rub Gus's back. It's probably not his place at all, to take Gus somewhere, even if it is just across the street. But he can't deny him of a break. Not today.

"Let me text your moms," Justin says, compromising, "Let them know I'm taking you to the coffee and tea place down the street for a little bit."

Ideally, Justin would have waited for Melanie and Lindsay to respond. But apparently Gus isn't up to waiting that long. Within seconds, he's walking out the front door, leaving Justin no choice but to follow him out and at least get him walking in the right direction. He doesn't say a word to him otherwise, not until they get there and he gets Gus to grab a table for them while Justin goes up, orders them something to drink, and meets Gus in the corner of the cafe, watching the boy carefully as he takes the first sip from his cup.

"Tea?" Gus asks, sounding put off by the drink as he puts the cup down.

"Coffee will make you jittery," Justin points out as he lifts up his own cup, "I got tea too. Some blend they claim is relaxing and soothing."

"They're full of shit," Gus mumbles, but continues to drink his tea regardless.

Justin snorts at that, "Maybe so. Can't hurt though."

A silence falls between them again and Justin lets out a sigh, "You want to talk about what happened back there?"

Gus shakes his head, "Nothing to talk about."

"There's plenty to talk about," Justin says, "But if you don't want to talk, I won't make you."

Gus stays quiet for a long time. Justin doesn't exactly keep track of the time, but it has to be at least thirty minutes, long enough for Justin to grab him a refill. At first, Justin feels like he is just going to have to grow accustomed to staying silent for however long they're here. But as soon as he starts to accept that, Gus seems to change his mind.

"I'm really worried about a lot of people," Gus finally starts, looking down at the table, "Lily is a mess and acting out every day, Amanda, George, and Rick are really upset, Emmett looks exhausted because he's trying to take care of everything and everyone so I have been trying to help him, but it's hard when I keep worrying about Dad. Dad's not talking much. He tries to stay away from people, except for Lily, but that's only because he has to be there most of the time. I don't think he wants to be around me."

Justin closes his eyes, "Gus, I am sure it isn't like that. However much other people are hurting, even you and Lily and I know you are both hurting a lot, he is probably feeling one hundred times the amount of pain that we feel. I'm sure he appreciates that you love him and want to be here for him, but he just doesn't have it in him to express that right now."

Gus just shakes his head, "He doesn't even want to sit next to anyone for more than a few minutes, let alone talk to anyone. If anyone would let him sit alone at the funeral somewhere in the back, he probably would. There have been a few moments where he acts okay...sort of. But then he gets a lot worse later, as if acting like that makes him exhausted and he can't do it anymore."

"He probably can't," Justin says softly, "And that's not because of you. It's because of what happened. It's because he's grieving and extremely sad. He's going to be like that for a long time and I hate that this happened to him. I hate that it happened to Eric. I hate that it happened to you, Lily, and the baby. None of you deserve this and I am so sorry things turned out this way. It's not fair."

Gus sniffles and covers his eyes with his left hand so Justin puts his hand over Gus's right, stroking it with his thumb until Gus is ready to say something else, if he does.

What ends up coming out of Gus's mouth makes Justin feel like shit.

"Have you talked to Dad?" Gus asks, rubbing at his eyes, "Since he came back? I know you didn't want to go to Philadelphia while everything was happening. I get why now. But m-maybe he'll talk to you if he's not really talking to Emmett, Michael, or Grandma."

Justin swallows the lump in his throat. He tries to think of an appropriate response to that. He can't tell Gus that the last time he and Brian talked, they got into a fight because that's not exactly true, not really. It was a little combative but it put Brian on the spot, made him more vulnerable than Justin has ever seen him.

It caused Brian to call Eric and ask him to come home because he likely didn't want to be alone. And now Brian is alone for good, or at least for what will likely be a significant amount of time. Eric is never coming home. Lily is lucky to be going home at all.

"I…" Justin starts, then tries again, "Gus, it's not that I don't want to-"

"Gus?"

Justin freezes at the sound of Brian's voice and has to force himself to turn his head in the direction of the sound while Gus is whipping his around immediately. When Justin finally is able to focus on Brian, see his face for the first time since all of this happened, he can see how all of this has affected him immediately. He looks exhausted and deeply sad. He looks stressed, older than he had looked just a week ago. Justin doesn't think there are new grey hairs or new lines on his face. It's just something within Brian and the fact that he's faced a horrific and tragic event that no one should experience. It's all in his eyes.

Eyes staring right at Justin, even when Brian is saying Gus's name. Justin knows he needs to say something, anything, even though nothing can make it better. He needs-

"Hi, Dad," Gus says, quickly wiping his face as if he wants to get rid of any evidence that he was crying, to make sure Brian isn't put on the spot or doesn't become more stressed than he already is, "I'm sorry I left. I was going to come back soon."

"It's alright," Brian murmurs, finally looking down at his son before sitting next to him, "It gave me an excuse to take a break too."

Gus nods, but seems as if he's seconds away from crying all over again before he tries to distract himself, "Have you heard anything about how Lily is doing this morning?"

Brian shrugs and looks even sadder, if at all possible, "Drew is handling that. I don't know if Molly has kept him updated or not. You hear from her?"

It takes Justin a moment to even register that Brian is talking to him but feels his heart practically seize in his chest once he realizes that both Brian and Gus are looking at him. He needs to say something, he knows he needs to say something.

"I haven't heard much," Justin gets out, clearing his throat, "Hunter called to check in and see if Molly needed anything before we came here. She mentioned Lily was upset this morning but is doing better now. I guess she had Lily and Duncan making puppets and writing a play and was working on Mandarin with them before that. So maybe they'll uh...they'll have a production ready for you. I don't know."

Brian doesn't say anything at first, just continues to stare at him in bewilderment for several seconds before rasping out, "Molly's getting her to have a good time? She's doing okay?"

Justin's eyes fill with tears at the sound of hope in Brian's voice and nods, "I think so, yeah. I'm sure Molly didn't magically fix everything but she seems to be feeling okay enough to do some activities with her, at least for now."

"That…" Brian starts, looking like he's going to burst into fucking tears any second. Part of Justin wishes he would. It wouldn't be the first time he had to deal with a grown man breaking down in front of him in a relatively crowded Greenwich Village cafe. And knowing Brian, he's probably been holding it in, at least in front of other people. It might be better to get it out here, in a place where he won't have so many people trying to come over and comfort him.

But the other part? It's relieved when Brian gets it under control.

"I'm glad," he chokes out, "Uh...I need to get back. Gus, you don't...you don't have to go, if you don't want. Jennifer said you got really upset and that's why Justin brought you here. If you want to stay here or take the train back to the house, I'll understand-"

"I'm going," Gus says, sniffling, "I just needed a break, I swear. I'm sorry I left."

Brian shakes his head, then stands up, "Don't be sorry. Like I said, I needed the break too. You want to walk with me or do you need a few more minutes? The uh...the funeral starts in less than an hour."

Gus glances at Justin, then seems to force himself to stand up before - possibly impulsively - throwing himself at his dad's side and pulling him in a tight embrace. It may surprise or move Brian, but Justin feels like it was coming, especially with Gus feeling like Brian didn't want to be around him, only for Brian to leave the funeral home to come find him and see if he was okay. Gus knows his dad cares now. He knows Brian wants him around. That's good. Justin honestly can't say the same, he really can't, but Gus is more important here-"

"Are you coming? Or are you staying?"

The words are quiet but they come from Brian's mouth and they don't come off as annoyed or forced. They're still sad and resigned - all of the words out of Brian's mouth have been this far, as if it hurts him to even talk. Justin isn't going to deny Brian of anything right now. And even though Eric is gone, he isn't going to disrespect the man by not attending the funeral either.

"Yeah," Justin says, standing up as well, "I'm coming."

-------------------------

The funeral is harder than Gus thought it would be.

They don't play Amazing Grace or any of the cliche bullshit that he had heard at his Great -Grandpa Marcus's funeral. They don't bring Catholicism into the fold like the priest at Eric's grandfather's funeral had done. They don't focus on the great beyond or Eric getting his eternal reward for being a good person.

No, his friends and family just talk about what a good person he was and keep it at that, not what might come after. Close to every single one of the people who speak start crying when it becomes too much. Rick can't get a word out that doesn't sound strangled, Amanda sniffles through her whole speech with Julian hugging her leg all while he stares at his uncle's body with fear and confusion. Eric's dad can't get more than a few words out before sitting back down while Grandma Debbie goes on a tangent about Eric that has her clutching her chest in an attempt to stay in control. And George? He starts out light. He tries to be funny and mostly succeeds by telling stories about when he and Eric were kids. But all of the sudden, he starts sobbing, crying so hard that James has to usher his son out of the room because it's too much for George to handle and it's almost too much for Gus to watch. He almost resents George for making him cry too but then he thinks of how he would feel if it was his sibling, how he would feel if JR was in that coffin, how Lily almost was.

That thought makes him cry even harder, to the point where he's crying into his hands. His dad's arm tightens around him at that point. It has been around him since before the funeral started so it doesn't require the man to move or take much initiative. It's probably for the best. Gus is afraid to look at his dad or even catch a glimpse and figure out how he's handling this. He doesn't think his dad is going to say a word, much less get up to talk, and he doesn't think anyone expects him to. To expect his dad to stand up and talk about Eric after the week he has had would be fucking cruel. Gus has a speech in his pocket. He's been working on it for days in between assignments. He told himself that he would speak for his dad, that it is his job. Even though Michael and Emmett go up sort of on behalf of the Kinney family as well, neither are Brian Kinney's son. Gus knows it would be the right thing to do for his father, the respectful thing to do for Eric, a man whom he loves - had loved, still loves - like another father. But even as the last of Eric's friends, extended family, and colleagues go up to give their favorite stories about him and they give a final call on speeches before the service concludes, Gus can't move from his seat or call out and say he has something to say.

Why can't he just go up? Do that much for Eric and his dad? Even JR went up. JR. It had shocked him too much to make him get emotional because his sister generally doesn't like to be the center of attention. But even though Gus didn't cry, he could have sworn he heard Michael burst into tears as she stood up to walk to the front. Possibly Ben, Hunter, and his mothers too. He also knows Lily would have gone up there. It's probably partly why she's so upset she couldn't come. She might not come up with the most eloquent speech in the world and she might break down in hysterics once she got a better look at her father's body, but she definitely would have tried.

Gus couldn't even do that much because he's a fucking coward.

They dismiss the back of the room first, to give the immediate family more time and more privacy, Gus supposes. They aren't carrying the body out. It's staying here and getting cremated in the morning. The thought makes Gus want to throw up because this means this is the last time he's going to see Eric again. He's never going to see him, this is it. Everything is done.

After the rest of the room leaves, one of the funeral directors gets to the two front rows to dismiss them. They wait for Eric's parents, nephews, siblings, and their significant others to go first. Louisa must realize this is the end too. She collapses onto her son and cradles his face, crying something in Spanish as James gently pulls her away and gets her out of the room like he had George earlier in the service. And then it's their row. Their row isn't big. It's only him, Dad, Cynthia, as well as Debbie and Carl, standing in as parents of the widower. When the director tells them that they can leave when they are ready, Gus is already standing up and following Cynthia, Debbie, and Carl out. Even though he is fucking ready to break down at the thought of never seeing Eric again, he wants to fucking go. When he passes Eric's body, he has to tell himself that it's a shell. That it isn't Eric anymore, that Eric is probably somewhere else or maybe he's a ghost and watching everyone get super upset about his death. Gus doesn't know. Right now, he doesn't care. He just needs to get the fuck out. Gus would have thought his dad feels the same.

But when Gus glances back to check to see if his dad is coming, he realizes that he isn't. He's still sitting down, staring at Eric's body with absolute fear and devastation, and huffing air in and out as if he can't quite get his breathing under control.

"Dad?" Gus asks, his voice cracking, "Dad, are you ready?"

Dad's expression crumples and he lets out a strangled sound as he shakes his head no. Dad opens his mouth again to talk but no words come out, just lost, soft, broken, keening cries that terrify Gus because it's obvious that Dad is still holding a lot back. Maybe he's waiting until Gus leaves or maybe he'll break completely before Gus manages to do that. He wants to comfort his dad, he does, but suddenly he feels terrified. He feels like a fucking child who just realized their parent isn't invincible.

"Maybe we should go," Gus pleads, sniffling as he takes a step closer, "Maybe you need to take another break."

His dad's breaths come out faster and Gus watches the man cover his eyes - only for a second - before seeming to come to the conclusion that he can't see Eric that way so he shows his face again and keeps watching the body as he continues to crack.

"Dad-" Gus starts but is cut off by someone walking into the room.

"Gus, I just wanted to make sure you were al…" his Ma starts before her eyes land on his dad, her expression becoming shockingly tender and heartbroken at the sight.

"I don't know what to do," he whispers desperately to Ma as she makes her way back into the room. Ma briefly rubs his back, brings his head down to kiss his forehead, and tries to send him a small smile.

"Go find your mom," Ma says softly, "Or your sister. She should be with Hunter and her dads. It will be okay, Gus. It'll be fine. Go on. We'll both be out soon."

Gus nods and lets her take the reins, even though it's an odd and unlikely source of comfort for his dad. But when he hears his dad choke out, "I don't know why I'm like this right now." only for Ma to throw an arm around him and respond, "Because it would be fucking weird if you weren't?" Gus thinks she might be able to swing it and get him standing, even if it is only for a few minutes.