“Okay. Arm up, step one two three four. I got this. I got this.”

Brian raises his eyebrows as Lily coaches herself in the mirror once more, this time in Spanish, before methodically going through her movements.

“I hope you aren’t going to do your dance like that onstage,” Brian drawls, before sitting down on the little girl’s bed, “It’s boring and lacks all feeling.”

Lily turns around with a vicious glare, “I am just trying to make sure I got my steps right! I got all that stuff you just said and you know it! Now shoo and go away! I’m practicing.”

Brian scoffs at his daughter’s blunt rudeness. Where she learned it from, he’ll never know.

But he does know that Lily is nervous and can remember the times when he was a child and had been nervous over a test, a soccer game, or a play and his parents hadn’t been there at all. So he kneels down next to her, takes her hand, and gently turns her around.

“You are going to do an amazing job,” he tells her, looking her straight in the eye, “You have practiced everyday for months, love dancing more than almost anything else, and whenever you perform, we can see the energy and love you have for the music and movements go through you. You’ll wow everyone.”

Lily bites her lip and nods her head, before taking his hand in both of her own and whispering with such seriousness, “Thank you, Daddy.”

Then, she turns around to work on her facial expressions with each move.

She’s the most intense four year old he’s ever met.

He has to take pictures of the intensity to taunt her with once she’s older and realizes how ridiculous she used to be.

It’s when he’s doing just that when Eric walks in and gives him that look. The one that makes Brian roll his eyes, since his husband can’t stop looking so tender and awestruck over simple interactions.

“Ready to get dressed, honey?” Eric asks, bringing the first dress she has to wear in the show into the room.

Lily takes a deep breath, “Yes, yes I am. Do you have my shawl? I need it for my solo.”

“Everything’s packed,” Eric confirms.

“The pinny things to hold it too? I need it to stay on until I am ready to dance with it!”

“Yes, I wouldn’t forget anything. We made a list, remember?”

“I do,” Lily nods, breathing out heavily, only to look down at her feet, “Okay...Let’s do this.”

----------------------------------------------------------

The recital is in Sunnyside, Queens at a relatively small, but popular Spanish theater. They arrive early to get Lily backstage and to get good seats. For the first 15 minutes, they are the only ones in the lobby, which honestly makes Brian wonder how much of a loser he actually is.

“We have the youngest soloist in the whole company as our kid. She needs a little more time to prepare,” Eric tries to reason, but it doesn’t really work on either of them.

“Well, I’ll be damned! Brian Kinney first in line for a dance recital! I never thought I would see the day.”

Debbie’s voice takes him by surprise when he looks up from the program he had been barely looking at to begin with, especially when he sees she has Gus in tow.

“Hey!” Eric grins, jumping up to his feet to give both of them hugs, “I didn’t know you both were coming! Brian, why didn’t you tell me?”

“That might be because I didn’t know either,” Brian says as he bites back a smile as he walks over to Gus to put the boy’s head under his arm, then looks at Debbie, “You didn’t pull him out of school for this, did you?”

Debbie glares and points a finger at him, “He had the day off due to a faculty meeting. I’ll have you know that I am a good grandmother and I would never compromise that boy’s education. He’s headed for great things, so I won’t have you accusing me of keeping him from learning as much as he can.”

Brian rolls his eyes and looks down at his son, “She’s so serious. Weren’t you just here? Hating me because I kept you away from your one true love?”

Gus lets out a huff, “Grandma came over at 4:30 in the morning and told me we were going on a road trip and to pack my things.”

“She’s controlling like that,” Brian answers, ignoring Debbie’s swat, “I’m surprised she even was able to get you up.”

“She promised to let me drive part way,” Gus answers innocently.

“Uh, Debbie?” Eric asks nervously, “He can’t even get a permit, here or in Ontario, until he’s 16.”

Debbie looks nervous for a moment, before brushing the statement off, “He’s in Driver’s Ed. And I only let him drive on some back roads for a few miles-”

“40 miles,” Gus adds.

“And he did a very good job,” Debbie finishes confidently, “Minus one or two mishaps. But hey, you know what that tells you, Kinney? That private school you’re paying for up there pays off.”

“Right,” Brian murmurs, but is more amused by this than anything.

“I did a better job than she did going through the tunnels and driving through the city,” Gus smirks.

“When you’re living up here, going to your big fancy college, I’d like to see you try it,” Debbie shoots back at the teen, before brightening up, “Is Lily backstage already? I was hoping to see her before the show.”

“She went back to go over some things with her instructor,” Eric tells them as more people start to filter in, “She’s very excited but also nervous. She’s been practicing obsessively almost all day.”

“Oh, bless her,” Debbie sighs lovingly, putting a hand to her heart.

As a little more time passes, Brian realizes how large Lily’s party actually is. Cynthia comes in about ten minutes after Debbie and Gus do, which he knows will make Lily ecstatic. They hadn’t told her, just in case one of Cynthia’s meetings ran late, but it had been the plan for her to come this weekend. With the baby’s due date coming closer, there are some things they need to discuss, to plan, since Cynthia wants to have a larger role with the girls’. It’s a sensitive topic, for all of them, so it would be for the best if they figured out how to go about it before sitting Lily down.

Justin comes in a few minutes after Cynthia with Carmen.

“I hope you don’t mind I brought her,” Justin mentions to him, nodding to the woman, “She’s in the house way too much with a baby and her specialty is musical theater and dance-”

“I’ve actually been in a couple of shows in this theater,” Carmen adds, “I got a little excited when Justin mentioned he was coming here.”

“We’re glad you were able to come,” Eric tells her, “Lily’s only met you a couple times but she loves that you can speak Spanish with her and are on stage. She’ll be thrilled that you’re here.”

Drew, Emmett, and Duncan squeeze their way in through the doors with what looks like one dancer’s large extended family. Brian snorts when someone’s leg brushes against the huge bouquet of flowers Duncan is holding, which causes Duncan to glare at them with every fiber of hatred he can muster.

And then, just a few minutes before the show, Nathan comes in.

Brian hadn’t been expecting that.

“I’m so glad you could come,” Eric smiles, taking his jacket off of a couple of chairs that Brian hadn’t realized his husband had been hogging until just now.

“Lily did invite me,” Nathan answers softly, “And what else was I going to do with my first week off?”

“Sleep?” Justin suggests from behind them, “Since you probably haven’t in god knows how long.”

Nathan turns around in his seat to give Justin an almost ornery look, “That probably would have been the healthier option.”

“Did everyone actually make it?” Eric asks looking around to count.

“Petra came. She’s just in the bathroom,” Nathan mentions.

“You all are pathetic,” Brian has to tell them all as Petra sits down next to Nathan, “The fact that none of you have anything better to do on a Friday night is so depressing-”

“Brian, shhh. It’s starting,” Eric whispers as the lights start to dim.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

“It was one of the best shows I’ve ever been to,” Debbie tells them tearfully, “Our Lily has so much passion and charisma and drive and talent. She deserved the standing ovation she got. That little girl is going to be a star!”

“She was incredible!” Carmen gushes, “I wish I had that kind of talent when I was that young! I couldn’t even tell she was nervous!”

“Oh my god, I thought she wasn’t even going to go out,” Eric tells them, “When they came to get me so that I could talk to her backstage? They had her breathing in a paper bag. Are anxiety attacks normal for a four year old? Brian, maybe we should take her to a doctor.”

Before Brian can answer, Debbie vetoes the idea.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it. She got over it completely and outshined every single dancer up there, even the high school group.”

The dancers start to come out in a line through the lobby, oldest to youngest, and are greeted with flowers, hugs, and praise. Lily is at the tail end of the line, beaming as people she doesn’t even know come up and tell her how great she was in her solo, before she spots them.

“Aunt Cynthia!!!!” Lily squeals, running up and jumping into her mother’s arms. And, maybe it’s because he’s been actively trying to refer to Cynthia as Lily’s mother in his head, or maybe it’s because they plan on revealing that fact to her in the next couple of months, but seeing Lily hold onto Cynthia tight as she lays her head against her shoulder, eyes closed and a content smile on her face, makes him choke up a bit.

No one notices. He doesn’t think. It’s fucking stupid. It’s probably due to age or another baby on the way or some shit.

And it completely passes within seconds. After Cynthia puts Lily down and Lily comes to preen under Eric’s praise and to make sure Brian wore his new horrific glasses during the show, she goes over to accept her flowers from Duncan with gratitude, giving the little boy a kiss on the cheek in the process, which has Brian shaking his head and Duncan grinning like a fool.

What wipes Duncan’s grin off his face is the absolute awe Lily seems to still have for Nathan.

“You came,” Lily gasps, smoothing down her dress as she looks up at the man.

“I had to come see the greatest Flamenco dancer in New York City,” Nathan winks.

That wink alone causes Lily to blush furiously and giggle, before she runs to hide her face into Eric’s hip.

It’s ridiculous, but Brian almost can’t blame her. Even he can admit (in his head) that Nathan has the sexy wink down pat.

They take her out for a celebratory dinner afterwards, Park Plaza per her request. Since Lily is so convincing, she manages to make everyone tag along and they get the room near the back to sit in. It’s nice, despite Duncan quietly challenging Nathan for Lily’s heart, much to what seems like Nathan’s amusement.

“I told them that you did a great job and needed all the cake in the whole wide world,” Duncan insists as Lily blows out the candle. Why they put a candle on the piece of cake in the first place, Brian couldn’t tell you.

“It’s true,” Emmett mutters to them as Lily takes her first bite, “He told the owner that he loves Lily and that he’s her boyfriend and that he’s a better boyfriend than some old man.”

“You hear that, old man?” Brian smirks, “You don’t stand a chance.”

“I don’t think I ever did,” Nathan laughs as he puts an arm on the back of Petra’s chair, “But if I’m old, what does that make you?”

Fucker.

They part ways after that. Cynthia, Gus, and Debbie come with them, while most of the others head for Court Street to head for their respective trains. When Brian takes one last glance, he sees Justin pulling Nathan to the side to tell him something. Brian is only guessing, but he assumes it’s the same thing Justin told him on Halloween. He doesn’t know how Nathan will take it, but he seems better. Calmer. More relaxed and confident, even. Maybe the success of the show helped with that. Maybe getting a nicer apartment with Petra helped as well. But, if the baby is what Justin is bringing up, then Brian feels like Nathan may take it okay after all.

---------------------------------------------------

The rest of the weekend remains busy. Lily has afternoon recitals on Saturday and Sunday, which makes it tough to spend time with Gus, Debbie, and Cynthia, but they do try to get as much in as possible. He does make it a little easier on them by having Debbie return the rental car in New York, before he buys two plane tickets that head out to Toronto Sunday evening.

As for the the talk he, Eric, and Cynthia have? It goes as well as expect. Almost. Sort of. If anything, Brian’s the awkward one, as Cynthia tries to explain she knows Brian is Lily’s parent and that she doesn’t want to replace him in any way, but just wants to play a larger role in Lily’s life and for her to know who she is to her.

“And the same goes with this new little girl,” Cynthia tells them, “Whether she’s biologically yours or Brian’s, it doesn’t matter. She’s still going to belong to the both of you. I just...I don’t know.”

“With the new baby, we would start with her knowing who you are to begin with,” Eric answers slowing, glancing at Brian every so often, “With Lily, it’s more complicated due to the fact we’ll have to sit her down and explain everything and how it works. And she has a right to know, I agree. She deserves to know you’re her mother and that you didn’t expect to love her as much as you did when you first agreed to donate your eggs. After she is capable of really understanding, is taking it well, and is open to it, we could maybe arrange a week or so a couple of times a year where she could spend time with you in Chicago-”

“I need some time,” Brian interrupts, getting up.

“Brian-” Eric starts, but if he says anything after, Brian doesn’t hear it after he closes the back door.

He knows he should probably just stand on the stoop and not leave his property during an important conversation, but he needs to clear his head so he walks down to the promenade, which is only a block away regardless. He walks down the boardwalk and passes the mansions that line it, the only brownstones in Brooklyn probably larger than his own. He really wants a cigarette. Quitting was a shitty idea, yet he hates the fact that he wants one just over a simple conversation to begin with.

He’s a fucking hypocrite. If anyone should understand where Cynthia is coming from, it should be him. He was pretty much in her situation not too terribly long ago with Gus. Sometimes he still finds himself in it. And Cynthia is handling it much more gracefully and compassionately than he ever did.

He could call Mel. Because, if Cynthia is him in this situation, then that makes him Melanie fucking Marcus. But, even though they are on better terms than they ever were before, distance must make the heart grow fonder, he wouldn’t be able to stand it if she became all high and mighty over it.

“If you don’t want to tell her...or if you don’t want me to have a larger role in her life...just tell me, Brian. I know what the agreement was and I know that it makes it so I am technically overstepping here, but just tell me.”

Brian lets out a breath and glances at Cynthia, his cold ex-assistant turned co-CEO who looks anything but unfeeling right now.

“It’s not that,” Brian sighs, “Forget it. We can tell her tonight, if you want to.”

“We’re not going to tell her tonight,” she huffs out, “And I’m not going to ‘forget it’.”

But there’s nothing else Brian can say without coming off as jealous or selfish or hateful, so he doesn’t say anything at all.

“Brian, I don’t want to replace either of you,” Cynthia tries to explain helplessly, slightly shivering from the cold as she does so, “You and Eric - you’re both her parents. You know that. When she needs safety and comfort, she’ll come to you. When she is excited about something big that happens in her life, she’ll still tell you first. When she needs money, I bet she’ll ask you first. And hell, since you’re both gay, she may even come to you about boys.”

Brian has to snort at that, “You can handle those last two.”

Cynthia smirks a little as she puts a hand on his shoulder, “I thought I would just handle bras and periods.”

Brian shakes his head, “Eric can handle the periods. I caught him looking at articles online on how to explain puberty to your daughter, even though Lily’s four and we don’t have to worry about shit yet. I think it’s because Michael and Gus were with JR when she got hers a couple of weeks ago. You can imagine how that went. Eric suffered secondhand trauma to the point where I bet he’ll make sure he’s an expert by the time Lily gets hers.”

Cynthia lets out a laugh, “We need to help him figure out a way to occupy his time better. And here I thought you would have his time covered. Your old age keeping you down?”

Brian puts a finger under the front of his waistband of his jeans and boxer briefs, “Nope. I’m still up.”

“You liar,” Cynthia scoffs, practically leaning over to get a peek, “It’s 35 degrees outside.”

“What can I say?” Brian shrugs, putting an arm around her shoulders as they start to walk back to the house, “Identity crises and worrying my husband and baby mama get me going.”

“Never refer to me as baby mama EVER again,” Cynthia enforces, “Ever.”

---------------------------------------------------------

Brian doesn’t learn about the mural until he comes home from work to find Justin and Eric sitting at the dining room table, large sketches scattered all around.

“I know how to emulate Kinkade’s method when it comes to painting light,” he overhears Justin say to Eric, “I could do that for the stars, moon, and lights in the trees. Since you were wanting a storybook theme, I was thinking I could paint an oak tree or something and give that a fairy theme and possibly have a younger character, like Little Red Riding Hood or Alice walking towards the forest. If it’s Red Riding Hood, we could have a wolf alongside her, and if it is Alice, we could have a rabbit or a cat. They could hold a lantern and I could have the light illuminating from it show different animals or fairies or whatever you’re wanting, really. There is something we could do that my friend could help me with. He does a lot of mixed media and art that has electricity and batteries involved, he is actually the one who did the piece you got Lily on New Year’s. This idea would basically consist of shaping out the interiors of her lantern and turning it into an actual light source that would be battery operated and touch activated. As for sticking it on the wall, it would be as easy as just putting it on with velcro.”

“Oh my god, I love that idea!” Brian hears his husband practically squeal, “I like Red Riding Hood, and I like the idea of the wolf beside her, as if she’s tamed and befriended him because that would take a lot of courage, strength, and character. And the lantern idea would be so interactive and fun for her, especially when she’s a toddler and becomes obsessed with lights going on and off. You’re literally going to make her room into a work of art. I’m going to pay you so much-”

“What’s this?” Brian asks, making himself known as he walks over to the table to look at the sketches.

Eric looks up at him and points at the most developed sketch, “I met with Justin for lunch last week and we talked about a mural he did for Carmen and Liam’s son’s nursery. I had seen pictures and asked if I could pay him to do something for the baby’s.”

Brian nods, before forcing himself to get his glasses out of his pocket to look at Justin’s designs.

“I think this is the first time I have actually been face to face with him wearing them,” Justin murmurs to Eric, amused.

“He needed a prescription and everything. The opthamologist told him that he should be wearing them all the time because Brian has managed to become both nearsighted and farsighted, although the ladder is worse.”

Brian pointedly ignores his husband and tries not to feel embarrassed as Justin studies him.

“They look really nice on you,” Justin offers genuinely, “It’s a great fit and the frames are very stylish and sophisticated.”

“Right?” Eric agrees, “I helped him pick them out and everything, made sure they didn’t have the visible bifocals. He looks fucking sexy and can’t see it. Probably because he doesn’t wear the damn glasses-”

“Alright,” Brian interrupts, changing the subject, “Your sketches look nice. Eric, what’s for dinner?”

Eric raises his eyebrows in surprise at the assumption and suppresses a laugh, “What makes you think I’m making anything? Maybe I was waiting for you to get home and treat me.”

Brian gives him a look, “Maybe because I can smell food.”

“Italian Wedding soup, garlic toast, and salad,” Eric informs him, “Justin’s going to stay to eat, then get some measurements in the nursery after. Jess took Lily to the library for an arts and crafts event her daughter volunteers at but they should be back any minute now.”

And Eric’s right on that. Lily and Jess come through the door within two minutes, both of them carrying several of Lily’s recent creations.

“I dunno where you’re gonna put all these,” Lily sighs, standing up on her tiptoes to dump what she carried in on the table, “I was on a roll today.”

“It’s true,” Jess confirms as she puts down the rest of Lily’s things in a more organized manner, “She made it through all the stations and didn’t want to leave until she made every craft.”

“Lily, did you give Jess a hard time?” Brian frowns.

“Noooo,” Lily answers, giving Brian a look as if he’s both annoying and stupid, “I just particpeted. They said they wished there was more kids like me, because I’m so good at this stuff and I’m smart too.”

“They did say something of that nature,” Jess chuckles.

“But I can’t keep everything, so here, Jess,” Lily insists, handing her an owl and what looked like a stress ball, “These ones are for you. The owl will make you think of me when you’re not here and you can squeeze that other thing when you are feeling frustred with me when I’m taking too long.”

“Maybe you should make a couple of those for your papa and me,” Brian laughs as Lily shoots him a glare.

“And Justin!” Lily exclaims, running up to give the man a hug, “I didn’t know you was going to be here but I will give you stuff too. Here’s a caterpillar, it’s just a colored cotton ball with some googly eyes glues on the edge of a paper plate, as you can see, if you wanna make one at home. And here’s a maraca! Only one though, because I wanna give the other to my papa. You understand, right?”

Justin chokes back a laugh and nods seriously, “Of course I understand. Thank you, Lily.

Lily presents Eric and himself with a higher quantity of gifts. Eric receives a single maraca, three finger puppets (“They HAVE to stay together because they’re friends,”) an elephant made out of toilet paper rolls, and an origami mermaid.

Brian receives a giraffe finger puppet, something Lily seems particularly impressed by because, as she demonstrates, you put two fingers through the holes and they become the giraffe’s legs. Along with that, she gives him a turkey, a picture of god knows what made with her footprints, and a picture of a sailboat and the ocean made out of cupcake wrappers, which makes her laugh because it reminds her of the time he felt sick on the sailboat ‘that one time.’

That one time where she caught a fish that put 100,000 dollars in her college fund. That one time that slowly led up to her papa’s heart being crushed by his mother.

It’s funny how kids perceive major events.

They move the crafts so that they can set the table for five and eat. It’s a smaller meal, comforting and nice for a colder day. Brian forces himself to just have one bowl, but everyone else has two, and Eric still has enough to put some aside in containers for Jess and Justin, as well as store some in the freezer. Jess takes hers after she helps load the dishwasher, then hugs Lily goodbye. Justin gathers some of his tools before Brian offers to take him upstairs to the nursery while Eric keeps Lily occupied.

“Here it is,” Brian drawls, walking into the room and patting the crib, “Eric must have put everything else in the attic so that you would have room. Do you need this moved anywhere?”

“Not right now,” Justin tells him, before he gets into visualization mode, or whatever he’s doing. Brian goes to watch Justin from the doorway as he the younger man starts to measure the walls in full, before random portions that probably only make sense to Justin.

“This will take you a while,” Brian tells him, “It’s not exactly a small room.”

Justin looks around the room and sighs, “...Yeah.”

Brian lets out a breath, “You know, you don’t have to do it. If I had known Eric was going to ask you, I would have let him know you were going to be busy.”

Justin shrugs, “I’m always busy anyway. And besides. Both you and Eric can appreciate art, both of you are the types to let an artist have a little bit of freedom when it comes to their projects. And I think Eric wants to pay me a shit ton, even though I told him not to. So it’s not like it isn’t worth it.”

“Yeah, but Justin, you know you’re going to be more busy than you usually are,” Brian tells him softly.

“You don’t even know the half of it,” Justin laughs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Justin doesn’t answer, but turns around and looks at Brian, “Why didn’t you tell Eric about me becoming a dad?”

Brian looks at Justin for a catch, “I didn’t know I was supposed to. I figured you would tell everyone when you were ready. It’s not my place to tell people your business.”

“Eric’s not people,” Justin points out.

“No, I guess he’s not...Do you want me to tell him?”

Justin stares at him for a moment, before turning back to face the right wall, “...Nah. I’m going to make an announcement at Thanksgiving. At both of the dinners I’m going to.”

“What other dinner are you going to besides ours?” Brian asks.

Justin huffs, “My own. Somehow, with my mom becoming excited over Molly and Hunter moving in together soon and wanting to get to know Ben and Michael better again, I got roped into hosting it. So I think the guest list is my mom, Tucker, Molly, Hunter, Ben, Michael, JR, Max and Lola since their families are out of state. Oh, and my dad. I invited Nathan. I didn’t want him to be alone. But I guess he’s going to Petra’s family’s dinner.”

“Your dinner sounds like it’s going to be awkward as fuck anyway. Probably for the best,” Brian shrugs.

“The only single ones who will be there will be my dad, me, and JR. And JR doesn’t count. She’s not even 12.”

“Come on, Sunshine,” Brian sighs as he walks back into the room to put his hands on Justin’s shoulders, “Self-pity makes my dick soft.”

“Shut up,” Justin shakes his head, “Seriously, go downstairs, get your dick hard around your husband, so that I can mark up your wall in peace.”

“Debbie Downer,” Brian says into Justin’s ear, but still feels a spike of concern at Justin’s demeanor, “...Are you sure you’re alright? You’re tense. I can feel it in your shoulders.”

Justin lets out a breath, “I just have a lot on my mind. And your pseudo shoulder massage is not helping. Don’t worry about me. Things are...Things are good. Better than. It’s just taking me a bit to realize it.”

Brian gives him a look of confusion, “You literally said ‘Things are good’ so obviously some part of you realizes it-”

“Oh my god, quit analyzing my words and go downstairs,” Justin finally laughs, “I really want to get started on this. Eric is giving me full reign so I’m actually pretty excited.”

“...Fine,” Brian gives in, “I’ll leave you to it. Let me know if you want a water or a beer or something.”

“I will. Now go.”

Brian heads downstairs, smiles at Eric pretending to look for Lily during a game of Hide and Seek, then takes Lily’s gifts and puts them in his office. He puts the Turkey and the sailboat picture up on the hanging whiteboard with magnets and props the giraffe up next to his laptop. He decides that the other picture, the one of her feet creating an image of god knows what, deserves a frame. He’ll keep it in his drawer until he buys one that will fit it tomorrow.

It’ll be the sappiest action performed by a father yet. But he can’t find it in himself to be as embarrassed by wanting to frame it as he might have been years before. He’s still embarrassed, although not enough to keep him from going through with it.

But, just like his shitty eyesight, he chalks it up to age.

Not that he’ll ever admit that out loud.